you guys you guys you guys

You guys, the guest post I did for Barneys is finally up and I am really super pleased with the way it turned out.

I feel like they get me.




Barneys gets me.


p.s. Who knew I would ever recommend converse ever again?
______________________________

Tim Walker for W April 2013 via Visual Optimism

No reason.

Just needed this to be on top of le blog.

Tim Walker for W April 2013 via Visual Optimism

Pls help me find a Route 66 dress....

Hi there,

I'm a big fan and a "no frills" type of girl. I never thought I'd care about weddings and dresses, but here I am caring. Whatever.

Here's the issue. My fiance and I are photographers and are going to be taking our own engagement photos along Route 66 this summer. I'm excited and have planned out various outfits for when we get to certain stops, but one of the dresses I'd like to use is this nice number from Mara Hoffman.

Well, it's sold out everywhere. I've called and begged.

Any ideas of a dress similar?  

Thanks for any suggestions,
Suddenly Giving a Shit

*****

Dear SGAS,

Please don't wear a white dress in your engagement photos.

I mean. How do you plan to top that at your wedding? With a fucking BALL GOWN??

I thought you were a "no frills" girl.






xoxo,
ESB


(Finds photo of woman in blush dress walking down highway. Thinks, fuck, that looks pretty great.)



Hilary Rhoda by Lachlan Bailey for Harper’s Bazaar via Searching for Style

Brunch with Anna Sheffield

The ADORABLE Anna Sheffield was in town last weekend, and though I generally avoid meeting internet friends/colleagues IRL.... I couldn't resist making a date for chilaquiles* and seeing all the gorgeous sparkly things in person. 

Michelle Pullman of Rad + In Love was kind enough to tag along and snap some photos for you guys. 

(And I should also mention that they took very good care of us at Franklin & Company -- managed by this dapper groom.)

Are you noting the stacked two-finger rings? Fucking KILLER.

Anna explains how these little guys stack.

I came this close to recommending the amulet ring to our Fussypants bride, and I should have. It is really so lovely in person. *Everything* is so much more lovely (and more delicate) in person.

Sterling silver horse hooves. I mean, COME ON. 

And I fell in love with that egg bangle. I almost tried to wear it out of the restaurant.

How adorable is Anna in her Lindsey Thornburg dress?? Plus her bag coordinates perfectly with her tats. nbd.

(Photos by Michelle Pullman of Rad + In Love)

*Chilaquiles are not pictured. Bonnie + Bri may feel free to shoot me a big fat I TOLD YOU SO.

What do I wear to an Indian wedding?

Dear ESB,

What do I wear to an Indian wedding? (I'm white if you haven't figured it out.)

I'm accompanying my man to this wedding in May. The couple is interracial (Chinese and Indian) and there will actually be three events across two days. Also, do I need to have a second outfit for the second day? Oh by the way, did I tell you that my man is Indian-American, is close friends with the groom, and is actually in the wedding?! When I appealed to him for help, he assured me that whatever I wore would be fine.

Because it is an interracial wedding, I'm sure there will be people from several different backgrounds attending. I'm comfortable wearing almost anything but I have no idea what's appropriate and I'd hesitate to wear something that felt like a costume. Mostly I would like to fit in with the general color, mood, and modesty level.

*****

When I put out the APB on twitter, Anna immediately volunteered to write this one. (My readers rule. What else can I say??)

So let me start out by saying I'm not Indian, but I had a sorta-Indian wedding and have been to several of them as a guest. The first one I ever went to was back in the fall of 2009, when I traveled to San Francisco for my now-husband's cousin's wedding (the first time I'd met his extended family). My then-boyfriend's sister had excitedly told me I should wear a sari, and that her parents would bring a few of hers from their house in Los Angeles, but it made me incredibly nervous—I'd never worn one—so I packed a dress just in case. This sounds ridiculous in retrospect, but the dress I packed was actually my prom dress. It was really pretty and not prommy, though, and it would have been a really good option (elegant, colorful, long enough). But I'm so glad I didn't go with it.

My now-sister-in-law helped me pick out a bright lime green sari and, with the help of a jillion safety pins and some very tightly-tied drawstrings, got me into it. And let me tell you, I honestly had never felt more beautiful. I don't care what kind of schlub you are; if you put on a sari, you look gorgeous. I was a little self conscious that my tum was sort of hanging out, and I was worried about, like, being able to pee without having to take the whole thing off, but it worked out so well. And I think it helped make a good impression on his family—that I was willing to put myself out there and try something new, and that I was obviously really happy and excited to be giving this part of their culture a shot, etc. Also, peeing was way less hard than I expected. Good stuff.

So I'd say, if one of your guy's Indian lady-friends (or a sister or cousin or someone) has a sari you can borrow—and, importantly, if you know that someone will be around on the day of to help you get yourself into it—then go for it. You'll look awesome, not at all out of place, and I am certain you won't feel like you're wearing a costume. The other thing you could do would be to buy (or rent: Borrow it Bindaas has really pretty stuff and is like Rent the Runway for Indian garb) a lehenga or salwar kameez—they're just as pretty but require way less skill in terms of assembly/draping. And pile on the bangles.

But if you're just too anxious about all that, you shouldn't feel weird at all wearing your normal stuff to the wedding, especially since it's almost certain there will be guests from lots of different backgrounds there. Out of respect for older family members, I'd suggest avoiding anything too short or low-cut (if you really want to play it safe, don't do strapless or super-skimpy straps, either). Bright colors are always good. And I would bet that most people will have a different outfit for the second day; remember that the focus is very much on the couple and not on the guests' outfits, but if you want to feel uber-prepared, you might want to have a costume change ready, too.

Most of all, don't worry too much about it. Have fun and dance your butt off.

p.s. Unrelated but is this not the best DIY ever??

Anna bought plastic animals online and spray-painted them gold. SUCK IT, BHLDN

(Photos by Oh, Darling! See more over here)

Is it possible to wear a headpiece in real life without looking like a fool?

Hey ESB,

Longtime listener, first time caller.

So I've been going over the whole veil debate, or rather, I've firmly decided against the veil, but perhaps I don't want a naked head. At first I thought one of my artist friends could make a rad hair clip/headpiece out of vintage pearlized buttons (he makes magic with buttons). My FH is really into the silent movie actress look and casually asked if I would be wearing some sort of Cleopatra headpiece.

Then I started getting all the pieces together, the dress, the shoes, my grandmother's jewelry (awesome and deco), and I'm starting to think I'm going to look like Kim Kardashian if I wear anything on my head. Is there such thing as a hey-this-looks-so-cool-and-not-overdone headpiece?

Thanks!

*****

NOTHING MADE OUT OF BUTTONS



EVER.








that's all i've got.

Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra (Promo)

STOP IT WITH THIS WEDDING PHOTO

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.





(Lauren & Abby Photography via 100 Layer Cake)

A low-key wedding in Edinburgh?

Dear ESB,

In order to avoid the ALABAMA WEDDING MACHINE, my fiancé and I have elected to "elope" (with ~35 close friends and family) to Edinburgh next spring. 

Do you or your readers have any suggestions of venues to hold a low-key reception? Anything else that is a must-do in Edinburgh?

Thank you!

*****

Kirsty from A Safe Mooring has written you a SLAMMIN where-to-get-married-in-Edinburgh guide. (And also included must-dos such as a good smelly cheese shop + a creepy museum because duh.)

Here she is:

First off, congratulations! You're joining a long line of vagabonds and misfits who have eloped to our fair nation over the centuries. Generally speaking, people eloping to Scotland have been fleeing from parental disapproval and pesky age limits, but the Alabama Wedding Machine sounds equally forbidding.

Before I get started on reception venues, a quick word on ceremonies. Civil marriages in Scotland have to take place either in a registry office (Lothian Chambers is a beautiful one, bang in the middle of the Old Town) or in a place that has been formally approved by the City Council (here's a list of approved places). Most popular reception venues are approved for ceremonies, as are a random assortment of public buildings from the whisky society to the zoo.

In keeping with our tradition of liberal marriage laws, Scotland is also one of only six countries in the world where a humanist ceremony is legally binding. Unlike their civil counterparts, humanist and religious weddings can happen absolutely anywhere. That includes the great outdoors, if you're willing to gamble on the Scottish elements. (Pro tip: bring an umbrella. Even in spring. Especially in spring.) If you're being married by a humanist or religious celebrant though, you'll need to pick up your wedding licence at least seven days before the wedding, so make sure you keep that in mind when you're planning your trip.

So, on to the reception. Edinburgh is a city of many characters. The so-called New Town (strictly speaking it's not all that new, but wait until we get to the Old Town) is filled with airy Georgian terraces and elegant neo-classical architecture. If you were looking for something super glamorous, I'd suggest Edinburgh landmark The Dome. An intimate dinner in one of its private rooms, followed by cocktails in the glass-domed bar, wouldn't be bad at all. But for something more low-key, try Howies Restaurant on Waterloo Place instead. It mixes a beautiful period interior with fresh Scottish food (and has that all-important civil ceremony licence, should you decide to keep things all under one roof). If you really want to channel your inner Jane Austen, the Georgian House, run by the National Trust for Scotland and next door to the First Minister's pad, is the real deal.

That's classic European elegance out of the way; let's move on to something a little darker (metaphorically and quite literally). Edinburgh's historic Old Town is riddled with vaults, alleys and sinister tales. The growth of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe has seen many dingy, forgotten spaces opened up and transformed into venues. Lucky for you, the Fringe is in August, so come springtime you'll have your pick.

Marlin's Wynd and the Rowantree are both worth investigating. Ancient, candle-lit vaults built into the very fabric of the city... it doesn't get more atmospheric than that, as long as you don't mind a venue with a bit of witch-hunting and the occasional murder in its past. Hey, nowhere's perfect. If you'd prefer somewhere with actual daylight, the Secret Garden is an old close (alley) that has been glassed over and turned into a restaurant. Old Town charm with added vitamin D. The food's pretty tasty too, and the service is excellent.

Just around the corner from these crumbly old cellars is something at the very opposite end of the spectrum: the Hotel Missoni. From the men in chevron-patterened kilts flanking the entrance to the branded bathroom stalls, everything about the place screams Italian passion and fun. Why they chose to open in Edinburgh is beyond me - the spiritual home of dour Presbyterianism isn't exactly known for embracing la dolce vita - but I'm not complaining. It's even right across the road from the registry office.

If you're just looking for somewhere reasonably priced and relatively stylish where you can treat your nearest and dearest to a good meal, then Edinburgh has no shortage of restaurants. La Garrigue and Iggs are particular favourites if you fancy some European flavour. Timberyard is a relatively recent addition but it's already making a big impression; the interior is as stylish as it gets, and the food has been going down a storm. It also boasts an enclosed courtyard, perfect if you're lucky enough to see some of Edinburgh's rare spring sunshine. (I really wasn't kidding about the umbrella.)

As for must-dos, I'm reliably informed by my American friends that a massive castle in the middle of the city never gets old. The best view of it is from Calton Hill (you can actually rent out Old Observatory House, which sits on top of the hill, if you're looking for somewhere really special to stay).

Edinburgh's a fairly compact city with lots of meandering streets, so it's ideal for those who like to wander. For shopping, I'd avoid the chain stores of Princes Street and the abominable tartan shops of the Royal Mile. Instead, head for the independent boutiques dotted along West Bow, the Grassmarket and West Port. Admire work by local artists and designers at Red Door Gallery or Black Box Boutique, indulge in some seriously smelly cheese from Iain Mellis, and finger some Scottish cashmere and Anta soft wool blankets (preferably do this before you've fingered the cheese).

If you feel like venturing outside the city centre, the Shore area of Leith is worth visiting for some fresh Scottish seafood (try Fishers, or The Ship for the best fish and chips you'll ever have). And just along the road is an attraction that I recommend without a trace of irony: the Royal Yacht Britannia. It's like your granny's kitsch holiday house has been blown up and floated out to sea. If your granny were the Queen.

For those into museums, the recently-reopened National Museum is pretty excellent (oh hey, and it has a ceremony licence and a great restaurant too - let's add that to the list, shall we?). And lastly, because anything London can do we can do better (you'll find this is a common theme in Scotland), we have our very own museum of creepiness, with a bonus serving of serial killer. Enjoy.

p.s. I also found you a PHOTOGRAPHER! (Okay, Kirsty found you a photographer.) These images from Lorna & Dave's wedding are by Edinburgh-based Lauren McGlynn.

Mom's dress versus Dad's feelings

Good Morning, East Side Bride.

Hell froze over and I'm getting married. I don't care about much of the entire planning process except that I want to wear my mother's wedding dress (short, 60's sheath with a matching swing coat). And, I probably really want to wear her dress because that means I can devote all my wedding-wear money to the shoes - the Rockstud Valentino shoes of my dreams.

My issue is my father. My acts-like-a-12-year-old ever since the divorce OVER 20 YEARS AGO father. He really, really didn't want the divorce. He really, really doesn't like the idea of me wearing my mom's dress - the one that she married him in. Since I'm not wearing it for sentimental reasons, should I forgo the dress that upsets him? Or say, fuck it, and wear what I want even if it makes him uncomfortable?

I should say that I plan to be slightly inebriated at the ceremony as I often am when my parents are in the same room. I've found it's the best way to cope with their shenanigans so perhaps I won't notice if he's pouting.

Best,
The Often Overprotective Daughter

*****

Awwwwww. Cut your dad a break. You can find another dress.



Diana D by Dancian for Io donna via visual optimism

Breaking up with your MOH

Hey there ESB -

First off, I'm a fan - I appreciate the honesty and when you're planning a wedding, hearing other people's horror stories kinda puts things into perspective. So, to all you brides out there, here's mine:

My wedding is way over (almost 2 years now), but the legend of my MOH lives on and actually continues to haunt us to this day --- she still stalks me and my husband. Dead. Serious.

MOH and I have been best friends since high school, but her friendship comes with a few toxic caveats (she's very possessive, not interested in meeting new people, and has a terrible temper). Not that I'm perfect, I can be the flake-of-a-friend who forgets your birthday. We share another mutual best friend who we've also maintained a close relationship with since high school. Both of these girls were in my wedding party.

The trouble started at my bachelorette party (always does, doesn't it?) - somehow through the course of the day it was misconstrued in my MOH's brain that I wasn't giving her enough attention compared to the other girls. She did this weird pouty thing (which is hard to pay attention to at a baseball game), and barely spoke to anyone all night. I noticed her mood but was trying to play host to the rest of my crew - so my ability to decompress her was limited. By the time the evening ended, she had disappeared (supposedly into a cab to head to the hotel) and I was getting frantic phone calls from my husband. She had shown up at my apartment, tired out the doorbell, and spent the rest of the evening crying on my husband. When he finally convinced her to get a cab to the hotel she decided to drive back to the suburbs, to her parents house, drunk. The next day her parents called me and confronted me about "allowing their daughter to drive home intoxicated" citing a lie that MOH told them about how I forced her out of the hotel room. I was so embarrassed.

I talk this out with her and that mutual best friend bmaid and decide to let it go - let's get on with the wedding fun, ya know? Fast-forward to a month later, at the rehearsal dinner, she shows up to the bowling alley 2 hours late and makes this huge scene in front of our families, crying, screaming, and accusing me of wanting our mutual best friend bmaid to be the Maid of Honor and not her. This is all because I gave the ladies the option of staying in the hotel with me the night before the wedding --- MOH opt-ed out, but mutual friend opt-ed in. During this scene, she tells me that she's "not going to show up at the wedding, since I don't want her there anyways" before storming out. I can't even explain how this whole thing felt, I didn't want it to consume my evening (I mean, shit, I love to bowl!) - but I felt so numb and shocked that someone I knew so well could just turn into a complete crazy-pants.

The next day (wedding day), my mom and the gals are all with me getting ready in the hotel room and about an hour before we have to leave MOH shows up. Hair done, dress on, like nothing happened. So no one says anything and we head off to the venue. Wedding was fabulous, food was great, live band was even better. I don't really remember MOH's speech, except that she cried a TON. She also spent the end of the evening in my mom's hotel room, crying on her until 4am.  

Since these events, I've distanced myself from her --- she calls me about 3 times a week and calls my husband about once a week, we do not answer. She shows up at our new apartment, out of nowhere, and we either have to exchange awkward pleasantries for an hour or we pretend like we aren't home. The kicker is, she knows that I'm done with having a friend like her --- about three months after the wedding day I sat her down and we talked about what happened. She blamed me for not paying enough attention to her and not making her feel special as the MOH. I told her that I didn't think we should really continue being friends and she obvs didn't get the message. It felt like breaking up with someone...is that normal?

It's a damn shame when someone looses their marbles like that.

That's my story!
Still Stunned

*****

I'm just glad you had the guts to break up with her. KUDOS, lady.

You should be able to block her number. AT&T will charge you for that privilege (a*holes) -- I don't know about other providers -- but it might be worth it.


Comme des Garçons by Sophie Delaporte for Idoménée Fashion Book Spring/Summer 2013 Idoménée via Abigail Lorick

Speaking of sheer tops....

Kidchamp just found the ultimate in what to wear under sheer tops.

I MEAN:

Right??

(I'll take the sweater, too.)


**UPDATE: kidchamp reports that the straps are flimsy. Sadly, this bra may not be rated for ppl who need bras.**

just fyiz

According to T Magazine, this is what's happening at Valentino.

If it means we're done with short-ass fucking strapless dresses, that is FINE BY ME.

You can pre-order this Antique Embroidered Gown (estimated delivery Jul 15, 2013 - Nov 15, 2013) for only $13K down!

What do I wear under the dress?

I have a practical question here, what am I supposed to wear under my dress? Lacy underwear... Spanx...  

The big dilemma is my dress has a sheer back so I can't have a bra, but would still like some extra oomph and support, would stick on-cups be a total mistake? I envision sweating and them falling out, or something equally horrifying.

Here's a pic of my dress on someone else (reckon she went bra-less?)

*****

I kinda think you have to go sans bra.

(Which, that bride is juuuuuuuust pushing the envelope. I hope your boobs are small!)

Did your mother boycott your wedding? (UPDATE!)

There was a wedding! And it was nice! Everyone attended and there wasn't a single bit of drama (at least not during the wedding)!... *sigh* IDK, I'm glad it's finally done. So much stress has been lifted and I never want to play armchair psychologist to anyone ever again. I took a lot of what was said in the comments of the original post and it essentially scared/inspired me to inject some tough love into this whole thing.

So! The guy in this wedding has changed quite a bit over course of the last year and a half. Most of us still think he's incredibly weird but after a brief breakup my friend has gotten her mind together to make sure he knows she's not going to let him take advantage of her. It took some getting to know him, which I was extremely not thrilled about, but I learned that he was not as bad as I first thought him to be (whatever, he turned my friend into a robot). Don't get me wrong, I still think he's controlling and manipulative (he whined and turned into an angry, dictating child to get his way about some things and I understood why my friend is so passive sometimes!) but I can't do more than I've already done to make things better because I know if I pushed my friend like her mom did all that time prior to the wedding, she would have shut everyone out again, had a secret wedding, probably get pregnant, and be posting baby's 1st photos right now with no one knowing wtf happened.

It took loads of getting things into perspective for everyone. It was remembering what Anon 3:15, Rhubarb, and Madison said that really kept me focused. Thanks for posting the original email because it helped me then and it helps me now. Relationships have been repaired, lives are on a better track, and it was a regular, American wedding in which the florist nearly ruins the day instead of the family.

Signed,
A Stress Free Me


*****

It's so unlike me to brag.... But I have, like, REALLY GREAT READERS.

Photo by Ilva Heitmann by Markus Pritzi for Sleek Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue

speaking of H&M...

These slim-fit suits from the Conscious Exclusive collection look pretty good.

Apparently H&M now has e-commerce in the UK? But if you're in the good old US of A you'll have to line up on April 4.

what if you can only decide on the shoes?

We are eloping. In Austin. You may decide that I can't be helped after you read this.

I can't decide on a ring. I can't decide on a dress. I can't decide on my hair or if I'll carry any flowers. I haven't even thought about setting or an officiant. I can only decide on these shoes (in either color). I'm surprised I can decide on that! The thing with all the other stuff is I don't have a precedent. I don't wear white or dresses much (NY. black. and yes I know I don't have to wear white, and I don't have to wear a dress, but I'd like to give it a shot since we are eloping and I think FH [and our families, if they were privy at this stage] would like us to keep a few things traditional) and I never wear rings. I'm a bracelet girl. I would love help with both because I'm at the point where the internet has swallowed my perception and intuition up and everything looks the same. or bad. and just not me. but I'll take whatever seems most fun to y'all.

Budget under $700, and something around $400 or less would be sooo great. My instinct says on the shorter side is the way to go because I don't want it to feel over the top. I'm not into the ball gown elopements. And I'd probably feel more comfortable in less-than-head-to-toe-white. And I wanna see the shoes! I'm 5'3", 32C-24"-34". I like interesting shapes, architectural details, and a modern clean feel, because it's more flattering to my midget body but I'm not opposed to a little lace, and a touch of gothy feel. I do not do bohemian. I do not do bling. Even subtle bling. I wanted to love this LOVER and this Manivet (with a slightly opened up neckline) before we were eloping, when we were having a tiny wedding, and a normal-ish one respectively. Of course the LOVER is not available in the US and it does not go with the shoes. There is this LOVER which is over budget and while I love it on the model, I'm not sold that it's for me.

Rings. I love Anna Sheffield. My favorite one was this. Then when my dear friend got engaged in November, she had her jeweler uncle make her a replica. What can I say. We have similar taste. So that's out. Other things: I like black. I'm not sold on diamonds (ethics, and said hesitation regarding over-blinginess). I like herkimers but I don't want the setting to look too crafty. I want it to look modern and polished and I haven't seen any that cut it. I also like rutilated quartz. I'm not sure that I want two rings, and so am also open to a stone laden band. I've thought about Mociun, Alex and Chloe, Macha, and everything on Catbird. There was this ring which is so out of character for me but it is also my birth stone. I also like Bario Neal but none of them sing to me. I'm open to stacking and I like the idea of mixing metals because I do that in my other jewelry. Oh budget on the ring(s)... under $2k and I do have my mom's setting from her first marriage (with my dad) to mine for stones if i somehow go blingy.

phew. After reading this it's probably easier to just help me with the dress even though the ring should come first. or neither. jeez.

thaaaaaanks.

eloping-naked-in jeffrey-campbell-shoes

*****

I found your dress.

It's from H&M's Conscious Exclusive collection, which will be in stores April 4.

You're welcome, FUSSYPANTS.


p.s. What about a wedding bracelet? Just throwin it out there. Nobody says you have to have a ring.

welcome to my new favorite shirt

This mesh tee from Sarafan + Duende arrived in the mail from Pour Porter yesterday and I almost lost my shit. Even H said, "Wow, that's cool" the instant I opened the box.

[Update: They are now SOLD OUT!]


p.s. I got an email recently asking "where do the cool girls shop?" Pour Porter is definitely one of those spots.

p.p.s. Maybe "where do the cool girls shop?" could be a new series. Or would that be redundant?

Bridal party woes

Hi ESB, 

My wonderful fiance and I are getting married in August and when we got engaged I decided I wanted to forgo having a traditional bridal party. But now my sister and sister-in-law are upset that they're not "involved" in our wedding, and while they keep saying that it's my day and I can do what I want, I feel like they're upset I'm not having a bridal party and they're not in it. 

So, I'm thinking of having all the siblings walk down the aisle before the ceremony (a la a traditional wedding), but instead of having them stand up there with us, I was just going to have them take their seats in the front row (I'm also thinking of giving them all readings as well). This seems to have calmed them down a bit, but now my mother is saying that I should probably involve my friends in the ceremony as well. My mother is very well-meaning and I respect her opinion, but this wedding is turning into me figuring out how I can keep everyone happy and it's starting to stress me out. 

Do you think I need to try and include my friends in the ceremony if I'm now including family? And if so, do you have any good ideas as to how I can do it?

Thank you! 

- My wedding is being hijacked 

*****

People will get upset NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. And then they'll get over it.

But if you don't stand up for what you want, you don't get to whine about how your wedding is being "hijacked."

Claudio Parentela via Fashion Salad

cunty wedding guests &tc.

Hello dearest ESB,

I wrote earlier about throwing a bachelor party for my own fiance (my bff's boyfriend put together the most epic local beer hopping evening ever, all worked out perfectly). Your call for the cunty MOH and general dramas encouraged me to write you have some of the nitty gritty parts of my wedding. While I'm not looking for advice, I hope it will at least be temporarily satiating.  

First there was Paula. We were on-and-off friends for 15 years, more recently getting along really well and I quite enjoyed our friendship. I invited her to our small (50 person) wedding; immediate family and friends, and while she dropped hints about being a bridesmaid before my husband and I were engaged, I wanted a small bridal party and did not include her as a bridesmaid. I thought since very few of my friends were invited at all, that it would all be alright if she wasn't a bridesmaid, as being at the wedding at all was significant. I guess it didn't matter either way as she missed the ceremony entirely, making a dramatic entrance after we had started the receiving line.

Then there was Natalie, a friend of my sister in law, whom the out-of-country in-laws invited to the wedding because they hadn't seen her in a long time. I fought this for weeks, and then just gave in because I figured I'd at least get a sweet present out of it (so shallow, I know). Well. Natalie (who in all fairness seemed like a lovely girl) brought her boyfriend, and being a small wedding, there wasn't a place set for him. Then I noticed another surprise guest had shown up, my bff's boyfriend Luke whom husband had invited drunkenly during the bachelor party. He had been left off the guest list because bff and Luke had broken up while she was out of the country, and I thought it might be weird for her, but then then got back together, blah blah, so I gave my sister ONE look (she is the best sister/MOH ever) and she said "I'll take care of this". And that's how Natalie and her boyfriend got kicked out of my wedding. Yes, I had to pay for it the next week, but it was worth it to have Luke there. Plus Natalie didn't bring a gift, so I didn't have to write an awkward thank you note either.

So after the ceremony, we had time for guests to play games and get drinks before the reception while the bridal party took pictures. Somewhere along the line, one of the guests got spectacularly inebriated, and proceeded to stumble belligerently through the reception, interrupting speeches and almost face-planted on the flower girl. 

In the meantime, Paula is at her table with mutual friends, when Helen accidentally spills red wine on Paula's shoe. Paula then cries in an outrage, and throws her glass of water on Helen. Helen returns the gesture, and both are drenched in water. Paula then proceeds to tell all three bridesmaids (and some relatives), how shocked she was thatthey were chosen as bridesmaids, and not her. Many of our guests were visiting from Australia, and some of them were left in the company of a now drunk and bitter Paula. For whatever reason, Paula felt it necessary to share her dislike for the Australian people, saying to their faces that she hated Australians. Furthermore, when she had joined said Aussies for a few drinks and snacks post-reception, she left before paying her part of the bill. 

And the icing on the cake? A handful of jaded married men coming up to my dear husband saying that This was the end, it's now time to give up his self-identity, and to put my every whim before his, causing a very tired newly wedded couple to have the most epic of all fights on the wedding night, lamps toppled, crying, and a serious lack of romance.

It seems like it was a total disaster, but 75% of this happened behind the scenes and I didn't know about it until a few days later. There was a bit of drama and ridiculousness, but it was heavily outweighed by the love, joy, and support from the rest of the family. All ended well, and it remains to be a fondly remembered weekend. The only burnt bridge was with Paula, whom I haven't spoken with since the event (over 6 months ago). Oh well... To new beginnings!



Photo by Henrik Bengtsson for Sara Andersson via The Creative Book via NOTCOUTURE

while we're on the subject....

Dear ESB,

Dreamboat and I are getting married in late April. I bought a clearance dress from J.Crew early on in my engagement (I know). An amazingly talented amazing designer friend is completely reworking it (after we both decided, instantly, that the original dress kind of sucked--no shocker there). It's nearly done, and is flowy and a lil' goddessy and lovely, but maybe not terribly flattering...but very wedding-y and beautiful. Long, high necked, almost-racerbacked, silk chiffon, etc. the more i've tried it on, the more i've warmed up to it.

Meanwhile, I found an amazing lace dress accidentally while looking for a dress for my bridesmaid/maid of honor/best lady. Kind of haunted by it, I ordered it, "just to know." I just tried it on, and love it. It's a lil' sexy, strangely sort of demure at the same time, short-ish, and interesting....so, what to do?

I mean, I have a custom, lovely gown designed for me by a friend (though not a friend who will be at the small wedding), and this sexy, interesting gown I bought off the rack. I didn't mean to have to have 2 dresses!

The solution that comes to mind is to wear the lovely, wedding-y gown to the ceremony in our backyard, and the sexy, edgier dress to the reception at a gallery downtown, but that's fussy, right? And silly to have two dresses? What to do?

Your advice requested

Cheers,
(got no clever name to use instead)
AND THANKS!

*****

WEAR THE SEXY ONE


why is this even a question.

don't drop, fragile by Stéphanie Baechler (photo by Anja Schori)