This one didn't make the cut

Partly because it's 100% poly and partly because I AM SO SICK OF CUT-OUTS WHO DOES THAT LOOK GOOD ON

But let's all stare at the model's enormous head for a second. Creepy and yet mesmerizing, no?





K scuse me while I disappear for a few days and go shoot a movie

And the winners are....

Vine Dress from The Reformation (100% viscose -- sooooo much more breathable than poly -- $218)

Helmut Lang Jaquard Mini Dress from The Outnet (deemed not formal enough and also it's 44% poly but still worth an honorable mention, $210)

Saloni Ella Gown from Barneys Warehouse (Silk jersey! $179)

See all of the many evening-wear-under-$200-for-a-Mexican-wedding suggestions over here
______________________________

ps you guys RULE

URGENT SHOPPING CHALLENGE: Can formal be fun?

Dear ESB,

I will be attending a wedding in Mexico the first week of April. The invitation says something that translates to "evening attire" and this side of the family is known for going a little over the top. I do not see this side of my family very often and I do not want to look like a clueless American. While I can dress myself for any other occasion this one is giving me nightmares. 

I have a small budget due to travel expenses ($200) and I am looking for something that will pass as evening wear while having something of an edge i.e.: not a lace gown like all my aunts will be wearing. 

If you have any advice for me at all please help. 

*****

AAAAAAAAAAH SUCH A GOOD ONE

I'm beyond excited for you guys to shop this. Maybe I'll throw up some of my favorite suggestions and we can take a vote??




Photo by Zachary Gray for Pennyweight (shop the Celine dress here)

______________________________

p.s. There's a Monday morning MMOHIAC for you over here.

Weirdo Etiquette Question

Dear ESB,

Recently, my dad got engaged. I am very happy for him and excited he has found someone to share his life with. This is all pretty run of the mill stuff until I get to the part where it's my dad's 4th marriage.

I am the one and only product of both my parents 1st marriage and they have been divorced for most of my life. This will be the 3rd time I have watched my dad get married in roughly 25 years. All of the marriages, including the one to my mother lasted 5ish years. 

His fiancé is quite a bit younger than him, about 6-7 years older than me, so in her middle-late 30s. No big whoop, but given her age, this is her first marriage. She is, in the exact opposite style of my cheapskate self, pulling out all the stops. Photographer, wedding planner, personalized wedding favors, those pieces of fabric that go over the chair with the ribbon that make the chair look like a ghost, all that shit. Additionally, she is having a wedding shower. Now while I wouldn't necessarily be having one if I was the 4th wife of the dude I was marrying, I get it. Princess for a day and all that. However, the other day I had the realization that I might be expected not only attend their wedding, which is fine and will likely be a ton of fun, but that I might also be expected to give them a shower AND wedding gift! I immediately started combing the internet for people in the same boat with wonderful advice on the subject and came up with nothing.

Admittedly, I am guilty of being a little over practical and possibly rigid (Capricorns forever!!). That said, the idea of giving my dad a card full of money and some tacky-ass napkin rings from their registry at bed bath & beyond for his 4th marriage honestly fucking flabbergasts me. It feels bizarre to even consider. As an aside, I don't have a super great relationship with my dad to begin with due to some crappy childhood junk, but I am definitely in a pretty good place and would give us like a 5/10 after lots of therapy and one very patient, wonderful listener of a mother.

I guess I am wondering if the concept of a 4th wedding gift for your dad is in fact as asinine as I feel like it is or if maybe our strained relationship has something to do with my strong opposition to this. It has nothing to do with money at all, it's just a matter of apparently deep-seated principle. So, is it a total dick move to not get them anything? Lots of people came to my wedding and didn't bring a gift, including my dad, and it wasn't an especially big deal to me but I have a feeling that bringing nothing might get me on her perma-shitlist. Normally I'd just DO something for them as my gift but I think that might be out (They were going to do an iPod DJ thing, so I offered to bring records and DJ and the suggestion is sort of just hanging there, ignored, in the abyss) or not her style, so I am at a loss here. 

I thank you for any wisdom, insight or potentially needed bitchslap into reality you and your wonderful readers can provide me with!

*****

Just buy them a fucking present. ONE present.

(You have my full permission to skip the shower.)


Image: Quote Studio via her.

LOOKIE THERE

It's the lacy white Lover this reader was searching for back in October.

$1,150 at Intermix and avail for international shipping!


(thanks MA!) (Here's hoping she held out for spring....)

I found my dream couch.

Isn't it dreamy?

I'm actually sort of relieved it's $5K because, like, that's not even in the REALM. If it were $2K I would gnash my teeth and try to make it happen, even though my couch budget at the moment is precisely $0.0K

The Standard Sofa by Michael Felix via Amy Merrick

I almost forgot about MMOHIAC !

For a sec there I thought I had to answer this one myself. (For the record, it's the bride who's the cunt, not the MOH, but I think it fits the bill.)


Alberto Zambelli Fall/Winter 2014/15 Lookbook shot by Mateusz Sitek via Trendland

Dear ESB: Why is life so hard?

My husband and I are backing out of a business endeavor we were super excited about. Our visions weren't lining up with our prospective partners, and we realized that we weren't willing to give what they were expecting. It's fine, but I'm back to feeling lost in the whole "what am I doing with my life?" game. I've had it with my Etsy store, and always knew I wanted to switch gears when my son started school. But I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I suck at working for other people, so I need to start my own project again…. I guess I just wish sometimes that I wasn't so PASSIONATE. I should have just been an accountant.

#whitegirlproblems

*****

I just had a very similar conversation with a writer friend -- she said something like “I feel sorry for people who don’t have something they’re passionate about” and I was like BUT WOULDN’T THAT BE EASIER

Lately I've been in a bit of a funk myself.

I don't want a real job (or: I prefer my real job to run 20 weeks/year) but I'm terrible at managing my time. I scaled back on blogging to give myself space to write, and then spent most of January and February staring at Twitter and/or playing Threes. I decided to use our tax refund to make a short film,* which feels amazing -- I've been casting! and location scouting! and talking about shots with my dp! I feel like a real director again! -- but now I have to get my act together and write the feature script that comes next and YES LIFE IS HARD

Wait, was I supposed to be giving you advice? I'm not sure I'm qualified.

All I can do is send you a ginormous hug across the interwebs and tell you to a) Cut yourself some slack, and then b) GET TO IT. It's okay to take baby steps. It doesn't have to be all good and finished and perfect all at once.



Sophie Vlaming by Hicham Riad for Marie Claire Belgium (March 2014) via visual optimism

______________________________

*Thank you, H.

LET THE PEPLUM DIE

Does this even count as a peplum? WTF is going on with this??

Get it together, Alexander.



In other news:

We survived the rain!

I am directing a short film.

And.... Jenny Wren just sent me the perfect pair of pants (similar to these, but in vivid orange and blue). They're the ideal blend of pajama/evening and THEY ARE MY NEW JAM.

overkill for a courthouse wedding?

Dear ESB,

Future husband and I are getting married at the courthouse in Montreal in April and then having a big party in a mountain chalet in August. 

What do you think of these dresses for a Saturday courthouse ceremony? Too much black? Overkill in some other way? Your opinion is much appreciated!

Michael Kors Lace-top Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Crystal Scoopneck

Uber thanks,

Questioning black on white

*****

Hate the Michael Kors, love the DVF. (Not an overkill thing really, more of a taste thing.)

I'm 90% sure I need to leave my husband

Hey ESB,

I've seen you facilitate some killer support and advice for real life shit in the past, so here I am writing to you. I'm 90% sure I need to leave my husband, and I could really use a cheer squad/push.

I won't bore you with the details, but we do have a young child. My husband is my best friend, and I want him in our lives forever, but we don't feel like a couple anymore. We've had some horrible times, and have been in counselling for months, and have made good progress. But, I'm exhausted, and I feel like half a person around him, and I just want to get out. It's hard to, because lots if what we have together is great. There's a lot of love, and I know how much harder my life would be as a single mum, how long I might have to put my ambitions on hold. In light if this, it feels like I'm being selfish or immature to want to leave.

But, last night I found myself confessing to an almost perfect stranger that I wanted to leave my husband, and I don't think I deserve to be unhappy enough to do that. It wasn't a drunken confession either, by the way. Neither of us had a single drop.

Can somebody just tell me that I'll make the right choice and find the right words, and that it will all work out ok in the end? Please?

- Desperate Housewife

*****

You deserve to feel like a whole person. And: Your kid needs a mom who feels like a whole person.

Tell your husband what you just told us.


Inversion Series by Anton Bundenko

it's been WAY TOO LONG since we had a shopping challenge

Dear ESB,

Firstly, your blog is my favorite thing! I read it daily and seeing other people's family wedding drama makes me feel less alone. Mine is doing a real number on me since my fiance and I got engaged. 

Estranged dad trying to get an invitation? Check. Bipolar twin sister getting married spontaneously to a busker days after my engagement? Check. Bipolar alcoholic mother telling me I'll look fat (I am a size four) on my wedding day and whatever else mean and passive aggressive things she can think of? Check!! 

Anyway, I have been trying to avoid my family entirely and have been moving forward with the wedding planning with my amazing, kind, and patient fiance and his family, who are over the moon excited for us and are being so kind and generous every step of the way. 

We set the date, the place, and now I need a dress! I found one that is perfect [pictured above]! Problem is that I can't find it anywhere! Seriously, I even called Valentino and asked them to search for it too! Which they did for two weeks (did you know that you can do this? Everyone there was so nice!) and the dress doesn't exist. 

Can you/your readers help me find something like it for under $2000? I am in love with this dress, in a way that I didn't think was possible. I am usually very apathetic towards clothing but... this dress!

Help!

Thank you!

*****

SHOP AWAY, MY LADIES !

(You've got your work cut out for you. That Valentino is gorg.)

were you looking for gold sequin bridesmaids dresses?

This lil Wren kimono dress is $98 down from $493. And every size is available. WTF?

All their dresses are on so much sale I'm worried someone is playing a joke on us....

HALP

I’m doing an interview with this lil blog and Kelsey wants to know “Best question you have been asked on ESB?”

HOW DO I CHOOSE

It would be easier if she had asked me “What’s the best answer you’ve given on ESB?” (I’m partial to this one and this one and this one. My friend J is a big fan of this one.)

Anyhoo.... A virtual slice of pie will be yours if you submit your faves below.


(Pie box DIY via Emma Stefan via A Subtle Revelry)

oh look, it's monday again.

I suddenly find that my feed reader is empty.

Is no one blogging anymore? Where are all the good blogs??

Also:

Stream the new Beck album over here. It is super soundtrack-y and terrific.

Who binge-watched House of Cards this weekend? I had to give up halfway in. I so wanted it to be good but RAYMOND TUSK RAYMOND TUSK RAYMOND TUSK. Who gives a shit. (And the fucking lighting was driving me bananas.)

I found your wedding wrap. It comes in four colors !

happy monday !

Not sure how to follow this.



classic case

         Exactly right.


legit the worst advice I've seen

completely flabbergasted

Um...                           waaaay thefuck off




Hahahah

little rat brain

rats and their damn documents.


creating a GOMI thread about ESB




mean and offensive


                            a place for saying mean BS

                                   Get over your mean, hipster self.

                                                 

Ugh god

               you should just stop



Please show us more sticks to hang random shit off of in your house.

The title came off as offensive, and for that I genuinely apologize. "White girl problems" popped into my head and it seemed sort of funny. I hesitated, I considered "first world problems," I read this whole thread. I browsed over here. I realized it's a really old joke. Also: Not very funny. And then I used it anyway. (Surprise! It wasn't very funny.)

The post was intended to be tongue-in-cheek. As in: Your life sounds pretty good! My life is pretty good. Aren't we lucky to have these "problems"?

You guys should know by now that my advice will always be more of the GET THE FUCK OVER IT variety than the Dear Sugar variety. Doesn't mean I love you any less.

white girl problems

Hi ESB,

My boyfriend hates the idea of marriage. But he really, really loves me. And I really, really love him. And I thought I didn't care about the whole marriage thing, but it turns out - oh hey, I really do want to marry him even though we already live together, have an adorable dog, and bought "commitment" rings. 

I would never ever break up with him over this, because he's awesome and we're awesome together.

So... HOW DO I GET OVER THIS DUMB FEELING?

Thanks, y'all are the best!

*****

Here's a by-no-means-exhaustive list of remedies that were suggested to me when I first started suffering from migraines:

Acupuncture
Talk therapy
Meditation
Medication
Exercise
Go on the pill
Go off the pill
Cut out dairy
Give up coffee
Quit your job

Perhaps one of the above would help you get over your dumb oh-hey-I-really-do-want-to-marry-him feeling.

Or: YOU COULD JUST FUCKING GET OVER IT



(Abject model courtesy of La Garçonne)

we have a winner

This here tree branch (well, almost) is really what I had in mind for hanging the lights.

We have a very similar two-branched hook we got at OK -- it's currently holding coats by the door, imagine -- and I was bummed to learn that the store no longer carries em.

So H did a quickie search for "tree branch coat hooks" and landed on Live Wire Farm.

WOOHOO!

Note: Our winner is not the exact hook pictured above. All the ones I liked were sold, but I emailed Live Wire Farm, and John quickly got back to me with photos of several more hooks that weren't up on the site. I chose #1, which makes me think of a hard-on. Which makes me giggle. (Truth: if you stare at them too hard they all look like hard-ons.)

Anyhoo. Maybe once we've got our hard-on installed I'll attempt to take an actual picture inside our actual house.

The truth is I attempt to take actual pictures all the time, but rarely do they feel blog-worthy. Which is why I end up posting photos of other people's SMEGS.

An update from the tiny house

1. We ditched our dying microwave and put a plant in its place on top of the refrigerator. I'm feeling VERY pleased with us.

2. We sold H's dying Jeep Cherokee, and now we're down to one car. Again. I have mixed feelings about this.  

On the one hand, Hooray! We'll lower our insurance rates. That car was a gas guzzler. And while we're both working from home, we really don't need two cars. Like, really don’t need two cars. 

On the other hand, the Jeep was really fun to drive. And H always seems to have a spontaneous 4 hour meeting with a client right when I want to go to yoga. 

WOW I SOUND LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHEN I ACTUALLY TYPE THAT OUT. (Mention yoga, you sound like an asshole. When will I learn??)

3. I bought a string of lights I want to hang inside the house, like so. But I’m not sure what to hang them from. A tree branch? An antler? A a big fat nail? I want it to look, you know, sexy but accidental. 

I welcome your suggestions.

(Eleonore Bridge's lovely Smeg via Design*Sponge. We don't have a lovely Smeg. We have a not-too-ugly grey LG.)

forgive me while I post a wedding dress*

COME ON, YOU GUYS

IT'S 100% COTTON


$695 at The Dreslyn (via Turn of Fraise)
_______________________________

*Here's me admitting I'm not totally done with weddings.