Seeking: "Vegan" Bridesmaids dress

Hi ESB,

I never saw myself as a person who would read a wedding blog, but I keep coming back for the snark and pretty pictures! Now I'm hoping you/your readers might be able to help me dress myself for a wedding I'm going to be in at the end of July.

The bride is my college roommate, and the wedding is going to be a super crunchy/sustainable/all-vegan-menu affair. The bridesmaids have been asked to wear knee-length green dresses (generally in this color family). I would prefer not to wear one of the lighter shades. I think we have some flexibility with the color, but that's the general idea.

I'm 5'4", small-chested, athletic build, maybe a pear shape but I've never really thought of myself relative to fruit shapes, and looking to spend less than $200 (unless something amazing that I will want to reuse comes along). I've been trying to poke around online since I am in grad school exams period, but I would love some guidance about specific dresses or stores I should check out. Any help from you or your readers would be so appreciated!

Thank you thank you!

*****

a) There is a color called "Vegan"????!?!

b) THERE IS A COLOR CALLED VEGAN

c) Did she just pick that fucking color because it's called vegan?

Let's be real, it's hard enough to find a green dress. I wouldn't sweat the shade of green.

Although.... This silk jobber from Madewell, which they call "Hemingway" and I would call "Forest" is pretty fucking close to the Sherwin-Williams "Derbyshire."

I am a shopping genius.

(Are you allowed to wear fabric that's not vegan?)

Why are all the low heels so FUGLY?

Hi ESB,

I am getting married in April in a simple but pretty, all lace but no sparklies dress made by a local seamstress. I would love to wear any of the super cute heels and shoes that you and the other commenters have posted about in the past, particularly the Loeffler Randalls. Ugh, I drool.

However, I need a heel that is >1 inch tall to lift my hem off the ground so I don't have to hem the dress in alterations, and yet, not over 2 inches tall, since my fiance asked me to not be much taller than him on the wedding day (we're the same height).

I'd really prefer not to spend over $200; though if something is just killer, maybe I will. I feel like they are only selling ugly shoes of the kitten heel variety, so I need professional shoe shopping help.

Thanks in advance!

*****

Madewell has some cute "mini-wedges" with a 1 1/8" heel.

Which look to me like a knock-off of the Marais studded t-bar flats......

Probably you should just find a pair of flats you love and hem the damn dress.

Fugly shoes at top from Suitster via I'm Revolting via SUMI HA

wedding wrap roundup

Tis the season when everyone panics about what to wear OVER her wedding dress if it gets chilly. Here are a few ideas....

Clockwise from top left: Madewell Tuxedo Blazer at Shopbop ($138), Traveler Denim Jacket from Free People ($148), Ribbed Up Maxi Cardigan from Free People ($78), Clean Biker Jacket from Topshop ($110)
______________________________

I'm trying out this whole RStyle thing, which means if you click through and buy something I get a commission... and I feel very ambivalent about it... but hey, I just spend two hours shopping this shit so I might as well get paid, right? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAaaaaaaaaa.

What do I wear on my Mexican honeymoon?

Aug 2

ESB - 

My fiance and I are planning to abscond to SF for a private ceremony at City Hall before heading south of the border to honeymoon in Mexico this October. We're staying here and absolutely can not wait. I know this sounds like a petty worry in the world of wedding planning hardship, but I'm not getting anywhere on my own, and google is no help. 

The thing is - I want to look and feel completely fabulous on my honeymoon. I want to look in my closet and every once in a while come across something that brings me back to the feel and smells and sounds of the days we spend together there. I want our future kids to see photos and think, damn Mom and Dad were sort of hot. 

I have done the backpacking thing. I have owned my fair share of Chacos and utilitarian bags. But my hostel days are over and I want to - at least for a week - feel more like an international woman of mystery than a seasoned 'off the beaten path' traveler.

My problem is that I can't seem to find designers or retailers that capture this feel and I don't know how to look for them. Can you or your readers point me toward a place or two that will give this flip flop wearing non-profit gal a little Mexican bond girl style? 

A million thanks,
Channeling my Inner Salma Hayek

*****

Sept 21

I AM SUCH A DICK.

Is it too late???

*****

Sept 21

No! We don't leave until next month and I still haven't gotten anywhere!

*****

Sept 23

K, what size are you? Aaaaaaaaand are you busty?

*****

Sept 23

Fairly medium all around, size 8 in most bottoms, 6 on top, not particularly busty, definitely bigger hips/legs with somewhat smaller top half. 

*****

OMG BEST. You get to wear all the sexy halter-y things that I can't.

Pictured above: Velvet Robbyn Dress ($65 down from $130) at Shopbop, Undrest Brazilian String Bikini from Madewell ($140 down from $200), Tucker Silk Kaftan ($138 down from $345) at Saks,* Valentine Peep-Toe Wedges from Loeffler Randall ($150 down from $375, also avail at Saks)
______________________________

*EVERYBODY NEEDS A KAFTAN.

more cute wedges*

Avail in red poppy, true black and provence blue at Madewell

Sadly, they don't come in extra large/wide sizes, but I'm working on finding more options for you YETI LADIES.
______________________________

*Look ma! I finally figured out what a wedge is.

What should a pair of Texans do in Louisville, Nashville, Gatlinburg, Asheville + Lexington??

(Hatch Show Print)

Dear ESB,

My husband and I are taking our first post-honeymoon vacation together next month. We're getting the hell out of the cold, gray, bleak Midwestern town where we currently live and heading south for a road trip through Kentucky, North Carolina, and Tennessee (specifically Louisville, Nashville, Gatlinburg, Asheville, and Lexington).

We don't exactly know what to do while we're there, we're just looking for warmer weather, good food, and southern hospitality (we're from Texas, so we miss it). I know this is a long shot, but do you (or perhaps some of your southern readers/twitter followers) have any advice on where we should go/eat/shop? 

We're hoping to find some of the gems that only the locals know about, especially if they won't cost a ton (husband's finishing his PhD, I'm a teacher, so um...not exactly rolling in it).

*****

I've corralled a couple of experts on Nashville and Asheville -- no pun intended -- and I figure I'll let our readers fill in the rest.

Here's Naurnie on Nashville:

When ESB put out the APB on Twitter last week about folks needing Nashville vacation advice, I jumped at the chance. Nashville. My city. I moved away almost two years ago and still I miss it every day. I've put together some things to do in town that are not only local friendly, but also a little touristy just for good measure. Because when you get down to brass tacks, doing some of the touristy junk in Nashville is actually pretty damn fun.

Downtown:

When most people head to Nashville on a vacation, they're normally coming to the downtown area. While, lower Broadway is teeming with rednecks in their cutoffs and Elvis tattoos, the area still offers plenty in the way of cool shit to do (and the people watching can't be beat.) If you are on lower Broadway in the broad daylight, you should hit up the legendary Hatch Show Print. They have been making screen print posters with their distinctive designs since 1879. They've done posters for everyone from the White Stripes to Patsy Cline and everyone in between. They even sell stock posters out of the store front so you can take one home to frame in your kitchen.

(Robert's Western World via Viator)

Just around the corner is the historic Ryman Auditorium, the Mother Church of Country Music and my own personal favorite venue to ever see a show EVER. It was where they broadcast the Grand Ole Opry, among other things, and they offer daily tours. You shouldn't miss it. Johnny Cash kicked the stage lights out in 1965. Those walls hold a lot of stories. Check the schedule, too. You might be able to score some tickets to a pretty bad ass show. You can also walk to the Country Music Hall of Fame. You might not be a fan of country music, but there is a lot of really interesting stuff in there including a car belonging to Elvis (it's tacky in a good way) and Gram Parsons' famous Nudie suit.

IF you are downtown and it is DARK OUTSIDE, you are in luck. You may now visit my most favorite establishment known to man, Robert's Western World. It is the only honky tonk on lower Broadway worth visiting, if you ask me. Boots for sale on the walls, chili cheese fries, and on Friday and Saturday nights they've got the western swing band, Brazil Billy. NOT TO BE MISSED.

East Nashville:

On the other side of the river from downtown is really where most of the cool folks in Nashville spend their free time. It's a neighborhood called East Nashville, and if you ask me it's where the best restaurants are. Have a nice glass of wine in the back yard of Rumour's East, a very lovely wine bar in an old bungalow with a gorgeous back patio. After you've enjoyed your wine, walk on down to Margot Cafe for a very tasty dinner. It's award winning, delicious, and I highly recommend reservations. Across the street from Margot is 3 Crow Bar, a local watering hole. Grab a bushwhacker and hang out for awhile.

Also on the East Side is Marche. It's a GREAT place for brunch and is owned by the same lady who owns Margot Cafe. Again, a reservation on a weekend is highly recommended. Both restaurants have a large focus on local foods. There is also The Pharmacy, an old-school burger parlor & beer garden where you can get specialty burgers and sit outside. Enjoy the spring weather.

(House-made wurst from The Pharmacy by Eric England via Nashville Scene)

Germantown:

Another one of my favorite Nashville haunts is City House. DO NOT MISS THIS. Just don't. It's so good.

Nights in Nashville can be quite fun. I'd say at any given night, hit up the Patterson House for some delicious cocktails. Don't be alarmed; there is no sign on the outside of this old house that serves as a speak easy. They make all of their own bitters and juices, and if you can, get a Sazerac. You will not be disappointed. The Station Inn is also a great place for a night time adventure. It's typically a bluegrass venue, but you can head in there on any given night and see any number of amazing musicians.

12 South:

Imogene + Willie is located in the 12 South area. It's a fabulous little joint that smells so good and has the best stuff. Matt + Carrie, the owners, have designed their own line of denim that they make and sell out of their renovated gas station front. They also have various vintage goods and friendly help. Down the street from Imogene + Willie is Burger Up, a fantastic restaurant with gourmet burgers in a very relaxed atmosphere. Walk another couple of blocks and grab a home made Mexican popsicle from Las Paletas. You can enjoy your tasty treat in the park across the street.

(Imogene + Willie via the K.I.D. Collective)

If you're like me and you can't get enough of digging through bins for vinyl, check out Grimey's for new and pre-loved music. Also, Nashville is home to Jack White's Third Man Records. Visit their brick and mortar location to grab some great vinyl and look at some taxidermy.

My general advice: Enjoy yourself. Ask people around you questions. Nashvillians are so very nice, and they love to talk about their city. They can give you advice about what to do if you find yourself in an unfamiliar location and are always willing to show you where to go. And? Avoid lines at the Pancake Pantry. It looks tempting, I know. But it's disgusting and you don't want to wait in line that long for disappointing pancakes.

****

And here's cevd on Asheville:

ok, so here is the list of MUSTS, followed by the list of if you have times:

1.  cúrate - if you do one thing in AVL, please, PLEASE let it be eating here.  in fact I'd go as far as to say that if you weren't planning a trip to AVL you should change your plans only so you can eat here.  seriously deeeeeeeeelish.

(Cúrate)

2. grab lunch from laurey's and head up into the blue ridge mountains. it's going to be beautiful there until november so it doesn't really matter when you go. but do it, spend some time outside, re-live the hunger games if you must, just go. my favorite spots include graveyard fields and mount mitchell, but here's a list for you, just in case.

2A. 12 bones. you guys i nearly forgot this one, and it is IMPORTANT that you go. maybe just slightly more important that laurey's? you can get 12 bones to go as well, but then you miss out on the never ending bbq sauce and very good beer selection.

3. hit up the j.crew outlet, it's just off the blue ridge parkway, it'll be easy! i know I'm going to be blasted into the ether for even saying j.crew in this post, but whatever. it's one of those honest to goodness outlets where you can buy clothes that say SAMPLE on them. also, they always have madewell denim for like $20 and last time I went I scored the cutest alexa chung for madewell dress.  totally worth it. oh and if you happen to be there on a weekend when they are doing the all out warehouse sale, go. i've found designer dresses with barneys' tags on them. seriously, this is the real deal. [Editor's Note: that's cool. you all know I left this one in because of the madewell thing. right??]

4. grab a beer and walk around downtown, maybe in the reverse order? blue spiral 1, mast general store, and others. just stroll, you'll love it.

5. tupelo honey. the S. AVL outpost is a bit less crowded than downtown, but maybe no longer open for breakfast on the weekdays? if you're downtown, they'll serve you breakfast, but you'll wait. however I will say that the ginger cornbread, warm biscuits, sweet potato pancakes, eggs betty, and grilled cheese are all worth it. also, the S. AVL one is kind of lame in that new big restaurant way. it is by no means a chain, but still, the downtown version is cute and quaint and lively, you might not want to skip it.

(The Orange Peel via Skyscraper City)

6. FRENCH BROAD CHOCOLATE LOUNGE. skip dessert at cúrate, oooh it hurts to say that, and head over to the chocolate lounge. get the highland mocha stout cake and the indian kulfi sipping chocolate. go to bed happy.

7. check the schedule at the orange peel. it's one of the best venues i've ever been to.

now if you find yourself with more time to kill :

DINNER : if you're around for another dinner here is my list in order ... the admiral, doc chey's, limones, posana, and table

SHOPPING : head to biltmore village. there is this great jewelry store there, blue, amazing, they make just about everything in house and i've scored some really wonderful pieces there. the rest of the village is pretty suburban, j.crew. williams sonoma. brooks brothers. lilly pulitzer. but it's cute and cobblestoned and the obama's had dinner at the corner kitchen, so there's that.

STUFF :  i guess you could go to the biltmore estate. people love it. it's huge, and the grounds are well kept. also, do you like to zip line? if so, i'd say go with navitat

NOW I WANNA TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP.

retail therapy

I went to the mall to buy face cream, and I came home with a pair of high-waisted flares (on sale) and a tangerine sweater (not on sale).

Whoops.

Not 100% sold on the jeans -- I may have to wear em around the house for a day before I commit. But they did rate an ass-grab from H, so yay!

Now all I need is the pyuuurfect pair of brown wedges.

AND THAT'S ALL I NEED.





And some tank tops. And a black bathing suit? And new Sauconys. Oh, and face cream.

And that's all I need.

Please help me dress my boobs (Part 3: Dresses)

Once again, here's Celia, Queen of the Knockers:

Fuck yeah, dresses! Those boobs of yours look FABULOUS in lots of different dress styles, so let's put them in one, shall we? 

First, let's focus on some day dresses. If you feel lost in this department, no worries, 'cause I'm here to help. You don't need a shit ton of dresses, just two or three GOOD and versatile ones will make a prefect start to a a great boob-friendly dress collection. The beauty of a day dress is that you can pair it with your favorite sandals for casual activities, but also dress it up a bit for that bridal shower brunch you're obligated to go to. The three styles I'd suggest for you buxom beauties would be...

(wrap, shift, shirt)

1. A Wrap Dress. Did you know that every time a busty girl complains about having to wear yet ANOTHER wrap dress, a fairy dies? Here's the thing, home slice, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I know there are way too many uber boring wrap dresses out there, and it's so discouraging to search through hundreds of them, but I promise you, there are AMAZING ones, too, that are anything but boring. You just have to do your homework. I think it's safe to say that most designers come up with some form of wrap dress every season. If there's a designer you love, scout out their wrap dresses and buy one. The wrap dress is a no-brainer, so do yourself a favor and stop fighting it. 

2. The Perfect Shift. Shift dresses actually work well for both gazongas and itty-bitties, but if you want to see exactly the kind of magic they can create for your ample bust line, just take a look here. Enough said. 

P.S. A little concerned about how the rest of you will look in a shift? Here are your options: start hitting the gym, or take *my* lazy-ass approach and buy yourself some good undergarments. If you think Christina Hendricks isn't wearing a girdle in that photo, you are majorly confused, my friend.

3. A Non-Boxy Shirt Dress. The wrong shirt dress can be disastrous for those DDs of yours, but the right shirt dress can be unbelievably flattering. The one above does not have a button closure, which already makes it a winner for your monster tits. The cinched waist will flatter your figure, and the flouncy skirt will create that balance I spoke of in my last post. Also, I want to take the time to talk about dresses with sleeves. I know that they aren't exactly the most popular (quite frankly, I have no idea why), but sleeves compliment big boobs in the best way. Give them a try; I have a feeling you won't be disappointed. 

Alright, ladies, let's move onto "da club" (if that's your thing), and all other nighttime activities. Before we start discussing dress styles, we need to have a little talk, mkay? Everyone seems to think you've been *blessed* with these massive tits of yours, but most of the time you find them to be quite an annoyance that are impossible to dress for, am I right? So, defeated, you give into those tits of yours and try your very best to squeeze your melons into a dress that was made for the tiniest titties available. The result is bad, REAL BAD. Big boobed girls look at you and know you're the girl who doesn't know how to dress for her body, and everyone else looks at you and thinks, "SLUT." The truth is, we're not blessed, but rather *cursed* with some sort of naturally skanky physique. For some reason, people can't look at a hefty pair of knockers without sex coming to mind, and you've fallen victim. What's a big-titted girl to do? Do we wear turtlenecks our whole lives and walk around looking like nuns? Of course not, silly buddons! There's absolutely nothing wrong with showing a little tit from time to time, BUT there is a very fine line. For example...

Alright, there's A TON wrong with the picture on the right, but we're only here to talk about the boobs. Notice that Ms. Dennings is concealing just a tiny bit more in the picture on the left, yet it manages to make a HUGE difference. The picture on the left looks sexy, but at the same time, refined, polished, and sophisticated. The picture on the right looks straight up crazytown. A FINE LINE.

I'm not here to tell you how to dress, ladies, but I am here to shamelessly tell you that when yo' titties are all up in everyone's face, you end up looking kinda ridiculous. If that happens to be your thing, however, and you just LOVE pinning pictures of the Kardashians, then by all means, live the dream. BUT, the next time someone who's met you on more than one occasion can't seem to remember your face because they were too busy waiting for one of your nipples to pop out, don't go crying wolf. People stare at big tits; Men stare at big tits, women stare at big tits, women with big tits stare at big tits. I don't know what it is, but evolutionarily, we can't seem to help it. If you have a problem with people staring at your big, fat mammaries all the damn time, then all you've got to do is give them a little less to stare at. It's quite simple, actually. 

Time to party in the right dress...

(lbd, show stopper, wild card)

1. The Classic LBD. Every girl, not matter what size bra she wears, NEEDS the perfect LBD that she can wear to just about any occasion. When I buy LBDs, I prefer to go classic. I'd highly recommend vintage, but if that's not your thing, vintage-inspired is usually on the right track. The thing about the perfect, classic LBD is that you'll never get sick of it, and when the last thing you want to do (or can do) is shop for a new dress, your LBD will always save the day. No need to be boring, get yourself a LBD with some fun features. Draping around the neckline will always flatter a full bust. And as always, make sure to try on dresses that add definition to your waist. Black, of course, is slimming, but big boobs tend to have a sneaky little way of making you look 20 lb. heavier if you're not careful.

2. A Dress That Will Make Heads Turn. Remember, just because I told you to cover up a bit, doesn't mean you can't leave the house looking like a total sex pot. You can, and you should! Typically, I like to achieve this by covering a bit on top, and showing a bit more on the bottom. My general rule that I use *most* of the time is, long sleeves/short hem and long hem/short or no sleeves. The plunging V neck in the dress above will show plenty, and the batwing sleeves are ultra flattering for your boob-tastic bod. And, hello? SPARKLES!

3. The Unexpected Dress. Often times, I find that well endowed women tend to think that they just don't have that many options when it comes to having fun with their clothes. Yes, I agree that WAY TOO MANY designers make clothes for all those 34Bs out there, but that doesn't mean you can't find something totally awesome for yourself. After TONS of research, I came across that Alice & Olivia Ombre dress. It's different, it's great for so many different occasions, AND you can wear a regular bra with it. Was it worth all my time and effort? You bet it was!

I hope you're all gaining a better understanding of what will work best for you. Seeing as this is a wedding blog, we'll be discussing the cherry on top next... WEDDING DRESSES. 

Cel, you rule. As a just-barely-maybe-member-of-the-big-tit-club, may I just say? DAMN I AM LEARNING A LOT THIS WEEK.

If you've just fallen onto the "Please help me dress my boobs" series, be sure to catch Part 1: Bras (which will change your life, doesn't matter how big/small your knockers are) + Part 2: Regular Clothes.

Please help me dress my boobs (Part 2: Regular Clothes)

Here's Celia, our Patron Saint of Boobies:

"Do you boob goddesses wear regular clothes?"
-esb to me

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at this question because it does seem like big-boobed girls are always in some type of dress. And I have to admit, I spent about ten years of my life being totally guilty of this; I found the right cut of dress that worked for me, and wore it TO DEATH. It was easier that way, a total no-brainer that I could pair with flats or sandals when I was out and about, or a pair of pumps when I was going to someone's bridal shower. But the thing is, there were occasions in my life that didn't call for a dress, and I'd always end up ever so slightly overdressed. Then there's the other thing... it can get pretty fucking cold in a dress.

To be perfectly honest, this is the post I was the most excited to write about because it is the most challenging for me. I know how to dress casually for my body type, but quite often, it seems like it is way more effort than just, well, putting on a dress. In an effort to cut the dress habit (and to stay warm), I've spent almost a year now in my new uniform: Skinny jeans, whichever clean/not too wrinkled t-shirt I can find, moccasins, and my trusty military jacket. It's really not that bad, I guess, but let's just all be happy that I have a husband, or else I'm not so sure I'd ever get laid again. It's not that girls with big boobs can't pull off a look as simple as a t-shirt and jeans. If anything, I believe that t-shirts were kind of made for big, glorious tits. BUT, if you don't want to end up looking like a sack of potatoes, you have to make sure you polish the look up a bit. Dressing for a big bust is all about creating balance, finding a fantastic tailor, and making him/her your new best friend. 

The chances of you finding clothes that look killer on you right off the rack are slim to none, so it's about time you give up that pipe dream. Let's say, for example, your boobs fit beautifully into a size 14 dress, but the rest of you however, looks like it's drowning in fabric. What to do? You swallow your pride and buy the size 14, and you have your tailor make it fit your size 10 body. If you're hung up on dress sizes, you need to get over yourself NOW. The goal is to look bangin', right? So, who gives two shits what the size tag on your dress says? You will be SO happy if you get into the habit of doing this, and you will finally, FINALLY get rid of your dreaded mono-boob. 

So, let's get dressed! I've compiled three "regular" looks for you. The first one is the most casual; think "jeans and t-shirt." The second, which is a bit more dressed up, works well for meeting up with friends for drinks or going on a date with your husband/boyfriend/almost-fiancé/wife/girlfriend/partner/what have you. And the last, because I feel this is an area where big-boobed girls REALLY suffer, is a great look for work-related situations. 

Look 1: You want to be comfortable, but you don't want to look like poop soup.

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Here I am, another blogger telling you to wear stripes. The thing is, though, stripes actually have a very slimming affect which translates well to toning down those floppity milkers of yours. It's not that I'm advising you to hide what your mama gave you (if you notice from the bra post, I didn't suggest one single minimizer), but like I mentioned earlier in this post, you need to create balance. You need to devise some sort of diversion so that you don't walk around looking like you're seconds away from toppling over. The easiest way to do this is with...

1. The right neckline. Of course, there are exceptions to most rules, but generally speaking, you will be much better off wearing a v-neck or a scoop neck. Higher necklines have a tendency to overwhelm a fuller bust, giving it that dreaded "matronly" look. Be very careful though; you're dressing for every-day "regular" activities here, not "da club." 

2. The right pattern. You do know that wearing big, massive polkadots is a major no-no when you have big, massive bosoms, RIGHT? And you are aware that big patterns, in general, aren't usually the best idea? GOOD. Now that we have all that out of the way, let's make pattern the next big thing in your life. Pattern on top can really help to camouflage all that extra weight you're carrying around, and pattern on the bottom will create that diversion I was talking about. If you're planning on doing pattern all over, keep it subtle, stupid.

3. The right, or any, color. Color is a great tool for creating balance. When you're dressing for big boobs, you want to give the impression of great proportion... something that most busty girls don't have the pleasure of having. Yes, we know you have an attractive pair of tits, but what about your ass? Is it awesome too? Show it off in a rad pair of colored jeans. Or, maybe you have a gorgeous set of legs; bring a little attention to them with a bright-colored mini. In other words, give people more to look at than just your TITS. This is a hard one for some of you ladies, I know, but I have faith in you. 

Look 2: You're meeting up with friends for dinner at that new restaurant no one will shut up about, followed by Negronis until you're almost seeing double, and you want to look sharp, but not overdressed.

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Ok, so you made it through your day of farmers market shopping and a mani/pedi in your striped shirt and colored jeans, but now it's time to turn it up a notch. I have to admit that going to dinner in jeans is a trend that I'm still trying to get used to seeing as I had a mother who made me wear nylons every time I stepped foot on an  airplane. However, more than just a trend, it looks to now be just a way of life. That's tots cool, but let's dress those jeans up a bit, shall we?

You don't even have to say a word, because I know what you're thinking... "Busty gals CAN'T wear tunic-y-type blouses; this Celia girl doesn't know shit about shit." I'm here to tell you that you are WRONG, my friends. Sure you can't wear just any tunic, but if you take into consideration cut, fabric, and color, you most certainly CAN wear a tunic, dumb-dumb. The one above is the perfect example. It is dark, but not black (bet you're pretty sick of all those black tops, aren't you?). The neckline is a low V, but not scandalous (we'll save that discussion for the next post). The flow-y chiffon-y-ness will beautifully drape over your tits like silky chocolate syrup over ice cream (for the love of God, wear a cami under this one... no one wants to see THAT much of you). And last, all those great details like the gathered shoulder, tiny pleats and delicate tie will all help to compliment your chest.
 
Now you want to help add some structure to your outfit. All the looseness of the blouse and the wideness of the jeans might look like fabric overload, so you want to tone it down a bit and add some definition. If you have a slimmer waist, you can consider tucking your brand new tunic in, but another way to give that "hourglass" look is to add a well-tailored blazer (the busty girl's bff). I strongly urge you to invest in a good blazer, or maybe even two. This is advice that even I need to take. I used to think that blazers were all wrong for me and my body type, but that's only because I was trying on the wrong blazers. I think I got all caught up in that menswear-inspired trend, and was trying to make those oversized blazers that look so hot on Kate Moss look hot on me too. No bueno, guys.
 
The thing is, I have the farthest thing from a menswear-inspired body; I'm walking around with pretty sizable boobs, so I [and you] need a LADY blazer that will celebrate them in all their glory and not try and make me look like the girl who thinks she can pull off looking like Kate Moss. A LADY blazer, for one, is noticeably cinched at the waist. A LADY blazer is also, typically shorter, falling somewhere between the waist and mid-hip. This length will help to accentuate the curve of your hips, which will in turn balance out the robustness of your titties. Another thing to note is that a LADY blazer will most likely have slimmer cut sleeves, and this is a MUST. You don't want to add matronly upper arms to those boobs, do you? The right blazer, I've learned, is like the right haircut. For those of you who have ever had a killer, flawless haircut, you KNOW what a life changer it can be. 
 
Look 3: You're meeting with a client and want to look like you can kick ass and take names... and like you make $50k more a year than you actually do.

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Let me first and foremost make it extremely clear that unless you work at Hooters, or have a starring role on Melrose Place (the 90s version), those boobs of yours need to be under wraps for all work/career-related events. Let me put it to you this way... let's say I'm in the market for a new accountant. I will most likely go with the one who dazzles me with her smarts than the one who distracts me with her tits. Look, I'm not trying to say that having big boobs means you're not as smart as your B-cup competition, I'm just telling you to be professional. 

It's outfit time, and would you look at that! I actually had the nerve to suggest a blazer for TWO of the looks in this post; That's how much I believe in the power of a good blazer. For work-related purposes, I personally feel that simple is always best. That's just my opinion, so if it floats your boat to wear a floral blouse, then you go right ahead and do that. The gold buttons on the blouse above create a vertical line, which will help keep those tatas in check.  

Before we go any further, I need to get something off my chest: STOP wearing button-up blouses that don't fit you. If a blouse is puckering AT ALL, and if a blouse is opening AT ALL at your bust, it does not fit you. Go up a size, or two, and have the extra slack tailored. I know that when you have boobs of any size, it can be hard to keep those buttons securely locked, but a couple easy fixes are to wear a camisole underneath, or to have an invisible snap placed where your bust is the fullest. Do these things; They're quite simple, so you should have no excuse.

For balance, a circle skirt is flattering for all body types, and will totally offset your bodacious rack. A fuller skirt also adds a nice girly touch, which I'm a fan of, but it can easily be swapped out with a pencil skirt, or some killer slacks. Oh, and lady? You're working, so please avoid looking like a slob and try tucking your blouse in. 

There you have it, my DD and beyond sisters. Follow these very simple rules, learn how to incorporate them into your own style, and in no time you'll be looking a lot more hot tamale, and a lot less skank-a-licious. See you for my next post, DRESSES.

And in case you missed it (no idea how you could have missed it) be sure to catch up on Part 1 of Celia's epic series: BRAS.

Salma Hayek photo at top courtesy of Vogue

Digby & Iona for Madewell

Digby & Iona, one of my very favorite jewelry designers, just did an exclusive new piece for Madewell.

It always feels a little bittersweet when one of your faves hits the big time, you know what I mean? Orla Kiely for Anthropologie and then Target. Steven Alan for Urban Outfitters. That band I used to love that suddenly everyone loves.*

Anyhoo. The necklace is rad.

(Via NOTCOUTURE)
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*I don't really keep up with bands anymore... But you know what I mean.