Is it okay to send a save-the-date postcard? Or: In praise of envelopes

Lauren emailed me with this question:

did you send out save-the-date cards for your wedding? i come from a southern family and i think most of our family friends, etc, expect one. not that i mind. we are thinking of doing something super cool with one of our engagement photos. my question is... do you send them as a postcard? my mom is havin' a conniption about it because she thinks people will just throw them away if they are postcards as opposed to in an envelope that they have to open to see...

In fact, we sent out a save-the-date email. With a link to the super-rad wedding website that H-town designed. (But I'm guessing your mom won't go for that.)

I have to say, if you're gonna mail the thing, I agree that you should put it in an envelope. A postcard will get smudged or bent or lost in the mail. Or tucked inside one of those horrifying grocery-store flyers and tossed into the recycling. Think worst-case scenario here. Because a save-the-date is important. And you need to know that all your favorite people are, y'know, saving the date.

(Andrew Bush Photography via a desert fete)

What is with all the ANTHROPOLOGIE themed weddings?!

I don't care how well-photographed the catalog is. It's a fucking catalog.

I do think the Anthro windows are amazing. I'll admit to you right now that I tried (and failed) to make these for our wedding. Fortunately, I ordered extra paper lanterns in anticipation of that failure. DIY and I don't get along very well.

But all of a sudden everyone is taking inspiration from Anthropologie??

Go ahead and buy their shit if you want to. Some of it is pretty good. But can we just please acknowledge that Anthro didn't invent jam jar glassware and shabby-chic china and mismatched table cloths? They were just smart enough to capitalize on what cool girls have been doing forever.

I mean, I dig Alexander McQueen, but I know he didn't invent punk rock.

This post is brought to you with a nod to a couple of private tweeters.

How To Get A Custom Wedding Dress Made Without Really Trying.

I hope you'll forgive me for publishing two guest posts back-to-back...

Genevieve of TELL YOU (TODAY) promised me a while ago she'd write up this story and I've really been looking forward to it.

I kind of got into making wedding dresses by accident. I know how to sew, I hang out with other girls who like to sew, some of them even like to sew wedding dresses. For like, brides. But not me.

The first time someone asked me to make a wedding dress, it was a nightmare. Not enough time, a picky bride with the terrible combination of demanding without knowing what she wanted, and a dress abandoned and unpaid for two weeks before the wedding. I cried and slammed doors, cursed brides the world over, and vowed never ever to do a wedding dress again. But time heals all, and then when good people like my friend Afton over at Freckle Farm come along who share a vision and an aesthetic, and I learned that doing wedding dresses can actually be fun, and rewarding, and best of all, don't have to cost the lucky lady the equivalent of a down payment on a cute place in midtown Manhattan for her to look like a million trillion dollars on her wedding day. And even better yet, she can look like herself.

Even those of us who didn't grow up dreaming of their wedding are suddenly confronted with so many choices when we decide to get married. Long or short? Casual or fancy? Simple or embellished? White? Red? Black? Having a picture in your mind of what you want to wear at your wedding makes developing the ideas for your wedding dress so much easier to piece together a design. Afton came to me with a few basic ideas: short, white, un-embellished, deep vee-neck, silk. All of these ideas suit my personal aesthetic very well (ahem, see: my wedding dress) which, as a non-wedding-dress-designer designer, made my job that much easier. Another thing that made the process easy was that she even put together an inspiration board for me! Thanks, Afton! Knowing where she was coming from, and what was in her head was key. We shopped together for fabric, discussed things like bodice shape and skirt length, and how her jewelry would work with the dress. And shoes. And hair. And shoes again. (We've seen the shoes right here on ESB.) These were all very serious conversations, handled with great levity and concern, of course. Not fun at all.

(Editor's note: I couldn't resist posting another photo of the shoes.)

In all we had about 6 fittings. A few things were adjusted here and there, but we went for a straightforward approach and the beauty was in the details. Banded armholes, small yellow covered buttons up the back, tiny inverted pleats in the skirt...that's what made this dress special.

And here is the kicker.

Outside of the fabric, the dress didn't cost her a dime! Afton, as you may know if you read her blog, is a very talented graphic artist, and at the beginning of the process we decided that she would design my shop website for me, and I would make her wedding dress. Two talents, meeting in the middle. Making a trade was a fantastic idea, and it was also a nice way to keep sharing ideas through the whole process. As people working in creative fields, it is also nice to know that while we may not have tons of dough, our skills and talent are viable and worthy.

So go forth brides, and be not afraid to find your perfect design match, and may you have much fun and laughter during the process (and no crying and slamming of doors. At least not too much.)

Afton had this to add:

I couldn't have been happier with my perfect little white wedding dress! Not only was it exactly what I envisioned, but the whole process felt genuinely personal and collaborative, and it was great seeing how our ideas evolved together. For me, picking a dress off the rack just didn't suit me. Not to mention I could not for the life of me find one that even came close to what I envisioned I'd wear on my wedding day. It was an awesome feeling to swap talents with a fellow creative friend, and I think we both walked away with a stronger appreciation for each others' craft. And—my favorite part (besides getting the EXACT dress I wanted)—she smiled and squealed and awwwwwed with me each time I tried it on! Being away from my sisters and closest girlfriends, this meant the world to me to have someone to share those moments with. And, it goes without saying, I felt like a million bucks on my wedding day. Thanks, G!

(Photos by Alyson of unruly things)

can we retire the clunky use of "date night"?

A tweet from Lauren inspired me to beg her for a guest post last night as my plane was pulling away from JFK. And here it is:

so barack and michelle obama celebrated their anniversary this saturday. man, i love watching them interact: they're both so accomplished! their body language is so endearing (their campaign fist bump was goddamn adorable)! they make a point of spending private time together! they're like a little fish bowl, except they have a bunch of advanced degrees and i don't have to feed them shrimp flakes. obama relationship headlines would be the greatest thing ever - if they didn't force me to deal with the bullshit that is "date night" over and over.

i could fill several screens with my hatred of "date night" - think madeline kahn in clue, flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. heaving breath - but i think yesterday's twitter rant with meg (who was terribly patient with me) sums it up nicely.

can we retire the clunky use of "date night" re: married people? i do not date my husband, thanks.

seeing a movie, going out for drinks, getting dinner. a term cheapens what should be natural and makes it sound forced.

like the media called it "date night" when the obamas went out for their 17th anniversary. that's the dumbest shit i've heard all day.

the concept ("us night," if you will) is fine; the term itself reinforces the idea that romance dies when dating becomes marriage.

i'm an editor at a women's magazine; if i can get over "date night," anyone can. let's kick it with our husbands, by all means - but let's use language that does our relationships justice, yes?

YES.

p.s. H-town and I barely dated in the first place. So who says dating is romantic. Is what I'd like to add.

(Image via The Sassy Kathy via ffffound)

I suck

Or, rather, blogging via iphone sucks. I'm in nyc until Monday and MY MOM DOESN'T HAVE WIRELESS.

"Why the eff did you bother dragging your laptop on the plane?" you ask.

Good effing question.

Anyhoo, if you miss me you'll have to find me on Twitter. I'm talking to you, Blind Irish Pirate.

Images via Life in Lomo

uh oh

 

I already fell for these in black. But baby blue suede? Go ahead and try to tell me they don't complete my look for fall.

Via WHITE LIGHTNING

Are hipsters still on Facebook? Rly?

This otherwise rad illustration by Samantha Hahn (and the companion story from the September issue of Mankind Mag) spurs me to ask....

Because I thought Facebook was o-v-e-r. But I'm too old to be a hipster. What do I know?

I may have found my look for fall

Via duke and larn

p.s. H-town thinks that Gossip Girl has gone down the tubes now that high school is over, but I'm still into it. Pls discuss.

All I can say is, BOUQUETS WRAPPED IN LEATHER

And of course, the Prada shoes. Afton will you please stop being so cool?

(Photos by Alyson of unruly things)

Actually, I'm pretty sure I have more to say about this wedding...

P, you're killing me.

Are you gonna wear the dress?

p.s. I promised myself I'd stop ranting about J. Crew, but here is a more articulate rant...if anyone is interested.

Let's bring Victorian back

With an 80's crop-top twist? I'm feelin it.

From dakotasvintage via etsy wedding

I have resisted the crop so far, but Genevieve is weakening my defenses.

Here's a rad way to keep track of your wedding expenses

Draw them.

Images by Kate Bingaman-Burt via Nibs*

*I was so glad to see Nibs back up I just scrolled all the way through Martha B's wedding archives.

I want to be more like John Waters

I already linked to this article once, back when I though it was hilarious that John Waters used Crème de la Mer(de). But here's what really stuck with me:

Waters is unusually regimented. He wakes up at exactly 6:10 every morning and reads newspapers and drinks tea until 8. He starts writing “right at eight o’clock—not 8:01, not 7:59,” and works until lunchtime. Waters is rigidly devoted to these morning sessions, and his hired wife plans his travel accordingly. He will go somewhere a day early or stay a day late rather than fly in the morning, even if it means staying at an airport hotel, “because I need to write five days a week,” he says firmly. “As far as I can remember I have done that, at least for 25 years. I most never miss a day."

I've been making excuses, but it's time to develop a regime. (I.E. lay off Twitter in the morning?!)

(Photo by Nan Goldin for New York Magazine)

I watch too much TV

Way too much TV. Especially when there are other more important things I should be doing.

But I won't lie, I'm pretty stoked that Jason Schwarztman's new HBO series, Bored to Death, premieres this Sunday.

Here he is rocking Band of Outsiders (via Vain and Vapid)

put the giant flowers on your SHOES

I am so digging these vintage linen shoe clips* by b. poetic.

You can snap em up in red and white from her Etsy store (or put in a custom order).

And be sure to check out her blog.

*A rad alternative to, you know, putting the damn flower on your head.

Treasures, Wings (gift ideas for ring bearers and flower girls)

Heidi asked me:

Hey, Just curious if you have any ideas for gifts for the kids in a wedding. We have 2 ring bearers and 2 flower girls that are nieces and nephews and we want to get them something small that doesn't suck.. We talked about finding cool wooden toys that they could keep... but we're just a couple of weeks from the wedding and I don't know when or where we could find them. Any thoughts on a cool alternative?

Since I certainly can't claim to be an expert on kids (I don't hate them, I just don't hang out with them very often) I decided to call in the Kid Whisperer herself: Amanda of First Milk. Below are her lovely suggestions.


In my mind, the best gifts for littles are simple, charming. So. A smattering of small things that do not suck for loving-up flower girls, ring bearers and other tiny guests.

1. Costumes. I buy a lot of these for small friends, and find they lend themselves to whimsy without creating chaos. I've had great success with capes for running fastly in (I like these from Little Adventures) and wings (feathered or fairy) for spinning about as the evening grows dark. And any costume shop should have a good selection of the sorts of hats, crowns, noses and masks that make littles grin.

2. Soothing pretties. For favors homemade and sweet, I direct you to Peonies and Polaroids' gifts for her own tiny wedding guests: A squidgy bunny for the tiniest little, and a sweet, homemade bag with wax crayons and coloring pages for another. If you're not a DIYer, you might find a jellycat friend, like this junglie spotty giraffe, or a pleasant puppet. Such lovely presents would make me behave splendidly.

3. Treasures in a tin box. Littles love small treasures, and I would wager that a quick trip to your local toy store would turn up all sorts of classic, party-appropriate friends: finger puppets, mustaches, pinwheels and pig noses, bubbles and brave knights. For what is better than a box of treasures for no one but you?

(Image by pfotos)

This just in: It's bad for your health to sleep in the same bed?!

Apparently our discussion is timely. My research assistant (aka my mom) just sent more data: According to a Sept. 9 article from the BBC News, "Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship."

Um. I personally would rather stick to occasionally sleeping apart.

Sometimes my husband sleeps on the couch

Some nights he falls asleep there and my attempts to rouse him are futile.

Some nights he "naps" there on and off until dawn while he does godknowswhat on his computer(s).

Last night I asked to him to move over so many times (BEDHOG) that he grabbed his pillow and stormed into the living room.

I used to get upset that we didn't sleep all night every night in the same bed together. There's the whole mythology that if somebody's on the couch something must be wrong in the relationship... But it works for us.

Sometimes.

I will admit I'm looking forward to the day we've got a bedroom that can accommodate a queen size bed. My sweetie likes to sprawl.

(Photo by Kate Hutchinson)

I certainly have no interest in Scarlett Johansson's collaboration with Pete Yorn. But damn those are good pigtails.

Photo by Jim Wright ripped from New York Magazine

In other news, I have finally learned to use our scanner. Could the juicer be next??

DIY Haircut

Or, rather, do-it-with-your-friend haircut.

Clare of The Style Diaries enlisted her best friend Cindy (who is not trained as a stylist) to chop off all her hair. The result? Slammin.

You may remember I have DIY haircut fantasies a la Patti Smith. Or Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe. For now, there's no way I'm letting go of Alexis. But maybe I'll train H when we run off to Barcelona or Berlin or wherever.

Would someone pls do an Alice in Wonderland Wedding?

I personally would like to see more headpieces on groomsmen.

Photos by Annie Leibovitz for Vogue via Ilovelolliblog

p.s. These crazyfabulous dresses make me think of blushless, which just launched an online shop. Liv does custom colors, so I'm sure blue would be no probs.

Personalizing a Catholic Wedding

You guys, I need your help. Vanessa emailed me with this dilemma:

i'm having a catholic wedding - not our first choice, but we have to make our families happy as well - and part of the ceremony is they place a "unity cord" (in the shape of the figure 8). the ones that i've seen used in our culture's weddings are rope-like or rosary-like looking, which i'm not too keen on.

i was wondering if you can suggest something that we can do that aren't so ugly (i mean, rope? to what, hang ourselves with?) or too religious (fiance and i are not really religious, i mean, we have our own way of expressing our beliefs).

When H-town and I were in the early stages of thinking about our ceremony, I got excited about the Mexican wedding tradition of a lasso made of orange blossoms. (You can read about the tradition on this assy website, but be sure to mute your computer before clicking through.) Apparently orange blossoms symbolize fertility and happiness, though my thought at the time was to ask my aunt to use flowers from her garden.

We didn't end up doing it, but I still like the idea. Has anyone done something similar? Or do you have other suggestions to offer?

I searched high and low for a good photo of a floral lasso, but no dice. I def wasn't gonna post this.

Topanga Wedding

Hey there,

In the months leading up to the wedding I regularly visited your blog for trusted bursts of inspiration. It was a pleasure to escape the hellish wedding magazine culture and find a place dedicated to like-minded brides. So, I suppose this is my little way of giving back...

The ceremony took place at the Topanga Community House (site of the annual Topanga Days music festival). We were lucky enough to share the ceremony with some goats hired to clean brush around the grounds this summer. They were a great audience - their BAAAing throughout the ceremony kept everyone from getting emotional (yay!).


I turned some craft birds from Michael's into a bride and groom to top the cake & had a groom's cake made in the image of Darth Vader for Mark, my Star Wars-loving hubby. We nixed the idea of a traditional wedding party and instead had our sisters accompany us at the alter adorned in matching Milly dresses (in different colors). Most of the pictures were taken by Mollie Jane Photography. The flowers were provided by my friend Rebecca at Lily Pad Floral Design, and help was provided by another dear friend who is starting up her own event planning company, Jen Peterson Events.


There were wildflowers, vintage doilies, mason jars, mismatched plates & silverware, bluegrass music, a country band (Old Californio featuring Dave Gleason), a kids table (which I highly recommend! ..kept them busy all night!!), a candy buffet, my vintage dress and headpiece from Paris 1900, and a delectable buffet from Joan's on Third - all of which came together to create a truly memorable evening! Everyone really seemed to enjoy themselves and we heard over and over that the wedding was just so "you guys," which made us feel like the mission was accomplished!



Thanks again,
Sara

Hell. Yes.

Dear ESB: we're eloping... (part two)

Okay but srsly. Brandy doesn't have time for any of that crafty shit. She's eloping.

Messy bouffant. YES. Bubble veil. Why not?? (I don't even know what a bubble veil is.) Now all you need is pair of kick ass shoes.*

Here are the contenders:


The Prada Ruched Bootie, on sale for $239 at Barneys.



And the Mogil Pineapple Peep-toe Bootie, $245 at American Rag Online.

I'm feeling the booties. What can I say? I'm also in deep lust with these Loeffler Randalls, but they're $625.

*As long as you have great hair and great shoes, the rest of it doesn't matter.