overkill for a courthouse wedding?

Dear ESB,

Future husband and I are getting married at the courthouse in Montreal in April and then having a big party in a mountain chalet in August. 

What do you think of these dresses for a Saturday courthouse ceremony? Too much black? Overkill in some other way? Your opinion is much appreciated!

Michael Kors Lace-top Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Crystal Scoopneck

Uber thanks,

Questioning black on white

*****

Hate the Michael Kors, love the DVF. (Not an overkill thing really, more of a taste thing.)

Here's what you should wear to CITY HALL

With a crop top.

PERF, amirite?


(Swedish Queen Crown from Fiori Couture)

Seeking: Un Courthouse Wedding Ensemble

Hey Lady,

So, I have another question. I am doing a courthouse wedding here in LA before we have the big over the top, come to jesus wedding. I would like to wear THIS. 

I am hoping your reader friends may have some ideas on how to piece this together- for less than $300? Maybe? Hopefully? 

Thanks lady. 

*****

HEYREADERFRIENDS: Feel like shopping?

It's not that I'm too busy or anything. Lady asked for *your* ideas.

A bride in search of a dilemma

Feb 20, 2013

Hey ESB,

We're planning a laid back, court house ceremony followed by a party in a pub later in the evening. I bought this dress which fits like a dream and is super flattering. I thought the hard part was over but now I have to accessorise which is not my strong suit.

I have the kind of fair skin that suits all hair colours, so I'm kicking around the idea of deep wine lipstick (maybe just for the reception so I'm not smearing lippy all over the groom during the ceremony) and dark nail polish. Would dark shoes make it all too matchy? I'm thinking flowers aren't even really necessary and the thought of putting something on my head is sending me over the edge.

Am I completely insane going down the dark lipstick/accessory route? I have a hard time picturing it all working together with the dress. To be honest I'm having a hard time picturing anything other than the stock standard nude pump, peonies, french manicure look. But I mean, YAWN, right!? 

Thanks

*****

Jul 12, 2013

Are you MARRIED? How did you accessorize??

Dress is gorg, b/t/w

*****

Jul 12, 2013

Thanks esb - I think so too.

Not married yet, shit gets real in October.

I wasn't too long engaged when I emailed you and I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the choices. In fact, I was kind of projecting my stress about some significant life challenges by obsessing over wedding details. Don't think I'm the only bride to be to do that.

Things have a way of sorting themselves out though. I'm more or less organised with plenty of time to change my mind.

I've put a pretty vague order in with a florist that I drove past and loved the store set up (think fluro macrame hanging baskets with ferns etc). I've asked for a small bouquet that's wild and textural.

Accessories wise I bought these Emerson Fry shoes (they're gorg) and have put an order in for this amazing baby soft black leather jacket made by a local Melbourne designer. Oh and my wedding band arrived last week and I LOVE IT. I've spent a lot more money on accessories than on the dress but they're all pieces that I'll wear again (and again, and again). 

I've nixed the dark lipstick idea because I don't want to be worried all day/night that it's smudged, or worn off, or is on my teeth. And I don't want to discourage my new husband from kissing me for fear of my lipstick transferring itself to his face.

Besides that I'm pretty undecided about all the rest. I have a beautiful string of pearls my Dad bought me for my 21st that suit the neckline of the dress, and I was thinking of whacking some flowers in my hair like this (sorry no source, it's one of those frustrating pinterest/tumblr ones). Nails - no idea.

I'm open to suggestions if you or your readers feel up to completing the picture!

PS: We're taking our ceremony peeps out to lunch at the restaurant where we had our first date and it just so happens to be Chinese a la Shane and Eric. I love everything about that wedding and hope ours is just as fun...

*****

Jul 19, 2013

OK esb, I have a legit dilemma for you now. 

Last night, bridesmaid dress shopping, I found a dress [pictured above]. I know I wasn't really doing myself any favours but I had to try it on, and as suspected from looking at it on the rack it's absolutely gorgeous. It fits beautifully and suits my complexion and hair colour to a tee.

I can't justify spending $650 on a dress with no occasion to wear it, and it would make a KILLER wedding dress. But as you know, I already have an outfit sorted. 

It doesn't fit into any kind of budget I'm running right now, but that's what credit cards are for, right?!

I know I'm not the first to have the two dresses dilemma. I've canvassed my bridesmaids who've seen me in both dresses for their opinion but thought I'd throw to you also. Because, you know, guru.

Should I go with the new dress or stick to what I have planned? 

*****

For a courthouse wedding + Chinese + pub, I say stick to the shift dress.

p.s. You have bridesmaids for a courthouse wedding??

p.p.s. CHILLAX.

Emma + Tim run away to city hall

You guys, it's a write-up from THE GROOM:

Emma and I met each other in our mid-20s. We didn't grow up together, but we grew into adults together. Being an adult can be serious business, and we've come to recognise that part of what makes a relationship successful is to know when to be focused on the mundanity of life and when to embrace your whimsy let yourself be spontaneous.

That moment presented itself to us about nine months before our wedding day. We had been planning a straightforward wedding up to that point and had begun to feel that we weren't doing justice to the love we share. During a long discussion as we drove through the countryside near where we live, Emma remarked, "We should just run away and get married at City Hall in New York." We initially laughed and shrugged off the idea. Twenty four hours later, we were breaking the news to our family that we were eloping.

In retrospect, going halfway around the world to be married is an apt analogy for our relationship. It was an unforgettable adventure, punctuating the unforgettable adventure Emma and I had been on in the preceding six and a half years as we carved our our lives together. Much as we wanted to celebrate our nuptials with friends and family, there would be time for that we we returned; on our wedding day, there was only one person I wanted to be with and see happy.

We met with our photographer, Monica, on the morning of the wedding at City Hall. Thanks to East Side Bride, Emma had discovered Hart + Sol photography, who are based out of Brooklyn. We were secretly a little nervous about the idea of having a photographer there with us on the day, but we needn't have been. Monica took amazing photos, but more than that, her kind words and encouragement helped make a morning that might have otherwise been overrun by the stiff bureaucracy of City Hill a warm and gentle experience. Monica's photos captured the sincere and unfettered happiness in the expressions on our faces, in a way that I've never seen in Emma and I before. It's impossible to imagine the day without Monica there to help us focus and reflect on on the importance of that moment.

After the ceremony, Emma and I walked the High Line together as a gentle rain fell, had a wonderful candle-lit dinner on the Lower East Side, and then watched The Rosebuds play an intimate set at the Bowery Ballroom. A few days later we shipped out to London to visit friends, then continued our adventures in Paris and Berlin.

Emma and I were always going to fall in love with New York City -- it was wonderful to fall further in love with each other because of New York City.

So what if they didn't take Matt up on any of his restaurant recommends?

♥

I don't even know how to title this one

Hello ESB, 

Long time reader. First time writer. In the middle of my engagement my parents' thirty year marriage has for lack of a better word has exploded like a Sponge bob pinata at a birthday party. 

The day I was wedding dress shopping with my mother, my father was on vacation in the Caribbean with his mistress of twelve years. Understandably, my mother was upset but decided for my sake that she would not divorce my father until after a wedding which is next May. I told her I would go with her to the courthouse

My father knows this. He continues to see his mistress (whose name and address I known since I was fourteen) every weekend since his vacation this summer. We know he's with her because he makes a show of it and disappears for days upon end. He's doing all this because he knows my mother wants everything to be perfect for the wedding. 

My mother is miserable and hurt. She continues to stay with my father out of concern that he will do one or all of the following if she files for divorce from him before the wedding: 

1. he will refuse to pay for my wedding out of anger at her which he offered to do from the beginning. I never asked but he has been insistent since he missed out on a large chunk of my childhood he wants to make it up to me. 

2. he will bring his mistress to the wedding and flaunt her in front of my mother (my brother has threatened to kick his ass if he does this) Personally if he wants to do this nonsense, he can go to someone else's wedding not ours

3. he will be a complete dick at the wedding and ruin everything.

Today my mother was in tears about the way my father is treating her. She doesn't know if she can make it until May and is upset that my special day will be ruined. My mother can not pay for the wedding by herself (she busted her butt putting both my brother and I through college and continues to support the household without any help from my father).

I want my mother to be happy and not have to deal with this nonsense. She wants me to have a nice family wedding and not have to deal with any of this family stuff. 

My fiance and I have been considering getting married at City Hall so that all the family tension will be over.  

What should we do? I need your wisdom

*****

First of all, REALLY? IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION??

2. You do realize it takes more than a trip to the courthouse to get a divorce? Right now I'm much more concerned about your mom than your stupid wedding.

Patricia Van Der Vliet By Ellen Von Unwerth For Grey Magazine

a magical, confetti-strewn, nyc heat-wave elopement

May 6, 2010 (4:17 AM) 

Dear ESB

We live in the UK and are eloping to New York in late June. We're staying with very good friends who have recently moved to Brooklyn and they'll be our witnesses, along with their 2 year old daughter. Because our friends have only lived there a short while and I have no other contacts in NYC I could really use some advice/help with a couple of things...firstly -

City Hall or Brooklyn Municipal Building? - which is nicer?

and then -

We'd like to head to a park for a picnic lunch afterwards - would anyone cater such a small (4.5 person) event?! and which parks are nicest? oh and! is it true you can't drink alcohol outside in the states? would it have to be a booze free picnic?

Any thoughts/ideas from you and/or your readers would be so gratefully received, if it was at home we could make it ourselves and then ask a friend to help out and set up/deliver the picnic but we don't have that option...please help.

Thank you x

*****

Aug 25, 2010 (1:51 PM)

shit. shittty shit shit.

I JUST SAW THIS EMAIL. I have a whole funky forwarding sitch and somehow this one fell through the cracks.

SHIT.

Will you send me an update? Photos? Something?? Do you hate me foreverz???

love,
me

***** 

Aug 25, 2010 (3:11 PM) 

haha. you don't know how happy you've made me.

an email asking me to talk about my wedding 2 months after the event, when every one else i know is bored shitless of hearing about it.

So we decided against the picnic in the end cos it was just getting too stressful and required so much planning and that was EXACTLY what we were trying to avoid. so, on 25 June we went to City Hall, got married, and kissed under confetti outside - tissue paper confetti - is this usual in the States? Our friends sat up the night before cutting up tissue paper as they hadn't been able to find any in NYC, here it comes in little horseshoe and bell shapes in pastel colours...anyway - then we went to Cafe Gitane in NoLita and shared a bottle of Champagne - took a few photos outside the New Museum - HELL YES! - then off to Vinegar Hill House in Brooklyn for an amazing meal and finally to The Jane Hotel - just the two of us.

It's a cliche, but it totally was a magical and wonderful day, I felt completely connected to and grounded in what we were engaged with that day - ie - committing to each other sincerely, and I know, for myself, I might have struggled to stay with that quite as profoundly if there had been lots of people and a lot of hassle leading up to it. Oh and wonderful Saipua made my bouquet and my dress was from Mr Larkin. My guy bought his whole outfit in Brooklyn the day before.

I'm glad we never did the picnic in the end, because we were in New York for the heat-wave and honestly, being outside was a bit torturous, so I reckon it was divine intervention you not getting my email when I sent it...

Thanks so much for getting in touch - oh and you might like my my blog, your blog was the ONLY wedding blog I looked at in the run up to our wedding : )

love,
ic

this is how to do city hall, people

Coolest bride EVER.

Thank you jezebel for sending me the good shit!

Christians are people too

Hey Jill,

Thanks for responding on the blog today.

I worry that my advice was a little flip, but honestly what I meant was: Go with your gut! Get on with your life together! And hearing more of your story just reinforced that for me. I hoped it helped to hear from other women who did the city hall thing too. Obviously, your religion is your own f*cking business. SHEESH.

Keep us posted will you? (I'd love to see photos from city hall and/or the big wedding if you feel like sending any.)

Love,
ESB

*****

Dear ESB, 

Thanks for responding. It was nice to hear someone else's input on the matter, many readers' input in fact. I am woman who is familiar with people judging my ideas. For my wedding day I have opted not to have paper wedding invites, call my women "bridesmaids" or have my wedding in a church. We are getting married on my (bought it myself, no man, no co-signer) 140 acre property next to the pond where my fiance proposed. My pet pig Tula will be walking down the aisle along with our three dogs. Our reception is in a 200 year old barn that was converted into a playhouse (which I rented for free, we just need to dust). This is not your mother's wedding.

The decision to get legally married ahead of time was three-fold. One, we are stoked to be married. Two, we want to live together and have sex. Three, it makes a lot of financial sense because he is in the military.

I will send you photos very soon because our engagement shoot is actually going to be (psych!) the photos from our legal wedding ceremony. Aside from the readers of ESB and a few friends we aren't announcing our legal marriage in case we are met with more opposition.

I've never understood why everyone want things, especially weddings, to be done the way they have been done before. I am an avid (avid!!) reader of wedding blogs and I feel like brides are finally getting this, things don't have to be any particular way, only the way that makes sense to you. I think as long as you are respectful of your guests (don't make your gramma sit on a cactus plant) then you should have free reign for your day.

It was awesome that you posted my email and I was so happy to hear all the feedback, even the comments about us trying to escape hell by getting legally married. I love your website and I will be a faithful reader long after my wedding day.

I have attached a few photos of my pre-wedding life. Enjoy! 

Jill

DEAR ESB: Is it "unmagical" to get legally married before the wedding?

My fiance and I are both old school Christians who want to wait until we get married to live together/get it on. We are also very excited about being man and wife. We have decided to get legally married this month even though our wedding isn't until August. My parents think that this will make our wedding "unmagical." I disagree because most couples live together, have sex and are legally common-law until their weddings and I would guess they would think their weddings were very magical. Am I insane for breaking the "way to do things" or are my parents just being stubborn? 

Jill

*****

Do it.

The wedding-night sex will be a whole lot more "magical" if you've had a little practice.

(Kate Moss, Vogue UK April 2010 via tobaccoandleather)

Dear ESB: we're eloping and I'm on dress #3

Brandy just emailed me:

Reading your blog for a while now and L.O.V.E it so I thought I would ask you this very important question and hopefully you (or your readers) can come up with an answer. See we're eloping(shhhh) after ten years of dating and I'm having a bit of a dress dilemma. I'm currently on dress #3. I won't get into the deets of the first two but the third I'm confident will make it to city hall. It's JCrew and it's cotton and it's...plain:


I want to dress it up some but obviously not too much as were getting hitched early afternoon. But I want it to look less summer dress and more unique and awesome wedding dress that just happens to be cotton. I'm a wee bit eccentric so I'm willing to hear any and every idea that is thrown at me. I'd normally be able to figure it out myself but with less than 22 days to go I'm focused on other things. I think I'll be wearing a short bubble veil and my hair in a messy bouffant. But neither of these are set in stone. Oh and shoes suggestions?

Please help me!

Thanks
Brandy

Um, I thought the whole point of eloping was to avoid worrying about this sh*t. You throw on a little dress, eff the veil, and run off to city hall. You did say you're getting married at city hall?

p.s. J. Crew is neither unique nor awesome.

courthouse polaroids

Speaking of unpretentious wedding photos.... I love these.

Read about Stacy and TJ's wedding, the party, and why they got married on la boudoir. Happy one-year anniversary, lady!

LAmixx for the unconventional bride?

For $46, why the f* not? Wear it to city hall. Wear it to the afterparty.

Shop online at 80spurple.com. Via NOTCouture, of course.