Mommy Dearest says I ruined the wedding

My fiance and I live on the east coast, but are getting married in the midwest (where both of our families are). My parents are paying for most of the wedding, with a few contributions from my future in-laws. My fiance and I are both students so paying for a wedding ourselves was pretty much out of the question. It is a smallish wedding, nice but nothing over the top. I am super busy and didn't want to make myself crazy with unnecessary details and DIY b.s. Our wedding is less than 30 days away, and my mom has recently gone off the deep end and made it all about her.

My mom and I went together to pick out the venue, did the tasting, picked out flowers, had a trial-run hair appt., bought decorations, etc., TOGETHER. My fiance came along to scout the venue but wasn't able to make a second trip back to the midwest so the rest of the decisions were mostly made by my mom and me. My mom is very controlling and can be very negative. While I am usually very easygoing and pretty much let her call the shots, I was more firm and assertive with the wedding planning. Partly because I do feel like it's one of the few times in my life it is about me, and partly because most of her opinions were based on impressing the guests rather than any of her own preferences.

Fast forward to now, less than a month before the wedding, and she has now called to tell me how angry and hurt she is because she says I excluded her from EVERY decision about the wedding. That is not how I see it. She gave me input on almost every decision, but in some cases I made my own decisions and did not go along with her input. To be clear, the overall wedding is exactly what she wanted (as in the venue, food, ceremony, etc. are all consistent with her "input"). The details that I didn't compromise on are minor, like table runners, number of people in the wedding party being even on both sides (she wanted it to be even, I said my fiance and I were going to ask who is important to us and not worry about numbers), I let the bridesmaids choose their own dresses (she wanted them to match exactly), etc.

There are a few decisions I made on my own without asking for her input (readings for the ceremony, the sash for my dress), frankly because I was pretty tired of her criticism (she spent at least 30 minutes on the phone criticizing my fiance's choice of suit, for one example). For the record, there was not one decision she directly said she wanted to make on her own, just a lot of criticism and indirect comments.

She has now told me that she is irreparably hurt and that "this can never be undone." She has also said that my excluding her has ruined the wedding. To add to that, she said I am selfish, self absorbed, and that she will be bitter forever about how I ruined this for her because I am her only daughter. She said that weddings are supposed to be a "mother-daughter" event (I would disagree and say they are a family celebration, and the focus should be the couple).

I feel terrible that she is saying this to me, but I also feel like I included her in every decision so I feel like her hurt feelings are unwarranted. My guess is she is mad that she didn't get to MAKE every decision. I also think it is new for her that I am being a little more assertive and she's having a hard time accepting it. I don't want to have all of these negative feelings and anxiety about how she's going to behave the day of the wedding. My fiance is great, my friends are all happy and supportive, and my dad doesn't seem to have any hurt feelings (my parents are still married so they talk to each other about this). So if not for this, I would feel great about the wedding coming up.

I'm not sure, should I apologize to her? And if so, for what? Am I being selfish? Right now I feel terribly guilty and am not sure what to do.

*****

Your mom is behaving like a five-year-old because she's sad that you're all growed up. (Irony, much?) She just realized that in 30 days, you realllllllllly won't need her any more.

You DO NOT owe her an apology, but cut her some slack. Just tell her, "I love you, mom. The wedding is going to be beautiful."

Photo by Sofia Sanchez and Mauro Mongiello for Numero via Trendland

obsessing over the final numbers

Dear ESB,

My fiance and I are getting married very soon. We are getting SUPER excited, but I have a really strange guest list situation that I need to resolve. When we made our list months ago, my fiance included a couple who are his friends from undergrad. These friends live in Texas and the wedding is taking place in Chicago.

Among their group this couple is NOTORIOUS for saying that they'll be somewhere and then inexplicably not showing up. In fact, when they replied yes for our wedding another friend made the comment, "Don't believe them." Our final number is due to our caterer on Friday, and we would really like to avoid paying for people who are unlikely to actually show up. Last night my fiance asked what their travel plans are so we could decide to include them or not. They said they're planning to make the 20 hour drive, but they don't know when they're traveling, whether they'll take one or two days for the trip, and they have no reservations at a hotel or plans for lodging.

We think there's a less than 10% chance that they're actually going to follow through and be at the wedding. We all know that it's expensive to host a wedding, and we had to make some hard decisions about our guest list, so I think the difference of 2 people is significant enough to think about.

So here's my question: What do I do? Do I take them out of the final number, even though they say they're going to come? That doesn't seem ok to me. Can I include them in the final number, but invite a couple of other local friends at the last minute in the event that they decide to bail? Is that rude to the last-minute guests? Or just deal with it?

I'm not going to lie, I regret the decision to invite these people over other friends, but I'm wondering what's acceptable now that we're dealing with this situation.

*****

Include the flakes in your final numbers (obvs) and prepare to be pleasantly surprised if they show.

Now go write your fucking vows. This is not something you should waste your energy on.

Photo: Zuzanna Bijoch by Catherine Servel

ASOS Black

Bridesmaids dresses, anyone?

Shop here.

Found: Victorian wedding earrings

Remember this bride?

BOY DID I EVER JUST FIND HER EARRINGS.

(1880s Victorian Scarabs from Erie Basin)

Vow renewal on top of Machu Picchu

So I got married almost a year ago, and to celebrate our first anniversary we're heading to Peru to hang out in the Amazon and amongst the Inca ruins.

Now I can guess in advance you're against renewal ceremonies, but hey I love this man insanely, and want to tell this guy I love him all over again. I've arranged a little renewal ceremony up on top of the mountain where Machu Picchu is with a shaman.

What the hell do I wear to this?

*****

Yeah. Like I said over here, a vow renewal implies -- to me -- that someone has broken a vow.

But that's not my biggest problem with your plan.

Here's the bigger problem: Unless you have an actual connection to Peruvian/Andean culture, "arranging a little ceremony" to coincide with your vacation strikes me as an asshole move. 

I mean, a pair of atheists or Jews or fucking METHODISTS would never be permitted to get married (or renew their vows) in a Catholic church, right? So why is it cool to just waltz into Peru and hire a shaman?

Should you insist on going forward with this, tribal hats may be purchased on etsy.

So, I finally watched Beginners....

Which I liked. Did not love.

The acting was terrific, I just got annoyed by all the voice-over-y, photo-collage-y stuff. It felt like a cop out.

What I did love was the Indian cotton caftan that the mom wears in one of the art gallery scenes. Kicking myself for not taking a screengrab from the dvd, but it looked something like this.....

I probably don't need a second caftan, especially since I still haven't worked up the nerve to wear the first one.

Right?

Hello, cool girl.

How's this for an easygoing wedding dress?

(The striped version is also very cool for not a wedding dress.)

Edith A. Miller for Totokaelo

My BrideZilla Moment

Dear ESB,

I've debated whether or not I should ask you (and your lovely commenters) this because I'm afraid I already know the answer. But I'm so torn about it!

I kind of.... hate my sister/moh's girlfriend. I've NEVER told or even hinted at this. I mean, she makes my sister happy and SHE loves her so why the hell should my feelings about the gf matter? They don't! I've also recently learned that a lot of my family doesn't either. Both my parents, my other sister, my groom, several close friends... we're all on the same boat of dislike but have never breathed the tiniest word about it. Partly because it isn't our place but partially because my sister is really sensitive/get REALLY offended REALLY easily. But I don't know how to emphasize how unlikable she is! My mom, who never talks bad about anyone, calls her a manipulative liar! In the past she's lied about things just to cause drama between my sister and I. She baby talks ALL the time! She always butts in advice when no one has asked! When she gets drunk she becomes super rude and will pick fights with anyone, my sister included. Then they bicker in front of everyone making us all uncomfortable. She even really inappropriately flirts with my fiance! She just doesn't understand how to properly behave at least 75% of the time.

To cut to the chase, the gf's presence irks me so much that I want to figure out a way to ask my sister VERY politely to not get ready with us pre-wedding. OF COURSE she's still invited to the actual wedding, just the morning hair/makeup/familypre-bonding time. But the gf is SO used to be included in all family events even sister-days.

I'm worried that 1) asking will offend my sister SO MUCH that it'll ruin or make the wedding day super awkward and a thousand times worse than if I had just sucked up and let the gf hang around. 2) Asking will reveal my well hidden complete dislike of the gf and strain the relation between my sister and I.

I don't know what to do! Do I continue to grin and bear it to keep an already established peace and not upset any balances? Or do I let myself have a selfish moment, possibly mar a relationship, possibly ruin my wedding with my sister mad at me, and have my dream wedding morning with JUST my sisters and moms?

- Walking on eggshells

*****

Be selfish. It is YOUR fucking wedding.

(Is this the answer you were expecting??)

Crazy Pseudo-Sister-In-Law-To-Be Is Making Me Crazy

Hello ESB,

I read your blog daily, and I was hoping to never have a problem that would rise to ESB-level, but unfortunately I wasn’t so lucky. I will try to be as brief as possible.   

My FH is from New Zealand. He has a younger brother, "Mike", who is 34.  Mike has been with "Emily" for at least 7 years (they have lived together for that long). They are not engaged, and I don't think Mike has any plans to propose (a whole different topic completely). When I first met her last year in Auckland she immediately vented her frustration with not being engaged and told me she planned to propose to Mike on Leap Day (2012). However, in January, my FH proposed to me. Emily never proposed to Mike. And FH and I are happily in love and planning our wedding. Unfortunately, I am Facebook friends with Emily.

She posted this as a status update after I had posted an engagement photo of FH and me on Facebook (her status postings are in blue and are only altered to change the names of people referenced):

May 18
It's amazing how someone (or a pair of people in this instance) can burst your bubble so much that you give up on your own hopes and dreams...sad but true

Now, let me say she is overall a pretty negative person, so posts like this are not shocking. But I couldn’t help but realize the timing of the post, the “pair” reference, etc. I mentioned it to FH and while we assumed it was in reference to our engagement photo, we tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I forgot about it and went on with my life. 

Then a week later, she posted this as her status update:

May 28
Yes, I'm hoping that one day Mike and I will be able to take time out to enjoy life a bit before we're too old to move! I keep reading people's status updates and think, shit, where do people find the time and money to have fun (this includes going out for dinner or coffee for god's sake let alone going away for the wknd, going overseas, entertaining, etc. etc.??) Jealous much, fuck yeah! It's tak...ing me a lifetime to save to go to a family wedding in LA (my first time overseas - voluntary) - It's very, very likely I may need to forfeit that cos I'm still too fucking poor!! Never mind study loan shit. Prostitution has been an option for many, many years, but I'm still struggling with the concept to go ahead with it...and Mark would kill me. Donations to the "Emily Fund" very welcome.

and

Hey Linz - thanks for the feedback - I can see where you're coming from :) But firstly, I'm too old and ugly to be fluttering my eyes at punters to earn $$, secondly I am working (part-time while studying full time) but business is shit wit...h the current econmic market, thirdly, our internet costs are a flat rate per month despite how much I use (which isn't too much at all) so happy days, and finally, I do get to spend time with family and friends every now and then which is absolutely great, but I miss being able to go out for dinner/coffee/anything once in a while or being able to buy something nice without having to consider how I am going to live (survive) for the next week. I never buy clothes, and I haven't even had my hair cut or coloured in over 7 years to save $$. I do it all myself - that's why I look so shit. One day I'll win lotto and hopefully get a well-paying job, too!! ;) Postive thinking mate, I'll get there!!! :)

This one caused me to be somewhat angry because she’s complaining about having to save for our wedding in LA (Los Angeles), and I'm like, don't do me any favors. But, I also felt sorry for her becuase she's having to save for our wedding, so I bought a New Zealand Groupon for a dinner and was preparing to email it to her. P.S. Mike owns his house in Auckland, and they are not poor. Let me also say Mike is also on Facebook, and I have yet to confirm whether he has seen all of these crazy posts.

Then prior to my sending the Groupon, and just after I had posted about 30 engagement photos on Facebook, she posts this as her status:

May 31
I know, I know, jealousy makes you nasty - but come on! If you knew the circumstances, you'd so be backing me on this one!! Yet another kick to the guts! Pity it's extended family doing the kicking - perhaps it's time for a revist of the mid-life crisis I had earlier this year... :( 

This is pretty much when I got actually angry/annoyed. I am kicking her in the GUTS? I talked to FH and told her that she is crazy, and I really didn't want anyone at our wedding that isn’t happy to be there and happy for us. He agreed that she’s crazy.  He says her whole family is crazy, and we have to treat her like a person with a disease. Long story short, even though his parents, my FH, and I all think she’s a bit crazy and rude, we are still supposed to invite her to our wedding (per my FH). FH is convinced that she won’t come because she either can’t afford it or just won’t want to be there (weird that Mike wouldn't buy her ticket, but again, not my issue). I don’t want to take that chance! But, I gave in, and said I wouldn’t deal with it for now. 

Then she posted this as her status today:

11 hours ago
I need to remind myself that I should never envy others because everyone has their own life (and shit to deal with) and you never know what's gonna happen in the future. (just trying to justify a jealous reaction to certain things and, naturally, to a wedding coming up next year... *^&#^*(@(*$*(@(^(@*) I need to remember to love & appreciate what I have now and stop comparing my life to others (a ...heavy burnden I've carried from my high school years of comparison and competing - YUKKY memories, but true, hence the reason I hate my RGHS years!) BUT, life is what you make of it - I am happy now, and I have genuine people in my life who love me for me, so that's all that matters. Ok, had my rant. Thanks for reading/listening! Have a good weekend peeps xx

So, now I’m just at a loss. FH is still saying we need to treat her like she has a disease. I’m wondering why if she’s so off her rocker that Mike is with her. He’s a good looking, nice, smart guy. And this is just unbelievable. 

So here’s my question: I know she’s obviously very disturbed and super unhappy with her life. But I'm also incredibly affected by this behavior. I just don’t think I can let this go and have her show up at our wedding and put on this attitude. Plus, she'd be at EVERY event because she's "family," and Mike is a groomsman. FH doesn’t want me to say anything to provoke her. Also, our save the dates are going out next week, and I cannot imagine the backlash from that. 

What can I do? What should my FH do? How do I get him to do it? What do I do with the Groupon? Any Kiwi-readers want it?

Thanks much

*****

Your FH is right. You have to invite the crazy lady.

Hide her damn updates, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ease up on the engagement-photo stream.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT MANY ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.

Photo by Herring & Herring

DIY wedding napkins.........!

So I don't post DIY stuff very much anymore. I think maybe I've gotten too far away from my own wedding to give a shit??

But I really really dig these custom tea-towel napkins from r&n's Danish wedding.

I might even make some for the WEDDING REUNION I just now started planning for 2013.

(Photos swiped from nicola's blog here + here)

Danish wedding snaps

Firstly just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your honest, to the point advice on your blog. When I started planning our wedding, a civil ceremony to unite a Canadian (me) and a Dane (him) here in Denmark, I realized I wasn't a super traditional bride. It was refreshing to see others wedding plans and great to see that I'm not the only one out there not lusting after yards of tule and diamond studded tiaras. 

We did absolutely everything ourselves, from the cooking to the decorating, and although I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, I enjoyed every bit of it. Anyway to that token I wanted to share the photos of our perfectly quirky wedding day, made even quirkier by me breaking my foot a week before, a giant high heels meets train tracks oopps.

-n.

♥ ♥ ♥

(More photos, by r&n's friend Mark, over here)

Here's a new one: Do I HAVE to have bridesmaids?

Dear ESB,

Do you (or one of your knowledgeable readers) know what is truly important about having bridesmaids? Is it a faux pas to not have any? Personally, I feel like I hear and read a lot of negativity from girls's experiences being a bridesmaid, I feel like it's actually an inconvenience for the person to this is asked of. I'm not looking to have a traditional wedding to the extent I would even care what they would wear, I wouldn't even expect them to help out with anything. I actually prefer doing most of the wedding planning myself. I would like a simple wedding in terms of decor and the guest list will not be more than 40-50 close friends and family. My ideal scenario would actually be to just rent out a restaurant that has an outdoor patio for the ceremony and have a kickass meal with a little bit of music and dancing.

Aaaaanyways, that's all basically to say to that I don't really "need" what I believe to be the purpose of a bridesmaid, as in girls to take care of planning and executing things for me. I'm actually very particular in the few things I do want and kind of like to do things my way. And should I need help, I think my sister, soon to be sister in law and best friend would help me regardless of being given a "bridesmaid" title.

What I would like to be enlightened about is if it is a social faux pas to not have any. Most weddings I see on blogs, even if they are "indie" or "non wedding" weddings have some qty of a bridal party. I haven't officially brought this up with my fiancee but in just discussing who he would have in his, he has anxiety and is confused about how it all works. I think (i'm not sure) that he would be on board with foregoing the formal tradition of having the groomsmen as well.

I really feel in my heart this day is first and foremost about me and my future husband. Everyone else is there to witness the ceremony and celebrate at the reception. Is this selfish? Is it selfish to not have a bridal party?

xo

*****

Do you guys just willy-nilly write in without even reading the blog????

OF COURSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE FUCKING BRIDESMAIDS.

Marc Jacobs Resort 2013 via Christene Barberich via Dree Harper + Vogue.com

Because I'm a sucker for wedding polaroids (And: Other people's pets)

I had to share a few polis from Rebecca + Dustin's teensy Colorado wedding.

This one they planned it two weeks. Would you believe that dress is from Forever 21?

Photos by Live It Out (see tons more over on their blog)

Via The Present Company Project

I ♥ Digby & Iona

Aaron just put up a bunch of new wedding-y rings on the D&I site.

I think this sapphire might be my favorite.

Planning From Abroad

Dear ESB,

I think I read somewhere that you’re based in LA, which led me to want to leech off of your extensive knowledge and awesome taste.  I’m currently planning a wedding in LA – while living abroad. My family in the area isn’t likely to be a ton of help (lost jobs, medical emergencies, other weddings to plan). FH and I are paying for this ourselves, in part to avoid his manipulative parents. Unfortunately, planning from the interwebs, I feel like all of the vendors and venues I see are of the marked up variety. FH is convinced we can get food and venue for $5k, and I’ve assured him we’ll be lucky to get it for closer to $10k. This is causing stress, obviously.

The other problem I’m having is that I’m picky, and we both have very modern/city taste (clean lines, bold statements, a certain amount of minimalism). But, wedding resources exist primarily to sell STUFF, so they seem to naturally feature lots of stuff – favors, stir sticks, custom matchbooks, table runners, things stuffed in mason jars, “vintage” this, “rustic” that, “bohemian” whatever. For me this creates a lot of noise and chaos as I try to hone in on what I actually need. So, I guess what I’m asking is:

How do I figure out what I actually need for a medium-sized, modern-ish (maybe Bauhaus inspired without being themey?), budget wedding where there will be little-to-no opportunity for me to do craft projects with my besties? I’ve already gotten the memo on splurging for a good photographer to make everything look better. So far, all I can wrap my head around is venue and dress. From there, I know there needs to be food, copious booze, transportation… Do I have to do favors? When does minimalism just become uninviting and barren?

WHERE THE HELL DO I HOST THIS THING?!?!?! We’re agnostic, so not in a church clearly. Two-thirds of our guests will be flying in from places where they rely on public transit, so I break into hives thinking about forcing them to rent cars and then setting them loose on the LA freeways. We’re looking at restaurants, but the nice ones are expensive, and the cheap ones are hard to find. I don’t want to go toooooooo low key. If I believe wedding blogs, there’s no such thing as a wedding venue that would suit my needs within two hours of LAX. And really, a long drive to their hotel is really what guests need when they’ve just spent five plus hours to get there… Sorry, I have mini panic attacks over this.

Oh, but I totally share your love of air plants and am probs doing a big one as a bouquet.

Can you offer any advice for resources? I’m just feeling overwhelmed and powerless. The distance/time difference/inability to just show up and look at things is magnifying wedding stress.

Thanks,
Exasperated Expat

*****

I hate to say it, but you need a wedding planner.

Unless you are reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally low-key (and you're not, you're picky, which, yay! you should be, it's your wedding) you can't book a venue without seeing it. Without SOMEBODY seeing it. I mean, right?? And what you need depends a whole lot on the venue.

I'm actually sort of getting hives just reading your email.

Do a consult with Lowe House Creative, or put a service requested ad up on 100 Layer Cake. Buy yourself a little help.

And no, you do not have to do fucking favors. Have I not mentioned that recently enough?

Malgosia Bela By Greg Kadel For i-D Magazine, Summer 2012 via dirtyflaws

Vintage Goddess Dress

Our romping Canadian just sent this my way (for those of you who were lusting after her dress).

From FabGab on etsy

A Fuji Instax Courthouse Wedding!

M Dash and her beau got engaged a month ago (she proposed with a cake and he proposed with a song). Since their siblings and parents are spread across seven different countries, they decided to have a pretty little city hall wedding in Seoul and celebrate later with family and friends.

A cab driver told M that in Korea, they say you should fight at least 100 times before getting married.

Get on that, people!

(More photos and sweet details over here)

She didn't tell me I wasn't a bridesmaid...

Dear ESB,

I became very close with a friend about 2 years ago. I don't have a lot of female friends, but I felt extremely close to her and considered her one of my nearest and dearest. I hate the phrase "best friend," but... she was my best friend.

She got engaged almost a year ago, at the height of our friendship, and didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. The worst part is that she didn't tell me I wasn't a bridesmaid... I had to hear it from a mutual friend. And it's not like she's having one of those no-bridesmaids-weddings: she has 6 bridesmaids! Would it have been that hard to add a 7th? I'm really hurt and embarrassed that I liked her more than she liked me, but I'm also dumbfounded... she treated me like a best friend and made me feel like one. I always knew she had a bunch of other close friends, but I thought I was at least as important to her as they were.

I confronted her about the diss and we had a big, awful fight. We're still in touch but nowhere near as close as we used to be. Now she has pity-asked me to do a reading during her wedding ceremony, and I'm not sure if I should or not. Frankly, I'm not sure I even want to go to her wedding. It's all the way across the country, and although I can afford to go, I'm not sure I want to make the trek for someone who hurt me. My boyfriend agrees it's outrageous that I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid, so he's boycotting her and refusing to go to the wedding. I'm tempted to do the same, but I'm not sure I want to cut all ties with her... especially considering we have some mutual friends.

What do you think? Should I go to the wedding and do the reading? Go to the wedding and not do the reading? Or not go at all?

Yours,
Friendless

*****

A ceremony reading is not a pity ask. "Minding the guest book" is a pity ask.

Do you still care about this person? Do you want to repair the friendship? She's offering you an olive branch.

Go do that reading and kick some ass. (Also: Tell your stupid boyfriend you need him there with you.)

10 Crosby Derek Lam Resort, Pre-Spring 2013 via because im addicted via Fashionising

Free People wants in on the action

Summer Dresses? 

Come on.

Via Fashionising

Topshop does bridal?

WHY DIDN'T I RECEIVE A PRESS RELEASE.


According to InStyle, Richard Nicoll (whoever that is) has created a capsule collection of wedding dresses for Topshop called “Tie The Knot." The seven dresses, priced from $93 to $543, will be available in select Topshop stores and on topshop.com starting June 15th.

So perfect for the 22-year-old bride!

p.s. Is that weird bouquet photoshopped into the second photo? She sure doesn't look like she's holding it.

Wedding Onesie?

I think we all know what Rob will say.

But come on. The right babe could totally pull this off.


(Suno onesie with beaded bird embroidery at Opening Ceremony)

Can we say that we don't want anything, unless it's money?

Dear ESB,

My fiance and I have been together for five years (five and a half at the time we'll be married) and living together for nearly two. We own a condo together and all the requisite detritus that two people accumulate when they've lived together. We have all the furniture, knick-knacks, dishes and things we could possibly need. We're really not interested in registering and could probably use money more to save up for a better home, vacations, a new car for me and for him, etc.

How completely inappropriate/tacky/god-awful is it to include non-registry information on our invitations? Can we say that we don't want anything, unless it's money? Something like "We have everything we need for our small condo, however, we would happily accept your generosity to our travel fund/house fund/etc."

How entirely terrible is something like that?

-- Unregistered & Etiquette Confused

*****

a) It is COMPLETELY inappropriate/tacky/god-awful to include ANY KIND of registry/non-registry/gift-grubbing information on or in your invitations. That shit goes on your wedding website, or you can disperse the dets via word of mouth.

b) Would you have the nerve to tell someone to her face, "We don't need any housewares, but we're happily accepting contributions for NEW CARS"?

Jesus H.

Image: Hanna von Goeler via The Jealous Curator

_____________________________

For more on this subject, I suggest you peruse "Is it okay to just ask for cash?" "Is it tacky to register for a honeymoon?" + "A forkless wedding, and showers for $$"

movie recommends, s'il vous plait

H is out of town, and I've already watched waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much HGTV for my own good. Like, way too much. Also this really embarrassing Bravo show I found on demand, Interior Therapy? Embarrassing.

So I've concocted a radical plan to go to the video store this afternoon. (If it's even still in business. I haven't RENTED a movie in at least two years.)

Here's the short list of stuff I know I want to see:

Beginners

Melancholia

I Am Love

What am I missing? What's your most favorite movie you've seen in the last little while??

I know you guys have good taste.

Photo by Jen Gotch

pls tell me not to buy this SUEDE TANK TOP

Alternatively: If you buy the last small, then I won't be able to buy it. That works, too.

kthxbye

Dear Pamela

I fucking love your busted t-shirt.

(And your jewelry doesn't suck either.)

Photos by Mark Iantosca via Refinery29 via because im addicted

Pls help find an alternative to this Herrera

Dear ESB,

My colleague got engaged a few weeks ago and will be getting married in early April 2013. She is the anti-bride. She would be happy to go to city hall and sign some papers, but her fiance is insisting on a proper wedding. He's a sweetheart, but he has absolutely no idea what goes into planning a "proper" wedding. Every aspect of this has been stressful for her, not the least of which: choosing a dress. 

I know, I know, everyone has trouble choosing a dress. She went to a number of places here in Boston, and they kept putting her in these super-bridey poofy numbers. The main problem is that she has fallen in love with this Carolina Herrera beaut... but it's not exactly screaming wedding, and it's not exactly the most cost-effective option out there (it's from the fall collection so the saleswoman gave her a "in the $9,000 range," but no promises of when it would be available.) Seeing as she's not pining for a wedding of any kind, dropping 10k on a dress seems...well... ridiculous.

The wedding will be in Texas, and she's looking for something similar in concept to this, but also something that won't cause her granny to keel over from shock. 

This Reem Acra dress is another idea as well. She's got a stellar body and no scruples when it comes to non-traditional. 

Please ESB, do you have any ideas?

--Poofy dresses make me want to vomit

*****

Feel like shopping, you guys????????