Monday, May 13, 2013

unfancifying a dress?


Dear ESB,

So in the spirit of being sooooo laidback guys I'm not a bridezilla I swear I let my bridesmaids pick their own (navy) dresses. All well & good, except one woman picked this and the other one this.

Both lovely dresses and they'll each look great, but kinda like they're at different weddings? I offered to buy them (nonmatching) jewelry to wear so I'm wondering if you have any ideas for necklaces that would casualify the Monique Lhuillier or dress up the Asos one.

Difficulty level: not much more than $50, preferably orange or close to it.

*****

This is not a problem that can be solved with a necklace.

This is a problem that can be solved with: a) just pick the damn dresses for them or b) BE FINE WITH IT. kapish?

25 comments:

  1. Yeah, there is not a necklace in existence that will pull this off. Either tell girl A that she gets to save some cash or take the $100 you would have spent on necklaces and give it to girl B so she can get a fancier dress (assuming this was a cost-based decision on her part.)

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  2. I let my ladies pick their own dresses in a navy/gray/dark-ish color scheme... They all picked dresses to fit the casual vibe of our wedding except: The grooms little sister picked a super formal, long, flowy, TEAL dress. It was her first wedding, her first time being a bridesmaid, and you know what? I didn't even notice. She loved her dress and was happy, so I was happy. It would've sucked to have her sulking about having to wear a dress she hated. But it was my wedding day, my eyes were on my new husband - not on her. Let them wear what makes them happy.

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    1. Here here! Your wedding will still be fabulous, and they will still look like a cohesive bunch of bridesmaid because they will be carrying bouquets. Don't stress!

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  3. What was your underlying purpose in asking your attendants to choose their own dresses? The reasoning usually seems to be that they will pick a dress that meets their criteria for flattery, budget, usefulness in the future, fit, comfort, style, etc. They are your friends, standing at your side to support you during this very important life event...they are not a part of the scenery to be manipulated and draped to fit your vision. Blah blah blah...it's very noble.

    I think if you buy into that ideal, you have to live it out. You gave them one rule: navy. They seem to have followed that rule; neither of those dresses is actually royal or slate or cobalt or hot pink.

    I hope your dress (or whatever you've chosen to wear) thoroughly reflects your personality and your tastes and looks perfectly smashing on you! If it does, I think the three of you will look marvelous and comfortable and you will have succeeded. Orange necklaces optional.

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    1. I think it actually works better if you give them two rules: color and length. Everything fits a little better when it's similar in length.

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  4. I vote B. Since you've already taken steps away from uniformity, let it ride. I promise you'll be amazed at how it all comes together. I was a bridesmaid in October and we were instructed to choose dresses in one of the wedding colours (navy, red, cream) with a vintage vibe...the dresses couldn't have been more off the wall (especially since I went with gold sequins, whatevs) and yet somehow it all worked. Because everyone was happy? And everyone was present? And everyone was wholly themselves?

    Photos here: http://susieseesthesun.blogspot.com/2012/11/retta-jeremy-helena-mt.html

    Remember: they aren't at different weddings, they are at YOUR wedding. Right where you want them to be.

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    1. that wedding rocks the mismatch! makes me feel much better about my mismatched bridesmaids, whic I have spent far too long fretting over. letting it go is the BEST.

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    2. meg, you ladies couldn't have been better matched by a high-concept pro stylist. you looked amazing together (and HIGH MARKS for your sequins).

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    3. Beautiful wedding and perfect example, Meg.

      I agree to embrace the randomness. Non-matching dresses give weddings a really genuine look and feel, in my opinion. When you try to tie them all together with something matchy like Toms shoes or fake RayBans or orange necklaces, it ruins the whole effect of the sweet, sincere randomness you had going. Don't try to tie it all together- let it be.

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    4. Weird. Pretty much everyone at that wedding was in my college theatre program. SMALL WORLD SCARES ME.

      But the dresses look lovely! Just let everyone beee. Getting married in July, and all my bridesmaids are stylish so I just told them wear whatever they want. I know they'll look great because they always do. If you saw a picture of all your best lady friends at a party (not a wedding), and everyone looked gorgeous, would you be inclined to say "Wow, everyone would look so much better if they'd coordinated their colors/styles/dress lengths!" I really hope not.

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  5. I like the idea of non-matching dresses very much. In this case however I'm going to say that you should specify a length. Because this way you risk someone looking really out of place. But one thing I'm not clear on. Are these two the only bridesmaids? Or are there others?

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    1. Clarifying, the problem with someone looking out of place is if THEY will feel uncomfortable, not the aesthetics or anything.

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  6. Sometimes you have to be a bit more streamlined in your thinking when it comes to something like a wedding. To let everyone have different dresses is awesome, my best friend is doing it for her wedding next month, but be honest about the dresses working together. Everyone wants you to be happy on your day, as much as you want everyone else to be happy too.

    Kate

    www.thrillofthechaise.com

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  7. Eh I think it's fine. I mean in pictures they will match in with the color scheme, and in person its not like they will be attached at the hip all night. But take it with a grain of salt because my bridesmaids are mismatched and I don't really care.

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  8. My bridesladies all wore black dresses that they picked out on their own.... they were all different, they were all what each lady was comfortable in. Varied styles, cuts, lengths, and designers. When they were all together they all looked like they were in the same wedding because they were.

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  9. I told my girls "Red, orange or yellow and it's fine if that's just the pattern color and the base is different, I'd just like the colors to be in there somewhere." One of them excitedly showed me her bright green and blue dress that has one pink flower along the hem. I was about to say something and then saw how excited she was and realized - wow, I don't even care if they don't match and it isn't even my wedding day yet! =)
    I did make sure to tell the other four about the change in feelings though so they don't try too hard to fit the color scheme if they don't want to either.
    Long story short: I agree with most here - happiness and feeling good in your skin are the best accessories a girl can wear. That joy is what you want to see in your photos! BUT if your dress is more formal like the long one, you might want to let short-dress-bridesmaid know so she doesn't feel out of place. That might kill the aforementioned aura!

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  10. Wow, I love that Monique Lhuillier dress.

    I too stressed out for awhile when my bridesmaids started picking out wildly different dresses... and in the end, they looked terrific and it was fine.

    I know, it takes a few moments to let go of the vision (that you didn't know you had), but it's worth it. If both your attendants are happy with their dresses, let them be themselves and let it go.

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  11. i got over it and went with B, cause duh that is totally right answer! also it's now not clear if the original plan for MY dress is going to work out and all the sturm und drang over that has reminded me that everyone is going to be looking at my gorgeous ass anyway so who cares what those bia's are wearing, right?

    i ended up getting them necklaces i like from this etsy shop:
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/nylonsky
    because i'll be damned if i'm not going to force at least a little of my taste on my bridesmaids (i'm pretty sure that's the whole point of this wedding thing) thanks for the reality check!

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  12. My best friend let all 8 of her bridesmaids pick our own dresses - they just had to be blue. We were so happy. We all picked wildly different dresses - navy, ice blue, periwinkle, aqua, long, short, etc. (I actually wore my bridesmaid dress to 2 other weddings afterwards.) We all had pale pink bouquets. And the pics looked AWESOME. And the guests said they were so excited to see each new dress come down the aisle, like a fashion runway. I can't even remember what jewelry anyone wore. So yeah, Plan B is the ticket. Glad you found jewelry you like, I'm sure they will rock it.

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