Thursday, December 16, 2010
Dear ESB: Can I have a 2-TIER wedding?
Mother said I should ask Dear Abby but you seem so much cooler...
Issue: Due to the budget (my mom and dad are paying) we have a small guest list... about 80 or so immediate family and family friends. Because Fi and I both LOVE our friends so much and to us they seem more like family I had a GRAND idea of doing what some have referred to as a 2 Tier wedding *GASP*. 80 guest invited to ceremony and dinner.... 80 plus invited to PARTY with us all on the same day. Wedding will start at 7pm with dinner immediately following. Party will start at 9:30pm.
How should I do the wording for the "partay" invites.... and would you be offended if you were only invited to party and celebrate rather than pray, eat, party oh and should I tell the party people they will be missing out on the wedding ceremony and if so HOW do I do that????
Are your friends local?
I wouldn't be offended to receive a 2nd Tier invitation, but I definitely wouldn't fly across the country just to attend a party.
Joy, of Crash-My-Wedding fame, has some more specific advice:
before you get too worried about wording i would check in with your caterer.. we were fortunate enough to work with an amazing group of guys who LOVED the idea and didn't charge us for the additional head-count*
my 'wording' advice is to be up front about it.. your friends/coworkers/neighbors are going to understand that you have to draw the line somewhere and will be excited that you found a way to include them.. we threw together a flier style invite and emailed it to our crashers with a quick note of: 'Because we're having such a small wedding we had to get creative to come up with a way for all of you to make it!' Pretty much everyone we invited to crash made it (granted, they were all local) and they all thought it was the coolest idea.. there was no grumbling, no weirdness, no hard feelings..
when it comes down to it people go to weddings to celebrate your marriage, not watch you make out and sign your life away.. your family is going to get the intimate feel of a smallish wedding and your friends are going to get wasted on leftover alcohol..
on a side note.. one of the best things about having crashers is being able to invite people right up to the wedding and not worry about it f'ing with your guest list..
*it didn't hurt that we were providing the alcohol..