Saturday, November 13, 2010
I have been engaged for 5 months now and am getting married in the summer. Since I have gotten engaged I have been constantly worrying about the guest list. I am not very close to my dad's side of the family and I have always felt uncomfortable around them, my cousin especially. I only have one cousin on that side of the family and he is mentally disabled. Since we were kids he has always insisted on sitting as close as possible to me, he is always trying to rub my back and kiss me on the lips, even when it is quite obvious it makes me extremely uncomfortable and I dodge him when he tries to do this. His mother, my aunt, never said anything to him. I finally mentioned something to my dad last year because I now avoid family events like the plague. It has gotten a little better but I still feel nervous around him and I can't relax.
To get to the point, I would really like to NOT invite him to my wedding. But at the same time I don't have an excuse to give to my family if I don't (since they think his actions are perfectly normal). I am not having a small wedding either so i can't use that as an excuse. I feel like I am being a little ridiculous and I think I just need to get over it but I want to be able to relax at my wedding and not worry about what he might do.
Am I being unfair and if not do you have any thoughts about how to best handle this situation?
Try to keep "mentally disabled" out of the scenario. If you had an agile-minded cousin who had been sexually harassing you since you were kids, you'd leave him off the guest list, right?
So leave him off the list. No apologies, no excuses.
(I have a feeling your aunt -- and the rest of the family -- are more aware of his behavior than they are letting on.)
Masquerade by Saul Steinberg & Inge Morath via modern nostalgic via Vejde Gustafsson