Thursday, June 12, 2014

Bangable hair


Hey ESB,

I am in the process of ending a relationship. It was great, until I realized he's a total player and the connection I thought we had was really just my imagination. The sex was amazing, but I have learned the hard way that physical chemistry can be deceptive. Just because his hands knew just how to touch me, his arms just how to squeeze me hello, and his huge dick how to give me multiple orgasms doesn't mean it was done with care. It just means he knows the right moves. And he's using them on a handful of other girls on the nights I'm not with him.

I have long hair (below boob length), which I know is a turn on for most guys, and especially for this dude. He made me feel so potent and sexy, and I think I kept it long for that reason. I've been wanting to cut my hair since before I met him. It seems like now is the time to go for the messy, dirty, I don't give a fuck bob I've been craving. But I hate to admit... part of me worries about not being bangable with short hair.

I know I need to "own it" and that confidence is sexy, but come on, confidence is fickle. I also know hair grows back, but that always takes forever. What if I cut my hair short and look like Lena Dunham on a bad day (but without her sense of humor)? What if I look like a soccer mom? Why do I feel tied to some male expectation of sexy?

I am so ready for a change. Help convince me to say fuck it and just do it. And if you have any other tips, I welcome them with open arms.


*****

Start off slow. You don't have to get a shaved-up-the-back-of-your-neck bob. You can get a messy, sexy, Alexa Chung bob. A Karlie Kloss for Iro bob (see above). A fuck-it, bed-head-y whoever-this-is bob. (Be sure to bring photos to your stylist.)

But do it! Cut it! Cut your hair!

Cut it just to prove to yourself that you are damn sexy with WHATEVER HAIR YOU PLEASE

1. Cut your hair.
2. Buy a killer pair of jeans.
3. Go read The New Yorker at a hotel bar and allow some lonely gentleman to buy you a martini.
4. Go home alone, feeling smug.
4a. Or not! Get on tinder and find yourself some strange!




Great, now I want a bob. (Alexis, are you reading? Should we give me #3?)


Photo: Claudia Knoepfel and Stefan Indlekofer

49 comments:

  1. I agree with all of this--although you'll have to find other photos of bobs if your hair isn't thick and wavy. My hair COULD NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD.

    Good luck with everything that comes next!

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    1. WORD. Having thin / fine hair is a real bitch. Where are those cuts?

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    2. 100% disagree, guys. as someone who's had every bob (length and style) imaginable, i've learned the hard way that excessive layering and texturizing was actually created for women with finer hair. my hair is VERY thick and has a tight/practically curly wave. the haircuts ESB linked to would make my hair look like a helmet. i currently have a very short (at my jawline) blunt bob and it is fucking awesome. it looks a lot like this, but about an inch shorter. less layers for thick and wavy hair all the way!

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    3. I have thin, fine hair. Pin straight. Something like this is the most body/shape it would ever have. I cut bangs freshman year in college and it was a mistake.

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    4. YOU GUYS. I have thin, string-y, limp, GREASY super fine hair my whole life. I ALSO thought, this shit is not for me. But I have been reading through the archives of WideEyedLegless (she rocks a bob much like this) and she confesses to never washing her hair. I was intrigued, but again I thought, well that's all nice and dandy, but my head is practically a crude oil well. I'm talking wash in the morning before work and being greasy again by the end of the day.

      Fast forward to a lot of reading about how washing so often is actually over stimulating oil production (shit you'd think we all know by know, but I guess I live under a rock) and I get convinced to try it out. I started washing every 3rd day only (still wetting it in the shower probably once a day, but NO shampoo) and the change was incredible. Within a month or two I feel like everything about my hair has changed. It still looks and feels clean now 5 days out from shampoo, it has VOLUME, and I am rocking the super messy wavy textured bob and LOVING IT. There are literally mornings where I get up out of bed and my hair is all big and wild and movie-version-of-just-fucked sexy, and I literally can't believe it. I like my hair WITH BED HEAD. I never could have imagined the day.

      I'll never go back... I would encourage anyone to try it out. Worst case scenario, you go through 1-2 months of hair you don't love - in my case I was definitively not loving my hair anyway. Best case, you're like me and it'll rock your world.

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    5. Elizabeth!
      I was SO excited to read this! Im so so happy and excited for you! I have been rocking my no-wash bob for a while now and have SO loved it. I recently got a few layers put in and it has added such a nice rock n roll vibe. Anyways- thanks for making my day!!

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    6. @Celia remember that time we made you get a blowout???? :O

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    7. Those of you who are washing way less than you used to-- what do you do about exercise? I have curly thick hair and would love to not wash it often, but I am a sweaty mess after running every day. Do you find that water is enough?

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    8. @El after exercise if i's not time to wash it, I water wash it.

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  2. I cut my hair (though not after a breakup) and finally found my "signature" lipstick, which apparently is a real thing, and I feel GREAT. Do it! (Lipstick helps!)

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  3. 1) this is mid-length hair. short hair is maaaaaybe that first image, and shorter.
    2) no one should bang hair.
    3) long hair is vanilla.

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  4. As someone who has hair of all lengths, let me say that anything below ear length is not really a big deal and you shouldn't hesitate. If you don't like it, it will grow out easily, without a crazy weird stage.

    If you are hesitating, definitely don't go SHORT. I did a pixie last year and while I'm glad I tried it, I'm also glad I wasn't in a fragile emotional place at the time. The grow out really sucked balls too. Of course, I don't know you. Maybe you're a person who would find a pixie cut life changing. But I'd recommend a messy bob with bangs as your baby step.

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    1. Um, has *had* hair of all lengths. I don't currently have hair of all lengths at once.

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    2. i, too, have had every possible length from pixie down to my waist.

      personally, i've always preferred my hair short and have also noticed that i get way more male attention when i keep in on the shorter side. men like to say they find long hair sexier, but just like women, they're attracted to confidence more than anything else.

      i usually grow my hair out when i'm feeling lazy and i inevitably fall into a rut as a result. i'm sure that sends out the most non-sexy vibes, so i'm definitely team short hair. i think it has more to do with how you feel and carry yourself in short hair.

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    3. I just think there is a world of difference in those few inches between a pixie and a bob. I wouldn't recommend a pixie to someone who is attached to long hair and hasn't tried a bob before. Maybe I'm conservative?

      I might be personally traumatized by how uncomfortable I felt with a pixie (objectively, it was a great cut and looked awesome, but I never felt like myself and I couldn't adjust to it even after giving it several months). I've never felt weird with any other haircut, from super short bob to waist length (although in retrospect, the waist length was not a good look). It felt weird to even admit that I could be that unnerved by something as stupid and easily changed as hair, but god, was I relieved when I finally got it grown out below my ears.

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    4. No, I think that's actually a common sentiment. Makes total sense. The only reason I would never do a pixie again is because I like options, and the growing out phase is basically a year of having shitty hair. That's definitely the pits.

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  5. 1. I have a bob and am banging a lovely gent as often as I can handle. apparently the bob is bangable. BANGS PUN.

    2. when I was growing out my hair (it used to be a realllly short bob, now it is kinda middle ish) i made this pinterest board which is a little more fine-hair-friendly than esb's (flawless) shag-heavy one.

    3. everything esb said to do is correct. also P.S. I did a writing project once on hair salons and it became abundantly clear that women cut their hair when they're turning over a new leaf. and it works.

    bob it up. bang it up. xoxox

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    1. That is one of my favorite hair inspiration shots. I showed it to my stylist once and he told me that my hair would never look like that. BUZZKILL. But he's right about everything.

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    2. RIGHT? i should probably take it down because my hair will never do that & it's too depressing.

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  6. So, if your not into bangs as much, I kinda like this style of bob which grows out INSANELY well. (I also generally like this website for hair ideas.) For the record, I used to have pretty and long hair (below my boobs), but it was nothing special. Then I cut it about 2 years ago, and oh my god, I haven't looked back since (it stays between my chin and my shoulders at all times).

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  7. If you're not ready to lob it all off, maybe go for a long blunt bob? All the fun of short hair with all the advantages of longer hair (i.e. you can still pull it back if you want).

    And on the topic of fine hair - I've found that I can fake texture and volume with a salt spray.

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    Replies
    1. I have long hair, but have had short hair in the past...and that board really has me second guessing my current long hair. THANKS A LOT! ;)

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  8. I would also recommend not cutting any of your hair above chin length (no pixie, no bangs) unless you already have a stylist you like a lot. The difference between a great and a blah cut is not that large and easily corrected for long hair, but possibly traumatic and hard to fix for short hair.

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  9. I chopped mine post breakup - twice. The first was to a more bob-like version of this and then WHOOPS ANOTHER BREAKUP to this. My hair is fine and frizzy and dry (score!) and it definitely looks fuller and healthier now. I wash it maybe twice a week. Honestly, it was meant to be a bit of a middle finger to men, the patriarchy, blah blah blah, and I won't say it's resulted in any more attention - positive or negative - from dudes. But it has resulted in me feeling taller, more impenetrable, and caring less about what anyone thinks. Also I have more time in the mornings to snuggle with my cat. I'll probably grow it out again at some point, but it's fun for now. Everything changes.

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  10. Such a proponent of this whole business...check out Kaley Cuoco's new short and totes bangable hair (her instagram is @normancook). you'll be sold in 5 seconds flat. in fact, looking at it now makes me want to chop all my hair off again!

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  11. I hate when everyone links to pinterest. Stupid job doesn't allow it. Okay I'll get back to working now I guess.

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  12. This this post is definitely making me want to get a banging post-baby haircut (which I've been contemplating for some time now). Celia, you make an excellent point - I definitely got more attention when I had great shorter haircuts a number of years ago.

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  13. Girls without long, flowing mermaid hair aren't sexy and look like boys. Ya know who thinks that? Douchey idiots. Do you really want to bang another asshole? The way I see it, a great new haircut will come with the added bonus of weeding out the dicks who only like long hair. That's a win-win.

    As a long-time bob enthusiast, I'm all for chopping it off, but I agree with others that baby steps may be advisable. But here's what I'm wondering. I've had a bob since forever, but I am never able to achieve the wavy/bedhead-y texture that you see in all of these images. My hair is annoyingly thick and naturally wavy (but not in a pretty way). How do I style it to look like this? Or is it more about having the right cut?

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    1. I'm wondering the same thing - I'm currently in a grow-out phase with some seriously thick hair after chopping it off last summer in a fit of heat wave induced desperation. It mostly just poofed out and felt thick and unmanageable and made me want to pull it back - which still is my default. Tips? Or find a better hairstylist?

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    2. sea salt spray gives me the textured look. that and only washing it once/twice a week and using a good dry shampoo. but seriously, sea salt spray.

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    3. my hair is v. thick/a little wavy and i HAVE TO HAVE layers. good cut is key.

      if any of you are in LA, you should go visit Alexis

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    4. yeah - a good cut/a stylist who understands your hair texture is key. I have a weird combination of very fine hair + a lot of it. I've only found a handfull of stylists who can make it look remotely interesting.

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    5. "Girls without long, flowing mermaid hair aren't sexy and look like boys. Ya know who thinks that? Douchey idiots."

      Couldn't have said it better myself lady.

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  14. Women who can't handle a haircut without narcissistic dramatics annoy the fuck out of me.

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  15. I have fine, straight hair and recently got a choppy bob that makes me feel hotter than any other bob ever did. You can style it messy or more put together depending on your mood. http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/27/41/f8/2741f83c1a631d9464be9206c0a73f00.jpg

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  16. dude. i'm super intrigued by tinder.

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    1. great, but how often do you wash your hair???

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    2. Hah!! Errrday.

      Ps. Also Grindr

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    3. seriously. part of me wants to spy on people, part of me wants to be one of them. how to download the app without my husband seeing it...

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    4. OMFG it links to your FB hahahahaha

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    5. @w&m yeah, no bueno if you're married. your husb may not see you, but someone he knows will

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    6. fuck social media, man. Ruining our chances for some good strange, married or not.

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    7. just tell the husb you're getting tinder for fun. you don't have to talk to anyone and you can browse it invisibly if you want. it's a party game. my (mostly attached) friends get drunk and trade phones at parties and try to get matches for each other, just for the ridiculousness of it and to see who's within X miles. mostly it's just depressing honestly.

      though i did use it a few nights ago in nashville to invite dudes to an event i was doing. it worked!

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  17. So let's say theoretically I went to the hairdresser and brought the above bangable photo and wound up with an aggressively layered (top layer at chin, bottom at shoulders) unflattering haircut. Sort of a less well done Rachel. Any advice for what kind of haircut I could cut that down to? Pictures I can bring the new haircutter I have to find now, given that my old one gave me a haircut that I cried over?

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  18. I used to get the Rachel all the time. I called it my mushroom cut. There is no cure but time and maybe a flat iron.

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