Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Dear ESB: Do I take the money from my former step dad?
My former step dad (father of my younger bro & sis, estranged) has been trying to make amends with my mom who has harbored years of resentment towards him due to child support non-payments and such, my extremely hard-headed stubborn sister (and moh) who has harbored years of resentment towards him due to abandonment issues, and my easy going affable brother.
I think he made some headway with my mom and brother but my sister refuses to talk to him. Since you are very astute you know I am getting married and while I don't agree with his actions of the past I tend to overthink things and see my wedding as not only a celebration of my dude and I declaring our love and commitment with our nearest and dearest, but also as an opportunity to reunite my hugely complicated family and maybe get past some disagreements and estrangements thru communal celebrating and crab cake eating.
I'm not delusional, I know that that's a tall order and I won't feel that my wedding has failed if that doesn't happen, but I've seen it happen before and I think my family is ripe for some Lifetime worthy hugfests.
Having said that, when this father type found out I was getting married, he called me and sent me a check. A pretty big check. Like, a third of our low-budge So-Cal DIY self-funded wedding budget's worth.
So. I was planning on inviting him anyway until my sister responded with a chinook of chilliness.
a) take the money and send him pictures which he told me was enough being fully aware of how my sister feels about him and the situation
b) send the check back out of principal
c) try and convince my sister to at least listen to him try to make amends?*
* there is a distinct chance this will not happen. Seriously, my sister is the most stubborn person I have ever met.
ps i forgot option d) invite him and make her suck it up.
d) Invite him and make her suck it up. I couldn't have said it better myself.
It's your wedding. And whether or not this man is your father by blood, he had a hand in raising you.
p.s. You probably shouldn't say anything to your sister about that hugfest you're hoping for. Just get em all there and see what happens.
(Photography by Keiron O'Connor for Jalouse via tobaccoandleather via Le Fashion)