Tacky or timeless?

Hello ESB,

I am "pre-engaged" (or whatever the hell you call having a wedding venue and date that is still under-wraps to most) and trying to figure out my ring.

I have just wanted diamond bands for a long time and recently had decided to have the diamonds from this ring of my grandmother's reset. 

I like the idea of having something sentimental, and am a huge fan of not spending our future on a piece of jewelry. Now I'm considering leaving it as is, but I'm struggling with whether it's awesome or a little tacky. It's from the 80's... Does it look like it?

I love the Kathryn Bentley organic oval ring you posted -- is this channeling that or just insulting it?

I would love an honest opinion.

Thanks,
Fucking over thinking things, as usual

*****

First off, you are ENGAGED. You have a wedding venue and you've set a date and you're trying to figure out your ring? YOU ARE ENGAGED.

Re the ring: Yes, it looks like it's from the 80s. Which wouldn't matter if you looooooooved it, but you don't love it or else why would you be writing in with this question.

Get the stones reset.

(Dynasty Cast via Nick Verreos)

Seeking: An engagement watch for my BF

Hi esb! 

My bf of 9 years and I are planning to get engaged. We're not pre-engaged -- because what the hell does that even mean -- but we're looking at rings and talking about dates, etc. I'd really like to also give him something to commemorate the moment, but I'm stumped. Do you and/or your readers have any suggestions? 

He does like watches, so I was considering getting him a really nice one, but as a non-watch person I don't even know where to turn for a well-designed watch for a stylish gentleman. I'm also definitely open to any non-watch suggestions. My budget is around $1200. 

*****

I know shitall about watches, so I figured I'd ask Samuel Voerenbach (formerly of Martin Patrick 3, currently taking over NYC).

His answer was more vehement that I expected.... But also helpful. Vehement, and then helpful.

Here's Sam:

Wtf is pre-engaged? I keep seeing this get mentioned on your site and it drives me crazy. You've got a boyfriend -- hooray.

Anyway, I've got a pretty big disclaimer that is going to make me sound like a hater. Perhaps I'm just too traditional, but I don't think I like the idea of giving your boyfriend a gift when he proposes. Believe it or not most guys actually like giving things to their girlfriend/fiancée/whatever. It makes us feel responsible and makes us feel like providers and it makes us feel like we have a purpose and a person we're taking care of. To steal that thunder away from us by turning the whole situation around seems unnecessary given that he's about to do the most important symbolic thing in his entire life.

So all that said if you are looking at watches that can be somewhat wedding or engagement appropriate, for $1200 there are a couple different options. I'm going to make the assumption that because it's for a fairly important event you're looking at things that are maybe not quite formal but are still quite elegant overall. I would avoid anything with too many sporty functions like chronograph and stick with watches that are fairly simple-looking. 

The two that come to mind right away are really anything from Longines or the Max Bill watch, which in the US you can get from Amieco.

(Max Bill Stainless Steel Watch from Amieco, $830)

The other thing you could do is look for used watches that are of a little bit higher provenance. This might still stretch your budget a little bit but most nice jewelry stores carry a small selection. Nicer antique stores, auction houses and eBay are also good places to look. If that were the case I would look for something like a Cartier Tank (which would be perfect for what you're looking for since it's such a classic style), the slim group from Ralph Lauren or my personal favorite Hermes Cape Cod.

(Vintage Hermes Cape Cod, $1600 on ebay) 

Hope that helps!

At top: Jewelry designer Philip Crangi photographed by Ben Watts sporting his own Hermes Cape Cod via The Dandy Project via GQ

The hazards of pre-engagement

Dear ESB,

I'm pre-engaged. The man and I will get married soon, we're not engaged yet but the details are in the works. Ring selected and such...

One of my girlfriends pre-asked to be a bridesmaid. We were talking about how well things were going in my relationship a few months back and before I could finish a sentence she excitedly blurted out "Can I be a bridesmaid?"

I hadn't even given it much thought at that point. I was kinda taken off guard because I was of the opinion that YOU WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO ASK YOU to be a bridesmaid. Am I wrong?  I answered something like "Umm I guess so, we're not engaged yet though."

Since then she has referred to my yet-to-be planned wedding and asked questions about it. Even though I already have a clear picture of almost everything I want I'm not really talking about it with people yet because afterall....I'm not engaged yet. She asked me what color I think I might want her to wear. When I replied "I don't know, maybe gray." She complained.

I'm not engaged, she's not a bridesmaid, and the wedding hasn't been planned...and she's already complaining. Ugh.

This is something that plays out in our friendship often over the past years. She can be moody. Not so moody that it's a deal-breaker but enough that it can be annoying.

I really wanted a tiny wedding party or even none at all would be fine with me. I would have asked her to be a maid anyways but her pre-asking took some of the happiness out of it. Sorta like she stole a little of my thunder.  Her pre-asking and pre-whining is making me have second thoughts. If this is how she is NOW, is it only going to get worse later?

Ok, so now I've typed it all out and I'm about to ask my questions I think I already know what you're going to say.

 *Am I obligated to have her as a bridesmaid?

 *If I choose not to have her, what is the best thing to say? Because she WILL pout if she's not a maid.

 *Should I put my foot down on any whining if I do choose her as a bridesmaid?

Thanks!

*****

Un-asking someone to be a bridesmaid is kinda like un-inviting someone to your wedding. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. She may never speak to you again.

As for "putting your foot down on any whining," how do you propose to do that exactly??

Ellinore Erichsen by Johan Sandberg for Marie Claire Italia