Friday, November 21, 2008

the way to a woman's heart: shelves

My male readers deserve to know this invaluable secret. (Who am I kidding? I have three male readers, and two of them are gay. Anyhoo.)

P posted here about how Fauxhawk salvaged the day from hell with a stiff drink and an Ikea shelf. So I feel compelled to tell my story.

A year + ago, H-town and I moved in together with nothing but my bed, my dresser, my little desk, and quite a few boxes of crap. Shortly after, I went away to a theater festival in Edinburgh and he did some serious nesting. Adorable, but a bit nerve-racking for both of us. (I'm a control freak and I'd never officially lived with anyone. Or let anyone else pick out the furniture.)

He kicked ass. He was most proud of his thrift store finds: yellow vinyl chairs and a white pedestal table. But I could not get over the shelf made from a salvaged wine box he put up in the bathroom. Seriously. It was all about the shelf.

Recently, he put up another wine box shelf for me next to my desk in the kitchen. The bungalow is on the small side, but we're making it work....

It's killing me that I didn't tear out this New Yorker cartoon last year: the female praying mantis says to the male praying mantis, "After we have sex and before I kill you, I want you to put up some shelves." I bet my mom saved it.

(Photo: Phil Mansfield for The New York Times via 2 or 3 things I know)


  1. I love H-Town. He is a very, very good boy. Maybe if Fauxhawk gets rid of his massage chair, we can all get hitched, on the other condition that he doesn't turn your coffee table into an art project?

    Oh - to answer your question about body type - he's 6'1, on the solid/muscular side with a very nice tummy. He just bought a scarf that looks like something out of Elton John's wardrobe. I don't understand what happened. Please help before it's too late.

  2. So true. but if you think shelves do it for you wait until your man sands your floors, rewires your entire house, installs a kitchen and fixes your toilet that doesn't flush (ok, I'm still waiting for that last one to happen but when it does and I can throw out the bucket that lives in the bath I will be so very very in love with him my heart might explode)

  3. did you notice what that green thing is pouring out of that one?

  4. also, ben left and i damn all cliches. i am the shelf putter upper. but he makes me dinner damn near every night when i am in school.

  5. I somehow feel like I'm getting shafted in the "shelf putter upper" deal here. I do the cooking and the handy work at our place.

    Once Nick tried to assemble a t.v. stand we bought at Tar-jet. I asked him if he wanted help and he curtly told me NO. I left and came back 3 hours later to find him lying on his back in the middle of the living room floor staring at the ceiling. The t.v. stand was in shambles. I told him, you go play your WOW and let me fix this... and voila. twenty minutes later it was done.

    So much for stereotypes.