I need a Big Girl Dress

Dear ESB,

The first in my group of college girlfriends is getting married this summer, making this the first non-family wedding I'll ever attend. As such, I need a Big Girl Dress.

Although I love your luxe taste, I simply cannot afford 99% of the things you post (but that doesn't stop me from perusing your blog on an almost daily basis). I've been completely supporting myself since I was 18 so I know the value of a dollar and can't justify splurging a few hundred bucks on one frock, no matter how kick-ass the frock may be. This is where I need the help of you and your resourceful readers. 

I want a sophisticated but still somewhat edgy dress that is $100 or less. At the moment, I'm inclined towards this dress [pictured above] (I know how much you love Nasty Gal) or this dress (but Nordstrom is out of my size). I'm out of loop when it comes to awesome online stores so I'm hoping someone can point me in the right direction.

I love patterns as well as interesting necklines and hemlines (especially deep backs). I have a disproportionately long torso and short legs so super fitted skirts make my ass look saggy. The wedding is in Baltimore and I'm no longer used to high temperatures so my pits would appreciate something breathable. 

Signed,
Ready For The Big (Girl) Leagues

*****

Grey flannel does not say summer wedding to me. The Nasty Gal doesn't suck, but it reads very "young." I.E. If you're over 22 and out of college (which it sounds like you are) I wouldn't do it.

Also, polyester = eew. Not only is it not breathable, but cheap polyester can look REALLY CHEAP.

How bout this silk Wren dress?

Listed at $99 or best offer on eBay.

There are also some floral versions floating around. This one is listed at $49 or best offer, and the seller accepts returns. I fucking love an eBay seller who accepts returns. 

Help! I changed my mind!

Dear ESB,

I'm a longtime reader and lurker.

How do I tell my partner of six years that I've changed my mind about marriage? I've been very against it, but now feel "ready." He wanted to get married (eventually) early in our relationship. However, I am certain that all my talk against it has not only convinced him it's something I'd never want, but also convinced him it's not something he wants either!

Something subtle but important has changed after our many years together. This "traditional" choice has crept up on me, and is now something I value and want to share together. I think it makes sense to make it "official" legally, and I'd even like to have a tiny wedding--or elope.  

What's the best way to approach him about my change of heart? I want to be fair and honest, but I am terrified of judgment and rejection after so many years of loud refusal on my part.

And, if we do, how do I tell everyone else? I feel a barrage of "I told you so"s coming.

Help!

Sincerely,
Formerly smug mindchanger

*****

Here's what you say to him: "Will you marry me?"

Here's what you say to everyone else: "We're getting married." (I hate to disappoint you, but no one will actually be that shocked.)

Photo by Imaginale via Caitlin

Is this a thing now?

this Burberry Prorsum taffeta dress juxtaposes a polished strapless neckline with a contrasting built-in bra.

I mean, I'm all for a built-in bra. But. Really?

via Tessa

sorry, but you're not invited to the *ceremony*

Dear ESB,

I'm the MOV for a friend's wedding and I have a question with respect to the ceremony. The bride wants to have her ceremony on a balcony at the hall where the reception is being held (ceremony at 5pm, reception at 6pm). The balcony is small and won't hold all the guests so she wants to only invite close friends and family to the ceremony and plans to do this by word of mouth.  

I think that people will be confused and maybe even offended if they don't get invited to the ceremony. I told her if she wants to have a smaller, more intimate ceremony to do it on another day prior to the reception.

Is it okay to have a smaller ceremony the same day as the reception and just not invite all the guests?

*****

yeah, no. that's rude.

you can have a big wedding or you can have a small wedding, but you can't have BOTH. not at the same fucking location.

p.s. wtf does MOV stand for? maid of valor? matron of videography??


kati nescher in miu miu, shot by patrick demarchelier for vogue uk (february 2013)

Pls help dress me for the (German) Emmys!

Hello ESB!

In the midst of my wedding planning (which you have helped me through immensely so far!), I have come upon another dress dilemma: I have been invited to go to a red carpet event. Basically, it's the German version of the Emmys. So naturally I had a look at what guests have worn in past years and it's a major evening dress from major designers in every seat. They are very serious about their black tie dress code. So I guess the little black Maison Martin Margiela number I had picked out just won't do.

So what's a girl to do? I do not have a suitable gown in my closet. I am willing to splurge, but so far what I have found is past splurging. This 4.000 euro Elie Saab [pictured above] in hot pink looked pretty great on me - but it is just way out of even my splurging price range.

I have scoured the internet for options already, but maybe your lovely readers have an idea I have missed? I'm actually accompanying a nominee, so hiding in the back is not an option. I'm not afraid of color, but just a little timid with sequins and beading, I have a tiny waist and wider hips, so I often can't pull narrow dresses over them so anything too mermaid-y looks terrible if I even get it on. But at this point, I'll try anything on! So desperate... 

Thank you!,
Underdressed

*****

okay so what's your budget?

*****

Ah yes, good question. I'm going to say 1.000 euros, which is somewhere around $1300, but that's really the maximum.

*****

Do you also have tiny boobs?

How bout this beaded Mara Hoffman?

($924 at Free People, international shipping available)

Quentin Tarantino's date wore our old fave Mara Hoffman dress to the Golden Globes, and she looked SMASHING.

Marriage is no walk in the park (the follow up)

Dear ESB,

you may or may not remember me from my looooooooong e-mails full of problems. :)

Like this one and the more dramatic...

Now I will keep it short and just say: thank you! 

When my marriage ended (because it did end) and I was too ashamed to talk about it to anyone in real life, you and your readers gave me the push I needed to take action. Or not to take action. I let go... Because you can not be married to a person that doesn't want to be married. All my thoughts about marriage were about "making things work even when it's really really hard" and "being there no matter what." So I felt like a complete failure in marriage. But slowly but surely I don't anymore. Because marriage does not mean hanging on to my husband when he was so unhappy and desperate to get out. So... I let him go before things got out of hand. 

Now I can think of our wedding day as one of the most beautiful days of my life. We tried, but it didn't work out. And that's really sad and really hard. But also real life.

Thank you again for your spot on advice. 

X

*****

xoxoXXXXX


Image from "Skeletons in the Closet" by Klaus Pichler via kidchamp. If you're into taxidermy (and who is not into taxidermy??) you can see more over here.

The booties have it.

They beat out the wedges by 84%.

I guess my quiz was too easy?

And I like that they don't go with the dress. That's what I like about them. Just because you're going with Pronovias doesn't mean you have to wear Kate Spade fucking slingbacks, amirite?

what do you do with your wedding rings when you split up?

my husband and I were married september 2011, and the last day of our honeymoon was the first day of our difficulties, which i won't bore you with.

short end of the story is he turned out to be an alcoholic.

so.

currently my rings are sitting on my desk at work (a safe place don't worry!)

do i give them back? keep them forever? throw them in the sea?

also, i was a bad bride who never sent out all the thank you cards, mostly because things were getting worse from the minute we got back from honeymoon (this had a plus side since i didn't feel comfortable doing all the joint bank account stuff we'd planned... and now all my own money is safe etc..) anyway. i haven't sent out thank yous, and i feel embarrassed by this.

should i just chuck the rings and let the thank you cards go??

yours,
apparently ungrateful, soon to be divorced wifey :(

*****

The sea should be reserved for items you want to memorialize. Your grandmother's ashes. Goose's dogtags.

Sell the rings or melt them down or whatever and go out for a kick ass meal.

As for the thank you cards.... I wish I could tell you to just let em go, but those suckers will nag at you forever. Try to muster the strength to write notes to your friends and fam. "Thank you for the terrific chef's knife, which I am now using to cook for myself!" type of thing.

You can do it.

(Whiskey might help.)

Image courtesy of inflated/deflated

The best is the enemy of the good.

I procrastinated writing about my wedding for ESB because I wanted to write something perfectly awesome, but there are no such words to encapsulate everything I want to say about it. Thankfully Jessica Schilling did one hell of a job with the photos, so they do most of the talking.

I had many of the same struggles all brides have with their weddings, but it was the first (god willing, only) time for me, so of course it felt like I was the only person dealing with xyz. That being said, I highly recommend working full time and being a full time grad student while planning your wedding. You find that you have no time to be indecisive. My mantra became "The best is the enemy of the good."

For instance, we didn't give much thought to how long it would take for the various parties to get down the aisle versus the songs playing. We just cut that shit about 30 seconds into each song (the dudes - "Going the Distance" from the Rocky soundtrack, the ladies - Neutral Milk Hotel "In the Aeroplane...", and me/my parents - Bach's Cello Suite #something - 1?) with no fancy fading. Sounded kind of hilarious and half assed in retrospect, but world did not end! Laughed a lot instead.

We did this low-ish budget style (for LA at least) but spent a much higher percentage on our officiant than most wedding budgets will tell you to. We hired Gina Zimmerman - the one wearing a glittery shawl and harem pants blessing our marriage site with sage - and it was one of the best decisions we made.

Knowing we had way way WAY too much going on while wedding planning meant we wanted to make sure the one part that actually mattered - the ceremony - was exactly what we wanted. Gina came to our home, nestled up with our cats and listened to us for hours one evening so she could write extraordinarily beautiful things for the ceremony about us, the partnership we have, and the partnership we strive towards. It was totally, completely awesome.

I totally expected to be a crying mess during our vows etc, but it took till our first dance (The Breeders - Off You) for me to totally lose it. And lose it I did! Makes for fun pictures.

Photos by Jessica Schilling. Check out tons more images of Erin & Mike's totally, completely awesome wedding (along with dets about location &c.) over here.

♥ ♥ ♥

POP QUIZ: Which shoes go with this dress?

Dear ESB,

Which do you prefer? There can be only one:

(Jeffrey Campbell)

(Schutz)

Let's have a little Monday morning pop quiz and then tomorrow I'll tell you the right answer.

Fill out my online form.

Fare thee well, Anonymous.

I really didn't want to do this. I've been avoiding this forevs.

But.

I just disabled anonymous comments.

This was the last straw.

Most of the offers for fake vagina, Loans for Bad Credit and 49rs jersey cheap just go straight through to my inbox and don't hit the blog.... But as Rob pointed out, if you subscribe to comments they go straight to your inbox too. And lately the ol spambots are getting way out of hand.

I really really love all you anons (no, really), but something had to give. Please just create a silly fake profile name for yourself and keep on keepin on, mkay?

♥


SKY FACE by LARISSA HAILY AGUADO

The moral of the story is....always listen to ESB

Dear ESB,

This is not a question, but a word of warning to any bride who doesn't heed your wise words about not inviting people to your wedding who you don't really want to be there. 

During university I had a tight-knit group of great girl friends, and despite the fact we all moved across the world after graduation we have always stayed on each other's radars. There was one girl who was always on the fringes of the group, because, well, she was pretty annoying. Very bright, but really competitive (particularly with me), judgmental, intense and uptight. The kind who always wants to know what your new X cost, or how much you weigh, or how obscure the band you were listening to was, so she can try to one up you. She didn't seem to actually like any of us, yet she was kinda always hanging on to our group, just sulking and judging. After university, she got a boyfriend and moved out of the country and no one in our group really heard from her again. 

Flash forward five years, to this past year, and I'm getting married to my rad partner on the other side of the world. My awesome friends from university are all traveling from different countries for our wedding, and it is the first time since graduation we will all be together again. Despite the fact that I don't really want the girl there, and against ALL YOUR GOOD ADVICE ON THE MATTER (and against the rest of my friends' advice!), I felt bad for not including her and decided to send her an invitation. What's the worst thing that could happen?, I rationalized. She probably won't even come, and, if she does, I'll just have to see her that one night and then probably never hear from her again! Right? 

But come she did, as annoying and judgmental as ever, and fresh from a break up with her boyfriend. And she went straight for my new husband's lovely, shy brother. 

After just one very drunken weekend together, and a lot of long distance phone calls over the last five months, this girl and my brother-in-law just got engaged this week. (They still live on different continents, but as I said, she is intense! And apparently has a very charming phone manner? I don't know, I don't get it.) I'm trying to be happy (?) for them in that abstract way you're supposed to be happy for your family, but, selfishly, I just can't believe that I am now going to be related to the most annoying person I've ever met. 

The moral of the story is: don't invite people you don't want to come to your wedding. Or you might end up related to them. AND ALWAYS LISTEN TO ESB.

Sincerely,
Very Sorry I Didn't Listen

(For the love of god, if you post this please don't put my name since my future fucking sister in law will be wedding planning soon!)

*****

Wow that is not how i expected that story to end


Image: Aimee Song courtesy of The Coveteur via Allie Stefan

THIS BABY doesn't need a matching band

Mid-1700s Diamond Cluster Ring from Erie Basin (obvs)

Here's a new one

ESB-

After a lengthy engagement, my fiance and I are finally getting married in April. I love my engagement ring: vintage-style halo setting in platinum. Now, on to the wedding band. I know we've already covered if the bride and groom's (or bride and bride's or groom and groom's) need to match, but does MY wedding band need to match my engagement ring? Is having a rose gold band with a platinum engagement ring ridiculous? I can't tell. 

THANK YOU!
xo

*****

NOTHING EVER HAS TO MATCH ANYTHING

also: only invite the people you really want to hang out with.


Do you even read this blog??

Image: ilovejezebel

my *new* new year's resolution (spoiler alert: IT INVOLVES TACOS)

my new year's resolutions are bumming me out.

i do this to myself every year. tell myself i'm going to write every morning, then spiral into depression and anger when i don't write (or don't like what i'm writing) and drink whiskey while watching the bachelor and playing fucking letterpress for four hours in a row just to punish myself.



anyhoo.

here's my new resolution.

EAT TACOS.

try a new taco place once a week, or once a month, or whenever i fucking feel like it.


just. eat. tacos.


the photo is my own, from Tacodeli in Austin, which, HOLY SHIT.

i now plan to eat my way through the 10 Essential LA Tacos. if the rest of the recommends are anywhere near as good as Guisados....

Seeking: a RACERBACK wedding dress

Why so few? 

I'm not a super sporty person or anything, but I know that my top half looks dang-good in a racer back. My wedding is outside, but a lot of the racer back gowns I've found are all froufrou on the bottom. 

Suggestions?

*****

Is this Acne racerback enough for you?

Because, yes, DAMN ARE THEY HARD TO FIND.


Photo at top: Sally Gall

Seeking: Valentino heels (for a gazillionth less)

Hi ESB, 

So my FH and I are getting married at the end of October. Basically all I want is these shoes for a gazillionth of their actual price. We are getting married on a fruit farm with a little French style courtyard, cobbled stones and all. So, I love the idea of the midi heel on these Valentinos, plus I want to keep these babies on while dancing all night. And no, I don't have a dress yet - but I know it won't be white and it will most probably be an off the rail vintage lace thing.   

Here is the catch - I live in South Africa and since the rest of the world thinks that people in Africa don't do online shopping I can't get anything delivered here. But my salvation is that I will be spending about 3 months in Paris from April. So will the good people that read this here blog please scour the net for me? 

Thank you so kindly, 
Shoe-a-holic.

*****

Let me get this straight....... You're about to go to MOTHERFUCKING PARIS, but you want us to shop shoes for you on the internet??

Pregnant in SoCal

Dear ESB,

My fiancée and I are getting married in a small ceremony at the old Orange County courthouse in Santa Ana in exactly one month. I purchased my dress a few months ago and absolutely love it, a simple cream  lace sheath with a nipped in waist. However, about 3 weeks ago I found out that I am pregnant (which we are over the moon excited about, by the way). 

I will be exactly 3 months along on our wedding day. I won’t be showing by then, but my breast are growing rapidly and I anticipate a little extra in the middle at that point. I need recommendations on a simple, chic dress that won’t make me look frumpy. 

We won’t be telling anyone but close friends in the meantime since it is generally considered best to wait until after the first trimester to make the announcement. I don’t necessarily need to conceal what’s going on, I just want to look beautiful and feel comfortable on my wedding day. Help?

Thanks,
Preggo Bride

*****

How bout this lil Malene Birger dress?

Feel free to tell me I nailed it.

(In case you need convincing, here are some photos of my favorite preggo bride.)


At top: Valentine Fillol-Cordier styled by Jennifer Eymere and shot by Alexei Jay for Jalouse March 2012 via Fashion Copius

another installment of: CREEPY OR AWESOME?

The faces are cut out of Victorian photos, but never fear..... Crystal does custom!

while we're on the subject of wedding websites....

(thank you all for the recs, which are pouring in)

Any advice/tips on what to include? Do people really read those long "how we met" stories?

I read them. AND I LAUGH AT YOU.








THE WAY WE MET. IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST. - Patrik Svensson via ßrady ßlack via Caitlin Peters