Tuesday, December 10, 2013
oh shit it's a WEDDING ETIQUETTE GRENADE
I've just today had a wedding reception etiquette grenade thrown at me and I don't know what to do. I'm looking to you for your grand wisdom!
The situation: An old friend of mine and his girlfriend split up around the time that I was asking for addresses to send Save the Dates (about 9 months ago). I asked if he was certain he didn't want a plus one in case things changed between them and he said no, he definitely, definitely did not. They've been on and off for years so at that point I pretty much disregarded what he said and assumed they'd be back together. Months later I sent him his invite proper. When he didn't get back to me long after the RSVP date I got in touch to chase him and again asked if the situation had changed and if he needed a plus one. He said no, it was unlikely it would change as it had been 6 months. So I made the decision to pass his notional plus one to another guest...
You can see where this is going right? Fast forward to today and he sent an email to me and our wide circle of friends to announce that not only are he and his ex back together, but that they are also engaged. Whilst I'm happy for him, I'm also kicking myself for not keeping his space free. I feel like a small voice is singing 'told you so' inside my head.
He hasn't said anything about my own wedding yet, but at some point we'll have to acknowledge that she hasn't been invited. And we're going to have to have a very awkward conversation. I wish I could make room (I'm used to organising dinners and receptions for work, so I'm used to jiggling around seating plans and dealing with invitee crises!) but we simply have no room left to add another person.
Really don't know how to address this with him because his fiancée is so lovely and I don't want her to feel slighted. Or even to be reminded that for a while she didn't figure in the plans for not particularly nice reasons.
Thoughts on how I can manage this pretty awkward situation would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance,
All you can do is be upfront. (You're British, aren't you. So this will be a new experience.)
Call your friend and say “I’m so so happy for you guys. And I’m kicking myself for not saving you a plus one.”
That's it. End of dilemma. Grenade defused.
Edie Campbell by David Sims for Vogue Paris December 2013 via visual optimism