speaking of armpits. and pit stains...

I got this question more than a month ago and I quickly emailed Rachel (silk-wearer extraordinaire) to get her professional opinion, but I've been avoiding posting it because.... Armpits.

Today seems like the day.

Dear ESB,

Like you, I hate polyester. I almost didn't find my wedding dress in time because I was holding out for 100% silk in my tiny budget. (Found it, miracle.)  

But what about, you know, sweat stains? I'm not a sweaty person, but the minute I put on a long sleeve silk shirt I'm all damp. I can't wear my favorite emerald green blouse unless it's like exactly 50 degrees and cloudy. 

Any tips on prevention, cleaning?

*****

Here's what Rachel had to say:

Hmmmm ... oddly, given that I'm sweaty and I wear silk often, I don't have much advice for this. I find silk less sweat inducing than polyester, which is why I held out for it at the wedding. Is the wedding dress long sleeved? I can see how that would be a concern.

My only suggestion is going to be one that you aren't into at all. Bring in the big guns, serious antiperspirant. I used Certain Dri a couple times the week of the wedding. I'm sure it's terrible for you and it made my pits itch like hell the first time I used it (apply lightly the night before, never right after shaving and test it out a couple times before the wedding) but damn if it doesn't keep me totally sweat free.

Re: cleaning. I've never tried cleaning my own silks and just take them to my trusty, if exorbitantly priced, dry cleaner. Honestly, any pit stains would have been the least of the damage done to my wedding dress by the end of the night. I ripped out the hem in the photobooth, safety pinned the back in a fake bustle to keep it out of my way for dancing and then spilled beer all over myself when I tried to be helpful and haul out a recycling bin towards the end of the night. And I didn't care at all.

[Editor's Note: I haven't used Certain Dri in YEARS. Because we all know I'm a hippie. But that stuff saved my ass in high school....]


Photo: Shalom Harlow by Cass Bird for Oyster #99

Seeking: a red dress that will blow his mind

Okay, so! I have been a faithful daily reader of your blog ever since my sister got married a couple of years ago. I had perfected my role of older, unattached cool sister. I was interested in researching as much as I could about how to be a Maid of Honor, even though the subject frankly was not at all interesting to me.

But something kept me coming back to this blog. And six weeks ago, out of complete nowhere, I met my match.

Everything is beautiful, everything is perfect, except for the fact that he lives in DC and I live in Des Moines. We have planned a trip to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. The theory being that it would be wise to continue to get to know each other on neutral turf.

My issue is simple: I need to buy a dress that will blow his mind when I step off of the airplane. It needs to be red, and it needs to be relatively form-fitting in the ass area, and it also needs to not be so tight in the armpit area that it shows pit stains, which will certainly emerge due to my excitement and the climate.

I promise that when all is said and done I will show the wedding money shots that I am of supreme confidence will follow. I just need some direction, some shopping help. I am prepared to work it like I have never worked it before. I just could use a little input.

*****

SLOW DOWN, LADYPANTS

There is no need to work it so hard.

Have lots and lots and lots of sex (Vegas is good for that) but don't even think about marrying the guy until you've tried living in the same city first.





Okay, rant over. Who feels like shopping??

Marion Cotillard by Ellen von Unwerth for Tatler (June 2010) via Fashion Gone Rogue

My maids don't shave their armpits

Dear ESB,

I'm having an intimate garden wedding next June and will have three bridesmaids. Two out of three of my maids don't shave their armpits. In college, this was a 'statement' they were making, but anymore, I'm not sure if it's a statement or if it's just laziness to shave and a new found attachment to their little mouse living in the pit of their arms. I'm a feminist and feel like women should make whatever choices they want about their bodies, but am from the rural Midwest and all of my family will think this is totally distracting during the wedding. They will definitely notice. I'm not sure what to do/say. Right now I'm just choosing to ignore the whole thing.

*****

My mom never shaved her armpits. She said it was "European." I thought it was motherfucking embarrassing. I used to say a silent prayer for her to wear sleeves on Parent/Teacher Night.

You can ask your maids to wear sleeves. But under no circumstances can you tell them to shave.

(Photo by David Vasiljevic via TOBACCO&LEATHER)