Tuesday, September 3, 2013
It's not that the sex is bad or anything....
I have a non wedding related question for you and your wise minions.
I got married to my husband 3 months ago, after being with him for about 4 years.
At the moment, he works away for 2 weeks at a time, and is only home for 1 week. This past swing, he was away for 4 weeks and has been home for 2.
You would expect that when he got home after being away for 2 weeks, I would be wanting to rip his clothes off and have sex with him then and there right? Wrong! I am not feeling it at all. We usually have sex the first night he gets home, and I am sort of into it, but then that's it. Right now, has been home for 2 weeks and we have only had sex that one time, the first night he was home.
It's not that the sex is bad or anything, I just can't be bothered and I know that sounds absolutely terrible!! I feel like life just gets in the way and sex is the last thing I feel like. I try to pump myself up for it because I know he is going away soon, but I don't know, I seem to have lost all interest.
I know that this hurts him too, and I think it is probably doing damage to our relationship as well. I am 23, if I don't want to have sex now, what will our future be like?
I think that before he started working away things were better, we had sex at least once a week, and maybe I felt more close to him or something?
I guess my actual question is probably...what should I do, and is this in any way normal?
Any advice you could give would be very welcome.
Sadly, this is very normal.
Sexual desire in any long-term relationship tends to have a kind of ebb and flow.
And contrary to popular belief, intimacy, affection, security and/or MOTHERFUCKING CUDDLING are not necessarily turn-ons for women. Routine can kill the excitement.
What is the solution to this??
Harboring fantasies, keeping a secret or two, having sex even when you don't feel like having sex because sometimes your body needs a kick-start to remember: "Oh, yeah. I like this!"
Initiating sex NOT AT BEDTIME, which, imho is the absolute unsexiest time to have sex (See: Afternoon Delight).
Are a few tricks I recommend.
Hormonal birth control can also be a libido-killer for a lot of women. If you're currently on the pill, trying going off for a little while.
Okay, dying to hear more suggestions/advice from the minions....
Louise Grinberg By Raphael Just for Jalouse February 2013 via Visual Optimism