if i were to get married now...................

from elizabeth of the littlest

ever wonder what the wife of one of the coolest wedding people around -- a pretty fucking cool lady herself -- has to say about weddings?

ME TOO.

michael and i were engaged way back in 2005 (married 2006) when the knot and martha stewart were the stewards of all things wedding. the new york mag wedding issue was the only thing close to decent at the time and even that was a bit posh and removed from what i envisioned for my big day. i remember buying a couple of those magazines and literally getting tight in the chest at the thought of chocolate fountains and proper etiquette. somehow i am the girl who has NEVER been a bridesmaid (my closest friends are either not married and the ones who are just happened to get married in jordan, greece, india, australia and new zealand) and since i grew up LDS everyone around me married in the temple. so no frame of reference. zip. zero. i never dreamt of my wedding day and didn't see the point of bridesmaids or bridal showers which leads me to how over the top crazy this whole wedding thing has become! shots of cute feet and all.

that's not to say i didn't have the mason jars full of wild flowers on the vintage tablecloths or the tin buckets overflowing with icy drinks. i did. i had a pretty white dress, something old, something new. i poured over our invitations and had them printed at the legendary soho letterpress. i spent months tearing up on the subway listening to the songs i was going to walk down the aisle to and have for my first dance. i obsessed over finding the right shoes (i didn't!) i dreamt of our first night married and where we would have our honeymoon (costa rica.) i also had my closest family and friends there and not a person more. i seem to remember thinking that was all that really mattered. i still do.

so what would i change?

now that i see the possibilities, i can't help but think i could fit a couple things into my perfect memory of that day (the good thing about memory is that you can erase all of the things that seemed annoying at the time!)

i would probably have taken a chance and worn my hair up in a cute messy bun instead of down like i always have it. i love joanna's tutorials for simpletons such as myself. although it did look a bit like the elfin princess anne hathaway as a matter of fact.

i would have asked for fewer favors and just coughed up the dough - case in point:

i don't have the best photos from that day which i really regret. my gay fashion photographer friend from nyc shoot was supposed to shoot the family portraits and reception while he was busy trying to chase down a drink. we literally have never spoken since but i blame myself as i should have known he wasn't cut out for it. oh well. what i have learned from this is shooting weddings is hard work. hats off to wedding photographers. such an emotion laden day and you have the responsibility of capturing it, even if the bride accidentally took too much xanax or it's raining sideways. so long story short, i would have hired my photographers and given them a shot list of images i absolutely wanted (cake cutting, family portraits, more shots with michael, etc.)

i had a very well known, celebrity makeup artist (best friends with the gay fashion photographer so i no longer talk to her either - ha!) do my makeup as a favor but since she was doing me a favor, we didn't do a makeup test. i never wear makeup so didn't feel super comfortable and as great as she is, if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, it doesn't matter who is doing your makeup. so have a test. i had a tear of michelle williams hair and makeup at the oscars 2006 and kick myself for not doing it.

i would also have definitely hired a videographer to shoot the ceremony, my sweet stepmom bought a video camera and shoved it in the hands of my unwitting stepbrother. poor thing. sharkpig wasn't available then - but i look at almost every single thing he does and it makes me just so happy for the couples who have videos by him (and a little bit jealous.)

now that i have my daughter, i would have spent more time picking items that i could hand down to her. my dress closed the spring 2007 Nicole Miller runway show and is pretty beautiful but i think i could have done better (is that awful?) i chose wedges so that i could walk up the hill (we married at a beautiful, remote location that you had to hike to get to) if i could do it again, i'd say balance be damned and picked the coolest shoes.

and pie in the sky, i would have taken this old farmhouse that was shipped from appalachia to california and plunked it down where we had the ceremony (san juan islands) for the reception. i went to a wedding there recently and it was a truly magical venue.

last but not least, everyone told me and somehow i still didn't listen - i would have spent more time with michael instead of worrying about making everyone else happy. that day was for us. it's easy to lose sight of that.

1. jamie beck for cup of jo, 2. miu miu, 3. michelle williams courtesy of fairchild archive via brides, 4. miu miu by jak & jil for style.com via the cherry blossom girl, 5. figueroa farmhouse by kevin charlie

(catch up with the rest of the "if i were to get married now..................." series here.)

If I were to get married now...................

from Rachel Z

At long last! It's a new installment. This one comes from (gasp) a non-blogger. But Rachel works in luxury fashion in Austin, which makes her cool x 2 as far as I'm concerned.

I was the first of my friends to take the plunge. I am the only girl in my family, and before my wedding, had only attended a handful of weddings. I was, well, a bit clueless. I definitely have my girly moments, but was never a little girl lost in some fantasy of her magical wedding day. When my husband (boyfriend at the time, of course) asked me to marry him, I was beyond excited. My mother had secretly given him my grandmother’s ring. My Grams and I were very close, and she left her ring for me when she passed on. The excitement of our engagement led to the realization that we needed to get married right away. Ok, before you even go there (I can see you raising your eyebrow) this was not a shotgun wedding. We had been planning to move for over a year, and were going to be leaving a few months after we got engaged. We realized that getting married before we moved would be best. So, we started tossing around ideas. Well, we were young, broke, and on a time crunch. So, we picked a little B&B in a quaint little town nearby where we would go during the holidays to walk the streets and take in the lights/hot chocolate/shops, etc. Thankfully, it was a place that included everything. I vaguely remember picking out a picture of a cake in a magazine, telling her what flowers I liked, picking a menu, and deciding definitely outdoors, not in the chapel. The whole experience flew by. Before we knew it, the wedding had passed, and we had moved.

Now time has passed, and many of my friends are now married. I have been to a few weddings, in a few weddings, and have realized how much work and time go into the planning. On some level, I appreciate the time crunch we had as that helped me avoid the whirlwind that wedding planning becomes. However, experiencing the unique and creative details that my friends have incorporated into their weddings has weighed on me. I leave beyond excited for them and their big day. I also leave painfully aware of how freaking awesome their weddings are, and how many different things I would like to have done!

If we were to get married today, we would give ourselves time to plan. I would give myself more time than 4 hours in one day to find my dress. We would walk down the aisle to a special song that we love, and not a CD that skipped on my way down. We would hire an insanely good photographer, like Nathan, my childhood friend of Harper Point Photography or our friend Alicia, of One Plus One. They are not my mother’s friend who takes pictures, so this way, we could have a picture of just the two of us where we are not talking, or standing with someone else. We would invite the friends that have become dear to us and have been there for us through the years. We would go classic, so the pictures are never out of style, but capture a timeless look. We would dance this time. (I know! We were too nervous to dance, so we skipped it and didn’t even have dancing at all! What is that about?) Our look would be vintage, or vintage inspired. I would have Chenoh, of Black Orchid Salon work her magic on my hair. Oh yes, and we would have purple flowers for sure. There would be signature drinks, and our favorite desserts. We would party with all of our friends. We would go on a honeymoon, preferably abroad for a little adventure. Italy, perhaps?

Looking back, I just have to smile. We didn’t get caught up in wedding details, but made decisions and moved on. All in all, we had a simple, pretty wedding, and are still in love. What more can you ask for? Plus, there’s always the chance to renew your vows. Hmmm. Come to think of it, our ten-year anniversary is only around the corner………

Click here to view all the product details on Polyvore. (Rachel was nominated by Jessica Define, who was kind enough to do the paste-up.)
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Click here to catch up with the rest of the series.

If I were to get married now...................

from Chandra of Greer Chicago

Our wedding was a stripped-down affair with a finely-honed list of attendees that included myself, my husband Steve, Judge Hogan and a nice lady whose name I didn’t catch.

Steve and I had been long-time cohabiters when I decided to put a ring on it and proposed to him in mid-December. We set a date of January 12 because that was the fastest we could get all of the legalities taken care of. When we make a decision we like to get on with it.

Our wedding (appointment?) was scheduled for mid-afternoon so we both worked in the morning and met up in the lobby of my office, the Amoco building. At the appointed time I glided down the escalator in a humble grey sweater and grey wool skirt to meet my nervous betrothed in his shirt, tie and only pair of good slacks. He later told me he was scared I wouldn’t show up although that was unlikely since we were living together and I’d have to show up eventually. Maybe he thought I’d throw him over for a rousing discussion of oil shipments from Venezuela. Mmm hmm.

Anyway, we walked over to the Daley Center where Judge Hogan fixed us up. We’ll never forget him saying we seemed to be very much in love. Nor the other young bride and groom who were waiting outside his office and seemed to be very much in a hurry to get married if you catch my drift. I think Judge Hogan’s retired now, but for years, whenever he ran for reelection we affectionately voted for him. 

After the ceremony we celebrated at a long-gone restaurant, Randall’s for Ribs. We should have played it like that scene in “Tom Jones," but we kept it civil. We honeymooned in Paris but unfortunately it was about 4 months later.

When East Side Bride asked me to write about what I would do differently if I knew then what I know now I asked myself “Would you have a ‘real’ wedding?” “Would you still hang with Judge Hogan but throw a big party afterwards?” Honestly, the answer is “No” and “No.” I like how we got married. It’s a memory that only we will share and we think there’s something powerfully romantic about that. Neither of us likes being the center of that much attention, anyway.

HOWEVER.

If I had it to do over I would ramp up the fabulous factor, oh, about 10000%. 

1) First of all, I’d wait until the weather was warmer, perhaps late-May, so I wouldn’t have to celebrate my wedding anniversary in the dead of winter for the next fifty years.

2) I’d still go to work the morning of only because I love a good day into night challenge and this would be the ultimate -- from “Work to Wedding!” in just a few wildly-expensive steps!

3) I’d start with this dress by Michael Kors.

4) And just to keep the guys – and they were ALL guys – in check I’d demurely cover up with this jacket by Willow.

5) I like being on-time for meetings both professional and social so I think I’d need this Gucci watch.

6) Before the ceremony, I’d exchange these for this pair of Rene Caovilla t-straps.

7) I’d sprinkle these Marni crystals on the lapel of my jacket or maybe along the neckline of my dress.

8) And because I need a feminine pop of color I’d exchange my work bag for this Christian Louboutin clutch. I don’t know what I’ve actually done with my work bag but I can’t worry about that right now.

9) A simple black Alexander McQueen suit for my man, paired with a Lee Allison tie and a well-made Church’s brogue. And, yes, he’d wear these things, he likes to look sharp.

10) He’d be carrying a bouquet of pale blue roses from Suzanne Cummings for me (although the little Carnation-laden bouquet he actually gave me was very sweet).

11) We’d upgrade from ribs to a mind-blowing dinner at Alinea.

12) Followed by a night in a mind-blowing suite at Trump Tower and Hotels where we’d have a cake from Bittersweet Pastry waiting for us (we’ll need something that’s been frozen for a year to force down on our first anniversary.)

13) Finally, instead of sending out wedding announcements (which perhaps raise the expectations of gifts which we wouldn’t want) we’d write notes on lovely, heart-shaped Twinrockers paper to our family and closest friends telling them how much they mean to us and how we looked forward to continuing to share our lives with them as wife and husband. Despite the fact they weren’t invited to our wedding.

So that would be our nuptial extravaganza. Over the top, oh yeah, but this is all hypothetical anyway so what the hell. But 24 years later I can honestly say how we were actually married was just fine. More than fine. We’re still together, still in love and that’s what counts. Oh, and we’re going to Paris for our 25th wedding anniversary. In the dead of winter.

(Catch up with the rest of the series here.)

If I were to get married now...................

from Lauren of kidchamp dot net

our wedding was an ice core, with bits of sediment and atmosphere from each of our lives' layers. i proposed to joe in college and bought my dress immediately (off the rack at south coast plaza, but that's another story); it sat in my mother's closet for six years, waiting for us to be ready to be married. my grandfather knew he would be too sick to come abroad with us, so he gave me the heavy coins he'd saved from his final trip to england; i carried them in my jacket pocket after the ceremony so that i could buy myself a pint from him, as he'd instructed, on my wedding day (i wore the shoes i'd found when i went home to california for his funeral). our people read shakespeare for when we ditched class to fall in love in stratford upon avon, rilke for our turbulent early twenties, and wallace stevens for the miraculous stillness in Finally Getting Our Shit Together. how could any other wedding be ours?

i'm hugely change-averse, but i'm also a greedy little maximalist. i wouldn't edit the wedding we had, but i'll happily pile all kinds of things on top; call it a second wedding, if you like. "i have bad news," i tell joe in the morning. "i love you more today than i did yesterday." i'd buy myself two pints this time.

piled on top:

- a comme des garçons collage dress. comme des garçons pieces make me feel like dancing with everyone i've ever met.

- a rick owens boiled-wool jacket. i wore a grey denim motorcycle jacket over my wedding dress the first time; "we'd have cued up madonna on the jukebox if we'd known," said the delighted bartender at the turf.

- stella mccartney faux patent heels. i've upped my vegetarian game lately and have stopped buying leather.

- the grey shih messenger bag i've carried nearly every day for the last four years. one's wedding day is not the one on which to mess around with a bag which can't hold anything. (i'd also bring my camera.)

- an omega seamaster, because that's what james bond wears.

as for extra intangibles, i'd add a fourth reading for our ceremony: a letter from felix gonzalez-torres to ross laycock.

(Visit kidchamp's Polyvore set for complete photo credits. And catch up with the rest of the "If I were to get married now..................." series here.)

If I were to get married now...................

from Martha B. of Nibs

Hindsight is a tricky thing. It can make you appreciate some of the decisions you've made. But it can also make you regret the paths not taken. When I look back at our wedding day I made lots of choices...some good...some not so good.

The good ones- I kept within a tight budget which dictated a lot. Yet I can honestly say I never felt cheated. I skipped the big sitdown dinner in favor of light hors d'oeuvres and a three-tiered cake. Decorations were left to our best man who happened to be a talented graphic designer. What he did with 300 balloons was absolutely amazing! I nixed tuxes and had the guys wear navy blue suits. My satin dress and my two bridesmaids' taffeta skirts were sewn by my mother. An old high school friend took pictures. My husband and I then drove off in his vintage V.W. Beetle and spent our honeymoon in Vermont.

The not so good ones aren't really bad. I just wish I hadn't done them. One in particular stands out that has to do with my husband. When we discussed his wedding attire I suggested that he and the guys wear suits. He was more than happy with this arrangement. I also suggested he wear black shoes. My husband looked at me like I was crazy and shook his head no. He hates black shoes. Instead he planned to wear brown ones. Well...I hit the roof. I argued that they wouldn't look right for the photographs and used a number of other excuses I could think of. In the end he relinquished and wore the dreaded shoes. I cringe when I think about it now. Because, in hindsight, it really didn't matter. My advice...pick your battles carefully.

We've been married over XX years. Our wedding has faded into the background of everyday life that makes up our marriage. We've had our share of disappointments and sadness. But we've also had a lot of joy and laughter. Each anniversary together reminds me that I married my best friend.

If we were to get married now...what would I choose?

1. I got married in January between college semesters. What was I thinking? Not to mention it was bitterly cold and we had a terrible blizzard the day of the wedding. Give me a warm day in spring or summer.

2. Skip the formal invitations for handwritten ones. Or have Christine design invitations like she did for our anniversary.

3. No big wedding with half the people I don't even know. I'd plan a small, intimate wedding & reception at home with just family and close friends. I'd serve our favorite foods like my mom's 'Chicken and rice.' Instead of the usual cake I'd have something unexpected.

4. I'd wear only one ring- a vintage band with diamonds c. 1930.

5. My new dress wouldn't be white but a soft blush color accented in black. I love classic ballet flats but with a twist. I'd wear this fun headband. For the romantic in me,  nothing beats a bouquet of fresh roses.

6. Lastly, my husband and I would jump in our old V.W. Beetle and the two of us would take a honeymoon road trip to...anywhere! :)

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Catch up with the rest of the series here.

If I were to get married now...................

from Noel of Pour Porter

When I got married 7 (going on 8) years ago, I didn't want any giant stress-o-rama production or some foo-foo coconut confection of a dress. I'm pretty low key, hate attention, and am decidedly unromantic. I wore a simple cream A.P.C. dress with a watercolor paint splatter pattern, vintage heels, and a vintage black clutch. We tied the ol' knot  in a beautiful local park with a magistrate, the husband's family, and my older sister looking on. The vow exchange took a max of 3 minutes, we signed the paperwork, and took everyone out for really good sushi. In a nutshell, it was fun, unfussy, and pretty much damn near perfect. BUT, I have to admit it is fun to fantasize about a do-over just because who doesn't like trawling about online for dresses and accessories?!

1. The dress. I'm a pretty casual gal so this Malene Birger dress is perfect - just dressed up enough to not feel TOO casual.

2. The accessories. I feel like this Aesa necklace helps elevate the dress above the ho-hum.

3. The shoes. Um guys, flat wood platforms = COMFORT + HEIGHT (I need all the help I can get). ILU CACHAREL.

4. The ring. I'm not a diamond lover. I have a ring with diamonds, but it's not ye olde engagement diamond. I love the simplicity of this pyrite ring, and believe it or not, a square band is much more comfortable than a traditional round one. I have one of the designer's other ring styles and love how I can't feel it.

5. The bag. I can't live without having something to help carry all of the junk I feel insecure without. This Margiela maple front clutch is A+ + to the nth.

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p.s. In case you've just arrived, be sure to catch up with the rest of the If I were to get married now................... series.

If I were to get married now...................

from Gracie of woolgathering & miscellany

If I were to get married now... I wouldn't change a whole lot.

Frankly, I'm glad I got married young and poor, otherwise I'd probably be stressing about booking The Flashdance, blog-worthy floral arrangements, and wondering if I'd get to be on ESB. It was perfectly imperfect.

That said, here are some things I would do differently now: 

1) Not wear a dress made from flammable material, rather this hot little Ann Demeulemeester number above (shoes and all).

2) Forgo the stripper satin red opera length gloves and don these white versions of my black Hermes bracelets.

3) Wear these (incredibly affordable) MiniCyn diamond-like studs. I'm very picky about jewelry and tend to wear the sh*t out of a few simple pieces. It's hard for me to add new staples, but French designer MiniCyn has somehow worked her way into the regular rotation.

4) Would've tried to spruce up the dive bar a little. Perhaps with some DIY Confetti System inspired adornments & definitely some white catholic religious candles with personalized labels.

5) Made this Digby & Iona diamond signet ring my wedding ring. It comes with wax to seal your letters with! I plan on getting it now anyway.

6) Would've had Neil Hamburger perform our marriage on stage instead of just performing stand-up at the reception.

If I were to get married now...................

from Stephanie of even*cleveland

I was lucky when it came to my wedding - the weather was beautiful, everyone had fun (including me), and most importantly, it took. Nearly nine years later, I'm still crazy about the guy I married. 

It was an unconventional conventional wedding. Most of the usual elements were there - wedding party, reception and dancing, dress and veil - but slightly tweaked. I was young and stubborn and happy enough not to care what anyone thought, and it was a perfect moment. I've always liked that about weddings. They are ephemeral moments we want to so fill with love and beauty that they become permanent. That's a rare thing. When you think about it, there are very few days where you know in advance that you want to remember them forever, but a wedding is. Everyone responds to that in touching and funny ways. We pick out the things we think will make the memory and obsess over them - the right dress, the perfect flowers, charming invitations, fantastic photos - but the thing is that emotion wins in the end. It is either a happy day or it isn't. I am grateful mine was.

If I was getting married today, my wedding would be different because my life is different. It would be a much more private event - only the very nearest and dearest included, invited by handwritten note on starry cards. We'd be married somewhere in the city, very late on a winter's night. I'd wear an ivory velvet dress and blue for luck, like countless brides before, but it would be a dress I could wear year after year on anniversary fêtes (it is too sad to think of wearing something so lovely only once). I'd pair it with silvery shoes made for dancing and a fantastic coat encrusted with silver embroidery. There would be feathers in my hair and jewels in just the right amount. I would scout for the perfect perfume - something distinctive and evocative, to match the moment - and beautiful wine dark flowers.  After the ceremony, we'd sit down to a glamorous midnight supper, dance and drink champagne, and in the morning we'd jet off to St. Petersburg or Montreal or somewhere else cold and snowy, where we could have a hotel room with a fireplace and reason to stay inside. And I'd be looking forward. Weddings are only beginnings, after all. The good stuff is what comes after.

(Click here to view the product details on Polyvore.)

Introducing a new series on ESB

A week ago I got an email from one of my married readers, who was all excited about some wedding-worthy Rick Owens dresses. And I thought, how cool would it be to ask a bunch of stylish married ladies to put together wedding outfits? (Not recently married ladies, who are still in a post-wedding-planning tizzy, but real live married ladies, who don't fantasize about wedding dresses that often any more.)

So. Inspired by the "imaginary outfit" series that Stephanie does on even*cleveland, I am thrilled to introduce the "If I were to get married now..................." series.

First up is Stephanie herself. WOOT!

(Don't worry, Gracie is all ready to go for next week.)

Rick Owens Spring 2011 via Fashionologie