Wednesday, March 20, 2013

what if you can only decide on the shoes?


We are eloping. In Austin. You may decide that I can't be helped after you read this.

I can't decide on a ring. I can't decide on a dress. I can't decide on my hair or if I'll carry any flowers. I haven't even thought about setting or an officiant. I can only decide on these shoes (in either color). I'm surprised I can decide on that! The thing with all the other stuff is I don't have a precedent. I don't wear white or dresses much (NY. black. and yes I know I don't have to wear white, and I don't have to wear a dress, but I'd like to give it a shot since we are eloping and I think FH [and our families, if they were privy at this stage] would like us to keep a few things traditional) and I never wear rings. I'm a bracelet girl. I would love help with both because I'm at the point where the internet has swallowed my perception and intuition up and everything looks the same. or bad. and just not me. but I'll take whatever seems most fun to y'all.

Budget under $700, and something around $400 or less would be sooo great. My instinct says on the shorter side is the way to go because I don't want it to feel over the top. I'm not into the ball gown elopements. And I'd probably feel more comfortable in less-than-head-to-toe-white. And I wanna see the shoes! I'm 5'3", 32C-24"-34". I like interesting shapes, architectural details, and a modern clean feel, because it's more flattering to my midget body but I'm not opposed to a little lace, and a touch of gothy feel. I do not do bohemian. I do not do bling. Even subtle bling. I wanted to love this LOVER and this Manivet (with a slightly opened up neckline) before we were eloping, when we were having a tiny wedding, and a normal-ish one respectively. Of course the LOVER is not available in the US and it does not go with the shoes. There is this LOVER which is over budget and while I love it on the model, I'm not sold that it's for me.

Rings. I love Anna Sheffield. My favorite one was this. Then when my dear friend got engaged in November, she had her jeweler uncle make her a replica. What can I say. We have similar taste. So that's out. Other things: I like black. I'm not sold on diamonds (ethics, and said hesitation regarding over-blinginess). I like herkimers but I don't want the setting to look too crafty. I want it to look modern and polished and I haven't seen any that cut it. I also like rutilated quartz. I'm not sure that I want two rings, and so am also open to a stone laden band. I've thought about Mociun, Alex and Chloe, Macha, and everything on Catbird. There was this ring which is so out of character for me but it is also my birth stone. I also like Bario Neal but none of them sing to me. I'm open to stacking and I like the idea of mixing metals because I do that in my other jewelry. Oh budget on the ring(s)... under $2k and I do have my mom's setting from her first marriage (with my dad) to mine for stones if i somehow go blingy.

phew. After reading this it's probably easier to just help me with the dress even though the ring should come first. or neither. jeez.

thaaaaaanks.

eloping-naked-in jeffrey-campbell-shoes

*****

I found your dress.


It's from H&M's Conscious Exclusive collection, which will be in stores April 4.

You're welcome, FUSSYPANTS.


p.s. What about a wedding bracelet? Just throwin it out there. Nobody says you have to have a ring.

35 comments:

  1. Romance was Born is another awesome Australian designer. Not sure on availability in America nor is it particularly wedding-y, but it's pretty fresh and awesome.

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  2. Wedding bracelet sounds rad to me. I mean, it seems like she's trying to talk herself into wanting a ring and is willing to settle for something that she doesn't hate.

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  3. I also never wear white, but have a white wedding dress (although not particularly traditional). I think it will help to make me feel different and special on the day

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  4. I never ever used to wear rings, but now I feel naked if I leave the house without them. They don't have to be big and flashy; I think sticking with simple rings helped me feel more comfortable wearing them every day.

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  5. To state the obvious, I think you're over thinking it. There is so much pressure to OMG LOVE your dress and ring, but you know what? You don't have to. You can just have a normal dress and ring and the day can still be awesome.

    I think a toxic part of the wedding culture is the pressure for everything to be perfect and unique, when that isn't realistic for a lot of people--not everybody loves obsessing over this stuff.

    If it were up to me, I'd just pick a dress--probably something simple and plain, like a white sheath. Get something you can return so it doesn't feel like such a commitment. Just pick something. If on a scale of 1-10, you like it a 6, keep it, have it tailored to fit you perfectly and stop thinking about it.

    For the ring, remember that your forever ring doesn't necessarily have to be done NOW. Get a simple, thin, unobtrusive band knowing that it's okay to buy and wear a different ring later (i.e. post wedding) if you find something you love. That's what anniversary gifts are for.

    Keep some perspective. Weddings are exciting and they can be fun, but it doesn't sound like you're enjoying this ring and dress process, so cut yourself some slack.

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    1. I saw a bride on one of the blogs once who had a motto that went something like "perfect is the enemy of good" (or "the best is the enemy of the good?"). Totally loved it.

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    2. That's a Voltaire quote (perfect is the enemy of the good) and it's one of my favorites.

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    3. Yes. There's something to be said for making a decision just so you don't have to think about it anymore. Kate's suggestion is great. And if you end up finding a perfect wedding dress after you tailor the sheath, well, a tailored white sheath isn't the worst thing to own.

      RE: the ring. If you're not a things-on-the-fingers person, maybe get one and put it on a chain? We're getting ours from Blanca Monros Gomez.

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  6. That dress....no, I'm sorry. The high-low hem is cool but take it from someone with very similar measurements that when you're petite like us, your wedding dress needs to make you feel like a woman (either by elaborating your curves, showing a little cleavage, showing off legs...somehow it needs to have a hint of sexy), not a little girl.

    I like this shape of dress a lot more because it cinches at your tiny waist, will prop your boobs up, and gives your lower half a little shape without drowning you in fabric. And it's short!

    I couldn't find that specific dress anywhere online for sale, but this one at Nordstroms is similar. I think if you go dress shopping with this shape in mind you will find one that makes you look amazing!

    I love the wedding bracelet idea, if bracelets are your thing. I have a friend who wears a tiny gold chain bracelet that is fused (no latch, can't be removed) instead of a wedding ring. His wife wears a matching gold bracelet.

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    1. Crap, the second dress I linked to is sold out.....I'll search a little more....

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    2. To me, those two dresses look much more "little girl" than the one ESB posted. Strapless AND very short screams teenager to me.

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    3. I think shorter girls can wear shorter dresses. Just came across this amazing Katie Ermilio dress....too bad it's so expensive. Go with a gumball machine ring for now and spend more on the dress?

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    4. I agree with Kate, I think ESB's choice is more chic and sophisticated, but Tonia's are flirty and fun.. so up to the OP what she prefers I guess.

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  7. Opal is your birthstone? If you're a Libra that would explain the indecisiveness. ;)

    For the dress, I say something fitted and sexy for your figure. Short too to show off the shoes. Something like this

    As for rings, I say go simple. There is no need to go blingy.

    I like what Miriam wrote. Wear it on a chain if you don't like wearing rings. Though you may get used to wearing one faster than you think if its not obtrusive. That's why I opted for a simple gold band and I LOVE it.

    Here are two lovely rings...

    Beautiful stones

    Simple gold band

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  9. I like Tibi for you. Simple, modern and within your price range. And you might look at the wedding rings over here. Here's your birthstone on your budget.

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    1. nicole you should be a stylist. i have never not loved what you post!

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  10. You could look at Christine Mighion for rings - she uses all recycled gold and silver and it looks like you'll get a discount if you sign up for the mailing list. I got myself this as a present for finishing law school and it's so light I barely even notice that it's on. If you're into opal and oval stones she has this lovely ring right now.

    For what it's worth, I usually hate high-low dresses but I love ESB's pick, and as someone with very similar measurements I think it would look fantastic on you, with those shoes.

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  11. I am crazy about the dress ESB suggested, but I also think some of the 60's mod-ish reception dresses on BHLDN would look amazing with those shoes(like http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/climbing-ivy-mini/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd or http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/penelope-mini/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd).

    For rings, look on etsy. They have such an amazing variety. I say, go opal and don't look back!

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  12. Like Kate said, there is a LOT of pressure for everything to be just right and just perfect. I was in the same boat as the OP when it came to picking things. I kept thinking, "I ONLY DO THIS ONCE. IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT CHOICE!" Which of course, freaked me out.

    When I couldn't decide on a ring and was pulling my hair out over it, my fiance was like, "Dude. If you decide you hate it in a year and if your ring was just a trend, it doesn't matter. We'll get you a new wedding ring." And while I TOTALLY didn't agree (of course I didn't! I'm an obsessive freak!)It's nice to remind yourself that these decisions you're making aren't forever. Take a breath. If you make a "mistake" you aren't stuck with it for the rest of your life.

    Another thing we implemented during wedding planning was to just pick something, anything. And once you have, your actual opinions start coming out. "yeah, that one is fine, doesn't matter." or "Aaaaaaaaactually I hate that. I want this one."

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    1. Also, I'd re-buy a Bario-Neal in a heartbeat. I want one of every band. They're classic yet modern. A lot of simple and pretty, while others are detailed and intricate. But as an ESB reader, that's nothing new.

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    2. Years ago, I had Bario-Neal make me a hakea band in silver with a row of tiny diamonds along one side and I still sometimes wear it in place of my engagement ring. They're lovely to work with and make great, sturdy, modern and unique jewelry.

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  13. We had the worst time shopping for my engagement ring. I hated every single "diamond store" ring out there, and kept getting tonnes of pushback from store clerks who would either tell G that HE would be disappointing ME if he didn't come home with the flashy dashy halo diamond shebang that neither of us wanted or when we did decide to go with a wedding band as THE ring told us "that's not an engagement ring."

    There's a lot of pressure real and perceived to have it RIGHT. You DON'T need a ring to be engaged/married. You CAN do the bracelet if that's what you want, and you CAN decide to change your mind down the road.

    Also with the dress... if black pants and a nice top is what you normally do...then maybe do that! Who cares if it's not a white dress

    The absence or presence of these things doesn't make your wedding day more or less a wedding day or your marriage more or less of a marriage.

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  14. Go with a bracelet. You could buy an understated plain band to wear on your ring finger if you felt you had to conform in some way.

    But, that opal ring is the most beautiful thing I have seen in my life.

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  15. ESB's pick is great as usual, but I personally am not a huge fan of the hi-low skirt trend.

    I absolutely love this Iris and Ink (it would go wonderfully with your shoes)

    A few other options:

    A slightly more unusual dress

    Simple and classy

    Rings:

    If you like black, you might like this black spinel ring

    The same seller also makes a black diamond ring, stacking opal rings, and a simple opal ring

    A vintage opal ring

    And, to echo some previous comments, it helps to cut yourself some slack. This is not necessarily "forever"- you can always get a new ring!

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    1. I am meh on those rings, but I dig the Iris & Ink!

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    2. love the iris & ink as well, great pick!

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  16. Satomi Kawakita ellow gold and black diamond bandyellow gold and black diamond band in your budget.


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  17. A wedding bracelet is such a good idea. If you really want a ring, I wear a Blanca Monros Gomez thin black diamond ring and it doesn't feel like I'm wearing anything. Bario Neal also have a few thin little rings.

    But! Bracelet!

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  18. Please humor me with this dress. I know it is way over budget but it's beautiful and somebody needs to wear it!

    I also suggest Blanca Monros Gomez for rings. Black diamonds all the way.

    And, for what it's worth I have a very small, non-blingy engagement ring that I wear stacked with a simple gold wedding band and it's very comfortable. I never really wore rings before either.

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  19. Um, that dress, you rarely fail, but I say nope. Cheesy vs. interesting.

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