Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Guest List Advice, for the love of god!
I'm a new reader to your blog and I appreciate your sage and brutally honest advice. I'm having a hard time with this one, so I figured I'd give this a shot:
My younger sister rushed into her wedding back in December 2012. The guy she married is a young, has-a-temper, soon-to-be-career-military guy, and their impetus to wed was likely due to his future relocation to the West coast. My sister did most of the planning in secret, didn't involve our family which was quite hurtful, and was generally a defensive ball of fire the months before her wedding. My Mom and I asked if she was really sure this was the guy she wanted to be with, which my sister of course told him about this, and he proceeds to berate my Mom with text messages in the middle of the night (real stand-up guy). Needless to say, he's not well-liked among my family, and we're not well-liked by his. Her ceremony was held at a chapel on an army base, and her reception in a hotel basement ballroom.
The week before her wedding, I get a text message from my sister that says her fiance is wary of having me at the wedding and that I need to call him to smooth things over. I told my sister that I didn't particularly want to speak with someone who has a clear anger management problem, and if needed to speak with me so badly, he could come to me himself. I come to find out that he's already called the army base security to let them know that I was to be arrested on sight. Not wanting to be arrested on a military base, I was essentially being told I couldn't attend my sister's wedding. My sister, unable or unwilling to convince him to change his mind, couldn't do much, so I stayed at the hotel to catch up on my wine drinking while the rest of my family went to the chapel. Since my parents financed most of the reception, I was allowed to attend that, although my sister didn't speak with me the entire night. Nor for months after that, despite calling, texting, and emailing. My sister and I are still trying to patch up our relationship, months later.
My fiance and I waited to get engaged until her wedding was over to avoid claims of spotlight-stealing. Now that we're planning our wedding, we've come to that sticky point on our guest list. We want to invite my sister, but I don't particularly want to have her husband attend our wedding. My fiance seems to think our wedding would be a great way to extend the olive branch; I think its a horrible idea and think its a waste of money for him to bad-mouth me and my family, get super-drunk, and pick fights with people. How do we resolve this? And how can I invite my sister without him showing up?
Thanks for any advice you can provide. I'd appreciate it.
EXTEND THE DAMN OLIVE BRANCH.
Be the bigger person.
Turn the other cheek.
Your sister is married to this guy. You can't just not invite him to family functions for the next 50 years.
AVA SMITH BY ALEXANDER NEUMANN FOR FLAUNT #127 via Visual Optimism