Saturday, November 24, 2012

Betrayed Bridesmaid Backing Out

Dear ESB,

I'm in a pickle. Here's the situation, my "friend" from high school is getting married next month and asked me to be her bridesmaid a while back. At the time I was financially in an okay place (I'm a University basically I could afford to eat at the time) so I said yes. Since that time my life has drastically changed, I'm five states away, and broke. 

That being said, the bride and I were friends for about a year or so during high school...but NEVER close (i.e. we only hung out amongst other company) and after we graduated we didn't speak whatsoever, I actually didn't even hear from her until she was engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. On top of all of that, I was in her town last week for my grandfather's funeral and the bride plus some other friends of ours met up one night...first off she didn't even say hello to me when I arrived nor offer her condolences and secondly she and the 'maid of honor' didn't say ONE WORD to me they merely talked amongst themselves...and when I left there was a simple wave goodbye.

She bought my dress (however was given 20K from parents) and jewelry but I'm really not feeling like putting myself in a hard place to support someone who obviously doesn't give two shits about me! 

Morally I feel kind of bad....should I?

-Betrayed Bridesmaid


You know what, ladypants? Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

Back out gracefully and don't give that b*tch another thought.

YAY flag via Kate @ Wit + Delight via Tina Roth Eisenberg -- does anyone know who took the photo? I did find a couple of DIY's here and here.


  1. You can do what you want but just be tactful. Tell her sooner rather than later so she can make alternate plans. I think as far as these situations go the longer you wait the bigger the fallout...

    ESB can you pretty, pretty PLEASE update 'my maid of honor is a cunt' more often? I have to admit that I do love these(/those?) kind of stories.

  2. Why did she ask you to be a bridesmaid?
    Why did you say yes?????
    It sounds like you shouldn't even be at her wedding.

    1. Yeah! I'm so confused why you were invited, let alone asked to be a bridesmaid. Maybe she valued your friendship more than you valued hers? But it doesn't make sense that she cold-shouldered you recently.....I have to agree that backing out (politely) is definitely the way to go.

    2. I assume the bride just needed another bridesmaid to even-out her wedding party with the groom's or just wanted a really big wedding party - it seems very immature and not really about the writer-in.

  3. Obvi, don't be a bridesmaid, but then look up the word "betrayed" because I don't think rude and insensitive qualify.

  4. So, as you are not *really* friends, it seems as though it was odd for her to ask you and odd for you to say yes in the first place. Granted.

    But if I were you, and her parents had already purchased my dress and jewelry, I'd feel as though it were too late to back out. And I'd go (probably resenting her along the way) and have a kick ass time at the party.

  5. I think with the wedding being next month and her family having already paid for everything, it's too late to bow out gracefully.

    It sounds like you realized you shouldn't have said yes too late and now are looking for ways to justify your exit. Which happens to the best of us! Unfortunately, I think it's not the right thing to do, BUT since you don't seem invested in this person... who cares?

  6. I think you can back out begging financial hardship, but sorry, you gotta reimburse for the dress and jewelry.

  7. Whoa - I didn't realise it was next month.

    Pull out for sure, but know that any friendship with this girl and perhaps the broader circle could be damaged. So long as you are ok knowing that do what you please.

    Be graceful and as others have said, offer to reimburse for the dress etc.

    BTW - I get that writer-in-erers want readers to 'get' where they are coming from and take their side but stating something like "she brought my dress (but it's a-ok cause her parents are rich and gave her a shit load of cash so money isn't an issue for them) comes across really... icky? You don't know what the cash situation is. No matter how money is recieved it's still wasteful to not use it properly, and justifying pulling out because the money (to you) has come on a tap just smacks of being a total a-hole.

  8. ESB - did you run this post just because it starts with the phrase "I'm in a pickle"? You did, didn't you.

  9. I don't buy it. Get your butt to that party and stop trying to manipulate us all into hating this girl.

    Money always ebbs and flows, you will be fine.