Thursday, June 25, 2009

Should bridesmaids wear matching shoes?

Hi Nomi (ESB)!

It's Melody from
me melodia. How are you? I've been meaning to send you a quick email for some time now but I'm easily distracted buttressed with major procrastination disabilities. I'm sure you get tons of "OMG I need help with my wedding... should I wear a feather headpiece or not?..." emails. I hope this doesn't bug you too much.

My bff is getting married this November and she's chosen 3 ladies (me included). She's very nontraditional girl who is having a super traditional semi-lax formal-ish wedding. She's gone back and forth on BM ideas but she has it narrowed down to 2 now (in black satin). I was assuming seeing that we're all wearing the same outfit that we should have the same shoes... or if not the same they should have some similar characteristics (i.e. closed, peeptoe, color/texture). Now this is where there's a disconnect. I'm so not a formalist but my bff thinks I'm totally nuts for assuming we should have the same shoes. What are your thoughts on this?

I just figure since we're going all matchy with outfits it would look a bit odd if someone came wearing
these beauties and someone else wore these pieces of crap.

You opinion on this matter is greatly appreciated.

I'm honestly feeling like this is the most superficial email I've ever sent a stranger. ;)

You rock my socks.



ps I thought you might enjoy


Lady! Forgive the delay. I dunno what the eff took me so long.

1) I love these questions. So, duh, you're not bothering me. (Although I often laugh to myself, as I sit in my pajamas at the computer, that I have come to be considered an expert.)

and B) What an amazing dilemma! Yeah, I think you're right. If the dresses match, the shoes have got to be in the same ballpark.* Same height/color/material. (NO DYED-TO-MATCH-SATIN. PLEASE. I know you're cooler than that anyway.) Maybe you could vary a few details like peeptoe vs. traditional pump.... But make some rules like NO SANDALS. (I am not feeling all these jeweled sandals. Ick. Esp not for a formal-ish wedding in November.) Maybe the four of you should go shoe-shopping together.

*In fact, I just looked at a photo of my non-matching bridesmaids in their green dresses, and they did a terrific job of coordinating their shoes. They don't match, but they're all in the wedgy, t-strap world. Makes em look cohesive and cool.


p.s. OMG FNM

(Polaroid by Jen Gotch courtesy of my polaroid blog)


  1. My response would be to find a high level construct to work with. And I would say that the shoes need to be similar enough that they, as a group, fade into the background vs. compare and contrast of shoehood preoccupying the minds of the wedding guests. Who, even though they will be all verklempt, might still be prone to such frivolity.

  2. My bridesmaids asked me what kind of shoes to wear the other day and I gave them a blank look and said "just don't come barefoot"? I honestly have so many other things to think about that I hadn't considered giving direction here.

    But now that it's on the radar, and fall is on the horizon-ish in stores, I keep noticing great shoes for them to go in on. After a $40 H&M BM dress, they seem totally willing to spring for some rockin mustard yellow shoes. Which will be so cutsy in comparison to my old black pointy pumps that I'm going with for comfort. ha!

  3. I told my bridesmaids to wear shoes that they liked, that they were comfortable in, and that matched the dresses.


    The shoes are really not very noticable, even in group shots:

    Don't sweat it too much!

  4. A lot of shoe stores sell different shoes but in the same material. So the bms could choose their heel height, toe shape, etc. but still be in the same colour? I did this last year as a bridesmaid wearing a black dress.

    Also if you're wearing the same dresses, you could make things a little more independent and all wear a different kind of accessory.

  5. @ Victory Bride: My BFF, who is getting married in October, also found dresses for us at HM for $35! This is one of the many reasons why she is my BFF. :)

    @ all: I am not a matchy-matchy person at all, so I think that contrasting accessories and shoes are a must to dilute the intensity of all-matching dresses. Of course, that is just me!

  6. I gotta say, personally, I am not so into the matching shoes thing ... for a completely selfish reason. I am tall ... like WAY tall and those fabulous four inch heels that make most girls appear like a sexy leggy lady make me appear to be Shaquille O'Neal and its no fun to feel like the monster who came to tower over everyone else at the party.

    But I do like the idea of keeping them in some sort of theme or fabric genre.

    Just my two cents.

  7. I don't think they have to match, but should be somewhat similar. The only thing I can't stand is matching hairstyles on the bridesmaids.

    P.S. Not everyone looks good with their hair full of curls on top of their head, and others look bad with it slicked back and straight. Let them wear what flatters them. Off subject, but had to be said. I feel better now, thank you.

  8. Gotta agree with the consensus here: Don't bother worrying about what they're wearing on their feet. For me, it's just not something I need to micromanage. Chances are they'll ask each other and come up with a similar color, and if not, who cares? You're already asking them to wear the same (or, if you're like me, similar J.Crew) dresses. You might as well let them express themselves via shoes and accessories.

  9. i was all about the non-matchy shoes until i saw this:

    they look awesome together. and the different hairstyles keep them from looking like clones.

  10. Ok, I know you're going to think I'm making some sort of philisophical statement, which I am TOTALLY not, but...

    I just, I stress easily. So I decided I could not be bothered to stress about what other people wear, especally on their feet.

    Oh yeah. Untill I told them they could pick their own non-bridesmaid dresses, and people started asking me if they could wear used bridesmaid dresses. WHAT? Heeelllllllllll no. But shoes? Meeehhh.

  11. esb, you are the shoe expert.
    just sayin'

  12. To me, matching shoes is the height of the matchy-matchy-obsession-weirdness. I was telling Nate just last night how I had to wear a pair of shoes two sizes too big to my father's wedding because the narrow style my stepmother chose just did not fit my short, wide (think cubic) feet. Dresses at least can be altered, shoes not so much.

    But I agree that similarity of style is nice. Deciding on "proper shoes" vs. sandals for example is a pretty good starting point. Strappy vs. non-strappy etc.

    Oh, I just remembered, my mum, sisters and I all ended up with very similar shoes at my wedding. That was cool:

  13. I like cohesive but non-identical. I can't remember where I saw it but there were Bridesmaids all in similar black dresses and the exact same style of shoe but all in different colours. I really am not an advocate of the exact same for similar reasons to Cate Subrosa, I have tiny feet and a lot of manufacturers don't carry my size.
    For my Bridesmaids so far the only rule is that they wear flats and that's mostly because one is definitely not a heels person. I reserve the right to get all uptight about style as the wedding gets closer though!

  14. I like the idea of leaving it up to the bridesmaids but having them pick it out as a group. Elements like that are always fun. :)

  15. I told my bridesmaids to wear whatever shoes they wanted as long as they were black and I got SO MANY questions back about heel height, straps, peep toe etc that it drove me nuts! Even ten minutes before we left for the church a bridesmaid asked me which of two shoes she should wear!
    I wished I'd just picked some out for them.

    So please keep this in mind if your the bridesmaid. If the bride says she doesn't care or mind, then she doesn't and leave it at that!