THURSDAY POLL

a) Do you think I am a complete asshole?

b) Do you plan to stop reading the blog after yesterday's incredibly insensitive dig at the homeless?

Just kidding.


If you don't have a sense of humor you shouldn't be here anyway.

Here's the question:

Is this dress too white to wear as a guest to a wedding?

(I have an opinion, but it's not a very firm one.)

I ALMOST HIT ON A HOMELESS GUY

Friend One just emailed me this transcript from an IM chat she had with Friend Two. Please click to enlarge and enjoy.

A (rare) rainy day post

esb,

what do you LA veterans put on your feet when it is sort of raining in LA? 

I'm still new here and I'm not sure what to do--not toms because they'll get wet and smelly and disgusting, not sandals because the rain is a cold rain, not full rain boots because those are a little absurd imo and it's not really raining that hard...what is the secret footwear choice of the LA ladies for such weather?

*****

I'm so glad you asked.

I'm wearing MY CHUKKAS! today. I've finally had a few chances to test em out in the rain (without socks, obv) and they keep my little feets toasty warm and dry.

The rest of the stylish ladies in my office have on tall leather boots, in the vein of the famous Fryes.

Thank you for not wearing rubber/rain boots because, yes, that would be ridiculous. We all know the sun will be out by noon.

Photo by Brian Bubonic via the LAist

There's been a request for GROOM STYLE

According to my man Samuel Fehrenbach, this Ami Wool Tuxedo Jacket is all you need.

Oh, and maybe this little bit of advice from Tom Ford...

"Keep your jacket buttoned. Always. It's just really flattering—it will take pounds off you."

Courtesy of The GQ 100

No Dances With Wolves

Dear ESB,

I am recently engaged to my person of 6 years. We've been close friends for 10 years. Basically, our lives, everything we want and care about and enjoy in the world, mesh perfectly. Getting engaged feels amazing; figuring out how to get married doesn't. I'll just get right to it cuz the problem is all mine:

His family is big and family-oriented (read as: really religious and conservative). His parents love me and I love them, his sister is really funny and sweet, her husband is really cool, and I'm excited to gain a family in all of them. His parents even want to buy me a wedding dress (no price tag) and they want to buy the flowers and host the rehearsal dinner. 

All of this is generous and a little foreign to me but I'm trying to take in all in and so far so good. Enter his extended family -- great aunts, great uncles, uncles, aunts, tons of cousins, nieces, and nephews. And they WILL be at the wedding come hell or high whatever because that's how their family operates. Family is central, family is the foundation. NBD, right? See my fam below.

The MOM: drunk, manipulative, liar, left lots of bruises; i cut ties with her in 2010 and there's a lot more peace in my life now. not invited to the wedz.

The DAD: who? oh him, yeah i don't really know him. they divorced when i was 6 months old. i heard stories. not invited to the wedz.

The GRANDMOTHER: deceased a few years ago, was like a mother to me, miss her like mad.

The GRANDFATHER: he is quite frail, knows what's up on some level, probably not healthy enough to make the wedding.

The AUNT A: stopped talking to me when i cut ties with my mom, she thinks i'm lying about my mom's sickness and abuse. her kids, my cousins, followed suit. not invited to the wedz.

The AUNT B: she knows what's what with my mom; they love me, and they will come to my wedding.

The ME: only child, raised by wolves.

The problem (finally): I've researched and googled and asked my therapist and friends about how you have a cohesive wedding when you're missing all this immediate family and he's brought the genetic cavalry. "Just seat everyone together." That's the answer I get. Sure, okay, now everyone is sitting together at the ceremony and at dinner. I can walk myself down the aisle. But the rest? I'm not gonna lie. I'm scared to death about the rest. 

No dance with a parent, no parents to take pictures with, no family to give a speech or whatever happens. I realize I can have a "nontraditional" wedding wherein we skip all that stuff, don't need father or mother to make a beautiful wedding. But as some point, this point, it just feels ridiculous. Like a huge piece of the event is missing and I'm dead center of that empty space. This is unnerving.

I'm giddy about marrying my love. And I'm excited to have our loved ones celebrate with us. I'm totally at peace with where I am today. But, wow, do I feel ill-equipped to throw a wedding. How do we keep this from being a glaring THING in the center of the event? How do I gracefully handle the "where are your parents" questions? 

So far, I've come up with champagne, drinking lots and lots of champagne. Copious helpings of Valium? 

Wasted bride alert. S.O.S.

*****

Lady, you're already doing the right thing. You're taking care of yourself. You're not inviting the wolves.

DON'T SWEAT IT.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Your friends (and your fiance's family -- YOUR NEW FAMILY) are coming to your wedding because THEY WANNA SEE YOU GET MARRIED! They don't give a shit about meeting your mom and dad.

If anyone asks, "Where are your parents?" just tell them "I was raised by wolves." That'll shut em up.

If these people are not an important part of your life, why should their absence leave a hole in the middle of your wedding?

Lone(ly) Wolf by Aled Lewis

random

Dear ESB, 

A non-wedding related question while staring at the newly grey walls of my cube. Spring cleaning has lead me to trash everything I had hanging in my cube, it is time for a change! I currently have super stale grey walls (which are fabric) with a few personal items here and there, but lacking the personality I am craving. I work in a creative department so color is a must! I am kind of feeling a 1960's vibe with cool color tones, but open to any ideas since this is my second home.

Do you or your readers have great ideas or blog suggestions for my cube makeover? 

*****

YOU DECORATE YOUR CUBICLE?

Photo by The Selby

Dear ESB,

I am in need of the frank, no-minced-words kind of advice that only you can provide.

My boyfriend and I are in that "pre-engaged" (I kind of hate that that's a thing, but it does ring true) state where we both know we are going to get married, but we are waiting. We do have a definite timeframe for when we would like to get married, a couple years from now, because of some other life commitments we'd like to finish first, such as our new jobs in different cities (we're now long-distance) and grad school.

So...on to my (possibly insane) question. I've got a pretty specific idea of what I want in a wedding dress. I've also realized, from the times I've let my inner girly-girl get ahold of me, that the dresses I've been able to find that meet my criteria are Stupid. Expensive. I happened to find a dress the other day that fits what I want, is at a good price point, and is currently on final sale. And only available in my size. (Actually, it's about one size up from my normal size, but that's good.)

I am tempted to buy this dress. Now. Even though I am not engaged and won't be for probably another year or so. I know the wedding is coming, and I'm not superstitious (although I think I might feel a bit lame about jumping the gun on wedding planning....kind of like if I were to try to force a friendship with a girl I admire just so that one day she could be my maid of honor.) The dress is sized appropriately for alterations that may be needed later, and even if I don't like the dress a couple years from now, I'm sure I could sell it. My mom would probably be sad that I already picked something out, but wedding dress shopping (especially with my dear, sweet mother with whom I can never agree on clothing) sounds like it might be awful to me.

My biggest hold up is that I think it just might be lame to start ACTUALLY going forth with wedding plans at this point. Sure, the BF and I talk about who we'd like our attendants to be, what month would be best, and we mentally file away a cool location when we come across one...but I don't even have a ring yet, shouldn't that be the first step?

Do I snag the deal and totally rock the shit out of a dress I love even if it was a little premature, or do I realize that this is crazypants and just wait my turn and hope I can find something perfect and affordable down the road?

– Got "The One," Don't Want to Let the "Other One" Get Away

*****

DON'T DO IT.

You might get bigger. You might get smaller. You might elope! 

You might get married on the beach.

You might break up. 

You might wait five years during which time the damn dress will go out of style. (There is no such thing as timeless. Trust me.)

p.s. How did you just "happen" to find this dress anyway? STOP SHOPPING FOR WEDDING DRESSES.

How much do I have to spend on my BF's best friend's wedding??

Dear ESB,

My BF and I are going to his best friend's wedding in Hawaii this summer. 

Here's my question: what is the trade-off (is there any?) between how much you spend on travel to get to a wedding and how much you spend on a gift? In other words, how much of a B does it make me if I don't get these people a gift?

The background here is that between taking the happy couple to a champagne bar the night of their engagement, a night-on-the-town girls-only engagement party, the official engagement party, BF attending the bachelor party in Mexico and the both of us flying to/staying in Hawaii for the whole wedding week at the couple's request, this wedding is costing us an ungodly amount of money. 

I've also just been informed of what type of gift I should bring to the bridal shower, and that I will be expected to bring a costume hat -- shower to be held in Hawaii the week of the wedding so no getting out of it. All of this adds up to an amount that is well over what I earn in an entire month, and I'm starting to resent it. 

To make things more complicated, I think my judgment is clouded from what happened the last time I got the couple a gift, for their engagement party. BF and I picked out a cool travel-related coffee table book as they hadn't registered for anything yet. Not only did we never get a thank you card (the party was 10 months ago) but the bride-to-be told both BF and I on separate occasions that she thought our gift was "weird." 

I thought her comments were rude and hurtful, so it's entirely possible that I'm too bitter about that experience to see things clearly this time. I feel like I've already spent too much on this wedding, and am really balking at the idea of spending more on a gift for both the shower and the wedding itself. 

Am I being totally unreasonable? Or is ok to say 'enough'?

Thanks,
Broke Wedding Guest

*****

FUCK THAT SHIT.

Your presence at the wedding is gift enough.

I sort of think you should skip the bridal shower and go to the beach! alone! with your boyfriend! But, your call.

Prada Fantasy Lookbook Spring 2012 via Fashion Gone Rogue

LET'S ALL GET MARRIED IN THESE

Rebecca Minkoff via Sarah Yates

while we're talking about earrings

Dear ESB,

I hate to be one of THOSE people, but for reals, I have a problem. 

I need some long, dangly earrings (kind of chandelier-y) BUT I don't have pierced ears. I have looked high and low (I even stooped so low as to go into a Claire's at the mall, only to be disappointed and confused as to why there is such a big market for tiaras). Online, I have only found clip-ons that would be appropriate at the early bird special in Boca. HALP. 

Sincerely, 
Need Some Non-Pierced Ear Swag

*****

a) Pierce your damn ears already

b) Buy a pair of earrings you love -- QUALITY EARRINGS, not a shitty $14.99 pair -- and take em to a jewelry store to be converted.

c) EBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Do you know how many amazing pairs of vintage earrings I've seen that I'm all "Shitbags, they're clip-ons"?

Sometimes I wonder about you guys. Srsly.

Hannah Holman by Simon Burstall for Elle France via Fashion Gone Rogue

not hating this dress

Could be a viable option for our uber petite bride?

I like how the sweetheart neckline creates the suggestion of boobs without going over the top with the whole cinched waist/flared skirt bullsh*t.

Zara via Katie

Seeking: Victorian wedding earrings

Dear ESB,

Longtime listener, first time caller.

Just got my dress and it was a tad more traditional than I thought it would be: tiny straps, very simple, but with a kinda schmancy lace bolero to go over it. I'm also wearing a black or navy velvet ribbon at the waist. Tres Victorian.

Now that the stress of finding a dress is over — because I hated the search, honestly — I'm looking for the right accessories to gussy myself up. The neckline of this thing will not work with a necklace, so I'm thinking earrings are the key. I'm also wearing my hair down and am thinking I probably won't wear a veil or any sort of head-piece, because of all the lace I mentioned. (Seems like overkill.) At most, I'll be wearing some sort of antiquey barrette in my hair.

So, earrings! I'm generally not a doorknocker earrings kind of lady, and I preferably want to have something I'll wear again. However, I am so confused over what to wear with this get-up, and it seems like earrings are the only accessories I'm going to have, so I need something to balance against the rest. Gold and pearls seems a bit too traditional for something with this much lace. Antique Czech glass might be nice? (Not so into diamonds or shiny things, either.) Simple, smaller earrings seem like a waste. I guess I'm just worried about them being too busy, big or small, I guess. Indecision!

In a nutshell, I want simple and bold. Is it possible? Yellow gold, blue, black or coral are all colors I'm into.

Some ideas I've had thus far:

Gold and pale olive earrings

Black lucite clip earrings

Liquid gold spear earrings

Gold vermeil chip earrings

Black mother of pearl chip

Cheers,
Earrings Coming Out My Eyeballs

*****

I can't fathom why you wouldn't shop at Catbird.

I was gunning for this art deco pair, but Leigh (aka your personal shopper over at Catbird) has some other ideas:

Classic Gold Hoops they put online just for us. Yes, these babies are expensive, but OMIGAH I WOULD WEAR THEM EVERY DAY.

Black Mother of Pearl Leaf Earrings which Victoria herself would be proud to wear.

Sparkling Leaf Earrings that Leigh said "I'm wearing right now - cheap but they really feel luxe and glamorous without being doorknockery."

Emily Blunt as Young Victoria (have you seen this movie? it's pretty great) via Madame Guillotine

Bloggers

By Gabriela Herman

where should a couple of Aussies go in NYC? (The Follow Up)

Hello ESB

Just wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for posting our What-to-do-in-NYC honeymoon question. 

Firstly, remember these? They were awesome. Perfect for every day and are now broken in to perfection.

Second, the puffer. I took both you and your commenters' advice and took a slim(ish) puffer and a dressier woolen coat. Worked a treat. We arrived on a 14 degree day and I was very grateful for the puff. Was also grateful for the wool when we went out for fancy dinner.

Finally, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented and suggested places to go, things to eat and stuff to do. Amongst many other things we did WD50, walked the Highline, ate at Shake Shack, Grimaldi's, Caracas Arepa, La Esquina, The Meatball Shop, Doughnut Plant and Schiller's. We went down a crazy slide at the New Museum, went to the Brooklyn Flea, and attempted entry to a speakeasy or two...

Thanks to everyone involved with suggestions.

*****

Missing New York like crazeballs over here.

Man I ♥ NY.

how fast is too fast?

Dear ESB,

here I go.

Last year I got married to the best man in the world! I love him like crazy and our wedding was amazing. I had 3 bridesmaids, all of them were really happy for us and saved me during some pre-wedding freak-outs. Two of them have boyfriends and the other one was single. It was obvious that sometimes the wedding planning made her a little sad, as she was always the one who dreamed of getting married in big white dress and have a cake with a lot of layers. Still she was really excited for us and helped wherever she could.

A few months after our wedding she met a guy. A few weeks later he moved in with her. A few weeks later they got engaged!

I've met him and he seems like a really nice guy and they look really happy together.

But... I'm scared that she's marrying a good enough man because she really wants to get married. The wedding isn't until the fall of next year. 

My husband and I met in high school and got married after 12 years of dating and 7 years of living together. I understand that if you meet each other later in life things can go a lot faster. But how fast is too fast?

Am I overreacting? My husband certainly thinks so. All of her friends like the guy. Her parents like him. Nobody worries.

I am overreacting. Right?

All the best!

Worries-too-much

*****

You are suffering from Post-Nuptial Know-It-All Syndrome.

Take a deep breath.

Drink a glass of water.

Go for a long walk or to a fucking yoga class.

It will pass eventually.

Image: Dawn Black via Art Hound

Fabian Souche via The Jealous Curator

A lookbook inspired by wedding portraits inspired by a lookbook

Just when you thought maybe the faux-mustache thing had finally, quietly, petered out.

Fortunately this guy is pretty cute in his lil jacket.

Days of Yore by Mr. Kate photographed by Kat Borchart via because im addicted

Am I allowed to bring a guest?

Dear ESB,

My best friend from high school is getting married soon in our hometown. I've met her husband-to-be and he is fantastic.

The only problem is that I've never been invited to a wedding before and I can't tell by the invitation if I can bring my boyfriend or not. On the RSVP card there is just a blank line where you write your name and whether or not you can attend.

My boyfriend thinks I could write our first initials and last names on the same line to show that both of us will be attending. I think that since there is clearly no room for a guest's name, I am not welcome to bring a guest. It is also worth noting that the envelope is addressed only to me.

The grown-up thing to do is call her and ask, but we speak once or twice a year max and I'm dreading being in such an awkward position so rich with the possibility of rejection.

Your advice is a last ditch attempt before I actually call and ask. What do you think?

*****

If the envelope doesn't say Ms. Ladypants + GUEST, your boyfriend is not invited.

Tom Ford Spring 2012 via Fashion Gone Rogue
______________________________

Is this a really boring one? Sorry. I've got a couple of hard ones on deck that I've been avoiding like mad.

Relationship management in a tin

Three double-sided wooden coins to be tossed when two sweethearts just can't agree. 

(From Greer Chicago)

I SMELL A SHOWER GIFT.

help! i have the body of a prepubescent boy!!

I am set to get married this summer and I need help finding a dress! 

My ideal dress would look something like this (which is unfortunately sold out) - fun and feminine but still formal enough for my parents. 

The challenge is I am a 5 ft tall, 95 pounds, pint sized girl with a prepubescent boy's body. It's difficult to find a dress that I don't look buried in or that doesn't make me look awkward.

Can you help?

Sincerely,

Running out of time 

*****

I say Twiggy. It. Up. in something more like this baby from French Connection.

Bonus: It's available in Size 0.