Longtime reader, first-time writer, etc., etc. I really love your blog, and kept following it even after my wedding-ish thing, which was a year and a half ago. My question/dilemma is only semi-wedding related, but, I dunno, ESB is such a good forum for so many dilemmas of this nature. I'd love to know what you think.
My sweetie and I are pretty non-traditional. I'm queer, and he and I both are pretty non-conforming when it comes to gender presentation (I'm female, but I regularly get mistaken by strangers for a boy. I don't really mind - I like my androgynous style. And he has a very queer/feminine style). We didn't even really get engaged, but we did decide that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and, at his urging, we threw a big party to celebrate this event. (That's when I first found ESB, actually - during my months-long quest to find a non-traditional-but-still-super-special dress for our party). The party was fun!
Then last Christmas (6 months after our party), I got a completely unexpected gift from his family: A diamond ring. Clearly an engagement ring. It was from his whole family: parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. As I opened the gift, they all stared at me expectantly with tears in their eyes. It was like THEY were proposing to me. It was a lovely gesture, but also kind of... weird? It felt weird. I thanked them all profusely, of course. I put the ring on my finger that day, but it was too big and after Christmas was over I put it back in the box and have not taken it out since then.
The fact that I have not worn the ring since two Christmases ago has not gone unnoticed by his family. We live near them and see them fairly frequently. Nobody's said anything about it to me, but they've asked my sweetie why I'm not wearing the ring. He's actually lied and said that I do wear it, and that they just haven't seen me wearing it. So I guess that means now I really do need to start wearing it so they don't realize he lied? But: I'm really not an engagement ring person. I'm not a jewelry person at all, actually. My sweetie knew exactly what he was doing in not buying me an engagement ring (we don't wear wedding bands, either). And it feels incredibly weird to me that his family essentially bought me an engagement ring. Maybe I'm projecting too much here, but it feels like they were disrespecting the terms of his and my relationship, and trying to impose their own terms on it (i.e. "She's not wearing a ring? But how will anyone know she belongs to him?").
So I guess my question is: What do I do about this? Do I just continue to not wear the ring, since nobody's said anything about it to me explicitly? Do I try to remember to wear the ring every time I see them? I really, really don't like it, and don't feel comfortable with a diamond engagement ring on my finger. Am I thinking too hard about all of this?
FUCK THAT SHIT
Your sweetie needs to tell his family, very sweetly, that he lied. That you're not an engagement ring person, you never wanted an engagement ring, and while you appreciated their gesture you thought it was kind of... weird. (Because, yes, an engagement ring from his family? is HELL OF WEIRD.)
Then sell it and buy yourselves a juicer or something.