Friday, August 13, 2010
All right Miss Manners fans: HAVE AT IT
I'm hoping you and your readers can assist me:
I had dinner with a friend last night that I haven't seen in over a year, since well before I got engaged. We've talked over email occasionally, but our schedules have been crazed for some time, and life got in the way. The email conversations had even been very few and far between, but we FINALLY made some time, and after parting we vowed to make it more of a priority to see one another more frequently, as we realized just how much we missed one another's company.
Anyway, she and I went to grad school together. I didn't stay friends with very many of my grad school cohort. The only one I was close enough with to even consider inviting to my wedding, was her. However, we hadn't seen each other in months at the time I did the guest list, and hadn't even spoken much over email. Knowing this, I left her off the list, thinking that it was inappropriate given that our friendship had drifted so much. After dinner last night, I'm really really really regretting leaving her off of my list.
Thing is, the wedding is in 5 weeks. (5 weeks from today!) The bridal shower is tomorrow. The wedding is out of town (not far away, but still far enough that travel/hotel arrangements will be necessary). The wedding is also on a Friday, and she and her husband both work jobs where, if they had time to plan would probably have no issue, but given the short notice it will be difficult. Asking her at this point almost guarantees they won't be able to come, though had I included them on the original invite list, they would have had time to plan for it and may have been able to come. I'm not worried about my numbers. We're scaled to come in under our target based on what we wanted/were expecting, and we're WAY under capacity at the venue. If I were to invite them, and they came, this would be a blessing. However, I'm wondering how it will be perceived. I don't care about a gift. But, will she think, if I do it at this late date, I'm either just rubbing in their faces that they probably can't come, or putting undue pressure on her and her husband?
Do I write her a note, saying that I've really missed her, and I didn't realize how much until last night, and I really regret that I didn't include them in the initial invite, and extend an invitation? I would of course stress that there's no obligation whatsoever attached, other than if they are willing and able to come, I would love to have them? I know that if I got such a note, I wouldn't be offended in the least, and in fact if I was able to attend I would do so. I know some people WOULD be offended.
Have at it. Srsly. I want to hear what you guys have to say.
(Photo by David Mushegain for Elle Italia via Fashion Copius)