Thursday, July 12, 2012

Longest email correspondence in the history of ever about Toms and why you have to wear them in my wedding

from:    K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
to:      eastsidebride@gmail.com
date:    Thu, Jul 12, 2012 at 8:45 PM
subject: Fwd: Shoes dress

If you post these, please leave the names out.

Thanks - Oh, and there's a Part 2 to this.

After she insults my choice in this email, she sent another where she contacts Toms customer service to inquire about returning the shoes, before I even see anything.

On Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 5:39 AM, Vxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:

Hi K. I think the dress is awesome I need to have mine altered I obviously had it measured and fitted for me but I mean you know it is the standard size so I have to have it fitted down to fit perfectly so that it looks awesome or even awesomeror if that even is a word but it is great. I'm however worried I don't think that the shoes do it justice at all in fact even detract from how nice it is...
I took the shoes in with me when I picked up my dress and all the ladies at the bridal shop both young and old said that if you really wanted to wear those shoes with that dress you should really be above the knee at the very least because this shoes are so overpowering. On the bright side they are the right color navy which is very hard to do. But for a dress so beautiful they showed me a zillion options not because they were trying to sell them just because its better to have a very low Garden heel that is very thick and easy to walk on that looks very much like a sandal or even no heel at all and just go with the sandal that's elegant or whatever and just use those at the end of the night, they suggested.
Hope this makes sense I used dragon dictation during my commute!

On Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 10:12 AM, Kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:

Hey Vixx -

I'm happy that you like the dress! I have to ask, does it fall below the knee? Because I thought that it was supposed to be knee length. The look I was going for with the bridesmaids is similar to the attached pictures, most of which have knee length dresses with the Toms shoes. Could you send me a picture of you in the dress with the shoes so that I can get a better idea of the look. It might help me understand where the concerns and to decide if changing all of the shoes is the better option. Understand that the shoes may not be able to be returned and the money we spent on them as a gift and for achieving the look is something I was hoping wouldn't be an issue.

Please send a picture so that I can get a better idea of what's going on (it is hard to plan these things with everyone so far away). Also, I've attached some pictures to help you see the unconventional/quirky cute that reflects who I am. Hopefully it gives you a comparison for dress length? I was hoping for at the knee to just above the knee but I really don't know what the dress looks like in chiffon so that might change things. 

Also, as I said before, you're welcome to dress up the canvas shoes however you would like in order to make it your own... (there's a picture for that as well)

Love ya!

Kxxxxx

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Date: Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Subject: Re: Shoes dress
To: K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


So, if you wanted it above knee, it'll definitely have to be hemmed...be a good 4 inches at least....chiffon will cost more to hem & there is an underskirt that is like a ruffled/poofy underlayer to give it a tiny big of volume (undetectable, it's just so that the chiffon doesn't do a cling-wrap thing to you, but if you hem it up too far that stuff might actually fling out and around like an 80s madonna like a virgin style...

I understand about not wanting to sacrifice the shoes, they aren't cheap, they were a gift to everyone, I LOVE tom's mission & what the company does and I am definitely going to wear them A LOT! at the same time...i can't force a fake "ya, um, they look okay" just to make them fit the bill for your wedding.  you want everything in your wedding to look be and feel spectacular and years from now when you look at pictures of all of us you might wonder who picked out the bridesmaid's boat shoes for the middle of the summer with that kind of dress... not trying to be mean, just trying to be ridiculously honest - something I just do...because that's no only what you might think years from now when you look at photos, that's what all the guests are actually going to be thinking and we're all gonna say "kxxx made us wear these" lol!

But, going back to the shoes.... we can definitely dress them up- to match the dress, the wedding, each other, etc...i have LIMITLESS ideas when it comes to this stuff... i'm a craft magician...and I don't mean, let's giltter glue them....i can make shoes that princess kate would mistake for a royal hat for her head! kentucky derby shoes? ever hear of them? well, i might just invent them... it would be amazing to put a white/cream color rosette on each shoe (not too big) and then have a feather or two in an arrangement wrapping out from and around to frame the shoe, maybe with a few other exquisite details, subtle, but exquisite.  In a way, it wuold be a metaphor for rags to riches and they'd also be going from (in a sense) something old to something new and of course, they are already blue... if you have while ones, we could decorate the same style-ish (or a mirror/suggestive) with a blue flower/feathers - essence of peacock?  that'd be awesome under your long dress...the devil is in the details...

I think the biggest problem with the shoe style itself is not that they are canvas flats, it's that they are like a FULL coverage boat shoe canvas flat.  I went to the website and saw the ballet flats style ones...you maybe could pass better with those - is it possible to do an exchange?  If it's too much of a hassle, then forget about it.  I also think it may have been better to not try to match the dress with a shoe like that and instead either go for something seriously neutral so that it's not overpowering (so you have to back that dress up), OR, go with something quirky and totally different altogether that simply says, yes! I DID pick out these fun, nontraditional shoes and they are SO different I want to showcase them, see how you can't help but look back and forth at my dress because you don't know *which* one is cooler????  Instead, the full coverage navy canvas shoe with the just below the knee dress kind of promotes a blind spot and not only do they not do the dress justice, they kind of overpower it.  

I hate to tell you all this stuff because you have so much to plan & so much stuff going on & I'm hoping everything is going easily otherwise!! I just think when you put these altogether, you might regret it later on if not right away.  I'll try to get xxx to get a picture of me in the dress with the shoes, but he keeps laughing at me and so do the kids (they call them granny shoes) and it's embarrassing and I KNOW you put everything on facebook (which i don't even have btw!!).   

In shrubbery: 
1.) the dress is SPECTACULAR as is- I definitely dont think we should hem it on account of those shoes - or ANY shoes!! the length is perfect! it's perfect! i was skeptical, but not i'm completely thrilled with it!!!
2.) the shoes are the frog to the princess dress.  i love the shoes on their own and will wear them all the time for other reasons if we dont nd up using them for this wedding.  if it's possible to exchange them without too much hassle, we should look into that versus having to hem the dress.  the chiffon and the underliner of the dress may prove more of a hassle to hem then exchanging tom's shoes.  nevertheless, if you still want to use those shoes, you MUST BELIEVE and TRUST FULLY, that I can come up with a MASTERPIECE for all of our shoes that might very likely make it into an art museum.  If you're willing to go that route, I'd be willing to help out with all the girls' shoes so that the design is consistent.  I know you haven't seen the sewing/craft/home decor/costume work that i've done for my paying clients, but I can assure you that you will be blown away!!!

*****

from:     K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 
to:       eastsidebride@gmail.com
date:     Thu, Jul 12, 2012 at 8:49 PM
subject:  Shoes and Dress Part 2

Here is the Part 2: where she sends the conversation between her and the Toms representative.

Again, no names when posting please! Thanks!

But yeah, I need to vent - I'm angry that 1) she's being stubborn and won't send a photo and 2) she flat out insults my choice in an attempt to bully me into what she wants.

By the way, this is my sister.

On Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 1:51 PM, Vxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   wrote:

Hi Kxxxxx- I just went on the Tom's website & chatted live w/ a customer service rep regarding returns/exchanges JUST SO THAT YOU KNOW IT'S A POSSIBLILITY THAT I AM WILLING TO COORDINATE FOR YOU - please don't feel pressured- I'm just trying to help & letting you know I'm willing to coordingate this if this is what the girls want to do... just in case all the girls want to do this.. Please don't feel pressured - I'm only trying to help so I'm pasting the chat conversation below so you can see exactly what the option for exchange/return is as a viable route:

[Sparing you an excruciatingly boring chat with the TOMS Customer Happiness Team.]

On Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 4:04 PM, K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
The other two girls love their shoes. and I love mine and Dxxxxx loves them on me with my dress. I know you don't like them, but if you're not even giving my style a chance and I hate to say it, but it's my wedding and my vision and I'm getting insulted by these emails.

Give me a chance to think about things because it was one of the things I really wanted for my wedding - a decision I made months ago (actually I was originally going to wear my Chuck Taylors but opted for the ivory Toms). They are not your style, I understand - but they are MY style. Please stop trying to force me into this decision because it's not your taste.

And please send a picture so that I can see and decide for myself. Thanks.

On Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 4:02 PM, Vxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  wrote:
of course they look good with the wedding dress, tons of brides wear with long dresses with comfortable shoes because with a long dress you don't see the shoes anyway. lol.  

i'm glad the other girls like their shoes with their dresses when they tried them on.  it's funny mine took soo long to arrive at the bridal shop though- they seem to have gotten their dresses pretty quickly as I thought i was the first to order the dress - remember when we thought the navy color was different & you had to let the others know? oh well. 

in any case, you asked me for my opinion about the shoes, about the dress, and about the shoes AND the dress and i took the time to give you an honest answer. 

i'm sorry you feel insulted by my honest response and additionally by my suggestions for possible back-up plans in case the other girls had any of the same feelings as i thought an honest explanation, followed an offer to help in contingency options if needed was far better than simply stating "the shoes on their own are great, but put it with the dress and you get that 'just got out of the locker room at penn state; navy towel wrapped around & blue cozy slippers' look; you just need a navy turbie twist for the hair!".   i certainly was not just going lie and say something like; "oh ya, i just love them, they're wicked cute...they're gonna be so comfortable...and they look so good".  Sorry, but that would be a blatant lie and I just can't say that.  I expect that when i ask someone for an honest opinion in my life that i think i can trust they could give me an honest answer - that's why I ask for their opinion in the first place.

OF COURSE it's your wedding Kxxx and it is and has been your vision. please don't get/stay defensive and emotional or misinterpret my feedback:  i'm not trying to force you to do anything- you merely asked my opinion, and i gave you my truthful answer along with further explanation, in earnest.  if you don't like my opinion, simply don't ask me for my opinion. 

it's your wedding, you should have what you want, your style, your vision, the other girls should also have what they want and love.  i'm totally happy for you and with all that and as long as you are happy that's all that matters.. if you really already know everything you want for your wedding and planned these shoes as your "vision" long ago, then why even ask??   it seems your decision has been made and you don't need a picture from me that would help you decide anyway.  in any case, since the other girls already love their shoes with their dress and are also convinced they are great, i'm sure they'll have much more fun sending pictures back & forth with you as I have very limited time and I dont even have a facebook account... you can all decide among yourselves - i'll do whatever you want - it's your wedding.  but, please don't ask me for my opinions anymore: just keep me in the loop. thanks!

On Jul 10, 2012, at 7:59 PM, Kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:

V  -

It's not that I was insulted because of the options you gave - It seemed parts of your email contained failed contempt where you called them "granny" and "boat" shoes. I was also insulted when you told me you couldn't send a picture because xxx and the boys were laughing at you, making fun of you due to the combination of shoes/dress that I chose. I know they are not your style, and you can give me your opinion - but there is a better way to do so than through insults.

I definitely did not appreciate that you contacted Toms about their return/exchange policy before I could even make a decision. I have to look at the wedding from a whole perspective and one pair of shoes that might not be your favorite may fit into the theme. The girls love the shoes; however, they do not have their dresses yet to try them on so I (and they) are curious as to how they look. It would help me decide whether or not to change the shoe color/fabric etc. if I could see what it looks like.

I can tell by your emails that you do not like the combination, but I don't know whether or I not I like it without seeing it. You could have been more tactful in how you approached telling me your opinion, you were very hurtful and it upset me quite a bit.

I am asking that you send a picture so that I can make a decision and so that we are not making last minute changes. I've been planning this wedding with people long distance for months. You have no idea how difficult it is to coordinate long distance with no one locally to help. Since you are the only person who has seen the combination, getting back feedback that basically says "you did a shitty job and you suck at planning your own wedding and your taste level is sub-par" is extremely hurtful and in no way helps me continue to plan this wedding or make a final decision on this matter.

If I had a picture, I might completely agree with you - I am counting on my bridesmaids to help me out with this; but I cannot not blindly have decisions made long-distance. It's been stressful enough getting all the information out. If you are unwilling to send a picture than I am at a loss and might have to go with the original shoe especially if the other girls don't receive their dresses until much later. At which point, I won't be able to change anything. So it's not just keeping you in the loop - I need your help and snide opinions aside, it would be helpful if I could see what it looks like.

If you could please send a picture, I would appreciate it. It would be keeping me "in the loop". Thanks!

Kxxxx


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Vxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Tue, Jul 10, 2012 at 8:14 PM
Subject: Re: Tom's Shoes Online chat re: returns/exchanges - option for ya! :)
To: Kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kxxxxx, my opinion on what the shoes look like with the dress have no bearing on how you are planning your wedding overall.  I think you are overreacting quite hastily and rudely to my feedback and taking it way too personally and in turn taking it way out of context and beginning to implicate every other aspect of your wedding planning. Im not lying when the boys said "boat" and "granny" to describe the shoes and I won't apologize for their comments either nor my honest opinion about the shoes with the dress as they nor I were not trying to make insults either, merely observations of what the shoes looked like to them because we are ALL entitled to our own opinions.  I get it Kxxxxx- it's your style, not mine, not th bridal shops, not the boys, nor xxxs, nobodys, its yours- u are unique- that's perfectly fine!!! Again though, If you don't want to hear my opinion then don't ask for it and if you ask me for my opinion and you don't agree with it don't FLIP out against me and every aspect of your wedding planning and style and who knows what's next...

Im not sorry for my own opinions, that would be dishonest, but I am sorry that all of my communication you feel you need to perceive as insult and it is really unhealthy.  I'm quite shocked that you are upset that I contacted Tom's:it was only a preliminary inquiry to find out how difficult any kind of an exchange *might* be *if* we needed to go down that route after you expressed it would be a hassle for u at this point my only intent was to try to take some load off your shoulders: I did not give them your name nor any other details that would have related Kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx's order to the purchases made at Tom's therefore it still stands as a simple general inquiry to their general process.  I still see no harm in that- again, u need to understand that I made no decision for you, only provided you with additional information to HELP you make YOUR OWN choice.  If you want to choose to be upset about that, then you are overreacting and turning this entire situation into something it certainly isn't just because you're mad that I don't like the shoes. So what. Get over it- I'm the one that has to wear them not you.

*****

APPAREL FOR YOUR WEDDING DOES NOT COUNT AS A BRIDESMAIDS GIFT. 

Also: Toms suck.

Do you even read this blog??

119 comments:

  1. um...lol? :(
    these kinds of stories make me SO GLAD my wedding is overwith.

    can you guys just work together already and stop getting insulted and hurt and insulted and hurt back by each other? V___: we get it, you were honest, but ferchrissake just send her the damn picture already, and you *could have* been a wee bit nicer in the critique of the shoes; you can be honest without giving every last detail about other people's reactions to the combo, she doesn't have the benefit of in-person contact to make it sting less. K___ she's right, you did ask for her opinion, and she gave it to you honestly, so you're not making it easy for her to cooperate by confronting her, being so defensive, and having no humility about your own poor taste in fashion.

    GAH>

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This exchange makes me remember why we have wars. Goddamn why is it so hard to be human?

      Delete
  2. Wow, I can't believe I read ALL OF THAT. Also, is that the link to the actual dress? I agree, Tom's + that = fug. Sorry K. Though your sis is being a bit harsh too.

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  3. Anyone looking for a reason not to have bridesmaids? Or not to dictate anyone else's clothing choices? RIGHT HERE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally! I'm having bridesmaids cause I love my sis and besties but they are wearing whatever they like! It's weird to tell full grown women what to wear surely?

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    2. Agreed agreed agreed!

      Delete
  4. Omigod that was traumatic. If my sister asked me to wear that combo I'd bail! Because yes! Toms suck! Ugly. And the sister did a really great job of being tactful I thought!!! Xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought she was tactful too... If my sister asked me to wear that fug outfit I would have just flat out told her no. And if she responded that it was her "vision" I would have told her to get a new one, obviously.

      Delete
    2. Agreed! I thought the bridesmaid sister was doing just fine (well, except how verbose she was) and being quite tactful considering how ugly that outfit must be. This bride is clearly a pain-in-the-neck.

      Delete
  5. I *adore* when bitchy girls do the "I'm sorry you misinterpreted my words and were offended" line. So rude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right! The non-apology apology. Not "I'm sorry for what I did" or even the less responsibility-taking "I'm sorry for what happened," but the totally condescending "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt," which essentially says "I'm sorry you're such a sniveling ninny." Siblings and politicians rock at those lines.

      Delete
  6. it's her fucking wedding. just shut the fuck up and wear the ugly combo or don't be a bridesmaid.

    and for god's sake, both of you: stop being so over-dramatically passive aggressive. it gets no one anywhere.

    both of you are awful.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awful bridesmaid, just awful. Toxic, deliberate sister-baiting.
    Ugly outfit? Sure! Whatever! But there are far less unhelpful (with everyone's best friend; a thin veneer of "I'm just trying to help!") ways of addressing it. Like, perhaps, just saying "I think they look bad, sorry, here's a picture so you can see".

    But, my reaction may be biased as I am stuck on these points:
    - what the hell is a "garden heel"?? And is it possible for it to sound any more revolting? And
    - ESSENCE OF PEACOCK? Presumably extracted from the glands near the bird's anus, like musk?

    Let them pick their own shoes. Let go of the Toms thing. You both win! (and so do the peacocks.)
    Man, I love my sisters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Presumably extracted from the glands near the bird's anus, like musk?"

      Thank you for that. You just made my day.

      Delete
    2. "Toxic, deliberate sister-baiting"

      yes!

      (And I had the same thought about essence of peacock.)

      Delete
  8. We have had way too many conversations around here about what order of awful crocks, keens and toms belong in. Thoughts? Those chicks are crazy. I couldn't read it all.

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  9. God, the grammer in these emails made them painful to read (well, one of the reasons). Would a comma kill you?

    But I would pay money to see these Toms once the sister has had her crafty way with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The irony of this is killing me. Would learning to spell grammar kill you?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous 3:04, I love you.

      Delete
    3. Why thank you. I am a pedant. It's not my best quality.

      Delete
    4. well... fuck. that's what i get for rushing.

      Delete
  10. WHY in earth would you want to send those horribly passive-agressive emails to ESB for publishing? Is it some twisted way to get her way, or embarrass her sister? I really don't get the point besides that her sister could well be reading this post -and in that case I predict war...

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    1. I agree, sending this to be published is the nastiest act of all. Who cares about fucking shoes? Public humiliation via unconsented publishing of personal emails - shit, that's one way to lose a friend/sister!

      Delete
  11. I REALLY want to see the picture!!!

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  12. "The dress with the toms is my style. Not yours. "

    Ugh. Why do people feel the need to dress their friends in a style that isn't their own?? I would NEVER dress my sister like
    me! She'd look like a clown and feel like shit. Oh wait, thats what people do to their bridesmaids.

    Fuck that. It's like grown up ugly babies.

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    Replies
    1. I dont know. My sister who is much younger than me currently embodies a style that hovers around the Russian Prostitute mark. It's entirely necessary for me to dress her for my wedding lest she stand next to me tits and legs akimbo. There will be elderly people at that ceremony.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, there is definitely a way to dress your bridesmaids so they look cohesive but not like they are wearing a costume... Doesn't have to be one or the other... Some people could use the help.

      Delete
  13. Yikes, they couldn't have just phoned each other about this? Leaving aside the issue of Toms and the craft magician's princess kate, kentucky derby, essence of peacock concepts... at first I couldn't even tell which sister was emailing you the whole thing is so crazy.

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    Replies
    1. Yes! After the first email, all I could think was "Pick up the damn phone!"

      Delete
  14. holy hell. this is why i let my bridesmaids wear whatever the hell they wanted.
    ditch the toms - i'm willing to bet it looks awful. let them wear whatever shoes they want. it won't ruin your grand vision of your wedding to have mis-matched shoes, i promise. you won't even notice what they have on their feet. you'll be too busy GETTING MARRIED to the person you LOVE. that's what matters.

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  15. I couldn't read past "craft magician"... my mind went numb from all of the dumb banter about WHO CARES WHAT.

    "Toms" are not only passive activism- buy shoes! save lives? but a total scam, do your homework.

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    Replies
    1. omg! I thought the same thing but didn't want to be the one that said it.

      Toms are a total scam.

      Delete
    2. yes, "craft magician" was the breaking point for me, too! i've never seen such rambling before. when it comes to saying something that may possibly hurt another's feelings, why do some people (women) feel the need to surround their opinions by a thousand unnecessary words??

      Delete
  16. My head just exploded. Toms will look awful with that dress; toms are shoes that wear when you are running errands and feel extra lazy, they are not formal wear. Save everyone a headache and let them pick out whatever shoes they want to go with that junior prom dress you picked out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have just moved to Vancouver BC and it appears that here Toms are shoes for all occasions.

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    2. Seriously, what is with that? Every other person the street is wearing those damn shoes these days!

      Delete
  17. soooo passive aggressive. What grown ass adults fight via email? Call her.

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  18. It's not really about the Toms. It's really about the Craft Magician with feathers and mirrors and peacock essences; flicking shit and then back pedaling and acting all "Who, me?"

    She has time to vomit her crazy-ass opinions and even the more ridiculous craft ideas, but not the time to take a picture? Really?

    She needs to be fired. ... and the bride (who should know her sister better), should not have asked for her opinion if she wasn't prepared for this shit. Shouldn't she have known better? I mean, it is her sister.

    And yes, my head exploded, too. Whose didn't???????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, this is not about the Toms. I have to wonder if people's responses here would be different if they liked the outfit choice. This is so much more about who the hell treats their sister that way! It's one thing to say "I really don't like it and I think you might regret this choice" and another to say, well, anything that V did.

      Delete
    2. Oh, I would definitely be reacting differently if I liked the outfit choice. If I did, I'd probably find V the way more annoying of the two. Instead, I am finding myself relating to the EPIC DREAD of having to wear a strapless chiffon dress and Toms. Then again, my sister and I talk honestly to one another, but then, we're twins, so maybe that's why.

      Delete
    3. What is it they say? Don't feed the troll? Sometimes, the troll is your sister.

      Delete
  19. This is all hilarious to me - I LOVE posts like this! If you're gonna pick wacky combos, be prepared to say, "Thanks for the opinion, but I think it'll look okay."

    Also can we please reiterate that the bridesmaid gift shouldn't be part of the bridesmaid outfit? especially if it's not something they would wear on their own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, every bridesmaid gift I've ever gotten has been part of my bridesmaid outfit.

      Pashminas, three row pearls, necklaces, etc. I am trying so hard to come up with a bridesmaid gift that everyone won't hate because so far mine have all been terrible.

      Delete
  20. passive aggressive much? I'm so confused as to why grown ass women would fight via email? Pick up the phone and just say what you actually want to say.

    ReplyDelete
  21. She's your sister--she's allowed to throw shade on your lame style decisions.

    But just tell her TOMS on the bridal party in the 2010s is like Chucks on the bridal party in the 2000s. It's more about stylistically announcing "I'm a carefree bride! with a free spirit!" (even when the reality is "I'm the type of person to get into a passive aggressive email war! over some fucking shoes!")

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh damn, are Chucks over? So wait, if I still wear mine, does that make me EVEN MORE unique?

      I'm like Marge Simpson "Well I don't care if I'm cool...does that make me cool?"

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    2. Bahaha, Anon 6:59 you are spot on.

      Delete
  22. Im not okay with TOMS (due the sham charity as advertisement aspect and bc TOMS are based off alpargatas worn in Argentina...that logo on the back is the flag. Old ladies shuffle about in them and I wear them predominately to walk my dog. It would be scandal worthy to wear them to a wedding here. It's like wearing your ratty bedroom slippers to a formal occasion and here they cost like max ten bucks) or forcing adults to wear what you want... But Id probably just have the damn things to avoidtouch an email exchange. II can't tell which sister sent this... The bride or the TOMS hating sister.

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  23. "Penn State locker room..." WTF... *shudder*

    I've only been a bridesmaid in one wedding, so I have limited experience here, but I was under the impression that: If you're in the wedding, you wear what the bride wants you to wear. Wear the stupid TOMS for the group/wedding party pics, then ditch them for your own more stylish alternative. We all know TOMS look like prison shoes, but they are pretty damn comfy when you're on your feet for hours on end. Be a good sister. Call her up. Apologize. Order your TOMS. And shut the hell up about it.

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    1. i thought i knew where a TOMS-related wedding horror story post would go, but even i didn't see penn state reference coming. it kind of makes me want to call the whole exchange fake.

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    2. if it isn't, choosing jerry sandusky as your "prison shoes" reference may be a new low, even for the internet.

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    3. I'm with you. Penn State=bad shoes?!?!!?!

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    4. My sister in-law changed her wedding dress to match the bridesmaids dress her sister insisted on instead of the one she chose. The bridesmaids dress was ugly too, worse dress I've ever had to wear, granted it guaranteed that the Bride was the best dressed. It's amazing how stubborn some bridesmaids are.

      Delete
  24. So f'ing glad I didn't have bridesmaids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. Replies
    1. There is a museum of bad art here in Somerville MA that they might fit in. The logo is "art so bad it can't be ignored", and they are right.

      Delete
  26. This is pretty much the funniest thing I've ever read. I love you for posting the ENTIRE THING...

    ...and not just a shrubbery.

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    Replies
    1. That part made me think of Monty Python and I lol'd.

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  27. Got bored early on and stopped reading. From what I read, though, my favorite part was:

    "some pictures to help you see the unconventional/quirky cute that reflects who I am."

    Hahahahaha.

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    Replies
    1. hahah that made me laugh too!

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    2. Yes me too hahahaha!!

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  28. Bridesmaids are your friends, not accessories to showcase your style.

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  29. I would think this was made up, except I can't imagine anyone putting so much time into a joke. Of course, I also can't imagine anyone putting so much time into arguing about SHOES. If a bride tried to put me in Toms, I would hate it, but I would give up after the first two emails. It's just 5 hours in dorky shoes - clearly not worth this level of back and forth.

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  30. Everything about this is wrong wrong awesome wrong. Hilariously, I was reading this insane post this morning on the couch, and when I got up to get more coffee, I looked over my husband's shoulder and saw that HE was reading it.

    Anyway, sisters be crazy, brides be crazy, bridesmaids be crazy, bitches be crazy. None of this is new.

    I think I'm mostly with the sister, though. She lost me with her crappy glue gun magic but won me back saying she'd look like she just stepped out of the shower (lucky for me, I missed the Penn State reference upon first reading).

    I think making your maids look like mini-yous is lame but my biggest concern with this is HOW DUMB THE TOMS WILL LOOK (all in the name of being non-traditional). Unless the maids fit a very specific look, they are all going to look frumpy. Yuck yuck yuck.

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  31. Also, how is this not on mymaidofhonorisacunt.blogspot.com?

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  32. I want to see the first email she sent. I bet it wasn't "hey what did you think? can you send a pic?"

    also, this all happened in one day? talk about free time.

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  33. dear letter writer,

    are you kidding me right now? it's SHOES. UGLY ones. get over yourself.

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  34. The grammar and punctuation were so bad I couldn't get through it. Can I get the Cliff Notes?

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  35. Ok, your sister is a complete and total cunt. Calling your feelings/reactions "unhealthy" was my least favorite part of this whole exchange. She is toxic. But you need to let this go because she is the type of person who will never drop this herself.

    With that said, this is why I am letting my BMs pick their own dress and their own shoes. Who cares at all what they are wearing? How many BM photos are you going to frame? Does the union of you and your FH have anything to do with what your BMs wear? NO. I say let them have the Tom's as a gift (not to wear at the wedding), and tell them to wear whatever shoes they want. And maybe one of them will even choose to wear the Toms, and if so, that's fine.

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  36. Here's what the sister should have said if she was asked her opinion about the shoes:

    Hey sis, I don't really think the Toms go with the dress; I've attached a picture to the email so you can see. But, if you love them, I'm happy to wear them--they are super comfy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheesh. If everyone were this rational, ESB would go out of business. :)

      Delete
  37. I don't care what you think about Toms, this bridesmaid/sister is a total biatch. Just wear the effing shoes that you didn't have to pay for and shut the hell up.

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  38. i'm seriously annoyed at myself for reading this long thing. i'm not sure i picked a side either, both give warranted points and have too many moments of ridiculousness. summary - no toms for weddings, pleeeeez.

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  39. Okay, I never ever comment but ... how is the bridesmaid the villain in this piece? The bride wants her to wear ugly-ass shoes with a fancy dress, bridesmaid points out that the combo is terrible (albeit not in the most tactful way, but you could tell she was trying to be super-supportive) (and after the bride ASKED FOR HER OPINION), and the bride has a spazz attack and sends in this correspondence to, what, publicly shame her sister? As far as I can tell, the bride's the bitch here.

    TOMS are not wedding attire. Even I know that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, and then the evil no taste bride sent the email exchange in looking for sympathy! I think the bridesmaid was pretty tactful, I would have told my sister to eff-off, no way would I wear that outfit.

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    2. Hating shoes someone chooses for their ritual does not give you the right to tell them you hate said shoes. End of statement.

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    3. So then the whole situation is lose lose and everyone is passive aggressively hating?

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  40. pretty sure i just lost 10 IQ points by reading that whole exchange.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. my primary motive for posting: IF I HAVE TO READ THIS SHIT, SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE.

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    2. i guess i'm just amazed that i actually read it. ALL OF IT. i started to get dizzy somewhere around the part with the feathers... BUT I KEPT GOING. best train wreck i've come across in a while.

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    3. @Celia, me too.

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    4. don't know how you made it through. yikes...headache.

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  41. We heart you ESB!!! And toms do suck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TOMS are nowhere near as bad as this relationship.

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  42. I despise the school of thought that weddings are ALL ABOUT YOU! YOUR VISION, YOUR STYLE YOUR EVERYTHING! YOU! YOU! YOU!

    People get SO carried away with being self centered.

    But I'm on neither side. That shoe/dress combo is serious fug and I think the overreacted. The sister was a bit of a bitch too.

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    Replies
    1. ...a bit of a bitch? Those emails are awful. I dislike the outfit, but i dislike the bridesmaid more. "They look like penn state locker room shoes... haha... see I'm just keeping things light, joking around... WHAT, you're offended? I'm sorry... that you're so sensitive."

      Barf.

      That said, forwarding the whole transcript to ESB - just bizarre. These two deserve each other.

      Delete
  43. It's like the sun, I know I shouldn't keep reading, I know it's going to make me cringe and hate the human race a little more, if that is at all possible.

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  44. Cant believe I read that entire thing. But the sister was not being mean, she was actually beating around the bush because she didn't want to insult her bride sister. What she should have said is.. " I'm not wearing a tea length bridesmaid dress with fucking Thom's sneakers, get it together Sis you've lost your mind." Its your wedding day, you may be quirky, and good for you, but put on a pair of heels for christ sake.

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  45. BTW Thank you to the person who altered the picture. After reading everything and then going back to look at the pic, I laughed out loud for 3 minutes.

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  46. Eesh. The time for the sister to speak up should have been before the bride ordered everyone's shoes...surely she must have told them ahead of time of her plan to pair Toms with their dresses. Now that the shoes have arrived, just suck it up and wear 'em. You have a million other days to look your best: if the damn shoes are that important to the bride's "vision," I think her happiness and low-stress-level is much more important than any bridesmaids feeling a bit frumpy for eight hours or less (and the bride will be the one who has to deal with the repercussions of everyone looking ugly in photos if she ever comes to her senses....really, do bridesmaids print out and display photos of the weddings they were in?)

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  47. This is my third time trying to read the whole email exchange. I can't. All I got out of it was a headache and an even greater hatred for Toms.

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  48. But why do people think Toms are 'quirky'? Does quirky really mean ugly? Good to know. I really can't even believe people wear these things in public.

    And yes, so sick of the whole 'vision' bit. It's a wedding, for God's sake, not a brand.

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  49. did you read the whole thing?

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  50. I want the last 6 minutes of my life back. Wtf. That was the most painful thing I've read (or tried to read) in a very long time.

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  51. YES ESB YES! I have a whole cupboard of silver acetate wraps (that I've never worn) and ridiculous rhinestone costume jewelry from the dollar store that have been given as "gifts" from brides for being in their wedding party that had to be worn for their wedding day. They've never seen the light of day since. Waste. Of. Money.

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  52. My main takeaway? Don't have these conversations via email. You WILL end up flaming at each other. (As well as not being able to spell or punctuate properly.) Call each other up, scream like sisters do, and then sort out the issues.

    And yes, I have no idea why the bride thought ESB would be behind her on the Toms issue...

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  53. Oh god. All I could do is laugh. That's it.

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  54. V sounds like a bitch and I am not the Rob involved in this disaster this was a hilarious read but now my eyes are bleeding and just send a damn picture already and pick better shoes and don't be afraid to use some punctuation

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  55. It seems like all the good old fashioned hipster bride bitches sat this one out. Not worth their time. Why are people actually picking sides and discussing this one? It made my brain shut off...

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  56. I just got married and everyone picked their own shiz, and it twas glorious. This shit is for the birds. The bride gets a pass this one time, because we all go fucking insane before the wedding. I agree the sister is baiting, and should have followed the bride's instructions sent 4-5 times to send a goddamn picture. People, HELP the bride out, don't be a fucking drain. Send short emails. Be brief, short, honest. And then shut the fuck up.

    And I'm' sure the shoes were ugly, but may have fit the bride's vision and theme. You all will piss someone off someday, if you haven't already. And you will think it unthinkable!


    - Happy Only Child

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  57. I can't believe I actually read all of that. Those are some wordy bitches. Sister - take a picture - even people without Facebook know that you can take a pic in a mirror and send it, if your husband is too busy laughing at you to hold a camera steady. It takes 5 minutes. Bride - you made a mistake trying to get everyone to look like how you dress and there are girls (including your family) who are going to resent this. You can easily rectify it. Tell everyone that their Toms are to change into at the reception IF their feet hurt. Tell them to pick out their own navy/neutral/silver shoes that they think look good, let them pay for them or use things they have (because things you force them to wear are bullshit presents) and don't hem the dress.

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  58. SO BORING. couldn't even get half way. holy 1st world "problems".

    BAAAAARF

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  59. tom's suck, but it's not the sister's wedding, so just suck it up.

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  60. This is the most ridiculous email conversation I've ever read. I hope I never meet either of these humans.

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  61. I pity those who didn't read the whole thing. From "craft magician" to "In shrubbery" to the Penn State analogy - it just gets better. I'm siding with the bride here, if only because the bridesmaid suggested adding feathers! And took more time emailing than just sending the damn photo. Plus she's an idiot for not enlisting the other bridesmaids to gang up on the bride. Strength in numbers, BM's!

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