Friday, July 6, 2012

And then the bride peed in a….

I got married in Texas in July, so I was drinking a lot of water all day to stay cool, especially once the dancing portion of the evening began. Because my dress was long and fitted, I decided to bring a short dress along with me so that I could change into it if I started getting too hot or uncomfortable. Several songs in, I was ready to switch dresses, so my sister and I went to the bridal dressing room that is attached to the venue to change. 

After several minutes of unbuttoning to get my wedding dress off, I realized that I had to pee--badly. It was probably the strongest, most sudden urge I've ever experienced. I started throwing on shorts and a shirt as quickly as possible and bolted for the doors that lead out to the bathroom. But when I grabbed them, I realized that they were locked. Unfortunately, the only other way out was through the venue. I wasn't about to sprint past all my guests barefoot, wearing cutoff shorts and a t-shirt, but I also knew that I couldn't hold it long enough to change into my dress. 

I was beyond panicked, hopping around the room and trying to keep my bladder in check. At that point, I spotted a cooler and, shamefully, knew what I had to do. I told my sister to look away and hold the doors (to make sure nobody came in the room) and, well, you can fill in the rest. I cleaned myself up with some wet wipes, changed into my new dress, and strutted back onto the dance floor as if nothing had happened. But there was still the matter of the cooler.

I told my husband that I had an important task for him and filled him in on the details. He went into the room, used his tuxedo jacket to hide the cooler, then dumped it out and cleaned it. When he came back onto the dance floor, all he told me was, "It is done." Obviously, I picked the right guy.

19 comments:

  1. I find this one amusing and endearing (in a gross way lol). I know my sisters and I would laugh about this for years if it happened to any of us.

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  2. ...who owned the cooler?

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    1. also, did the cooler go back into commission after it was "cleaned"?

      that worries me a little.

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    2. oh, be a man. urine is sterile.

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    3. Oh, urine itself is sterile, but it can pick up non- sterile elements, bacteria etc, on its way out.
      Having said that - eh, I take a fairly robust view; disinfect, wash in hot water, I'm sure it'd be fine.

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    4. Yeah, it's sterile until it hits the ground... or cooler. In any case, I don't get why we don't clean up our own pee these days...

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  3. Cute story for sure (and yes, you picked the right man). But am I the only one thinking - why not run in to the washroom in your shorts and a tank?

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  4. but... but... why did the groom have to be the one to clean the cooler?

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    1. there's a giant karmic loop for these things. maybe he's the guy i knew in college who got drunk and took a crap in his mini-fridge (known ever after on campus as "frooper.")

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    2. I was wondering the same thing...

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    3. Maybe because he's the person peeing bride is closest to and happy to share the undignified situation with? I love my sister, but I'd probably ask the guy who sees me pee regularly to clean out the pee cooler, rather than request that she do it.

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  5. YAY for another inappropriate pee-pee story.

    where are the pull-ups for brides?

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  6. This has been my favorite wedding horror story.

    It was less HORROR and more hilarity.

    I give a thumbs up to any groom who will clean a cooler of piss and only have "it is done" to say!

    I always like to ask my fiance, "If I got into an accident and had to cut off both my arms.... would you wipe my ass? Regularly?"

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  7. HA, my favourite too. I hope you and your husband laugh about the pee cooler - it's his masterfully understated response that makes it. I kind of imagine the bride in a mob boss role, asking groom to 'take care of it'.

    Pee is funny.

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  8. What a great, funny story! I can sympathize because I always find myself in this situation! You sure did find the right guy. Happy Marriage!

    http://www.classicmemories.com/dvd-slideshows.html

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  9. BEST. DUDE. EVAAAAAAR. If that ever happend to me, that is exactly how I hope my husband would handle it as well.

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