Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Seeking: a red dress that will blow his mind


Okay, so! I have been a faithful daily reader of your blog ever since my sister got married a couple of years ago. I had perfected my role of older, unattached cool sister. I was interested in researching as much as I could about how to be a Maid of Honor, even though the subject frankly was not at all interesting to me.

But something kept me coming back to this blog. And six weeks ago, out of complete nowhere, I met my match.

Everything is beautiful, everything is perfect, except for the fact that he lives in DC and I live in Des Moines. We have planned a trip to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. The theory being that it would be wise to continue to get to know each other on neutral turf.

My issue is simple: I need to buy a dress that will blow his mind when I step off of the airplane. It needs to be red, and it needs to be relatively form-fitting in the ass area, and it also needs to not be so tight in the armpit area that it shows pit stains, which will certainly emerge due to my excitement and the climate.

I promise that when all is said and done I will show the wedding money shots that I am of supreme confidence will follow. I just need some direction, some shopping help. I am prepared to work it like I have never worked it before. I just could use a little input.

*****

SLOW DOWN, LADYPANTS

There is no need to work it so hard.

Have lots and lots and lots of sex (Vegas is good for that) but don't even think about marrying the guy until you've tried living in the same city first.





Okay, rant over. Who feels like shopping??

Marion Cotillard by Ellen von Unwerth for Tatler (June 2010) via Fashion Gone Rogue

62 comments:

  1. Totally agree with ESB. Cool your jets, girl!

    Tight ass with loose pits is a toughie. Also a disgusting sentence to type out. Also, price point?


    Very expensive Miu Miu

    Vionnet

    JPG

    TOO hot?

    Have to have some good arms for this




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Vionnet is perfect. You're going to look like an ass flying on a plane in the Herve Leger bandage dresses. I don't care if Vegas is the final destination, air travel is not sexy.

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    2. Shit! None of these work for me. I have terrible arms. Price point is < $500. I appreciate the effort. I also apologize for coming off like a tiger facing raw meat.

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    3. OP, which of the dresses/silhouettes is what you had in mind? Happy to keep looking...

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    4. First, let me say that that Miu Miu is heartstopping. I think I just saw the price and nope'd out.

      Honestly, the tomato dress silhouette is dead on. The ruching is kind to the tummy. I just don't know if I can work that print.

      You are a dear.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. While not even slightly my style, Vegas IS the land of the Hervé Léger bandage dress. Don't wear it on the plane though - Vegas weather this time of year is pretty brutal. Wear it your first night out.

      As for moving too quickly, 5 days into talking to my now husband... who I met on the internet... while he was in Afghanistan and I was in Detroit.. I knew I was going to marry him. Enjoy the whirlwind and I hope one of you is willing to move!

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    2. Yeah, yo... chilling out is not an option here. If the man asks me to wear a red dress, I am wearing a motherfucking red dress. I'm chill about the other piece of my melodramatic email, though. Around him, at least.

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    3. So I just realized I misinterpreted your original email after reading some of your other comments. My bad...this teaches me to speed shop after staying up till 2AM watching a filibuster (such a rebel).

      Seriously have the time of your life and rock the shit out of whatever dress you wear (also I'm legit for wearing the red dress on the plane...when else can you have a legit reason for that??)

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    4. Oh, no no, I structured that original email incorrectly and came off all crazy. :) You were just giving some good advice. :)

      Delete
  3. Don't be so pushy, or you'll scare him away before you even know if you want him.

    Ok, what about hot tomato? or
    romantic

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    Replies
    1. I think I'm in love with the tomato dress

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    2. Pushy? Scare him away?

      blech

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    3. my vote's for the tomato dress. it's sexy and funny, and doesn't come off as trying to hard ... (even though it seems like you will be -- a fussy dress on a plane ? OY !)

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    4. Yeah, I am not wearing a dress on a plane. I'll be changing into it. My fault for an unclear email. So, the PRINT on the tomato dress is not my style, but the rest of it is. I have an ass that stops traffic, but a stomach that is outta control, and I think the ruching on this dress might just hold everything in just right. Top contender for the moment.

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  4. geez everyone, lighten up! my in-laws met and married within a 6 month time period. my best friend's parents only dated for a month before getting engaged. still married today. sometimes you know.

    but yeah, I wouldn't wear a red dress off the plane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, it's OP. Huh. I do sound a little intense in that email. Perhaps because I wrote it when I was drunk. Believe me, I am cool as cool can be around him. I ain't fucking this up. But yes, I do just quietly know that there will be a move to a new city for one of us. Thanks to you guys supporting me on that certainty. Also take into account my advanced age. I know myself and what I want very well. Excuse the lecture. Don't worry, I don't plan on being the ho on the plane. I arrive an hour before him, and will chane and be at the hotel bar. I have banned any serious future talk on this trip. This trip is about sex and more sex and that is what I mean by "working it." I am so looking forward to clicking all these links when I get home.

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    2. Oh, and one more thing. He ASKED me to wear a red dress. It's what he wants to see me in that day. Perhaps I should have crafted a better initial email. :)

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    3. This trip sounds perfect then. And tomato dress FTW?

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    4. OH, he ASKED ? i find that super sexy, actually. i take back what i said about trying too hard.

      enjoy your romp !

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    5. @17 beats. SUPER SEXY. just caught myself thinking, "I should tell H to tell me what to wear!"

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    6. i asked joe that once and he said "color and sleeves." we haven't spoken since.

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    7. @lauren RIGHT? just the thought of joe having an opinion on what i wear gives me nightmares.

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    8. I love that. He just looked at me, and said. Red is your color. And I want to see you in a skirt. And it was all over. And I knew immediately that I had to turn to you guys. I would like to nail this assignment.

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  5. I hope you don't literally mean you'll wear this dress on the actual plane? Like, wear some leggings and a sweatshirt then change in the restroom before meeting him. You'll be so much happier for it.

    I'm tired so I may be taking this too literally.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, no no. I was too worked up to phrase my email properly. I have an hour to get to the hotel, change, and pose myself in whichever hot Vegas way I can manage, seeing as I from the Midwest.

      Delete
  6. A dress on the plane sounds uncomfortable.

    If it's a love at first sight thing, you probably should just keep being yourself. I met my husband on vacation, and flew out two weeks later to see him - I definitely obsessed about my airplane outfit but it was nothing fancy, just jeans and a tee. Which is all to say, if you're the kind of person who takes long flights wearing tight dresses, go for it, and if not, just wear the best outfit that you have that is still very "you."

    I don't think you're going to "scare him off" by being "pushy" - sounds pretty old fashioned to me. But, I think that not being yourself could feel weird, for both of you.

    I have no problem with fast-moving relationships, I definitely got married quite quickly. I also don't think you must live together, etc. But it needs to all be there, and you can't really push it any faster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really liked this response. And that is the interesting thing. I feel so like ME around him, it is really quite natural. But there's the everyday ME and the ME who is going to give it her all just this once, and they're really the same person. The "pushy" thing made me laugh. And I regret that I made the impression in my initial email that I was like OMG MARRIAGE NOW RED DRESS WINNING. I was speaking about what I think will happen over the course of time. As much time as it takes. This is just the first sexy step.

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    2. I like you, OP. I have no dress suggestions, but hope you enjoy the hell out of this first sexy step. For what it's worth, I had that same quiet (very early) realization with my dude that "shit, this is the real deal, we're doing this" and while I definitely don't think it happens or needs to happen for everyone, it was my version of the cliched "when you know, you know."

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  7. just a heads up - my fiancee is in Vegas at the moment for his stag party and it is HOT. so I recommend something breathable and comfortable for getting off the plane, and then get dolled up for dinner out together?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. shoot, used the wrong 'fiance'!

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    2. On my flight last week, I was sitting next to a group of guys going from the UK to Vegas for a stag party. Either there are a lot of UK/Ireland people going to Vegas, or I was sitting next to your fiancé. (Possibly) small world!

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  8. Don't worry too much about the wedding yet- have fun!

    That being said, here's a couple dresses:

    Alice + Olivia (on sale)

    Catherine Malandrino

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  9. For the love of God, please don't wear a red Leger bandage dress on a flight. So weird.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude. I just performed the sign of the cross and promised not to do so. As hilarious as the thought of me doing that is, I pledge that I will not.

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    2. After getting more details, I am okay with this happening now. Amen.

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  10. something you could get away with on the plane with the right shoes... wouldn't wrinkle - PLUS that nude slit-illusion is effing hot:

    vionnet

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    Replies
    1. ding ding ding!

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    2. and an extra 25% off! well done.

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    3. Dang, ladies....dat slit. Filing this away into the top contender category. Well done!

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    4. wow. Wish I could afford this, even at 50% off... But damn!

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  11. Some relationships are super fast and passionate and ending up lasting forever; some flash and burn, some take forever to get going. You never know what will happen, so I beg you not to get your hopes up to the point that you're already planning the wedding. You just can't know.

    That being said, I have NO idea what a "loose armpit" dress would even look like, or why that would help with pit sweat? Just get some of that clinical strength deodorant and don't freak out.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I was in a long distance relationship for a long time, and I would often pack a sexy dress/ outfit and change in the bathroom before I left my gate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know where it's at.

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  13. I love it when people throw caution to the wind and just rush to fall in love and get married. I am so ambivalent and cautious, I cannot help but cheer them on. So uh yeah totally get hitched in Vegas if it feels crazy and right. Marriage is a hard thing to predict no matter how much you hedge your bets.

    Also! I say totally wear your red dress on the plane. All these suggestions to wear sensible outfits on the plane are bumming me out. Duh wearing a sexy bombshell outfit on the plane to meet your man is practically all the fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? I *loved* this write-in. It's fun. It's funny. Loose pits aside, "wedding money shots"? What's to hate, sensible ladies?

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    2. I love you two. I am seriously conflicted about whether to wear this on the plane, but how often in your life do you get to go balls out? I regret that fact that I implied that I was going to get married OMG RIGHT NOW because that was not the message I was trying to project. I am all like sex sex sex, and then down the road, well, I have a good idea of what is going to happen.

      Delete
  14. Oh for the love of LOL please wear this

    ...and then laugh about it on your wedding night. x

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    Replies
    1. I could rock that... and if this guy can't handle that, then his sense of humor is seriously lacking. RIGHT???? haha

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  15. I love the tomato dress more than is healthy. However, fcuk have a ton of slinky reds in their sale.
    Eg
    Peek a boob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, a contender, and it's cheap! I will be hunting this down and trying it on.

      Delete
  16. I don't have any dresses to add, but all I can say is DAMN lady am I excited for you. I felt like this about my man when I met him, and even though we haven't decided where to settle down yet, we have been travelling the world together for the last 2 years having a fucking blast. I'd go all out, red Herve leger, nude heels, no undies. Good luck and have fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, wow, thank you for this. Yeah. My heart is in my throat 24 hours a day. Love to hear this, can't wait to begin my adventure. :)

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  17. This might be kind of a man-repeller dress (?) but it seems like it'd have a tight but and loose armholes. :)

    Rebecca Minkoff 'Luis' Silk Sheath Dress

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    Replies
    1. This one is the best so far, although the color does not look RED in the pictures

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    2. Haha, it does verge on being a man-repeller dress...maybe?? But it's silk, so maybe not? I have shoulders like a football player, so this *might* not be a good look for me, but it's worth trying on, if I can get my hands on it. Nice loose armholes, yeah. :)

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  18. This dress might not do your ass justice but the back detailing is killer.

    Colima

    Bailey 44 dresses are quite form-fitting so they might be worth a look.

    Ajadir Faux Wrap
    Downforce (also available on zappos)

    Or..you could get a pencil skirt from American Apparel

    ReplyDelete
  19. cushnie et ochs, red venemous lace dress
    http://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/cushnieetochs_dresses/redvenomouslacedress

    ReplyDelete