you just have to let the fuck go sometimes

I've been very methodical about when I was going to finally write in with the update of our wedding. Truthfully I had to police myself and promise that I would only write in after I was able to process and package this whole thing (cause truth be told I was not ready for the quicksand of doubt and guilt that followed our wedding...)

And not a shred of guilt about marring my husband - thank God I was able to get someone who can be my true foil- but the crazy grey area few talk about, where you realize that you could start to question why and what you did, what you missed and how quickly the whole fucking thing happens! What I can say- now that I have worked through this is that you should really allow yourself to be honest- indulge in small measures in the things that you can do and have this whole process be a lesson that you just have to let the fuck go sometimes. Cause the scary truth is that there is some serious and character building work after you get married (which is why I feel it's sound advice to allow yourself controlled "indulgences"- save for the future but if you want to rock an awesome frock and have everyone drink beer- I promise all will be happy- or if you have a chance to get away for your honeymoon- do it! Celebrate the shit out of it cause it's a big deal- then come back to reality with some cushion because you didn't go crazeballs spending cause you as a pair looked ahead!)

I do want to thank you ESB and your community of readers - your blog was a critical manner in which I kept my cool and was constantly inspired and reminded that there is equal measure of beautiful things and tough love and if you could balance both you could come out the other end not a totally insipid bride/wife/human being.

And no update would be complete without a quick rundown - ended up having a custom made dress (awesome decision that ended up cheaper than most of stuff I tried on in stores), got married in Miami at not-for-profit rowing club, Ronald Shane Center (super affordable space in Miami Beach) that allowed outside catering (who was a family friend that Rocked it). But most importantly I was introduced to Alicia, our photographer who single handedly was able to cure aforementioned funk as soon as I finally got her images. There is a certain magic to being able to find someone who captures moments so honestly. As a artist myself, who also take photos, I knew I wanted someone who would be able to approach capturing our day in this manner and I just was blessed to be connected with her. 

Again- thank you for having this place we can gather our thoughts and create a community- it helped me through the highs and lows that last year brought. As was the first time I wrote in, this was such an indulgence and again am grateful for this forum in which to share my thoughts!

Much love,

Mrs. Jackie Kerouac

I guess I can't hate on balloons anymore.

Also: HOLY SHIT, MIAMI

♥ ♥ ♥

(Photos by Alicia Osborne)