hello, fabulous.

this disco ball planter by chaparral studio is a little pricey.... but would it not make the. most. fabulous. wedding present for that couple who has everything? or how bout a third anniversary present (HELLO: GLASS!)

handmade, tile by tile, in good old los angeles, california.



(many thanks to gracie for the heads up)

BEST WEDDING PRESENT EVAR

For your cool weirdy friends who couldn't be bothered to register.........

Enameled metal cups + plates featuring images from Maurizio Cattelan + Pierpaolo Ferrari/TOILETPAPER magazine ($20-22 each at MoMA).




I kinda want to buy us a set just for camping.

NOTE TO SELF: GO CAMPING

Weirdo Etiquette Question

Dear ESB,

Recently, my dad got engaged. I am very happy for him and excited he has found someone to share his life with. This is all pretty run of the mill stuff until I get to the part where it's my dad's 4th marriage.

I am the one and only product of both my parents 1st marriage and they have been divorced for most of my life. This will be the 3rd time I have watched my dad get married in roughly 25 years. All of the marriages, including the one to my mother lasted 5ish years. 

His fiancé is quite a bit younger than him, about 6-7 years older than me, so in her middle-late 30s. No big whoop, but given her age, this is her first marriage. She is, in the exact opposite style of my cheapskate self, pulling out all the stops. Photographer, wedding planner, personalized wedding favors, those pieces of fabric that go over the chair with the ribbon that make the chair look like a ghost, all that shit. Additionally, she is having a wedding shower. Now while I wouldn't necessarily be having one if I was the 4th wife of the dude I was marrying, I get it. Princess for a day and all that. However, the other day I had the realization that I might be expected not only attend their wedding, which is fine and will likely be a ton of fun, but that I might also be expected to give them a shower AND wedding gift! I immediately started combing the internet for people in the same boat with wonderful advice on the subject and came up with nothing.

Admittedly, I am guilty of being a little over practical and possibly rigid (Capricorns forever!!). That said, the idea of giving my dad a card full of money and some tacky-ass napkin rings from their registry at bed bath & beyond for his 4th marriage honestly fucking flabbergasts me. It feels bizarre to even consider. As an aside, I don't have a super great relationship with my dad to begin with due to some crappy childhood junk, but I am definitely in a pretty good place and would give us like a 5/10 after lots of therapy and one very patient, wonderful listener of a mother.

I guess I am wondering if the concept of a 4th wedding gift for your dad is in fact as asinine as I feel like it is or if maybe our strained relationship has something to do with my strong opposition to this. It has nothing to do with money at all, it's just a matter of apparently deep-seated principle. So, is it a total dick move to not get them anything? Lots of people came to my wedding and didn't bring a gift, including my dad, and it wasn't an especially big deal to me but I have a feeling that bringing nothing might get me on her perma-shitlist. Normally I'd just DO something for them as my gift but I think that might be out (They were going to do an iPod DJ thing, so I offered to bring records and DJ and the suggestion is sort of just hanging there, ignored, in the abyss) or not her style, so I am at a loss here. 

I thank you for any wisdom, insight or potentially needed bitchslap into reality you and your wonderful readers can provide me with!

*****

Just buy them a fucking present. ONE present.

(You have my full permission to skip the shower.)


Image: Quote Studio via her.

Non-cheesy first anniversary present?

I get that buying a present for your spouse is deeply personal and you can't really give someone advice, blah blah blah. But I am looking for inspiration for a non-cheesy first anniversary present for my husband.

I like the idea of following the traditional gifts -- paper for year one, but the best ideas on the internet are 1) buy tickets to a sporting event so your man will remember you totz get him, 2) make a dumb craft project with maps of places you have lived, or 3) write a love letter every day of your first year of marriage (too late, and where would you hide 365 love letters in a studio apartment anyway?).

There must be something better. Thoughts?

*****

Is he a word person? A visual person? A food person?

What is his very favorite object?

*****

He is a serious word person. Mostly history but also comic books (he got some unlimited online subscription and is now working his way chronologically through esoteric old series). Loves food, especially barbecue. 

Favorite object would probably be a tie between his grandfather's Danish rocking chair and our spherical ice cube molds.

*****

So basically he's awesome. And (irrelevant here) a whiskey drinker.

I say find a first edition of a book he loves. Does anyone know where to shop for such a thing?



Pink Package by Maira Kalman

a wedding present for the couple who has everything

Dear ESB,

You have had some great gift posts in the past, so I thought I would ask for your help with a wedding gift that has me stumped.

I am attending a destination wedding for a couple who has a lot of money, like a lot of money. They are wonderful, gracious people and their wedding is going to be the bomb. But everything on their wedding registry, which was all very reasonably priced, was bought up the day after I got their invitation and now I have no idea what to do. 

It feels weird for us (always broke-ish) to give them cash or a gift card to Williams Sonoma when they don't really need money. I love them and would like to get them something in the standard wedding range of about $100. I could go as high as $200, but closer to $100 is ideal.

Their taste is classic, kinda fancy, but they aren't dorks or anything. They're like, wealthy, straight, big-city-living people in their 40s. Have you seen any new and exciting salt bowls? I'm at a loss.

Love,
Bad At Shopping For Once

*****

How bout a polished horn salt bowl [pictured above] and spoon....

plus a jar of white truffle sea salt "harvested from seawater off the Oregon coast based on evaporation techniques first used by early explorers at the turn of the 19th-century." (Sounds like something rich ppl would like!)

$29 + 9 + 29 = $67 from Kaufmann Mercantile

______________________________

Sidebar: I had a terrific experience with KM back when I was obsessing about tiny home decor.

I ordered the horsehair hand broom, which I l-o-v-e....

And the enamelware dust pan (which is gorg) but then I decided that I wanted the enamelware dust pan with the rubber lip, which was out of stock.

They sent me a free return shipping label, hung on to the credit for me, and shipped the dust pan with the lip as soon as it came back in (which took a while, but was worth the wait).

Can't recommend em highly enough.

And ps if you sign up for the newsletter, they'll send you a discount code for $7 off.

I found the PERFECT bridesmaids gift.

Excellent beverage serving abilities
High quality glazed ceramic construction
Oddly familiar selection of letters
C-shaped handle

$16.99 from Firebox 

(via Caitlin Bonnie)

When you can't forget the gifts you didn't get.

I was just reading this terrific piece on the Billfold, which led me over to this NY Times piece.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I mean, the people the Times interviewed are mostly old (and rich). But TWENTY YEARS LATER they're still dwelling on who didn't give them a wedding gift??

I just want to say -- right here and now -- to all the friends who didn't give us a gift:

It means so much to me that you made it to our wedding. Or didn't. Maybe you didn't even make it to the wedding. WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE. But we invited you because we love you and we still love you and, just so you know, it matters not ONE IOTA that you didn't buy us anything.

As Emily Gould puts it:

There are so many other costs associated with attending a wedding, especially if you’re in the wedding party or it’s a destination wedding… I know it’s a token and sentimental and that people are generally understanding, but somehow adding a salad spinner to the $450 hotel, $200 dress and $800 plane ticket tends to be the straw that breaks this camel’s back. But that’s both irrational and kind of dickish of me. I’m trying to be better.

IT'S NOT IRRATIONAL! IT'S TOTALLY RATIONAL!

How bout we just do away with the damn wedding gifts already?


Ina Jang for Jalouse April 2012 via Visual Optimism

Do I have the product for you!

If you liked the Cuppow, you will loooooooove Vino2Go!

Though I have to admit, I'm a little confused. Is the wine glass built in, or is this just a jar you put your wine glass in? And, if so, could you put a martini glass in it instead??

(I will spare you the story about the time I tried to sneak a martini into the movie theater. In my tote bag.)

Via Kate Arends

What the hell do we buy our parents as a thank you gift?

Dear ESB,

First off, this site has helped me keep my sanity for the last year since getting engaged. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I'm not crazy or an idiot for thinking about weddings as I do.

That being said, any suggestions for gifts for the parents? Both of our parents are helping us pay for the wedding and we wanted to give them something at the rehearsal dinner. 

Something beyond the traditional pocket watch (what the hell is that about? seriously - is that a thing?) or expensive frame for a future wedding photo (blah, boring and BORING).

Please help! We're getting married in two and half weeks and I can't think of anything that isn't overdone or cheesy.

*****

k, i just need to ask a few questions about the parents:

shiny or matte?

sweet or salty?

happy or sad? (just kidding)

joan baez or led zeppelin?

harry potter or james bond?

*****

OK, for my parents:

shiny or matte? Both!

sweet or salty? Again, both!

happy or sad? (just kidding) Ha ha - thankfully very happy.

joan baez or led zeppelin? I can't believe you didn't include Korean church hymns on those choices! Because the answer would be Korean church hymns and classical music (no joke)

harry potter or james bond? Bond for sure.

For the in-laws:

shiny or matte? Shiny

sweet or salty? Sweet!

happy or sad? (just kidding) Happy with a touch of ennui

joan baez or led zeppelin? Joan Baez

harry potter or james bond? Bond

Thanks!!!

*****

I had this chocolate* all picked out............

For your parents:

The Bacon Truffle Collection from Vosges.

I haven't sampled the truffles, but I can promise you the bacon chocolate bars are BEYOND. (As in, maybe the best chocolate I've ever tasted.)

For the in-laws:

Le Chocolat en Rose Truffles (also from Vosges), inspired by Edith Piaf's "La Vie en Rose."

But then I reread your query and realized you want something to give them at the rehearsal dinner.

Womp womp.


How bout a gold coffee spoon set? Or a couple of little gold-leaf bowls? Or A REALLY GOOD BOTTLE OF BOURBON.**

My favorite cinematographer recommends Hudson Baby Bourbon. He says "Old Potrero Rye is also very nice... If you want a west coast thang."

(Image at top by Alma Haser via JE;SU, Hudson Baby Bourbon photo via There Will Be Bourbon)
______________________________

*As a newly minted member of The Tiny House Club, I have quickly come to appreciate gifts that are decadent and impermanent.

**See above

This would make an awesome wedding gift

(For the right people, obvs. Let's not freak anyone out.)

Hand-drawn Tarot Deck by The Wild Unknown at Catbird

Crashing with presents

Dear ESB,

I'm a crasher's +1 next weekend and I need a gift.

My best friend has been traveling the world for the past few months and is currently in Australia. He has decided to come back early and surprise his sister at her wedding. I'm his +1. Now, obviously as an attendant to this wedding, I will be consuming their alcohol and eating their food (aka $ spent on me), so what's something I could get as a repayment? My friend is at a 12 hour time difference and relatively cut off from communication (apparently there's not much wifi in the outback).

Since I don't know their registry, what's something that says, "Hey, thank you for the crab-stuffed chicken and the booze. Sorry you didn't technically invite me."? The bride and groom are pretty cool, like music, and are pregnant.

Thanks,
Uninvited +1

*****

You mean besides a salt bowl? (My favorite lucky wedding present of all time.)

I hate to give you the BORING answer, but wait until after the wedding. You don't need to bring a gift with you, and you can sleuth out where they're registered while you're there.*

HAPPY WRAPPING by Emma Hässel & Lina Salén

______________________________

*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee look at me! i'm still answering etiquette questions!

What do I get for my dad who just eloped?

Hi,

I wrote you a few months ago about a friend's wedding dress, and the suggestions were very useful (several readers called it when they said she'd wind up with a Jenny Packham). 

I've got another, unrelated question for you/your readers:

My dad eloped with his long-time partner (woman, for some reason I feel I should specify that.) He had indicated they would be getting married and that they would be having a ceremony with just the two of them. I assumed I would get a phone call beforehand telling me when it would be happening, but instead I got an email saying, "We're married!" 

We're having a party for his birthday in a few weeks that will be doubling as their "reception" and I'm wondering if I should be getting some sort of a gift for them both? What on earth does one get for one's father after he has eloped? Surely a KitchenAid Mixer or salad tongs aren't exactly appropriate (especially since he got those the first time around...) and please don't suggest nice sheets (shudder.)

Help?

Best,

Attempting to be adult about a very juvenile situation

*****

I need a little info about your dad:

1) City or Country?

2) Sweet or Savory?

2) Mac or PC?

4) Beethoven or Neil Young?

*****

Hm,

Country, savory, Mac, Neil Young (though Pink Floyd would be perhaps more accurate.)

*****

OMG I LOVE THIS GAME.

Obvs you should get them.....

The Wild Unknown Mirrored Prism from Catbird ($65)


Or.....

Sign up for shop updates from Herriott Grace and buy them a little salt bowl ($45 CDN) for good luck.

My Friend Tracey Tanner

I've posted about Tracey Tanner before. More than once.

But I'm doing it again. Because she is rad and because she's a new sponsor of ESB (woot!) and because she's offering ESB readers a 15% discount on orders of 5 or more items.

Code: ESBBULK15

Tracey's lil pouches and makeup bags and wristlets are THE BEST gifts for bridesmaids + wedding helper friends.

The ladies I gave them to four years ago are still using em, and I have one I love to death that I fully expect to last forever. Can you say that about your Target knock-off? I bet not.

p.s. The wristbands are pretty rad, too.

How much do I have to spend on my BF's best friend's wedding??

Dear ESB,

My BF and I are going to his best friend's wedding in Hawaii this summer. 

Here's my question: what is the trade-off (is there any?) between how much you spend on travel to get to a wedding and how much you spend on a gift? In other words, how much of a B does it make me if I don't get these people a gift?

The background here is that between taking the happy couple to a champagne bar the night of their engagement, a night-on-the-town girls-only engagement party, the official engagement party, BF attending the bachelor party in Mexico and the both of us flying to/staying in Hawaii for the whole wedding week at the couple's request, this wedding is costing us an ungodly amount of money. 

I've also just been informed of what type of gift I should bring to the bridal shower, and that I will be expected to bring a costume hat -- shower to be held in Hawaii the week of the wedding so no getting out of it. All of this adds up to an amount that is well over what I earn in an entire month, and I'm starting to resent it. 

To make things more complicated, I think my judgment is clouded from what happened the last time I got the couple a gift, for their engagement party. BF and I picked out a cool travel-related coffee table book as they hadn't registered for anything yet. Not only did we never get a thank you card (the party was 10 months ago) but the bride-to-be told both BF and I on separate occasions that she thought our gift was "weird." 

I thought her comments were rude and hurtful, so it's entirely possible that I'm too bitter about that experience to see things clearly this time. I feel like I've already spent too much on this wedding, and am really balking at the idea of spending more on a gift for both the shower and the wedding itself. 

Am I being totally unreasonable? Or is ok to say 'enough'?

Thanks,
Broke Wedding Guest

*****

FUCK THAT SHIT.

Your presence at the wedding is gift enough.

I sort of think you should skip the bridal shower and go to the beach! alone! with your boyfriend! But, your call.

Prada Fantasy Lookbook Spring 2012 via Fashion Gone Rogue

Relationship management in a tin

Three double-sided wooden coins to be tossed when two sweethearts just can't agree. 

(From Greer Chicago)

I SMELL A SHOWER GIFT.

anyone shopping for a wedding/thank you/super special gift?

Nikole just updated her shop.

You'd better jump on it fast. (As in: FAST.)

I draw the line at cheap gifts for groomsmen

Hey ESB,

It's '99 Chanel dress girl again. 

Update on that: the dress came and did not fit at all, BUMMER, but it's in the process of being fixed and I can't wait to show you all pictures. Also, I went with the white and gold shoes you thought were hooker-ish, sorry. 

But anyway, today brings me to a new dilemma for you and your sassy readers. 

I don't think I mentioned previously that my fiance and I are 21 and 20 respectively. I know, I know, hold the tirade of warnings, please. Anyway, being halfway through college kind of equals not very rich, and my groom-to-be kind of has a really big heart and kind of wanted to get all the guys (all 8 of them) $40 pocket watches as groomsmen gifts. 

Here's the thing; that is WAY out of our budget for gifts (though we are paying for gifts for our attendants out of our own respective pockets), and pocket watches just seem like not that great of an idea to me on several other levels. Groom-to-be is open to suggestions, so, what do you all suggest for a cheap, but not cheapy gift? Groomsmen range from age 16 to 28. I'd put the budget at $15 a head. 

I have faith in your interwebs searching abilities! 

*****

Why would I spend 5 hours searching for ($15?!) gifts for your groomsmen when you had NO INTEREST in following my advice about the shoes??

And yeah, you should at least wait til you graduate from college to get married.

A Boy And His Owl by Donna McKenzie on etsy

Second Wedding Etiquette?

Dear ESB,

I'm going to try and keep the background short. There aren't that many good deets anways...other than the punchline that my first marriage went straight to the shitter (we discovered we wanted different things, and he met someone else who was a better fit for him). Met at 17, married at 22...divorced at 24/25 (got messy and took a while). 

Lesson learned ladies: Just because you LOVE him, doesn't mean you should MARRY him. Do some soul searching and make sure you both know what you want, and you want the same things. Also, there's a lot of growing and learning to be done in your 20's. You both may not want the same things once you've had your fun with that decade (and you should have fun). Your love has got to last a while and you need the foundations to build a marriage on. 

So fast forward a few years to now. Met an amazing guy, marriage details are being discussed. He hasn't been married before and has a huge family. They love weddings. Not necessarily big weddings, but just weddings in general. I love weddings, too, but...I already had one. I already invited all my family, friends, and coworkers who traveled, brought gifts, took photos, hugged, kissed, and celebrated with me. I already wore the dress, got the cake, and danced. The idea of planning another makes me want to vomit. 

Don't get me wrong, I have never been more sure of our relationship and I'm excited to marry him, but the thought of doing that whole process again is dreadful. I almost feel guilty, like it isn't RIGHT to do that again. My ideal wedding would be a simple dress and a date at the court house. Small party to follow. He said he'd be on board with that, and understands, but I can tell he and his family were a little crushed. I want him to be happy, so, wedding it is. 

Now, how do I do this? Do I register for gifts again? Have another bridal shower? Bachelorette? If we register, should I only send the gift registry information to people who weren't at my first wedding? Is there such a thing as 'Second Wedding Etiquette'? 

And - how do I get more comfortable with this? 

Heart, 
Anon.

*****

1. You rule.

2. Yes, you should register. But it's bad etiquette to SEND registry info to anyone, whether it's your first wedding, fifth wedding, or fifty-seventh wedding.

Add a registry section to your wedding website with a note like: "It means so much to us that you're coming to the wedding. Please don't feel obligated to buy a gift." Or whatever. (I think everyone ought to include that note even if they've never been married before.)

You can also pass along the word via word-of-mouth that you really don't expect a gift from people who bought you one the first time around.

3. DUDE, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! I'm happy for you, and I don't even know you. Your friends + fam are UBER happy for you, I promise.

Tati Cotliar and Yuri Pleskun by Jason Kibbler for Twin #5 via Fashion Gone Rogue

Seeking: sexaay intimates for a hipster boy

Dear ESB,

Where does a straight man go for some sexaay intimates? Undies, a robe, non-gross aftershave, maybe even some cool socks and sock garters (OK, sock garters are my thing, and he probably won't want to wear them, but still...)? 

I know everyone's definition of what constitutes "sexy" underthings is different, but you know the kind of shit your readers tend to like. Something that's not Hanes His Way, but that's also not a thong or a pair of over-sized purple silk boxers pre-scented with Axe body spray. Something that says he's scrubbed, stylin', and went out of his way to look nice for you. 

Are there one-stop-shop places for intimates for hipster guys, like there are for gals? Or is my man (and me too) SOL? 

PS: Honeymoon is in Hawaii so no super-heavy fabrics

THANKS, LADY!

*****

Sock garters are your thing?

Do the rest of you have bizarre fetishes i ought to know about??

THERE IS NO COOL PLACE THAT SELLS SOCK GARTERS.

As far as a one stop shop for hipster boys, Steven Alan is about as close as you can get. (And when you say "hipster," I assume you mean yipster, because hipsters don't scrub all that often. Obviously.)

Steven Alan isn't carrying pajama bottoms at the moment, which kills me because the pair I bought for H last year are SO BEST, but I assume their boxers are just as good.

And I like the sound of the manly apothecary items they carry, like Citrus/Ginger Sea Salt Spray + Sea Kelp/Clary Sage Bath Salt.

H is also a huge fan of Malin + Goetz, especially the Peppermint Shampoo, Cilantro Hair Conditioner and Bergamot Body Wash.

I really ought to buy him the Cannabis Candle ("addictive and sexy")!



Realizing I sorta didn't fully answer your question. Oh well. I got a little pre-Christmas brainstorming done.

Photo: February 12, 1909, "James Clarke, winner of Brooklyn Marathon, with others," 5x7 glass negative, George Grantham Bain Collection via Shorpy

Porcelain Cucumber

According to {far 4} it "makes for a great arrangement with a porcelain walnut."

Which... they don't sell? wtf.

via PourPorter