Splurge on pretty + scrimp on the reception?

dear esb,

There's something in the water in west Australia at the moment, I've been to seven weddings already this year, and another of my closest friends just got engaged, and being the super organised type A personality that I am, I've been hired as de facto wedding planner. This is all wonderful, I'm happy to help, I love her etc.. but I've hit an area where I'm a bit out of my depth / could you use some advice/backup.

The couple are living in england, but are getting married in perth (they're both natives). So, they're on a pretty tight budget once you factor in their airfares, and the fact that they don't want to spend gazillions of dollars one day. My friend wants to splurge on her dress, the videographer (a peculiar expenditure, but this guy is amazeballs) and general 'prettiness.' She wants to scrimp on the reception, but still have an awesome party, and still have it look pretty and romantic. (not really scrimping, more just keeping cost per head down because they're expecting about 200 people)

She's also over the whole sit down at designated seats thing, as she thinks it's been done to death, and it doesn't promote interaction between guests. In fact, the only downside she sees to not having a sit down is that she can't strategically seat her single friends next to each other (her own words). So I suggested to her that they have a cocktail reception instead... food costs less, people mingle a lot, you need fewer decorations, and it is more conducive to that 'party!' vibe she seems to be wanting.

But then, my friend raised the concern that people secretly hate cocktail receptions (and this is where I need advice). Do people feel ripped off that they don't get a proper meal? do they feel like it's gauche to not have a full meal with two hours of speeches and alcohol by table service? Do people get annoyed at the fact that they have to stand up for five hours or so (there would of course be some chairs, but everyone knows they are monopolised by the over 65 crowd pretty early in the evening)? Nice people aren't likely to say anything about it, just whimper softly and shift from stiletto clad foot to foot.. but will they secretly be really pissed if it's not your typical wedding reception sort of gig?

Any advice you can offer would be absolutely grand!

Love,
Amateur Wedding Planner

Oh, PS: one last question.. there is an 95% chance that at the time of the wedding, the temperature will be upwards of 95F... this is fine for us perth locals, but is it likely that people coming from an english winter will be able to tolerate this, or should my friend try and find indoor reception/ceremony venues? I know you're not english... but it's pretty cold in some parts of america, right? (:

*****

Designated seats are "done to death" because they WORK. Old people and pregnant people and SHY PEOPLE don't have to fucking MINGLE like CATTLE with two hundred fucking people they don't know, and you can seat the bride's dad across the room from the groom's mom, who he can't stand.

And yes, you get to seat your single friends next each other. ORGANIZED MINGLING. Much more civilized.

p.s. 95 degrees is way too fucking hot.

Wild Clematis Flower Crowns by Amy Merrick via Anabela Carneiro via Catbird

if i were to get married now...................

from elizabeth of the littlest

ever wonder what the wife of one of the coolest wedding people around -- a pretty fucking cool lady herself -- has to say about weddings?

ME TOO.

michael and i were engaged way back in 2005 (married 2006) when the knot and martha stewart were the stewards of all things wedding. the new york mag wedding issue was the only thing close to decent at the time and even that was a bit posh and removed from what i envisioned for my big day. i remember buying a couple of those magazines and literally getting tight in the chest at the thought of chocolate fountains and proper etiquette. somehow i am the girl who has NEVER been a bridesmaid (my closest friends are either not married and the ones who are just happened to get married in jordan, greece, india, australia and new zealand) and since i grew up LDS everyone around me married in the temple. so no frame of reference. zip. zero. i never dreamt of my wedding day and didn't see the point of bridesmaids or bridal showers which leads me to how over the top crazy this whole wedding thing has become! shots of cute feet and all.

that's not to say i didn't have the mason jars full of wild flowers on the vintage tablecloths or the tin buckets overflowing with icy drinks. i did. i had a pretty white dress, something old, something new. i poured over our invitations and had them printed at the legendary soho letterpress. i spent months tearing up on the subway listening to the songs i was going to walk down the aisle to and have for my first dance. i obsessed over finding the right shoes (i didn't!) i dreamt of our first night married and where we would have our honeymoon (costa rica.) i also had my closest family and friends there and not a person more. i seem to remember thinking that was all that really mattered. i still do.

so what would i change?

now that i see the possibilities, i can't help but think i could fit a couple things into my perfect memory of that day (the good thing about memory is that you can erase all of the things that seemed annoying at the time!)

i would probably have taken a chance and worn my hair up in a cute messy bun instead of down like i always have it. i love joanna's tutorials for simpletons such as myself. although it did look a bit like the elfin princess anne hathaway as a matter of fact.

i would have asked for fewer favors and just coughed up the dough - case in point:

i don't have the best photos from that day which i really regret. my gay fashion photographer friend from nyc shoot was supposed to shoot the family portraits and reception while he was busy trying to chase down a drink. we literally have never spoken since but i blame myself as i should have known he wasn't cut out for it. oh well. what i have learned from this is shooting weddings is hard work. hats off to wedding photographers. such an emotion laden day and you have the responsibility of capturing it, even if the bride accidentally took too much xanax or it's raining sideways. so long story short, i would have hired my photographers and given them a shot list of images i absolutely wanted (cake cutting, family portraits, more shots with michael, etc.)

i had a very well known, celebrity makeup artist (best friends with the gay fashion photographer so i no longer talk to her either - ha!) do my makeup as a favor but since she was doing me a favor, we didn't do a makeup test. i never wear makeup so didn't feel super comfortable and as great as she is, if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, it doesn't matter who is doing your makeup. so have a test. i had a tear of michelle williams hair and makeup at the oscars 2006 and kick myself for not doing it.

i would also have definitely hired a videographer to shoot the ceremony, my sweet stepmom bought a video camera and shoved it in the hands of my unwitting stepbrother. poor thing. sharkpig wasn't available then - but i look at almost every single thing he does and it makes me just so happy for the couples who have videos by him (and a little bit jealous.)

now that i have my daughter, i would have spent more time picking items that i could hand down to her. my dress closed the spring 2007 Nicole Miller runway show and is pretty beautiful but i think i could have done better (is that awful?) i chose wedges so that i could walk up the hill (we married at a beautiful, remote location that you had to hike to get to) if i could do it again, i'd say balance be damned and picked the coolest shoes.

and pie in the sky, i would have taken this old farmhouse that was shipped from appalachia to california and plunked it down where we had the ceremony (san juan islands) for the reception. i went to a wedding there recently and it was a truly magical venue.

last but not least, everyone told me and somehow i still didn't listen - i would have spent more time with michael instead of worrying about making everyone else happy. that day was for us. it's easy to lose sight of that.

1. jamie beck for cup of jo, 2. miu miu, 3. michelle williams courtesy of fairchild archive via brides, 4. miu miu by jak & jil for style.com via the cherry blossom girl, 5. figueroa farmhouse by kevin charlie

(catch up with the rest of the "if i were to get married now..................." series here.)

Go ahead and try to tell me this is not the best version of a Bee Gees tune EVER RECORDED.

This cinematic version of the video is much cooler, but it doesn't seem to be embeddable. Plus there's kind of a letterbox-within-a-pillar-box thing going on since it was shot directly from someone's tv set. I ♥ YouTube.

p.s. I broke my video-embedding cherry! Do I get a cookie? A gluten-free cookie, obv.