Monday, April 22, 2013

Dear ESB: How do I make this stop??



Met the couple a week ago. They are both great, really. 

But. I sit down and the woman sits next to me at every chance. Then, at a new place I think I pick a tactically advantageous seat to avoid encounters, but she sits next to me again. She hooks her leg around mine, I try to get free, but can't without making it extremely obvious to her fiancé across the table, so I hold still and sweat. 

She continues to invite me to events (her place tonight with the others and distant excursions) and I just try to ignore the whole thing to keep the peace. 

How do I make this stop while not blowing up all the friendships involved?

*****

This woman is clearly trying to get caught.

All you can do is STAY THE FUCK AWAY.


Fragments de Mémoires by Alfredo Figueroa, Alexandrine Gingras Slater, Benjamin Lafaille and Samuel Rivoir via Fucking Young!

24 comments:

  1. I'm confused, who is the OP.. is the couple getting married and this is a wedding vendor? That is what my imagination created as the scenario.. otherwise not sure why they wouldn't just tell a mutual friend?

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    1. Or just tell the woman herself?

      If she is still rubbing herself up on you after you tell her to back off then eff her, you know?

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  2. Me too. Who are the 'others'? If you only met a week ago how can there be plural friendships involved (introduced by mutual friends in a wider friendship group?)

    But yeah, I don't think my advice would differ from esb's in any event - unless you *need* to stay part of this mess (and if it is a vendor/work relationship, I'd still think hard about how much you need the specific job and cry off) don't make yourself a part of this mess.

    I'd also suggest making it clear you aren't interested because apart from your nervous sweat and email to esb that isn't necessarily coming across clearly through your actions/inaction. But that might backfire into a scene if she's crazypants - you have to judge it.

    She's trying it on (in front of her significant other)? You only met a week ago, seems a good idea to back away now before shit gets more awkward.

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  3. I think this is a general, life-related question that does not involve a wedding.

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  4. I feel like part of this letter is missing. Is this woman hitting on you? Or is she just too friendly for your taste? Sorry if I'm being daft... I haven't had my caffeine yet.

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  5. this is a confusing letter... can we get more details?

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  6. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's confused by this letter. I feel that we're missing some crucial information.

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  7. What more info do we need? Engaged woman is hitting on OP. OP's not down with dat. Not quite sure why OP doesn't just say to the woman, "WTF LADY? I'm not into you!" It's not too complicated unless you choose to make it complicated.

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    1. That's exactly why it's confusing - why WOULDN'T the OP just say that, especially if they only met a few weeks ago? It seems we are missing details.

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  8. Replies
    1. Thats exactly what I tought. They are probably both trying to invite you to a threesome (really, thats the way some couples do it, it has happened to me before, twice.) If its not your thing, just tell her politely you're not confortable and let it go.

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    2. This crossed mind, too.

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  9. would a simple, public "WHAT are you doing?!" not do the job? this is quite bizarre. jstu call her out. public shaming all the way.

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  10. You make it stop by saying STOP.

    The circumstances of this letter are super confusing, but I'm more confused about why the hell you feel obligated to keep the peace, when she's being a creepy boundary-invading shithead?

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  11. DUDE. that shit read like flash fiction.

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  12. Anyone else getting the sense that the OP is a man? A lot women learn pretty quickly how to shut this shit down, but sometimes men are flummoxed when a woman puts the moves on them in an aggressive way.

    Anyway, whether it's a man or a women, my advice is the same. You've gotta be direct, and you need to communicate that you find her behavior repulsive. You say to her, "Stop. You're making me uncomfortable. And you look pathetic and desperate when you act this way."

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    1. Saying "you look pathetic and desperate when you act this way" is harsh and super judgmental. Not all couples are monogamous. If you are not interested let the person know you are not interested.

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    2. I'm all for being judgmental and harsh--not because the woman is engaged but because she is continually and aggressively hitting on someone who is obviously not interested. For fuck's sake, she's following the OP around the room, trying to get a seat next to him/her. When a guy hits on me in that sort of creepy, aggressive manner, then yes, I'm happy to be harsh because I don't give a flying fuck about his feelings.

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  13. There is really only one way to deal with unwanted attention and physical touch. Directly. At the very next offense tell this woman firmly that what she is doing is unwanted and inappropriate.

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  14. yeah, i have a feeling a man wrote this. generally speaking, when women talk/write they convey way more emotion. men are all about just stating the facts... which is clearly what is done here.

    that being said, i can see how this would be a stickier situation than some swinger lady just looking for a threesome. unless she's still looking for a threesome, but of the more unconventional variety? regardless, you need to promptly just tell her you're not interested. just like that. the next time she's pulling some weird shit, just say it and walk away. sadly (and embarrassingly), there are people out there who have no fucking clue that their advances are not welcome. i'm sure you're not the first person she's done this to. she'll move on.

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  15. Dear ESB,

    Your limited internet access is making my work week waaay less fun.

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