Holy Loeffler Randall, Batman!

Steph emailed me a while back asking for shoe help, and I didn't even bother posting the question. Because HELLO, LOEFFLER RANDALL

That's pretty much what I tell anyone who asks for shoe help.

(Sadly, those little gold wedges are no longer available, but I'm thinking this blocky blush pump is the new go-to wedding shoe.)


Photo by Kim J Martin. Check out more from this lovely, woodsy wedding--and lots more shots of the shoooooes--over here

Miamify my wardrobe

Dear ESB,

I am moving to MIAMI in the fall for work. I read your fantastic guide to the city and am so so excited for the food, the beach, Wynwood, speaking Spanish, and a new place.

But. I'm nervous, too. I have moved around a ton and always found a great community and made a great life, but this is going to be worlds apart from the Midwestern and East Coast cities where I have spent my whole life. 

My fear of moving is manifesting in the particular anxiety that I don't know how to dress in Miami (I don't think I will have much use for the oversize sweater/short skirt/wool tights outfits that I have perfected). 

I get that fixing my clothes isn't going to resolve the larger problem, but humor a girl. I have a bit of a bonus coming my way soon -- if you were going to spend about $500 to update your wardrobe for such a move, what would you get?

Besos.

*****

WHO SAYS the right wardrobe won't fix everything?? I would never make that ludicrous claim.

Since I have not once set foot in Miami, I brought back the badass Caro, our resident Miami expert....

Hola!

The key to being happy while living in Miami: Live like you’re on vacation. Or at least pretend like you’re on vacation as much as you possibly can. I.E. Go to the beach, drink Miami Vices, wear shorts everywhere.

My six tips for MIAMI-fying your wardrobe:

1. Neon is a neutral. Over here it’s summer year-round, which means you can wear color all the time. Ever since neon arrived at J.Crew, I’ve been keeping these shorts + t-shirts in heavy rotation.

Editor's Note: Stock up! That shit is on sale.

2. Always bring a sweater. Miami air conditioning is not subtle. Find a goes-with-everything cardigan [also on sale] you can leave in your purse because the transition from 90F to 65F every single time you walk into a building isn’t something your body acclimates to all that quickly.

3. Always have on hand: emergency flip-flops and emergency heels. After-work thunderstorms and after-work happy hours are equally likely – you should be prepared for either. Keep a pair of flip flops in your purse to protect your work flats in case of tropical weather, and a pair of black pumps in your car to switch into once you get to the bar.

4. You need at least one dependable clubbing/bar-crawling outfit. Bar-hopping starts at 11:30 PM at the earliest and everyone outside of Wynwood will expect you to wear heels. I default to colorful stilettos and a black minidress I bought at Forever 21, but if I had money to burn I’d go with this BCBG body-con dress [sale sale sale].

5. You need two bathing suits: one to look cute in and one to tan in. And if you heed my advice about living like you’re on vacation, you’re probably going to wear them out pretty quickly.... so consider your tanning bikini an investment. I like the bandeau tops from Victoria Secret because they’re not egregiously expensive and even though they have that fun strappy back detail they don’t actually leave horrendous tan lines.

Editor's Note: PLS WEAR SUNSCREEN. BOTH OF YOU.

6. Frizz-Ease. Because the humidity is real.

*****

And a few updated Miami recommends because my lady Caro knows how to live......

Eat: Butcher Shop, Khong River House, Swine, Uvaggio.

Drink: Broken Shaker (it’s permanent now, and still awesome), The Reagent Cocktail Club, the Martini Bar at the Raleigh Hotel, Wynwood Brewing Company, AC’s Icees.

(Image via Freehand Miami, home of the Broken Shaker)

Be Merry: Spend a day at the Standard, go get cinnamon buns at Knaus Berry Farm, check out the new art museum, rent some kayaks, host a bbq at the beach.

Just because you’re living like you’re on vacation doesn’t mean you need to pay vacation prices for your booze. Find reasonably-priced craft beer without driving to BFE (“Butt-Fucking-Egypt”, aka Kendall, aka, really really far) at: this gas station, this unassuming convenience store, this other unassuming convenience store. And this gas station has a tapas restaurant and an imported wine selection with great priced.

In my original post, I told you the wonders of Publix (cookies, pastelitos, etc), but now that you’re going to be a local, you need to know about PubSubs. Publix Sub Sandwiches: you can order them online ahead of time at most locations now, and getting a chicken finger sub to pair with a cucumber-lime Gatorade and some chilled pinot grigio for a day on the beach is nirvana. Trust me. They put chicken fingers IN THE SANDWICH. You’re welcome.

Finding parking on South Beach takes the same sort of blind faith ancient cultures put into rain dances – believe there will be parking and it shall appear. Be patient. Also, be sure to download the PayByPhone parking app – you can add more time directly from your phone and if your address is local you'll save 20%.

No one is on time anywhere.

Probably because they’re looking for parking.

But don’t take public transportation, seriously. That stranger who punched my friend in the face on the train, he’s punched other people now.

Uber is still not available, but UberX and Lyft are operating illegally anyway and staying true to the city’s time-honored tradition of ignoring most vehicular-related legislature (using your turn signal is widely regarded as a sign of weakness).

Bienvenidos!

Image at top: Zara S/S 2013 via Style Pantry (Maybe more Palm Springs than Miami? Miami style scares me a little, you guys.)

The Accidental Cougar

Dear ESB,

This is not a wedding question. . . yet. But maybe you can advise. 

I'm in love with a man nine years my junior (I'm 32. He's 23.) I had no idea he was so young when I met him. I acknowledge this is absurd and can't possibly work out. But. I think I need someone else to tell me that. Can you knock some sense into me?

Or else tell me about your best friend who did the same thing and it magically worked out and they are still madly in love 20 years later? (HAHA)

love,
the accidental cougar

***

Are you in a hurry to get married and have kids and shit? Has the subject come up?

For now: ENJOY THE SEX and try not to think too hard about the future. (I'm more concerned about him being 23 than being nine years younger. But he won't stay 23 forever.)


Photography by Brendan Freeman / Styling by Katy Lassen / Makeup by Isamaya Ffrench for Used Magazine AW12 via HUNGER TV

Three weddings, one dress?

Dear ESB,

I have three weddings this year, without any overlap in guests, so I'd like to find one fantastic outfit that I can wear to all of them. They are:

1. August in a rose garden in Anchorage, Alaska, no matter the weather. Reception in a restaurant.

2. August on a mountain summit in Boulder, Colorado, no matter the weather. Reception in a field with diy tables made out of wood pallets.

3. October in a low-key but classy beach club at a Ritz Carlton in Florida.

Actually, typing that out makes me think that one outfit might be a stretch for all three, so maybe one for the first two is more reasonable?

I'm a size 8, can get away with no bra with the right material, with a budget of about $400.

Thanks!

*****

How bout The Reformation's Lumen Dress?

Racy enough for Florida, romantic enough for a rose garden, way too chic for Boulder but WHATEVER you can bring along a polar fleece.

Help ASAP!

Thu, Jul 3, 2014 at 8:25 PM

Long story short.

My bridal shower was 2 weeks ago. My MOH spent 3 hours after it talking about her horrible marriage, and the 3 hours during about her "new miracle baby" (she had an iud and it "fell out") and how she "almost died" in labor. I haven't heard from her since the shower. I want to demote her.

I actually want her to not come because she brings her iPad everywhere. And this is her weapon of showing off her baby to my guests. Not so bad, except for I'm going through fertility treatments, so it hurts my soul.

I found out she's on oxy (again), so she's been lying to me about that.

If her husband is so horrible and abusive (I don't think he's as bad as she says) then I don't want him at the wedding.

I don't get a lot of "me" time and parties because I have social anxiety. So she was the center of my shower, but I don't want her the center of my wedding.

When she was pregnant I spent hundreds on her baby gifts and parties and went to all of her ER visits (I am on disability and a full time student and worker) so it was expensive for me. She didn't get me a gift (not a big deal, but she makes 4x what I do per month), so I found it odd.

Can someone help me quick? Wedding is mid-August.

*****

Fri, Jul 4, 2014 at 12:40 PM

How bad is the drug abuse? Are you worried she'll have a meltdown in the middle of your wedding?

*****

Fri, Jul 4, 2014 at 1:44 PM

I'm worried she will have an "allergy attack" or "not feel well" and the ambulance will need to be called. Or she will try and whip out her iPad to show baby pictures to everyone. Apparently at the bridal shower she didn't stop talking about her own wedding and pregnancy and baby at all. 

We're going through fertility issues so her baby talk at my shower really upset me. Every time I try to call her she's "napping."

I'm thinking of hiring someone just to babysit her. 

*****

It sounds like your friend is very unhappy. Maybe she's raving about this miracle baby because it's the only good thing going on in her life. Maybe she's trying to convince herself it's a good thing.

Either way, I bet she has no idea she's hurting your feelings.

Write her an email. Tell her everything you just told us. (Or: Send her a link to this post.) Gently request that she LEAVE THE FUCKING IPAD AT HOME.

And then, yes, hire a babysitter.


Image by Ernesto Artillo

It's bridesmaid season!

[Oof yipes I can't post this photo]

Hello,

Like many before me I need help with shopping. I've been asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother's destination wedding in Hawaii. I've attached a copy of the bridesmaids dress (sorry, I have no idea how to find it or link to it). 

[It's Wtoo™]

I'm the blue color on the far left. This is the necklace my sister-to-be wants us to wear with it.

She is leaving the shoes up to us which is where you (hopefully! Please?!) come in. I have terrible taste but I seem to know when others have good taste and could really use your help or your awesome readers' help. 

The wedding will take place on grass and I plan to dance so no heels dear god please no heels. Or wedges unless they're baby ones. Other than that I'm open. Sandals? Flats? Like every other bridesmaid on the planet I'd love something I could wear and love well after the wedding.

Thank you so much for any guidance you may have!

*****

I'd go with a simple flat sandal, like these two-tone Seychelles.

Something that says "Yeah I know this dress blows, but FUCK IT WE'RE IN HAWAII!"


Bonus: They're on sale. (Shop size 6 through 8.5 here, size 9 over here)

the universe owes me shoes

Dear Slightly Buzzed Fairy Godmother,

I'm getting hitched. And it blew up in my face. I wanted 75 people -- we're pushing 200. I wanted a backyard BBQ -- we're having a formal sit down dinner. I wanted to get married in the evening to beat the summer heat -- we'll be saying our vows at 3pm. I wanted a lot of things that aren't panning out -- such is life. It's easy to blame everyone else, but the truth is, while if I could go back and do it again -- I would have fought a lot hard for what I wanted. ​I didn't though, and this is how it is... and I'm going to suck it up. Everyone else being happy will make me happy. 

However, shoes. I feel like the universe owes me a fucking awesome pair of shoes for the amount of shit I've put up for the last year. I'm low maintenance. I have my standard items and stick by them. And I live in Vans -- which I plan on changing into when dancing starts. But I want a pair of killer floral heels for my most put together day.

I'm in love with these [pictured above]. In my mind, they're as perfect as a floral print gets. But I ordered them and just seriously too high- 6 inches. I can walk in them but I'm worried I'll break my ankle before the day is over. Could you help me find something similar? Preferable a floral print with a chunky heel. 

Thanks so much!  

*****

Those look like hooker shoes, sorta. Teenybopper hooker shoes.

I much prefer these Marais wedges.........................................

Is the liberty print too cutesy?


(You could always go with fancy Vans instead.)

Lanvin but cheaper ?

Hi ESB,

I am in love with this Lanvin gown but need to find something cheaper ($2,000) or less. My favorite part is the back - but I also like how the front is not-fussy.

The closest alternative that I have found is this Zien gown...but it is custom made in Poland...and I don't think I can justify hopping on a plane.

Any suggestions? Thanks!

*****

not a clue.

ladies?

(i clearly need some sort of bot that feeds your emails straight onto the blog)

(since i'm too busy doing god-knows-what)

ISO: Studio 54 style for an Indiana wedding

Hi ESB and readers,

I need help.

I'm going to a wedding this fall in my Indiana hometown. I have been living out of the country for years, and am really excited to see old friends in person. I just don't know what to wear.

You guys are so talented. Could you please help me find something? I love the Studio 54 style and am also a fan of Saint Laurent Paris. Typically I like leather and sequins, but I don't want to be too flashy.

I'm also 5'2'', blonde, thin and flat. There is no price range.

Thank you so much!!!

*****

No boobs + NO BUDGET??

You're punking me, aren't you.



Image courtesy of Matches Fashion (Saint Laurent gold lamé jobber still avail at net-a-porter)

Seeking: the perfect black maxi

Hey girl hey,

So I need your powerful army of internet diggers to find the perfect black maxi. One that you can wear to A N Y T H I N G. The sandy hot beach that you'll never get to because you live in SF and it's so expensive so how can you go on vacation, with a cardigan so you can wear it to work, to a fancy dinner, and maybe occasionally it's a nightgown. You know what I mean? I'm talking about a wardrobe workhorse, here. Preferably something that your gigantic boobs can handle. No spaghetti straps, sil vous plait.

Soooooooooooo? Am I asking too much?

Love ever,
hbomb

*****

You're making ME want this perfect black maxi, and I haven't worn a maxi since, like, 1998?

I have a couple of rules to add: Must be hand-washable and made of breathable fabric (i.e. NO FUCKING POLYESTER)



SHOP AWAY MY SHOPPING ELVES

we're counting on you.












Image: Apiece Apart FW 2013

______________________________

p.s. unrelated: this is the best thing on the internet

Seeking: "Vegan" Bridesmaids dress

Hi ESB,

I never saw myself as a person who would read a wedding blog, but I keep coming back for the snark and pretty pictures! Now I'm hoping you/your readers might be able to help me dress myself for a wedding I'm going to be in at the end of July.

The bride is my college roommate, and the wedding is going to be a super crunchy/sustainable/all-vegan-menu affair. The bridesmaids have been asked to wear knee-length green dresses (generally in this color family). I would prefer not to wear one of the lighter shades. I think we have some flexibility with the color, but that's the general idea.

I'm 5'4", small-chested, athletic build, maybe a pear shape but I've never really thought of myself relative to fruit shapes, and looking to spend less than $200 (unless something amazing that I will want to reuse comes along). I've been trying to poke around online since I am in grad school exams period, but I would love some guidance about specific dresses or stores I should check out. Any help from you or your readers would be so appreciated!

Thank you thank you!

*****

a) There is a color called "Vegan"????!?!

b) THERE IS A COLOR CALLED VEGAN

c) Did she just pick that fucking color because it's called vegan?

Let's be real, it's hard enough to find a green dress. I wouldn't sweat the shade of green.

Although.... This silk jobber from Madewell, which they call "Hemingway" and I would call "Forest" is pretty fucking close to the Sherwin-Williams "Derbyshire."

I am a shopping genius.

(Are you allowed to wear fabric that's not vegan?)

pre-heartache

Hi ESB and readers,

I was wondering where to get some advice about this when I re-read "Heartache" from April 21. I don't want to turn your blog into a giant hole of darkness but I can't think of anyone better than you guys to turn to. 

Out of the blue, my mom has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. She has not been ill in any way so my entire family is reeling. I'm getting married in September and I just don't know how to deal with the wedding itself or all the planning. It feels like I will just be bawling my eyes out the whole time and everyone else will too. 

How can a wedding be fun when it's the worst time of my entire life? How do I do this? How can I think about my future when she might not be in it?

A.


p.s. Please follow this up with a super divisive fashion post, I need the positive energy.

******

Oh, lady. I am so so sorry.

Postpone the wedding.* You shouldn't have to worry about it right now, and you may not want to worry about it for a good long while. Please give yourself all the time you need.

<3





Lida Fox by Stian Foss for Jalouse May 2014 via visual optimism
______________________________

*I almost opened with "This may be THE WORST POSSIBLE ADVICE, but...." I really should have opened with that. Wtf do I know about cancer?! (See comments from far wiser readers below)

heartache.

I'm not entirely certain what i'm asking, except perhaps, for some insight from those who've felt what I feel daily: heartache.  

Dear readers, I'm planning my wedding to a dear old friend and my beloved dad won't be there with me. He died last May and I have no idea how to be in the world without him. His presence by my side at my wedding was a given. My clearest vision of my wedding when I was growing up was that he would escort me into this new place, this new beginning. I was going to stand on his feet and dance to "Brown Eyed Girl" with him just like we did when I was small. But he's gone and it was unexpected. 

How do I do it? How do I, the most pure embodiment of him, walk myself down the aisle knowing that he'll never be able to give his blessing? How to I embrace this new beginning without my beginning there to guide me?

I'm at a loss. I need the sage wisdom of those who have lived what I'm living everyday.

Your words are gold to me. 

*****

I brought in an expert. Whitney emailed me last April, struggling with how to acknowledge her dad at her wedding, and I semi-flubbed my response. But the esb readers, especially those who had gone through what she was going through, had v. helpful things to say.

One year later, here's Whitney's advice for you:


There is nothing that I can say that will ease your pain. It is a gut-wrenching absence. But these are some things that helped me make it through the day without losing my shit.

Catharsis.

Planning a wedding was great for keeping me busy and distracting me from my grief. This also meant I was bottling up a lot of emotion that typically exploded anytime I heard a song that reminded me of my dad. I had a pretty big break-down the day before my wedding. It was wedding-stress related, not specifically about my dad, but considering how disproportionate it was, had everything to do with his absence. In retrospect, I think it helped me keep it together the next day. Maybe a couple of days before your wedding you could watch a favorite movie of his? Write him a letter? Let it all out.

Skip Father/Daughter stuff.

This is probably kind of obvious. I walked down the aisle with my husband. We did a first dance together, but no other traditional wedding dances. I felt that even if we skipped straight to something like the “Anniversary Dance” it would only highlight the absence of the father/bride and mother/groom dances.

Find some way to honor him.

ESB readers offered heaps of great suggestions on various ways to do this. It helped to have a designated moment where I felt it was appropriate to lose it. I actually didn’t lose it nearly as badly as I thought I would.

Be present.

Focus on your amazing friends, family, and you know, the whole getting-married-business. (This is helpful advice for any bride, really. It all happens so fast, it’s overwhelming.) It was so magical to have friends and family from all over the world be in one space, supporting us in our new life together, that I really couldn’t help but be completely full of joy. Of course there were occasional pangs of “I really wish he was here!” but it is possible to just breathe, and be grateful for everyone who is there.

It is ok to lose it.

This may be some of the best advice I received. I think just having permission made it possible to not lose it. People cry at weddings! I cried happy tears, I cried sad tears. I had the most amazing day of my life.

It’s been a year and a half since my dad died and it’s still so painful. There are so many triggers. Roy Orbison. Western films. Hatch green chiles. And I’m a hot mess at the father/daughter dance of every wedding I’ve been to since. But I made it through my wedding day, and you will too. 

Like you said, you are the pure embodiment of him. He is part of you. He is still guiding you in this new beginning, through all that he taught you.

Love and hugs,
Whitney


(So much love to you both)




Photos by Tinca Veerman via The Jealous Curator

Big rack, sheer tee

Hi there,

I know you are a destroyed-t shirt aficionado, and I know you have access to wise women with big racks. I just moved from San Francisco (no summer) to Oakland (full summer), and am buying my first t-shirt wardrobe. I lean towards sheer, destroyed and/or drapey. 

I am a 32DD, and all of my bras are dorky (purchased two Christmases ago when my mom took me shopping at a Soma outlet, tbh). Nothing looks cool showing under sheer or off-the-shoulder shirts. I wish I could wear a fancy bandeau or bralette thing like the kids wear, but I need an underwire, and I am not 17. Can you help?? Someone tell me where to look and what to buy. 

Thank you for your assistance!
xo

*****

I've been wearing the shit out of this sports bra I bought at Target. Good for verrrry sheer tees or also when you just can't be bothered to wear underwire.

For a slightly-less-sheer tee that needs a shaplier boob, go with a plain black t-shirt bra. Chantelle is pricy but worth it (thank you, Celia!).

I *do not* recommend a lace bra under a sheer tee. We'll leave that to the a + b cups.
______________________________

Raquel Allegra Crochet Tie Dye Stripe Tee (sigh) from Heist

Weirdo Etiquette Question

Dear ESB,

Recently, my dad got engaged. I am very happy for him and excited he has found someone to share his life with. This is all pretty run of the mill stuff until I get to the part where it's my dad's 4th marriage.

I am the one and only product of both my parents 1st marriage and they have been divorced for most of my life. This will be the 3rd time I have watched my dad get married in roughly 25 years. All of the marriages, including the one to my mother lasted 5ish years. 

His fiancé is quite a bit younger than him, about 6-7 years older than me, so in her middle-late 30s. No big whoop, but given her age, this is her first marriage. She is, in the exact opposite style of my cheapskate self, pulling out all the stops. Photographer, wedding planner, personalized wedding favors, those pieces of fabric that go over the chair with the ribbon that make the chair look like a ghost, all that shit. Additionally, she is having a wedding shower. Now while I wouldn't necessarily be having one if I was the 4th wife of the dude I was marrying, I get it. Princess for a day and all that. However, the other day I had the realization that I might be expected not only attend their wedding, which is fine and will likely be a ton of fun, but that I might also be expected to give them a shower AND wedding gift! I immediately started combing the internet for people in the same boat with wonderful advice on the subject and came up with nothing.

Admittedly, I am guilty of being a little over practical and possibly rigid (Capricorns forever!!). That said, the idea of giving my dad a card full of money and some tacky-ass napkin rings from their registry at bed bath & beyond for his 4th marriage honestly fucking flabbergasts me. It feels bizarre to even consider. As an aside, I don't have a super great relationship with my dad to begin with due to some crappy childhood junk, but I am definitely in a pretty good place and would give us like a 5/10 after lots of therapy and one very patient, wonderful listener of a mother.

I guess I am wondering if the concept of a 4th wedding gift for your dad is in fact as asinine as I feel like it is or if maybe our strained relationship has something to do with my strong opposition to this. It has nothing to do with money at all, it's just a matter of apparently deep-seated principle. So, is it a total dick move to not get them anything? Lots of people came to my wedding and didn't bring a gift, including my dad, and it wasn't an especially big deal to me but I have a feeling that bringing nothing might get me on her perma-shitlist. Normally I'd just DO something for them as my gift but I think that might be out (They were going to do an iPod DJ thing, so I offered to bring records and DJ and the suggestion is sort of just hanging there, ignored, in the abyss) or not her style, so I am at a loss here. 

I thank you for any wisdom, insight or potentially needed bitchslap into reality you and your wonderful readers can provide me with!

*****

Just buy them a fucking present. ONE present.

(You have my full permission to skip the shower.)


Image: Quote Studio via her.

Dear ESB: Why is life so hard?

My husband and I are backing out of a business endeavor we were super excited about. Our visions weren't lining up with our prospective partners, and we realized that we weren't willing to give what they were expecting. It's fine, but I'm back to feeling lost in the whole "what am I doing with my life?" game. I've had it with my Etsy store, and always knew I wanted to switch gears when my son started school. But I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I suck at working for other people, so I need to start my own project again…. I guess I just wish sometimes that I wasn't so PASSIONATE. I should have just been an accountant.

#whitegirlproblems

*****

I just had a very similar conversation with a writer friend -- she said something like “I feel sorry for people who don’t have something they’re passionate about” and I was like BUT WOULDN’T THAT BE EASIER

Lately I've been in a bit of a funk myself.

I don't want a real job (or: I prefer my real job to run 20 weeks/year) but I'm terrible at managing my time. I scaled back on blogging to give myself space to write, and then spent most of January and February staring at Twitter and/or playing Threes. I decided to use our tax refund to make a short film,* which feels amazing -- I've been casting! and location scouting! and talking about shots with my dp! I feel like a real director again! -- but now I have to get my act together and write the feature script that comes next and YES LIFE IS HARD

Wait, was I supposed to be giving you advice? I'm not sure I'm qualified.

All I can do is send you a ginormous hug across the interwebs and tell you to a) Cut yourself some slack, and then b) GET TO IT. It's okay to take baby steps. It doesn't have to be all good and finished and perfect all at once.



Sophie Vlaming by Hicham Riad for Marie Claire Belgium (March 2014) via visual optimism

______________________________

*Thank you, H.

overkill for a courthouse wedding?

Dear ESB,

Future husband and I are getting married at the courthouse in Montreal in April and then having a big party in a mountain chalet in August. 

What do you think of these dresses for a Saturday courthouse ceremony? Too much black? Overkill in some other way? Your opinion is much appreciated!

Michael Kors Lace-top Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Crystal Scoopneck

Uber thanks,

Questioning black on white

*****

Hate the Michael Kors, love the DVF. (Not an overkill thing really, more of a taste thing.)

I'm 90% sure I need to leave my husband

Hey ESB,

I've seen you facilitate some killer support and advice for real life shit in the past, so here I am writing to you. I'm 90% sure I need to leave my husband, and I could really use a cheer squad/push.

I won't bore you with the details, but we do have a young child. My husband is my best friend, and I want him in our lives forever, but we don't feel like a couple anymore. We've had some horrible times, and have been in counselling for months, and have made good progress. But, I'm exhausted, and I feel like half a person around him, and I just want to get out. It's hard to, because lots if what we have together is great. There's a lot of love, and I know how much harder my life would be as a single mum, how long I might have to put my ambitions on hold. In light if this, it feels like I'm being selfish or immature to want to leave.

But, last night I found myself confessing to an almost perfect stranger that I wanted to leave my husband, and I don't think I deserve to be unhappy enough to do that. It wasn't a drunken confession either, by the way. Neither of us had a single drop.

Can somebody just tell me that I'll make the right choice and find the right words, and that it will all work out ok in the end? Please?

- Desperate Housewife

*****

You deserve to feel like a whole person. And: Your kid needs a mom who feels like a whole person.

Tell your husband what you just told us.


Inversion Series by Anton Bundenko

it's been WAY TOO LONG since we had a shopping challenge

Dear ESB,

Firstly, your blog is my favorite thing! I read it daily and seeing other people's family wedding drama makes me feel less alone. Mine is doing a real number on me since my fiance and I got engaged. 

Estranged dad trying to get an invitation? Check. Bipolar twin sister getting married spontaneously to a busker days after my engagement? Check. Bipolar alcoholic mother telling me I'll look fat (I am a size four) on my wedding day and whatever else mean and passive aggressive things she can think of? Check!! 

Anyway, I have been trying to avoid my family entirely and have been moving forward with the wedding planning with my amazing, kind, and patient fiance and his family, who are over the moon excited for us and are being so kind and generous every step of the way. 

We set the date, the place, and now I need a dress! I found one that is perfect [pictured above]! Problem is that I can't find it anywhere! Seriously, I even called Valentino and asked them to search for it too! Which they did for two weeks (did you know that you can do this? Everyone there was so nice!) and the dress doesn't exist. 

Can you/your readers help me find something like it for under $2000? I am in love with this dress, in a way that I didn't think was possible. I am usually very apathetic towards clothing but... this dress!

Help!

Thank you!

*****

SHOP AWAY, MY LADIES !

(You've got your work cut out for you. That Valentino is gorg.)

HALP

I’m doing an interview with this lil blog and Kelsey wants to know “Best question you have been asked on ESB?”

HOW DO I CHOOSE

It would be easier if she had asked me “What’s the best answer you’ve given on ESB?” (I’m partial to this one and this one and this one. My friend J is a big fan of this one.)

Anyhoo.... A virtual slice of pie will be yours if you submit your faves below.


(Pie box DIY via Emma Stefan via A Subtle Revelry)