Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I have a question

Did you dream about your wedding when you were a little girl? Or a big, single girl? Or a happily coupled unengaged girl? Did that make the planning easier when you finally got engaged? (If you are engaged....) Or harder??

I never thought I'd get married. Not until H-town said, "Will you marry me?" and I said, "Don't make fun of me," and he repeated, "Will you marry me?" and I said, "The next time you say that you better mean it." And then waited for him to say it again. Until a month later when I couldn't wait any longer and I asked him. And he was sweet enough to say yes.

But the wedding planning took me by surprise, boy.

Don't get me wrong. I fucking loved it. (See: this blog.) But I definitely saw a side of myself that startled me on occasion.

Just wondering what your experience has been. You my diverse, badass readers.

(Image by Shipra Panosian found here)


  1. I guess at an early age I knew what I wanted in a wedding: simplicity. When I became engaged, I was horrified how un-simple it could become.

    Make sense?

  2. I never thought about my wedding when I was little. It wasn't until I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the boy that I opened my eyes to the crazy world that is weddings.
    Now we joke that we have the whole thing planned already, and he hasn't even asked me yet!
    I'm not sure yet if this level of knowing what we want is going to make actually pulling it all off easier or harder. Here's hoping we haven't shot ourselves in the foot!

  3. I never thought about my wedding as a little girl. My mom doesn't really believe in marriage unless you have joint property or children, and my parents definitely encouraged me to think more about my own life and career choices, so I just didn't think about weddings or even the idea of getting married very much.

    But my best friend got married when we were 20 and I was her MOH, so that was when I first started to think about weddings. It gave me a good sense of what I would want for my own wedding later on, but I didn't really think much about it until I started dating my husband and felt like I had finally found someone that I would want to marry.

    We had a very clear idea of what we wanted for our wedding, and planned in about nine months. Since we knew we didn't want a typical poofy-dress wedding, we were able to ignore a lot of the ridiculousness that seems to come with a lot of weddings. And once we got past the major vendor decisions, I found myself really enjoying the creative aspects of wedding planning (DIY projects, stationery, decor, etc.).

    So even now that our wedding is over, I still love to read wedding magazines and blogs since the details are often such a great source of inspiration for non-wedding projects.

  4. my first answer to the proposal question was "ehh... are you serious?", so, you get the picture.

    wedding planning was quite overwhelming for a girl who thought she wasn't ever gonna get married, and i too sometimes wonder if it would've been easier if i was one of those girls who had a wedding binder before having a boyfriend. more than that, i sometimes feel like i've deprived the hubs of being able to marry someone who 1)was thrilled to have a wedding, 2)plan everything wedding on her own and love doing it, 3)has been dreaming of that special day forever, and 4)dying to take his name - like almost ALL of his buddies' wives.

    don't think this is necessarily the kind of response you were looking for but it's what i've got. :)

  5. I think I'm in trouble. When I was a little girl, I thought a wedding was a party someone threw for you and you just got to show up in a pretty dress. I was horrified to find out that you actually have to plan shit out and make a million decisions and stress over seating arrangements. So I stopped thinking about it. Now my fantasy is getting hitched in Greece with tables laden with lamb chops and bougainvillea with a gaggle of sunburned guests.

  6. Oh you guys are in better shape, trust me. I ALWAYS have loved weddings: when I was teeny, when I was single, when we were just dating. In fact, I would buy wedding magazines when I was really stressed, as a guilty pleasure. And I've read offbeat bride since basically the beginning. I think it's made the planning harder. I know people that planned their wedding in two seconds, no stress, no bother, nothing. They didn't have preconceived notions of what they wanted and didn't want, so they just picked something, that was fine, and they were done. I, on the other hand, am always torn between that little girl part of me that wanted traditional things, the offbeat bride reader in me, and the regular me that just wants something sweet and simple.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a wedding planning machine. I'm fast, I'm quick, I'm nimble, and I've been doing events for years so I know what's up. I work with my partner well, I'm not very overdramatic, I get it done. But, I have not had a emotionless, carefree run of it. And I kind of wish I had.

  7. I never ever thought about it, except that I probably never would have one. Then, my brother got married. Within like 20 minutes of his wedding I was all excited for mine (my boyfriend and I pretty much decided that it was forever on the 2nd date). We started planning in January or so...We are planning a wedding at a nightclub (it's gorgeous inside, I swear!), with our brothers marrying us (I had that brilliant idea when I was worried my dad would be sad I didn't want a particularly Christian ceremony, ESPECIALLY not with their super creepy pastor!!), flowers from the Farmer's Market, and a handmade dress.

    It's nothing like my brother's wedding last October, but it is so totally us. We've pulled it together in about 9's on Sunday! Wish me luck!

    I love this blog, it's one of my favorite parts about my wedding planning adventure. I solemnly swear to keep reading it after this weekend. Glad you are still posting even after yours...

  8. Never dreamt about my wedding, never wanted to get married-- when Sean proposed, he had to ask three times before I could even respond. Now, I LOVE planning our wedding (obviously) but honestly, much as I love it, sometimes I wish I weren't as "into it" as I am. It would be so much more simple if I didn't know how many options there are! :)

  9. there has always been a special place in my life for weddings. growing up father of the bride and sixteen candles were hands down my favorite movies. i never did think about my wedding, though occasionally i would think about being married.

    MAS and i have been together since high-school (we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary in august) and last year some time late summer we had a conversation about never getting married. four months later he proposed, i was shocked, and we had our entire wedding planned within the next week. i am not kidding.

    the proposal was late december, we were leaving on a trip a week later, MAS was then leaving for a four month training session in the south, and we decided to get married in north carolina (where we are both from). the insane planning was mostly thanks to my mom. she was so nervous that we wouldn't be able to plan from afar she was adamant that we start booking our vendors. so we did. we had the planner, caterer, photographer, florist, rentals and band figured out before we left for our trip in january.

    so now we get married in a month and all i have to worry about is my massive list of DIY goodness. something had to be put off until the last minute.

  10. I'm not even of marriable age, and I have no boyfriend, so I'm only dreaming.

    I'm really torn. I love weddings. I love the details, everything. But I think about weddings way too much (like, all day, every day), there's no way that it's good for me.

    But I haven't been dreaming of a fairytale wedding since I was 5, I've occasionally thought about it since I became a teenager, and it's been a hobby of sorts for the past year. And my "fairytale wedding" is a super DIY and CHEAP wedding.

    I think it's nice that I'll know what I'm getting myself into if I get engaged sometime, but what if my husband-to-be doesn't have the same vision I do? I think it'd be better if I had no preconceived notions at all, even if the notions aren't of poofy dresses and expensive centerpieces.

  11. I have planned twenty different weddings to A., in my mind. But I kinda like the one we're doing now ;P I never planned it before, aside from "who will be my bridesmaids?" and I'm liking the new and fresh ideas that are coming my way, from the blogging brides around us.

  12. I love your blog.

    Never dreamed about weddings as a little girl, and to be honest, the only dreams I have as an engaged woman are nightmares of our religious relatives forcing me to say my vows in a church. (thus far. I will keep my fingers crossed they don't get worse!)

    Though I must admit, as an anit- unity candle, flower petal, ball gown type of girl- this whole wedding planning thing is pretty damn fun. Especially when I have sweet blogs like yours to look to for inspiration. ;)

  13. I didn't dream about my wedding until I fell so deeply in love that I wanted to get married, which was just over two years ago, when I'd been with my boyfriend (now fiancé) nearly 4 years. So I never dreamed about A wedding, only OUR wedding.

  14. I love this photo, it reminds me of one my friend took while camping.

    I better ask for it.
    thanks for reminding me.

  15. i think i spent most of my younger days dreaming about prince charming, way more than the wedding itself, nome sane.

    and even as we plan...we have yet to decide what our 'dream wedding' should be like.

    but i will say that i love the sentiment and significance of weddings...and always have.

  16. I'm like you - never thought about it until recently. I've been with my guy for years, and it wasn't until we'd been actually living in the same apartment for two years that I started feeling open (i.e. not having panic attacks when asked about it) to the idea of getting married. I love other people's weddings, though, and I think I'll be excited when it comes time to plan mine.

  17. thought about it only in passing- as a youth and later.

    the obsession started when i knew that ben left and i should/would get married. not sure why i didn't just propose, opting instead for not so subtle hints. all the while secretly [oh, and sometimes openly] scouring locations in socal.

    once he proposed, it was on. i never could have imaged how it actually would come out; it was such a reflection of both of us.

  18. oh and P: that sounds perfect. do it.

  19. You know, I never thought about it--that was until we knew it was time to get around to throwing a big party. A wedding was a good excuse. ;) Now, of course, I'm a little bit obsessed. I mean, something about the planning refueled my love of art--totally surprising. And the cake was good...!

  20. I had never thought about it, but then my sister got married and I was MOH and I got the bug, Bad. I was with D at the time though, so, like Guilty, it's always been about The wedding, not A wedding. But now with every new trend that comes along I change my mind - it's gonna be a long 2 years.

  21. I'd have to say no, not really. But I was a flower girl twice when I was 8 so that triggered a bit of wedding fantasising but it didn't last very long. I was quite a girly girl so the whole pretty dress/flowers thing appealed to me but it really was only when I was between 7 and 10 then I forgot about it. Then when I was about 13 I decided I was never getting married but if I did it would be to a rock star and it would be fabulously fabulous. But again, I forgot about it pretty quickly.

    I was 21 when I decided to ask him to marry me. It didn't leave a whole lot of years beforehand to dream about it which I think made the planning much easier. I didn't have any dreams to try to live up to.

  22. i always thought i would get married because i want kids in a family framework but i never ever thought about the wedding. even when i was in weddings. just thought my good taste would make it easy. not really true so far.

  23. As a little girl, no. I was too focused on how I was going to be a magician or a dinosaur bone doctor.

    I didn't start doing anything wedding related until it came up in conversation one day. My Dude and I were watching Ace of Cakes and he said "When we get married, can we have a video game cake?"

    My reply was "Only if you let me make the toppers". And thus, our wedding was planned. I think talking about small details through-out the course of our relationship (well, later on in it, when things got "serious") have been a tremendous help.

  24. I used to be the "anti-wedding" kind. I couldn't see the point of getting married, and I thought (and still think) that poofy Barbie dresses are the ugliest thing that has ever been invented.
    I actually promised my Mom that I would never "do this to her" (her words): she was a teenager in the 70's, and, even though she and my Dad are the happiest couple EVER, I guess she always thought me and my sister would be independent and strong women...And never thought we could just get married and be independent at the same time.
    So I had been a part of her "anti-wedding" club, until last winter. One morning I suddenly was in a plane, heading to London where my boyfriend spent his semester, a men's wedding band in my right pocket. I still don't know what happened.
    Now, we are planning our wedding as if our lives depended on it, juste because for us if means that we will be a family.