Wednesday, March 6, 2013

crazysauce (by request)


Dear ESB,

Got a little crazysauce right here for you.

My sister (MOH) got the email below from our Mom regarding the bachelorette party. Please note the excessive use of "sorry" and "plz"and the casual mention of her cardiologist so you know this is all fucking with her heart literally and figuratively. Also, we have met Betty* twice and she was married to our cousin, shotgun style, last week.

Days ago your aunt called and said "here is Cousin A's email so you can invite his wife Betty to Bride's bachelorette party". Your aunt said "all I hear is Carol and Deb making plans", I said "I do not know anything about this bachelorette party....."
I am so sorry , I known it's a big deal. Sorry plz, plz plz do the right thing and invite her she may be under 21 I do not know.....I will lose your aunt and the family if she is not invited. Your aunt will make sure of that sorry, sorry. I did not sleep again yesterday. She called me again to see if I gave you the email, sorry.
I cannot deal with everything happening right know I do not say anything to you guys about anything. I keep everything to myself...But your aunt has no problem bringing this up........I have another appointment on Thursday with the cardiologist. He wants me on betablockers ...plz do the the right thing plz.Sorry Sorry...Like I said, I knew nothing about  the bachelorette party..........I am always the last one to know everything....I did not know Carol and Deb were invited . Here is your cousins email, 123@gmail.com

My sister being the boss that she is writes back:

1. We didn't invite Carol

2. Betty doesn't even speak English

3. I have bigger things to worry about than your family acting like a bunch of high school kids!
 Don't act like I'm doing something wrong by not doing the "right" thing! I'm tired of your crazy family!

This exchange is a nice little example of how my wedding planning has gone and how helpful my mom has been. To her credit, I don't know how she deals with everything going on -- my father is an ex-con and drug addict (they are divorced), my stepfather is physically disabled (walking me down the aisle because of those two things is another source of drama), her other sister was recently evicted and she has to make travel arrangements to the wedding for her brother because he's incapable of doing so for himself. Don't forget, he wouldn't have to make travel arrangements in the first place if we would have  just had the wedding in my hometown instead of where we currently live.

I have seriously started to think that weddings are just a bad idea if you don't have a semi-normal family. I know that no family is completely normal but being able to pretend you are is just as good. 

How do you keep positive when your family is such a mess and you feel like you don't even deserve to have a normal wedding?

*Names have been changed to protect the crazies.

*****

You and your BOSS sister should start an anonymous blog to chronicle the crazysauce.

plzplzplzdotherightthing.blogspot.com is available! As is plzdotherightthingplz.blogspot.com


Melting Ice Cream Dress by Kermit Tesoro via Fashion Salad via Steven Vandenplas via crimesofparis

31 comments:

  1. HOLY SHIT. 1) your sister is awesome, and 2) it seems like your mom needs to work on some boundary setting with her family? she would probably have less heart problems if she was not engaging with and enabling their craziness.

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  2. Whoa buddy. The term Bitches Be Cray was invented for your situation my dear. Just hug your sister and never let her go. You're so very lucky to have each other!

    Your poor mom, though. I can feel her agony through that email...or maybe it was MY agony because of all her missed spaces and letters, but either way, try your best to support that woman and keep her calm. She desperately needs to hear a voice of reason amongst all the crazy, and to see an example of how to not be a crazy-enabler. Maybe right before your wedding isn't the right time to deal with it, but at some point a heart to heart about living one's own life and not being a crutch for insane family members would be a good idea. Bring your mom with you over to the light.

    And congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Enjoy the shit out of the big day and feel good about the fact that you made it out alive from that family. You're starting your own now, and it's a blank slate. :)

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  3. You have my condolences. Thank god for your sister, because your mother sounds exhausting. And don't even get me started on your aunt.

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  4. You seriously need to elope...

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  5. Your last sentence, oh man. I hope you can find a way to feel like you deserve a normal wedding.

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  6. Ffffff that if she's under 21.

    The only way to stay positive is to stick your head in the sand box and let the world fall apart around you. Ignore everything, talk to no one, and do what you feel you need to do.

    Tell your mom to do the same b/c if your aunt wants to play this game, your mom should bitch your aunt out for not inviting her/informing her of the shotgun wedding. "All I hear is Petty this and Cousin A this! And shotgun this."

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  7. it's just nuts. why, oh why, do family members take weddings as an opportunity to create drama?

    your aunt (and by extension your mom) is really getting pissy and upset because her recent daughter-in-law isn't invited to your bachelorette party? It is quite obviously none of her business, and she gets no say. done.

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  8. A few suggestions...

    Send an email to the aunt politely explaining why Betty is not invited to your intimate bachelorette party, but she is invited to the wedding (if she is..) and if she's still upset then just say fuck it, because you made an attempt to fix the situation.

    OR just leave it at your sister's awesome email and focus on things that get you excited & not stressed (easier said than done)

    OR have a fake shitty bachelorette party at Applebees or something that Betty & Carol and whoever else is invited to, and then later have a real one that you publicly say was a "girls night out", but is actually the one that you will scrapbook about.

    & OMG THAT DRESS. Amazing.

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    1. have a fake shitty bachelorette party at Applebees

      YES.

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  9. The blog recommendations made me laugh.

    You nailed this one ESB.

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  10. Re your last question about staying positive: you keep your focus on your awesome husband, your boss sister, your wonderful friends, and block out the rest of the noise.

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  11. Am I the only one that finds the sister's email really rude? I mean I don't know the background, but I don't want anyone talking to my mom this way...

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    1. This is not the blog for you...I would recommend "cup of jo" for you :)

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    2. Maybe she would prefer www.thrillofthechaise.com? I hear great things.

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    3. No, I'm with you, newkatinka. I'm as snarky as anybody and I've been as esb reader for years, but there's a difference between online snarkiness and serving it up to your mom in an email. Geez. Be nice to your mom while you can.

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    4. So what would you tell your mom when she uses her cardiology appointments as leverage for you to invite someone you barely know (and might be under age and I'm assuming pregnant?) to your bachelorette party?

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    5. I wouldn't want someone talking to my mom that way either, but my mom is normal. Sometimes after a lifetime of crazy from one person the only thing you can do is be direct, and I'm guessing that may be what's happening here.

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    6. You don't have to be "nice" in response to emotionally manipulative behavior just because it's your mom.

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    7. meh, just my opinion tainted by my wonderful mom. I guess I've led a sheltered life =)
      But PLEASE dont banish me to thrillofthechaise just for feeling this way!! Please!!

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  12. Spawn of crazysauce here. Like I mentioned, this exchange is one in a nonstop barrage of dramas. Had I fully thought about my family dynamics when I was in the excited "Oh, my god! I'm getting married" stage a wedding would have been seriously reconsidered but that would have created drama with my partner in crimes family. I will take everyone's advice and focus on the positive and remain grateful for my sister! As to the rudeness in my sisters email, yes, it's clearly rude. I am envious of anyone who has a mother that acts like an adult and has never lost their patience with her. Politeness and logic doesn't work on everyone all the time... I received this text from her last night regarding her glue gun " Hi, found it.It was where I always put it. Your sister did not even respond to my texts. I have had this gun for 15 years. Thank u. It was an emergency.haha. " You read that right, it was an "emergency" and my rude sister didn't respond.

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    1. As the sister who is currently helping my sister deal with my crazy mom after she just had the first grandchild, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE HERE FOR. Just pay it forward when it's her turn.

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    2. oh jesus, I missed the "glue" part of "glue gun" and thought for split second that things were going the way of crazy tragedy. Phew.

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    3. all right, just read this, take everything back. rock on, MOH-sister!

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  13. Oh my goodness. I can totally relate.

    I'm still suffering from wedding PTSD.

    Fortunately, my friends and husband kept me sane and made me feel very loved. Be thankful for your sister.

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