Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The hazards of pre-engagement
I'm pre-engaged. The man and I will get married soon, we're not engaged yet but the details are in the works. Ring selected and such...
One of my girlfriends pre-asked to be a bridesmaid. We were talking about how well things were going in my relationship a few months back and before I could finish a sentence she excitedly blurted out "Can I be a bridesmaid?"
I hadn't even given it much thought at that point. I was kinda taken off guard because I was of the opinion that YOU WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO ASK YOU to be a bridesmaid. Am I wrong? I answered something like "Umm I guess so, we're not engaged yet though."
Since then she has referred to my yet-to-be planned wedding and asked questions about it. Even though I already have a clear picture of almost everything I want I'm not really talking about it with people yet because afterall....I'm not engaged yet. She asked me what color I think I might want her to wear. When I replied "I don't know, maybe gray." She complained.
I'm not engaged, she's not a bridesmaid, and the wedding hasn't been planned...and she's already complaining. Ugh.
This is something that plays out in our friendship often over the past years. She can be moody. Not so moody that it's a deal-breaker but enough that it can be annoying.
I really wanted a tiny wedding party or even none at all would be fine with me. I would have asked her to be a maid anyways but her pre-asking took some of the happiness out of it. Sorta like she stole a little of my thunder. Her pre-asking and pre-whining is making me have second thoughts. If this is how she is NOW, is it only going to get worse later?
Ok, so now I've typed it all out and I'm about to ask my questions I think I already know what you're going to say.
*Am I obligated to have her as a bridesmaid?
*If I choose not to have her, what is the best thing to say? Because she WILL pout if she's not a maid.
*Should I put my foot down on any whining if I do choose her as a bridesmaid?
Un-asking someone to be a bridesmaid is kinda like un-inviting someone to your wedding. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. She may never speak to you again.
As for "putting your foot down on any whining," how do you propose to do that exactly??
Ellinore Erichsen by Johan Sandberg for Marie Claire Italia