Wednesday, November 28, 2012

bachelorette weekends: wtf


I would just like to know when bachelorette parties went from being one day to several. It's not a party--it's a Weekend. Seriously, what is the history of this trend? When did it start? Will it stop? Am I a sourpuss for thinking that a dinner and some bar hopping is the appropriate amount of celebration for one's remaining single-ladyness but that an entire weekend of carousing is a bit much to ask? Especially when people are travelling for the shindig? Whatever happened to the bachelorette party after the rehearsal dinner? I am perplexed.

-bad bridesmaid?

*****

It's not that you're a bad bridesmaid, it's just that you're not very much FUN.



Image via Myan Duong via Jesse Breshears -- anyone know who took it? When I do the reverse image search, all I get is a kajillion links to "white girl wasted."

57 comments:

  1. ... Or, y'know, that you don't have very much MONEY for a well-weekend blow-out.

    'cause I don't know about anyone else, but right now, I really couldn't afford to throw anyone a full-weekend party.

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    1. Yeah. This. Everyone is more fun when they have lots of money to spend.

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  2. I think it totally depends on the group. If your bridesmaids are all besties who get along and love hanging out, a weekend party is the best thing you can imagine! But if the bridesmaids are a little hodge podge and may not all know each other, usually one fun evening suits everyone just fine.

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  3. My guess is it started when people stopped living in their hometowns forever. The ladies that came to my bachelorette weekend came from Phoenix, Nashville, Boston, and Washington, DC. I wouldn't have faulted any of them for not coming because I knew it would be expensive. I actually chose the city to minimize the distance most of them would have to travel.

    Also, it would have been expensive even if I'd just had it where I lived (Phx) and they came for 'one night on the town.'

    There's no way I would have done my bachelorette party the night before the wedding.

    I get what you're saying OP, but you can always say you can't make it.

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    1. Ya agreed-- If I'm going to get on a 6 hour flight for you, I want to spend time with you all weekend. :) Plus, it's the 1 or 2 times a yr I get to see them all! Yes it is expensive, but I'd be totally ok if people said they could not make it (I know not every bride is this sane).

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  4. I just want to say.... WHAT A PERFECT PHOTO.

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    1. right?? i really can't get past the photo on this one. just two little girls, holdin it down on their own.

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    2. and i...am kinda deeply uncomfortable with the fact that the original photo source/permission isn't available but the image is still pinging around folks' pinterest boards. personal-looking photo, little kids, i'm a downer, i know, i know.

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    3. @lauren if you don't want it to get around, DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET

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    4. sure, but how do you know the subjects are the ones who wanted it on the internet? and you know permissions: how does "on the internet" equal OK for creative commons / commercial use?

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    5. Except we don't know who put it on the internet. . .so yeah, what lauren said.

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  5. I agree with Katie - it really depends. For me, while I would love to do a knock-out girls weekend it's just not realistic with half of my girlfriends either unemployed/working multiple part time jobs/just not rolling in dough.

    I do have one cousin who is older and financially established (is that a thing?) so we're doing an evening in Boston (where she lives) that will include a drag show and lots of margaritas. Later I'll maybe get with my other girlfriends for an "unofficial" bachelorette night of bar hopping where the majority of them live

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  6. I told my friends I didn't want a weekend trip for my bachelorette. As an introvert, an entire weekend of drunken partying sounds like a special kind of hell to me. They planned an night of dinner and bar hopping, and I thought it was great.

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    1. I feel exactly the same way. I love my girl friends, but a weekend long party is something I never want to do.

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  7. I'm totally with OP. The last wedding I was in we had a 'bachelorette weekend' which was super fun and sounded easy because I was semi-local. But then it ended up being 5 hours round trip from brooklyn to long island, costing me $1k, and lasted late into Sunday. And I was a broke, busy grad student and was only friends with the bride.

    I just have a problem with the requisite bridesmaids dress shopping AND the weekend bachelorette party AND the bridal shower, on top of the rehearsal dinner and wedding weekend (AND sometimes the morning-after brunch). Maybe I would feel differently if it was all a group of my close friends and/or I lived very close....but when I get married, the only thing I'm asking my bridemaid(s) to do is show up for the wedding.

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    1. I agree that having to travel for multiple evens is a burden, and weekend long parties can be rough on brokeasses, like myself, but I don't really understand how you can bitch about the rehearsal dinner and a potential brunch after the wedding as separate events from the "wedding weekend". I mean, that's all the same weekend, and the wedding is the whole point! Are you really so busy that you were going to bound out of bed the morning after your friends wedding so early that you don't have time for breakfast (which the bride and groom are paying for)? Or don't have time to have dinner with them the night before (again that they are paying for)? If the wedding weekend, itself, is such an inconvenience, maybe you shouldn't be in the wedding.

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    2. As someone who is getting married in a couple months, I can sympathize with the bridesmaid who thinks all these events are too much. It's not necessarily a question of $ (you point out that she's not paying for rehearsal dinner or brunch), but I personally feel that a wedding -- aka that part that MATTERS -- can get lost in all of the noise that makes up a wedding weekend. Trust me, I'm one to party and I plan on doing a lot of it, but I am fighting hard to keep our wedding from turning into a three ring circus. -CS

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    3. Hmm, that's interesting. We have such a different take on the wedding-weekend festivities!

      We're planning the rehearsal/welcome party (probably a picnic) for everyone specifically because I feel like it takes the pressure off the wedding itself. Instead of it being omgthegreatestdayofmylife, it's the culminating event in a weekend spent with my loved ones.

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    4. So totally opposite approach to the wedding weekend - I've actually told all my friends "we're having a Cinco de Mayo afterparty the day after the wedding and you should plan to stay for that - it's when we'll really cut loose."

      I'd feel terrible if they felt pressured into staying an extra day just because of that. But since my friends are all booking flights and this is the one time a year we'll be together in person, I'm assuming most of them want to be around for fun times if they're happening. I also have a very open relationship with my frkends and they know they can always tell me "I just can't make it" and I'll be fine with that.

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    5. It bums me out that people want to gripe/complain so much about going to parties and spending time with friends. You realize that you're an adult and allowed to say "no" to being a bridesmaid, or going to a party if it's such an inconvenience/too much $$, right?

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    6. Come ON, Anon 7:35. People are really not allowed to have a single gripe about the madness that weddings have become? How often do you really get any QUALITY time with friends at these things?

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    7. Agreed that weddings have become madness, and $1K for a bachelorette weekend is expensive, but think a lot of the guests/bridesmaids commenting here sound like whineypants cheapskates.

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    8. And, one of the arguments for having all these multiple events is to maximize quality time with the people you love ... because yeah, at the actual wedding you don't get any real quality time with your friends. So, bummer for the martyr bride who nixes all the parties to avoid "burdening" her wedding party.

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    9. So $1K is expensive, but don't you dare blow off steam about it anonymously on a blog, bitches? That's your view? I mean where BETTER a place to vent a bit?

      I think even at these extra events you are LUCKY if you can grab some real quality time.

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    10. I'm saying I for sure understand blowing off steam if a bride is demanding you spend $1K, and not letting you off the hook when you say you can't afford that. That's annoying as fuck. What's a bummer is people whining about "Ugh, I have to go to a rehearsal dinner? And a day-after brunch?" like it's such a burden to be invited to a party (that you have the ability to say no to if you're oh-so-busy.)

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  8. Weekend-long doesn't always mean a full weekend of partying and $$$. Since all of my friends have to fly to be co-located, we always plan an entire weekend when we throw bachelorette parties.

    One was a weekend at a cabin/cottage. One was Vegas, but all we did was drink and walk around.

    Mine was photobooth bar hop one night for anyone who could come, brunch + football-watching with my best friends and then later private room karaoke - which was the main event, then brunch sunday which had some of my local friends in attendance who are introverts and didn't want to go to the other stuff.

    Other than the plane ticket/gas money (which was a necessity for those who wanted to come and don't live in CHI), it wasn't any pricier than a weekend where you go out.

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  9. uhhh I tend to fall in the "it depends" camp, but, agree with the writer. 90% of my friends live in the twin cities (MN) area. Yet, there's this trend for bachelor/ette parties, especially in my fiance's friend group, to go to someone's cabin. (everyone has a cabin 2-3 hours away here...everyone.) within the last year, my fiance has been to 4 "weekend" bach parties.

    His friend group is all super close, but still. Shit adds up. AND they all sound super fun in theory, but he bitches about EVERY.ONE. one guys' brother was a TOTAL douche and actually profited on the party, another groom's college friends were loud raging idiots, another groom's brother was an idiot.. etc.

    I just don't understand how people don't start to feel bad about putting their friends out. The showers, the gifts, the dresses/tuxes, the wedding. ugh.

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    1. Wow, you're right, it's such a bummer your fiance has super close friends that he secretly hates who want to spend time with him. UGH! These people really should feel more terrible about putting him out by inviting him to be a part of their weddings. What jerks! Who do they think they are!?

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    2. Eep, I think she was talking about other people at the parties, not her fiance's friends themselves.

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  10. hell I've had push back from fellow bridesmaids on taking the bride out for dinner, dancing and crashing at a hotel!!

    Only suggestion I have is that if you do more than an evening thing, make the various activities as optional as possible for people so they don't feel like they're expected to do EVERYTHING!

    Or make it a cheaper weekend thing at a cottage!

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  11. I think that when there is a destination, people from across the country feel like they need to come, because everyone has to travel.

    My bach was a night out in the city I live. Half my bridal party lived in other states but knew there was zero expectation for them to attend, so they didn't.

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  12. I'm a bride in LA and am paying for the hotel rooms for all my girls for my bachelorette weekend in Vegas. We are all super excited, or so they say...

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  13. Huh. I've been to a few of these (including my own), and have uniformly found a weekend of getting drunk with ladyfriends I haven't seen in a while to be awesome. I guess the ones I've been to haven't been bridesmaid-specific. But if you don't have the time or money, or if you don't really like sitting around and drinking with these people, don't go!

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  14. I recently tried to convince a bride to do an "in-town" one night out/sleep at hotel (everyone she'd invite lives local) and she was not having it - she's paid for all of them to go on their weekends, so she wants hers too!

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    1. Haha, wait what. She PAID for brides to have their weekend getaway. No, that is not okay. Maybe buy the bride a drink, but if she wants a weekend she better be ponying up as well.

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    2. Where I am from/with my group of friends, it is the norm for the bridesmaids to pay for the bride's expenses on the bachelorette weekend. Of course, the bridesmaids also plan the weekend, so they control the costs, but they do pick up the tab for the bride's food, drinks, hotel, entertainment, etc.

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    3. I was a little surprised the first time I got hit w/ paying for the bride--It would be 1 thing if it was dinner & drinks, but I'd NEVER expect my friends to pay for the entire weekend for me. Especially after most of them are paying so much for every other part of the wedding!

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    4. Ugh. I get all snippy thinking about brides that make demands on parties that someone else is throwing in their honor. Plan your damn wedding, bride. If people want to honor you with things like a shower and a bachelorette party, guess what? Those are bonus parties that you're not actually entitled to and it's very nice that someone wants to throw them at all.
      /rant

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    5. Yeah, that's actually pretty common these days...I've helped pay for the bride's expenses at every bachelorette party I've been to.

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    6. Every bachelorette I've been too, we all covered the brides expenses. This inevitably ends with cheapasses not paying a full share, so the others have to contribute more.

      Thus, I think it's totally possible to have a really great time at the bachelorette party (/weekend) but still sort of resent the cost involved.

      Am I pumped about going to a bachelorette night/weekend? Totally. Can I still get upset at paying my share, and my share of the brides costs AND suddenly having to cover the rest of her costs because the other girls refuse to and we can't exactly walk out on a bill - absolutely.

      I think this is how girls get grumpy about bachelorettes. Once the glitter and fun fades you remember "shit, I paid for my fun annnnnd the hotel room, her dinner, her drinks, her present. eff."

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    7. Right? So now my bride is the last to get married (except me) so she WANTS HER FREE SHIT. She's paid into this pyramid scheme, time to collect.

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  15. I agree with OP. A whole weekend of partying sounds like a nightmare. . .such overkill.

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  16. If everyone lives spread out across the states, it does seem silly to just have everyone fly in for only 1 night. It's also a great way for the bridesmaids and friends to get to meet each other before the wedding. Often the bride has friends from high school and from college at the party and it's a great way for everyone to bond before the wedding. But at the same time, you're an adult and if you can't afford it, don't go. It's not a requirement for every bridesmaid to go to every single thing.

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  17. We always go out for a entire weekend and bride pays absolutely nothing. We go out for fancy dinner once and do a fun activity, las time it was a cocktail short course (3 hours) so much fun!, and we party, we laugh, we cry, we dance, drink, dance, drink, dance, even go sightseeing with our bigger or smaller hangovers on Sunday.
    When we have more than one wedding in a short period of time we party for two brides together, and it's even more fun and we get to spend a little extra.
    But of course...we are very close friends, we don't have bridesmaids in Spain and we are used to partying all the night!

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  18. i feel like there's an age component here as well. when i was a bridesmaid in my early/mid twenties these weekend long bach parties were everywhere and all the time. but now that i'm older there's less of this weirdness. i guess also now that i'm older and give way less shits, i'd more readily say nope.

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  19. Overly harsh, ESB. I agree with the writer. I'd rather to do one big night.

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    1. Agree. . .saying she's no fun is totally unfair. Maybe she'd be super fun for a night but has other priorities for an entire weekend worth of time.

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  20. yeah some of us have other shit to do. just sayin.

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  21. that picture is all sorts of awesome.

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  23. When I was the bride in this kind of case, my bmaids threw a weekend, so that the people coming in from far away (if they wanted to and could come) weren't just coming in for one night. And it was more like a big sleepover than anything else. If I recall correctly, the most exciting and expensive things we did were cook and sing some karaoke in Ktown.

    Either kind of party doesn't have to be about blowing lots of money. And if you can't swing the money, for either kind, then you can't, and the bride should get that.

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  24. I think another issue is the context. If this is really IT, and it's your main thing as a bridesmaid, then it seems more ok. But if it's a weekend bachelorette, plus throwing a bridal shower, plus engagement party, plus rehearsal dinner and next-morning brunch, plus helping her craft every weekend... it's a whole big package of Just Too Much.

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  25. After playing court to 7,0000 'OMG! The invitations aren't here six months in advance! brides, I'm incredibly tired of the IT BETTER BE MY BESTEST DAY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND NOW THROW IN A WEEKEND OF MEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEE TOOOOOOO! crap. If that makes me no fun, so be it. Ladies, it's a wedding not the Miss Universe pageant. It's boring to hear about for two years, and it's even gotten to be too much pressure to attend, let alone be in.

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  26. Meh.
    Wrong.

    It's not even about money for me - I love my girlfriends but I don't necessarily love the idea of spending a whole weekend with *their* girlfriends from secondary school or what have you. Personally, I hate that fucking 'girly' sleepover heart-to-heart-in-our-pyjamas nonsense too, so you FUN kids can keep that.

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  27. Also? Forced activity with a hangover is one of my least favourite things.

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