Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dear ESB: Want to keep running with the men's ring theme?


My fiancé is the WORST shopper ever, and I need help getting him to shop smart for a ring. He claims he doesn't care about things, but then is very picky when it comes to actually purchasing/wearing anything. He's the kind of guy that is perfectly content with a limited wardrobe, has to be convinced that yes he does actually need a dress coat, even if he'll only wear it twice a year, but will spend 3 months shoe shopping to replace the shoes he wears almost every day even though the ones he's currently wearing are so worn down they almost have holes in the sole.

He is convinced he will never get used to wearing a ring, that it's too bulky on his finger and he doesn't like jewelry. In the same discussion, he says he will wear his wedding band. He says he's not picky, but doesn't want to spend "a lot" of money on it. He works in food service management, so he uses his hands a lot, but he's not chopping things all day long. He gravitates towards rings in the 6mm size with more of a matte finish.

My dilemma is I know it's possible to get used to a ring, he doesn't yet believe that. I think the best plan of action is to get him a cheap ring now, let him get used to it and let it get beat up a bit and then I'll gift him a ring with nicer materials as his forever ring in a year or so when he's more comfortable wearing one. However, the cheaper rings all seem to be heavier and more bulky, which sorta throws a wrench in the idea that he'll get used to the ring. He also has slender fingers (size 7.5) so we haven't been to a store where he can try on rings and get a true idea of what they'll feel like.

He really liked this ring at Bario Neal in Palladium, but he thinks it's too expensive for "just a ring." 


I think he'll also like this Bittersweets ring from Catbird in a white gold. 


He'd like it Hammered, but I think down the road he'd be happy if it was just a traditional finish. If I was the one making the decision, I'd just get him one of these.

Any ideas of a good "temporary" ring I could get? Or a way to make him see the light and get something that's more likely to last and be comfortable now?

Thank you!

*****

This guy makes me REALLY TIRED.

Tell him it's his fucking WEDDING RING and he'll be wearing it EVERY DAY for THIRTY YEARS. For the palladium band or the thin band in white gold, that comes to approx 5 cents per day.

If he needs a training ring, tie a fucking twisty tie around his finger and make him wear it until the wedding.



Fuck's sake.

Iggy Pop by Pierre et Gilles via Room 26 via Vejde Gustafsson via Susannah

43 comments:

  1. We bought my husband's "training ring" off of Amazon for $4.95. Six months later and his finger isn't green!

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    1. Same here! Titanium isn't a terrible idea, folks. It's cheap and it lasts!

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  2. Are you marrying my husband?

    Eventually I made mine decide on a bario neal band (a skinnier reticulated band)-- He wanted something a little rough and I loved their reticulated diamond-y band and said something about sorta matchy rings, and he just needed to pick and finally he was all, 'FINE.'

    He now loves his ring because it's light and comfy. It took him a week to get used to it.

    Don't do a training ring. Just make him choose a real one.

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  3. Exhausting. Stupid. Childish. He's getting married, not selling his organs.

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    1. hey, you don't know his life. this guy might need fast cash at some point.

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  4. What, what? The ring from Bario is $175 and the Bittersweets one is $375. That's not chump change but it's not too expensive for a wedding ring.

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    1. Ok, same anon as 6:51 here. I just realized that if you add silver or gold to the Bario ring, the costs go up. But still, it's reasonable for a wedding ring. If he wants to spend less than $100, there are options out there for that too.

      It might just be one of those situations where you have to pick the damn thing out for him. He probably just doesn't want the headache of thinking about it.

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  5. My husband needed a size 7.5 as well and after trying on a few bands went for a really simple 3mm white gold band. We just went to a few jewelers where we knew they would have a wide range of rings so that he could try some different widths and metals before we ordered. How about this if he wants a hammered band?

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    1. $790 for a wedding band!!!
      Or am I reading that wrong?

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    2. Yep, no idea why they show that price! They start at $200 for the 2mm band.

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  6. We wound up with rings from this guy, which are super comfy. He makes a slightly domed (domed is generally a little more comfortable) plain band that you can definitely get in a polished/ hammered finish if you ask (he did a great job on the hammered finish on my husband's ring).

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  7. What about a ring tattoo? I have a friend who dislikes rings, and that's the route he went. He used his father's ring for the ceremony, so they could do the exchange thing, and then he gave it back. And the symbolism of the ring exchange was preserved since they used ring belonging to a family member who had a marriage he admired.

    Also, my father--happily married for 40 years-- doesn't wear a ring. He had his initial wedding band cut off of him in the hospital after a bad car accident years ago and got used to going without it. He's still just as married as he used to be.

    So, either he gets a ring or he doesn't. But, if he's as picky as you say, if I were you, I'd leave this one entirely up to him and not sweat it.

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    1. i have friends that lost 2 sets of wedding bands (down a drain, in the ocean, blah blah).. they've now been married for 5 years and both rock a simple black line across their ring finger. its pretty cute.

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    2. Yeah, my dad doesn't wear a ring either. Married for 30 years. You don't HAVE to wear a ring (guy or lady).

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  8. This is his wedding band and the one piece of jewelry that he plans to wear every day until he (or you) dies. Don't go super cheap just for the sake of it. My husband also didn't want to spend a lot, but I just told him that I was buying it (don't you give each other the rings during the ceremony?) and that as long as he liked the style price didn't matter. Also, the thing about rings of precious metals is that they always maintain some value. Even if the ring is scratched, if you are really desperate for money you can always sell it for the price of the metal.

    Also, training ring? No. I was in a major accident that knocked the diamond loose in my engagement ring weeks after the wedding and there aren't enough scratches on my platinum bands that make them worth getting repaired. If it's made of good material daily working with your hands shouldn't have any real effect. And isn't the fact that it's the ring you exchanged on your wedding, what makes it special and deserving to be worn daily?

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  9. bleh. is it too late to back out? he kinda sucks.

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    1. hahahahahahaha
      can you imagine him making decisions about, oh, CHILDREN? oy.

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  10. Try shopping at Asian jewelry stores. They sometimes have men's bands in smaller sizes in stock. Even if he don't like the styles, at least your fiance might be able to try on a ring that fits him.

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  11. Not to hate on your fiancé, but I agree with ESB, he sounds exhausting. If he wants to wear a ring, find a ring and buy it. You are both wasting too much energy on this; time to decide and move on. No training ring, it will feel completely normal within weeks. Don't take it off except to shower.

    Look into the ubiquitous "comfort fit" bands, they are slightly domed on the inside. Since he has slender hands and hasn't tried anything on, you might need a a band thinner than 6mm.

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  12. Just let him figure it out. Send him off to a store and he'll buy something he likes.

    Or, you know, he won't. Which isn't the end of the world. If he doesn't wear a ring, it doesn't make your marriage any less valid.

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  13. This is definitely my husband when it comes to limited wardrobe and spending HOURS researching new running shoes...

    Go buy him a ring. I picked out our bands and he loves them just as much as I do. If your man is that picky about price, then he may also be appreciative of the amount of agonizing time you saved him on researcing a non-existant perfect band. Time IS money anyway.

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  14. My husband bought a silver titanium ring on Amazon for $10. Compared to our married men friends' white gold rings, it looks nearly identical. Titanium gets a bad rep. It's super durable and it doesn't necessarily have to *look* cheap, even if it's inexpensive.

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  15. Um, yeah, this is my fiance when it comes to the ring. He has convinced himself that a wooden ring is the answer. I kid you not.

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    1. My husband went with a wooden ring because he really didn't want a metal ring. It totally suits him, and the ones we found here are really beautiful:

      simplywoodrings.com

      (sorry still can't make fancy pretty links)

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  16. I don't think he sounds obnoxious at all, dude just wants to make a well-thought-out purchase! I don't blame him. The thing with plain gold bands for men that the price shouldn't vary too much, right? It's based on the weight of gold, so how much shopping do you really need to do, if you want a simple one?

    On a related note, if you have any old gold jewelry, you can sell that for cash! My fiance and I did that with some random gold stuff we had. Nothing on its own was very valuable, but together it came to a few hundred bucks, enough to cover the cost of his band. Which makes him extremely happy.

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  17. My man's ring is also from Bario Neal (consider yourself lucky, the one he wanted was pricey) and he loves it. I actually bought it for him, which only seemed fair to me. Why don't you just offer to pay for it if he's hung up on the money?

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  18. My husband and I had this exact discussion before we got married. In the end we got his ring made. Now he wears it more than I wear mine.

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  19. My husband is also a chef and was not keen on the idea of a ring at all. We ended up with a stainless steel band from this place: http://www.justmensrings.com/Stainless-Steel_c_18.html

    He wears it every day because it's lightweight, it cost $19.95 and it wouldn't break my heart one bit if he lost it or stopped wearing it.

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  20. My husband and I picked out a silver ring at Catbird. Silver is much less expensive than gold, and we love it. The downside (if I understand and/or remember correctly) is that it is a softer metal, so it will change more over the years. Over two years in, and we both still love it. I think it's kind of romantic to think about the ring changing with the passing of time.

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    1. Although, wait, I just clicked on the first link. If $175 is too expensive, it's going to be tough finding a nice ring. So, I'm going to go with a poster above and say maybe you should purchase it. Traditionally, I think that's the way it's done, anyway.

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  21. Ugh frustrating.

    Depending on what "too much" is for him, we have a set of similar wedding rings from this shop, and they're super-comfortable: http://www.etsy.com/listing/78344763/wedding-bands-recycled-hand-forged-14k

    But, y'know, if he's gonna be picky, he should have to do the work (this applies to shoes and coats as well: he doesn't get to procrastinate/whine/dither until you do the work. Not cool.)

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  22. That's exactly how my husband is. We ended up getting him (at first) a $69 hammered silver ring (which he promptly lost). We then went with something like this. Which he also lost. (Our story even landed in the NY Times it was so ridiculous.) Eventually, he picked out a $25 (gasp) tungsten ring. I hate it, but whatever. It's the ring he likes, and I figure it's alright because he has to look at it and wear it every day.

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    1. I'm honestly THRILLED we went with inexpensive rings (could you imagine how much money we would have lost by now??). Also: he has the shoe problem as well. His favorite shoes were discontinued two years ago and he is DEVASTATED. He cannot find another pair.

      RIDICULOUS.

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  23. I think you just need to take him to a jewellery shop, any jewellery shop, and try things on. One day I just said to my husband, 'this weekend we're looking at rings' and we went to a few places so he could see what style suited him and figured out his size. Once we did that, it was no longer this big deal and he at least had an idea of what he liked.
    At the moment, he's making excuses to avoid shopping and you just need to tell him to suck it up and start looking.

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    Replies
    1. jewellery - acceptable spelling in many jurisdictions including Mother Britain where arguably the English language, in its current form, originated.

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  24. OP here.

    Hennypenny above said it best - this was the perfect amount of snark but it was also mixed with genuinely helpful advice. Thanks everyone!

    And to the "can you back out" comments- being a brat about wardrobe is his worst quality. He's fantastic in everything else. It works for me - I'll keep him!

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  25. actually, sounds like dude knows what he wants but she doesn't agree. get him the hammered (nice) ring he wants.

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  26. Get a titanium ring, cheap, light and indestructable, plus they look good.
    http://www.etsy.com/people/RenaissanceJewelry

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  27. I kind of just wanted to brag that my husband was afraid of getting a ring and getting used to it. I convinced him to get this one (which is kind of the opposite of "manly jewelry"):

    I called it a Superman Ring.

    He got it and he loves it. He says he loves it every day and that he's so happy I showed it to him. He's happy that I convinced him to get something different rather than just a hammered band.

    Moral of the story: Even picky, hate shopping, doesn't wear jewelry, anti-fashion men can find a ring they truly love if they feel like it suits them more than it suits "wedding tradition" and what everyone else gets.

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  28. My fiancee also considers himself 'low maintenance' and was going back and forth on the ring thing. I told him fine - If he's not into the symbolism of ring wearing then I'm not into the symbolism of changing my last name. Done.

    He's since then changed his mind - and i'm going to hyphen the last names. Truce.

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