Wedding Registries + Googling Yourself

Dear ESB,

This is question is of a slightly different subject-matter than most, but throughout my engagement you were my true and trusted source of wisdom/snark/fashion and I thought you might be able to help.

Here it is: I have been married just under a year and I am in the beginning phases of looking for a new job. However, when I google myself (I have a unique name, so I am the only person who shows up) the first three results after my LinkedIn are my wedding registries. I don't want the first thing potential employers to know about me is that I was recently married. I have since made these registries "private" (outright deleting wasn't an obvious option at some stores' websites) but the caches remain.

Any advice on how to get these things out of my search results? 

*****

OMIGOD H GETS TO WRITE A GUEST POST

I think it's his first one, isn't it????



Okay, I may have just pumped it up too much.

Um. Here's what he had to say:

The best defense is a good offense. Put up stuff you want the search engines to show and make it easy for them to find. Link them to each other for relevance bonus (and thus higher position in the results list). If your name is very unique, registering that, e.g. uniquefirstnameuniquelastname.com, and putting something up will get an extra relevance bonus from Google and most other search engines.

Spaces in the search term are ignored when it comes to the extra relevance bonus because you can’t register domains with spaces, and it doesn’t matter whether it is .com, .net, or .org, or whatever.

Derek Powazek offers some good advice on search engine optimization (SEO) in this piece, aptly titled "Spammers, Evildoers, and Opportunists."

Annemara Post By Cedric Viollet For Jalouse May 2012 via Visual Optimism

When you can't forget the gifts you didn't get.

I was just reading this terrific piece on the Billfold, which led me over to this NY Times piece.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I mean, the people the Times interviewed are mostly old (and rich). But TWENTY YEARS LATER they're still dwelling on who didn't give them a wedding gift??

I just want to say -- right here and now -- to all the friends who didn't give us a gift:

It means so much to me that you made it to our wedding. Or didn't. Maybe you didn't even make it to the wedding. WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE. But we invited you because we love you and we still love you and, just so you know, it matters not ONE IOTA that you didn't buy us anything.

As Emily Gould puts it:

There are so many other costs associated with attending a wedding, especially if you’re in the wedding party or it’s a destination wedding… I know it’s a token and sentimental and that people are generally understanding, but somehow adding a salad spinner to the $450 hotel, $200 dress and $800 plane ticket tends to be the straw that breaks this camel’s back. But that’s both irrational and kind of dickish of me. I’m trying to be better.

IT'S NOT IRRATIONAL! IT'S TOTALLY RATIONAL!

How bout we just do away with the damn wedding gifts already?


Ina Jang for Jalouse April 2012 via Visual Optimism

Dear ESB: What should we register for?? (Plus a giveaway from Pierrepont Hicks!)

hiya,

I'm trying to put together a wedding registry for myself and my man and we are struggling to decide what to put on it. My mom is a potter and has already given us tons of plates and mugs and bowls, and is making us a bunch more over the next few years, so a matched set of everyday dinnerware is not necessary (and not our style anyway). We are not huge bakers, so we don't need that huge kitchenaid mixer that everyone wants.  

We have a close friend with a lovely high-end home goods (and jewelry, but that can't go on the registry, alas) shop and are setting up a little registry with her, plus we've got a MyRegistry site set up to aggregate items from the web, where we've put up the requisite food processor, some Reidel wine glasses, some long-coveted blankets, Santa Fe Stoneworks fanciness, a drill... We also have a cash "future adventures" fund for people to contribute to, as well as a few charities we'd like people to donate to in our name, so perhaps we should just leave it at that and move on to other things (like sending out our paper invitations, oops).

But I don't want to be too casual about what is, for practical purposes, a rare opportunity to make the transformation from having a big kid house to a Grown Up house. Any suggestions? We've been to enough weddings to know people always put flatware/silverware on the registry... And we should probably replace the hodgepodge set we've accumulated over the years mostly from stealing from dining halls, friends and neighbors... But we don't know anything about flatware/silverware and what differentiates good from bad. Should we put on stuff for our dog and cat? Would that be weird?

Our general parameters for buying things are that we try to buy from independent shops in person (Brooklyn) or online, made-in-usa or fair trade/well-paid workers, etc. Unfortunately, unlike the areas of clothing and food, where we have our go-to favorite and trusted brands/stores, we don't know where to go for feel-good but also attractive and high quality homegoods (that's why we will not go the etsy route--no offense to those few gems who use that selling platform despite the shoddy company it puts them in). 

We also don't want our registry to be totally out of reach to our guests. Cost-wise, we usually spend $100 on gifts for our friends getting married (and that's a joint present from us as a couple) and wouldn't want others to spend more on ours...

Any advice? Items? Kitchen/household gold standards we would be fools not to ask for?

-- Having trouble asking for stuff for the first time in her life

*****

Coupla things we registered for that we use the shit out of: All Clad pans (made in the USA), a Henckels chef's knife and a pair of Wüsthof kitchen shears (both made in Germany). No idea what to tell you about flatware. I inherited my grandmother's silver, which we use every day because why not.

Who's got an opinion about flatware?

Recommendations for must-have registry items?

Just want to yell at the nice lady for registering for cash?

Mrs. Pierrepont Hicks has offered to give away a blue Backseat Blanket (100% Minnesota-made) to one lucky reader. Offer your two cents in the comments by 12pm on Friday and I'll select a winner at random.

p.s. pls do not register for gifts for your PETS. that would indeed be weird.

Crashing with presents

Dear ESB,

I'm a crasher's +1 next weekend and I need a gift.

My best friend has been traveling the world for the past few months and is currently in Australia. He has decided to come back early and surprise his sister at her wedding. I'm his +1. Now, obviously as an attendant to this wedding, I will be consuming their alcohol and eating their food (aka $ spent on me), so what's something I could get as a repayment? My friend is at a 12 hour time difference and relatively cut off from communication (apparently there's not much wifi in the outback).

Since I don't know their registry, what's something that says, "Hey, thank you for the crab-stuffed chicken and the booze. Sorry you didn't technically invite me."? The bride and groom are pretty cool, like music, and are pregnant.

Thanks,
Uninvited +1

*****

You mean besides a salt bowl? (My favorite lucky wedding present of all time.)

I hate to give you the BORING answer, but wait until after the wedding. You don't need to bring a gift with you, and you can sleuth out where they're registered while you're there.*

HAPPY WRAPPING by Emma Hässel & Lina Salén

______________________________

*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee look at me! i'm still answering etiquette questions!

more than just a kegger

Dear ESB,

I'm getting married in a month and then having five parties across the country. Your fabulous readers helped me find a stand-in for the Alternative Gift Registry a few months ago (we went with WeJoinIn; thanks ladies and gents!).

Now I'm back with another question. Part of the reason we chose to do a very small (ten people max) wedding followed by five parties is because neither of us is keen to share our deepest emotions with a few hundred people. Instead, we want to do our own private thing for the actual act, and then party with a few hundred people.

However, we do want to acknowledge what we're celebrating at the parties. We want them to feel like they are coming to something that is more than just a kegger in a back yard. Maybe this is cheating, but we want to capture the feeling that everyone present is part of our community and our marriage, but without actually getting married in front of them.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to commemorate the fact that we got married at each of the parties without making either of us cringe? We're tending towards something lighthearted and maybe participatory. My better half nixed my idea of a tongue in cheek wedding re-enactment, which admittedly would have been challenging to pull off tastefully. 

Oh, and it would be helpful if the suggestion didn't require a projector, karaoke machine, or anything else that I would need to find and set up in five different locations.

*****

The answer is so obvious I almost missed it....! Ask a couple of key people in each city to prepare toasts.

Also: CAKE

(Photo by Juergen Teller for Marc Jacobs)

Can we say that we don't want anything, unless it's money?

Dear ESB,

My fiance and I have been together for five years (five and a half at the time we'll be married) and living together for nearly two. We own a condo together and all the requisite detritus that two people accumulate when they've lived together. We have all the furniture, knick-knacks, dishes and things we could possibly need. We're really not interested in registering and could probably use money more to save up for a better home, vacations, a new car for me and for him, etc.

How completely inappropriate/tacky/god-awful is it to include non-registry information on our invitations? Can we say that we don't want anything, unless it's money? Something like "We have everything we need for our small condo, however, we would happily accept your generosity to our travel fund/house fund/etc."

How entirely terrible is something like that?

-- Unregistered & Etiquette Confused

*****

a) It is COMPLETELY inappropriate/tacky/god-awful to include ANY KIND of registry/non-registry/gift-grubbing information on or in your invitations. That shit goes on your wedding website, or you can disperse the dets via word of mouth.

b) Would you have the nerve to tell someone to her face, "We don't need any housewares, but we're happily accepting contributions for NEW CARS"?

Jesus H.

Image: Hanna von Goeler via The Jealous Curator

_____________________________

For more on this subject, I suggest you peruse "Is it okay to just ask for cash?" "Is it tacky to register for a honeymoon?" + "A forkless wedding, and showers for $$"

Non-profit motherfuckers took down their alternative gift registry website

Our set up:  four or five low-key regional celebrations, all held in friends' backyards, to celebrate our nuptials.

Our dilemma: we were hoping to funnel people's enthusiasm for 'giving' the newlyweds things into helping us pull off our rather unorthodox wedding celebration tour (three states, four parties, coming to a city near you). To make that feasible, we were planning to use alternativegiftregistry.org, a website hosted by the Center for the New American Dream that allows you to ask your friends and family to 'give' things like a savory side dish for the San Francisco party, responsibility for minding the roasting pig at the Boston celebration, or taking responsibility for coordinating football tickets for the Madison shindig.

BUT, alternativegiftregistry.org is updating their site and will not be creating new accounts until late summer (i.e. sometime between the first and third celebration).  Do you know of other sites that allow you to create a registry that isn't based on commercial products? Ideally, it would look something like:

Boston-Side Dishes: Cook some homemade food to accompany the roast pig     Needs: 10     Has: 3

Park clean-up LA: Help us clean up the wreckage after the LA event     Needs: 4     Has: 4

Without it, I feel like low key is going to spiral into planning nightmare. Do you have thoughts, ideas, suggestions, or powerful pharmaceuticals that can help?

*****

Anybody have a brilliant suggestion? (And don't say: "Ask a tech savvy friend to build you a website!" Just. Don't.)

Boob-tastic Lara Stone by Peter Lindbergh for Vogue China via Fashion Gone Rogue

Asking guests to donate to NO on PROP 8: Tacky or Thoughtful?

Hi!

My fiancé and I live in the Castro district of San Francisco and I can't help but feel guilty that we're legally allowed to get married while the vast majority of our neighbors are not. Yes, I realize that my neighbors do not personally view us as the "hetero-enemy" or anything, but it just makes me sad that same-sex marriage is still illegal in California and I don't want to ignore that fact.

I read one suggestion that I kind of liked: on the registry page of our wedding website, include a section that says we would also appreciate donations made out to "charity X" so everyone in California can legally marry their loved ones, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Would doing that be tacky/pretentious or respectful/sensitive? Do you have any other suggestions that are better? I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but this issue is important to us and we'd like to respectfully address it in some way.

Thanks!

*****

I love that idea.

Couple and Child, San Francisco Gay Parade (1978) courtesy of the Leslie Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art

Second Wedding Etiquette?

Dear ESB,

I'm going to try and keep the background short. There aren't that many good deets anways...other than the punchline that my first marriage went straight to the shitter (we discovered we wanted different things, and he met someone else who was a better fit for him). Met at 17, married at 22...divorced at 24/25 (got messy and took a while). 

Lesson learned ladies: Just because you LOVE him, doesn't mean you should MARRY him. Do some soul searching and make sure you both know what you want, and you want the same things. Also, there's a lot of growing and learning to be done in your 20's. You both may not want the same things once you've had your fun with that decade (and you should have fun). Your love has got to last a while and you need the foundations to build a marriage on. 

So fast forward a few years to now. Met an amazing guy, marriage details are being discussed. He hasn't been married before and has a huge family. They love weddings. Not necessarily big weddings, but just weddings in general. I love weddings, too, but...I already had one. I already invited all my family, friends, and coworkers who traveled, brought gifts, took photos, hugged, kissed, and celebrated with me. I already wore the dress, got the cake, and danced. The idea of planning another makes me want to vomit. 

Don't get me wrong, I have never been more sure of our relationship and I'm excited to marry him, but the thought of doing that whole process again is dreadful. I almost feel guilty, like it isn't RIGHT to do that again. My ideal wedding would be a simple dress and a date at the court house. Small party to follow. He said he'd be on board with that, and understands, but I can tell he and his family were a little crushed. I want him to be happy, so, wedding it is. 

Now, how do I do this? Do I register for gifts again? Have another bridal shower? Bachelorette? If we register, should I only send the gift registry information to people who weren't at my first wedding? Is there such a thing as 'Second Wedding Etiquette'? 

And - how do I get more comfortable with this? 

Heart, 
Anon.

*****

1. You rule.

2. Yes, you should register. But it's bad etiquette to SEND registry info to anyone, whether it's your first wedding, fifth wedding, or fifty-seventh wedding.

Add a registry section to your wedding website with a note like: "It means so much to us that you're coming to the wedding. Please don't feel obligated to buy a gift." Or whatever. (I think everyone ought to include that note even if they've never been married before.)

You can also pass along the word via word-of-mouth that you really don't expect a gift from people who bought you one the first time around.

3. DUDE, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! I'm happy for you, and I don't even know you. Your friends + fam are UBER happy for you, I promise.

Tati Cotliar and Yuri Pleskun by Jason Kibbler for Twin #5 via Fashion Gone Rogue

What should Pasty Minnesotans do in LA? (WEST SIDE EDITION: Part 1)

I thought Paige Appel was rad before she made me this offer....

I may be stepping over the (east side) line here, but when I read What should Pasty Minnesotans do in LA?, I noticed an absence of cooler side locations. (cooler meaning ocean breeze, don't get all up in arms) so I have taken it upon myself to educate all you east siders on the jaunts west of la brea.

But HOLY SHITBALLS do I think she's rad now.

I also think Paige's talents may be underutilized. I mean, sure, Bash, Please and The Cream are all that and more. But shouldn't we be lighting a fire under her ass to do a little more blogging?

Note: I was all ready to post THE WHOLE SHEBANG when blogger broke down in tears, so I've decided to break it into three parts. (I'll thank myself later when I'm driving around the west side scrolling through my own blog on my phone.)

Also, I fear we're too late to be helpful to the actual Pasty Minnesotans at this point, so "Pasty Minnesotan" will stand in for Everyman.

Without further ado, here's Paige on West Hollywood + Beverly Hills:

In my opinion, the west side doesn't go east of the 405, but I have to cover the neighborhoods slighted in the previous posts. I'm breaking it down by location and categories for easy reference in case those Minnesotans can only hit up a few neighborhoods. All of these recs have been tried and loved by me and mine. 

West Hollywood (La Brea to Doheny)

Eat. 

Repeat: Animal. Oxtail Poutine and done. BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN. 

Comme Ca. Handcrafted cocktails (get the Ramos Gin Fizz at brunch), French bistro fare executed properly, and talk to the affineur (aka the cheese guy).

Tower Bar. Get a cozy booth with a view and order the burger. You will probably see some old Hollywood people having 3 hour dinners kissing each other's ass.

Tinga Buena. Short rib tacos and Arroz con crema. Agua fresca. Dirty Horchata. 

Dan Tana's. Old school italian, great steak, likely to see a few washed up Playboy bunnies. 

Angelini Osteria. Best Italian in the city. Sorry Mozza. 

O! Burger. Fast food made organically and deliciously. Best crinkle fries and veggie burger I've ever had with no hormones and yucky stuff. 

The Bazaar at SLS for cotton candy foie gras comedy that tastes really fucking good. (ex employees from El Bulli)

Roger Room for drinks.

(The Bazaar's Cotton Candy Fois Gras via Wine Stained Cloth)

Others to mention (all exceptional) Lucques, BLD, Terroni, Eva, El Carmen, Eveleigh, Loteria at the Farmer's Market, Golden State. Joan's on 3rd for ham and butter on baguette with cheese and sweets to go. Hugo's for "california" food, meaning vegetarian, vegan and flax seed friendly folk.

TIP: don't let the endless lines at TOAST fool you. OVERRATED, UNDERWHELMING.

Shop.
OK. Quirky, beautiful, vintage and modern design. [Editor's Note: We did our wedding registry here -- can't recommend them highly enough.]

Douglas Fir for men's clothes and shoes. Classic masculine. Also, stop into Esquivel behind Douglas Fir if you have a hankering to drop a mint on a fine pair of handmade shoes.

Noodle Stories. Minimalist high fashion for the ladies.

Opening Ceremony (do I need to say anything?)

Le Labo for the nicest (and hippest) smelling perfume on the planet.

Roseark for the diamond encrusted arrowhead necklace that everyone needs. Or a pair of moccasins.

Plastica for Danish design and cute baby onesies.

Table Art for just that. 

Heath Ceramics for classic earthen and home goods.

Ahead Stereo for the audiophile. 

Du Vin for winos.

Book Soup for bibliophiles.

American Rag for vintage and good shoes.

(Esquivel Shoes)

Do.
Repeat - LACMA

Art galleries - Regen Projects, ACME, Marc Foxx. (and then head south on La Cienega to Culver City to hit up Blum & Poe, Susanne Vielmetter, Cherry & Martin, David Kordansky, Honor Fraser among others on the row)

People watch at Chateau Marmont lobby. 

Visit the MAK center to tour the Schindler House.

Get beaten by eucalyptus branches (platza) at under the radar Russian spa Voda.

See an indie move that is never going to come to Minnesota at Laemmle Theatre.

See an old, new, or camp (awesome) movie at revival house New Beverly Cinema.

See an avant garde, or sometimes ironic film at The Cinefamily at the Silent Movie Theatre.

Beverly Hills 
(You may cringe when hearing the 90210 moniker, but there are a few redeeming spots worth a see.)

Eat.

The Fountain Coffee Room for a basement breakfast in the notorious Beverly Hills Hotel.

Bouchon by the one and only Thomas Keller. 

Matsuhisa for Nobu's original sushi restaurant.

Red Medicine for awesome Vietnamese.

Papa Jake's for cheap and good hoagies.

Graffeo for coffee.

Mulberry Street for new york style pizza.

Shop.
Unless you love high-end chains via Rodeo (which I admittedly get sucked into Prada, Margiela and Miu Miu), don't bother.

(Coldwater Canyon Park via Travelin' Local)

Do.
People watch with cocktails on the patio at the Beverly Wilshire.
Picnic in Coldwater Canyon park next to the wading stream under the big oak trees. 

Drive up Coldwater Canyon to Mulholland and hike Franklin Canyon or visit TreePeople. 

Visit the Museum of Television and Radio. 

Museum of Tolerance for a real upper. weeeeeee.

Stay tuned for Parts 2 + 3.

Top Photo by Inez Van Lamsweerde & Vinoodh Matadin for Vogue Paris August 2011 via I KNOW WHAT YOU WORE LAST SEASON

Is it okay to just ask for cash?

Hey there,

So I'm getting married in two months and have been a bit unsure of how to go about registering for gifts. I think almost every option here is a bit a tacky, but what seems really tacky is just asking for cash up front. But my fiance and I are moving to London (from the US) after the wedding, so we really don't want to have more stuff to ship there. So- is it okay to just ask for cash?

I mean, I know I don't have to ask for anything at all, but what do I say when people ask?

Thanks!

*****

IT'S NOT OKAY TO ASK FOR CASH. What, were you raised in a barn?

When people ask, you say, "We're about to move to London. We really don't need anything."

They'll give you cash if they feel like it.

Photo: Joanna Kustra via Huong Nguyen Fralin via Megan Boltz via Sunday in Bed + Design You Trust
______________________________

For more on this subject, you might want to peruse "Is it tacky to register for a honeymoon?" + "A forkless wedding, and showers for $$$"

The bride won't return my email

dear esb,

so i have this childhood friend, the height of our friendship occurring around the middle school years. myself and said friend have made paltry efforts over the years to stay in touch, mostly for the sake of nostalgia. there have been occasional meet ups when we both go to our hometown for christmas, and scant fb messages. she actually really insulted me a few years ago by asking if i'd even finished college. (sidenote: i work in photo production and have an art degree...she is in med school...big whoop.)

so! i get a save-the-date from her the last week in january, followed up with an invitation earlier this week, urging respondents to do so by march 15th. the wedding is early june.

my initial thought was yes! i'd love to go to this wedding!! if at worst, it will be in a city i've never explored and could be fun for me and the bf. so i dropped her a lengthy catch-up email...because really? we haven't spoken in over two years, and wouldn't that just be kind of awkward if i attended without reestablishing that line of communication? it was peppered with congratulations and what are you up tos? complete good intentions.

since then (this was three weeks ago), radio silence.

i reply to my original email last night asking if her relic of an aol account was still active, and if so...no pressure on replying as i'm sure she's crazy busy becoming a doctor and planning for a wedding. i get a reply this morning stating "yes, i still check this account, but i'm not too good at replying to emails." and THAT'S IT! i then replied that it was no biggie...when you get a chance drop me a line. looking forward...blah blah. the polite way to handle things...

i don't know which i'm more annoyed with, the accelerated schedule at which her wedding is happening, and the oh-so-gauche fact that she's registered at jc penney and sears (gasp!), or the fact that homegirl can't even articulate a few effin' sentences to satiate my desire to reconnect on some level before I shell out $400+ bucks to go to her crappy wedding.

kind of feeling like staying put in nyc that weekend, on principal alone.

am i reading into things too much?

--a stickler for email manners

*****

I sure as hell wouldn't go to her wedding.

(Although, I'm confused. You'd prefer she registered somewhere more expensive?)

Zeng Chuanxing via Pour Porter via cinoh

Is it tacky to register for a honeymoon?

Dear ESB,

My fiance and I have been living together for almost four years and pretty much have all we need. And while I could make a whole list of pretty things, I would much rather have some money to pay for the honeymoon.

I recently came across a gift registry site that allows you to put things from anywhere on your list for your guests to purchase. You can also put a trip (i.e. honeymoon!) on there and guests can make donations toward it. While the idea sounds awesome, I am wondering if this is tacky to ask of your guests?

*****

I give you this anecdote Naurnie emailed me recently:

My mother's very good friend was at my wedding shower + we were having a discussion about people who register for cash or one of those 'honeymoon' things. 

Her response? "You can't afford a honeymoon? Put that in my 'I-don't-give-a-shit bucket.' I am NOT paying for your damn snorkeling excursion."

(Michele Lamy via Alison Feldman via Love is the new black)

A forkless wedding, and showers for $$$

Dear ESB:

We are having a forkless wedding. It isn't that we have something against forks, we just don't like having to put our cocktail down to hold a plate in one hand and a fork in the other (there won't be any tables at our wedding). My bride-to-be desperately wants to cut a wedding cake ("it's tradition"). I don't want to strip her of her dream but I also want to steer clear of doling out slices of cake that require forks. I would like to have a teeny tiny mini two person cake that we can 'cut' and then serve tray passed, forkless desserts of our choice to our guests. Would this leave our guests pining for our cake (does anyone even like cake)? Or do we need to serve cupcakes (I hope not)? Or better yet do you have another option?

Another question: we are registered but only for our honeymoon (we need the assistance). Now our wonderful friends are throwing wedding showers and we have only registered for... well... $. Do we need to register for physical gifts? Are we being rude not offering options? 

*****

1. If you cut a cake, it would be rude/weird not to pass out slices. (But in my opinion there is nothing particularly special about the cake-cutting tradition, and you can tell your bride-to-be I said so.)

2. The whole point of a shower is for people to "shower" you with gifts. If you don't register, they won't know what the f*ck to give you, and you'll end up with five difficult-to-return toasters (or worse).

2a. Were you really expecting everyone to sit around in a circle and watch you open envelopes of cash?

DISCLAIMER: I did not have a bridal shower, nor, to the best of my knowledge, have I ever been to a bridal shower. All my assumptions about bridal showers are based on romantic comedies, Sex and the City, and (other) wedding blogs.

Image via Zombie Flu

he thinks a $14 meat pounder is an appropriate gift?!

dear ESB, please smack some sense into me about this:

my college-boyfriend/now-friend got married five years ago. i didn't have a job at the time, but traveled to another state to attend the wedding, and bought them a $100 coffeemaker (which at the time was more money than i was comfortable spending, but i decided to suck it up because there weren't many cheaper options on their registry). two years later he got divorced.

this summer, i got married. i invited him (we live in the same town now) and a few days later he called to say he and his girlfriend would be happy to attend. i didn't know he had a girlfriend so hadn't invited her, but after struggling with the guest list, we made room for her. now, after the wedding, i just received an email from our registry saying that they bought us a $14 meat pounder as a wedding gift. he hasn't given it to us yet, but i am kind of flabbergasted by his cheapness. i gave him a $100 gift, traveled to attend his wedding solo (i wasn't invited with a guest and didn't have a boyfriend at the time), paid more than $300 for him and a girlfriend i'd never met to attend my wedding, and he thinks a $14 meat pounder is an appropriate gift?!

i know gifts are not obligatory at weddings, and i shouldn't have any expectations about what someone should give us, but this is an employed adult in his thirties! would it be totally wrong of me to make a comment when he gives us the meat pounder? what could i possibly say? i know i must sound incredibly petty, but this really bothers me and hurts my feelings... he is an artist so even if he dashed off a drawing and gave that to us instead it would be so much better in my eyes...

any advice?
trying not to be petty but it's hard

*****

Get over it.

(This is why you should never invite your ex to your wedding.)

Photo by Alex Prager via TeenAngster