Monday, March 25, 2013
Breaking up with your MOH
Hey there ESB -
First off, I'm a fan - I appreciate the honesty and when you're planning a wedding, hearing other people's horror stories kinda puts things into perspective. So, to all you brides out there, here's mine:
My wedding is way over (almost 2 years now), but the legend of my MOH lives on and actually continues to haunt us to this day --- she still stalks me and my husband. Dead. Serious.
MOH and I have been best friends since high school, but her friendship comes with a few toxic caveats (she's very possessive, not interested in meeting new people, and has a terrible temper). Not that I'm perfect, I can be the flake-of-a-friend who forgets your birthday. We share another mutual best friend who we've also maintained a close relationship with since high school. Both of these girls were in my wedding party.
The trouble started at my bachelorette party (always does, doesn't it?) - somehow through the course of the day it was misconstrued in my MOH's brain that I wasn't giving her enough attention compared to the other girls. She did this weird pouty thing (which is hard to pay attention to at a baseball game), and barely spoke to anyone all night. I noticed her mood but was trying to play host to the rest of my crew - so my ability to decompress her was limited. By the time the evening ended, she had disappeared (supposedly into a cab to head to the hotel) and I was getting frantic phone calls from my husband. She had shown up at my apartment, tired out the doorbell, and spent the rest of the evening crying on my husband. When he finally convinced her to get a cab to the hotel she decided to drive back to the suburbs, to her parents house, drunk. The next day her parents called me and confronted me about "allowing their daughter to drive home intoxicated" citing a lie that MOH told them about how I forced her out of the hotel room. I was so embarrassed.
I talk this out with her and that mutual best friend bmaid and decide to let it go - let's get on with the wedding fun, ya know? Fast-forward to a month later, at the rehearsal dinner, she shows up to the bowling alley 2 hours late and makes this huge scene in front of our families, crying, screaming, and accusing me of wanting our mutual best friend bmaid to be the Maid of Honor and not her. This is all because I gave the ladies the option of staying in the hotel with me the night before the wedding --- MOH opt-ed out, but mutual friend opt-ed in. During this scene, she tells me that she's "not going to show up at the wedding, since I don't want her there anyways" before storming out. I can't even explain how this whole thing felt, I didn't want it to consume my evening (I mean, shit, I love to bowl!) - but I felt so numb and shocked that someone I knew so well could just turn into a complete crazy-pants.
The next day (wedding day), my mom and the gals are all with me getting ready in the hotel room and about an hour before we have to leave MOH shows up. Hair done, dress on, like nothing happened. So no one says anything and we head off to the venue. Wedding was fabulous, food was great, live band was even better. I don't really remember MOH's speech, except that she cried a TON. She also spent the end of the evening in my mom's hotel room, crying on her until 4am.
Since these events, I've distanced myself from her --- she calls me about 3 times a week and calls my husband about once a week, we do not answer. She shows up at our new apartment, out of nowhere, and we either have to exchange awkward pleasantries for an hour or we pretend like we aren't home. The kicker is, she knows that I'm done with having a friend like her --- about three months after the wedding day I sat her down and we talked about what happened. She blamed me for not paying enough attention to her and not making her feel special as the MOH. I told her that I didn't think we should really continue being friends and she obvs didn't get the message. It felt like breaking up with someone...is that normal?
It's a damn shame when someone looses their marbles like that.
That's my story!
I'm just glad you had the guts to break up with her. KUDOS, lady.
You should be able to block her number. AT&T will charge you for that privilege (a*holes) -- I don't know about other providers -- but it might be worth it.
Comme des Garçons by Sophie Delaporte for Idoménée Fashion Book Spring/Summer 2013 Idoménée via Abigail Lorick