Help ASAP!

Thu, Jul 3, 2014 at 8:25 PM

Long story short.

My bridal shower was 2 weeks ago. My MOH spent 3 hours after it talking about her horrible marriage, and the 3 hours during about her "new miracle baby" (she had an iud and it "fell out") and how she "almost died" in labor. I haven't heard from her since the shower. I want to demote her.

I actually want her to not come because she brings her iPad everywhere. And this is her weapon of showing off her baby to my guests. Not so bad, except for I'm going through fertility treatments, so it hurts my soul.

I found out she's on oxy (again), so she's been lying to me about that.

If her husband is so horrible and abusive (I don't think he's as bad as she says) then I don't want him at the wedding.

I don't get a lot of "me" time and parties because I have social anxiety. So she was the center of my shower, but I don't want her the center of my wedding.

When she was pregnant I spent hundreds on her baby gifts and parties and went to all of her ER visits (I am on disability and a full time student and worker) so it was expensive for me. She didn't get me a gift (not a big deal, but she makes 4x what I do per month), so I found it odd.

Can someone help me quick? Wedding is mid-August.

*****

Fri, Jul 4, 2014 at 12:40 PM

How bad is the drug abuse? Are you worried she'll have a meltdown in the middle of your wedding?

*****

Fri, Jul 4, 2014 at 1:44 PM

I'm worried she will have an "allergy attack" or "not feel well" and the ambulance will need to be called. Or she will try and whip out her iPad to show baby pictures to everyone. Apparently at the bridal shower she didn't stop talking about her own wedding and pregnancy and baby at all. 

We're going through fertility issues so her baby talk at my shower really upset me. Every time I try to call her she's "napping."

I'm thinking of hiring someone just to babysit her. 

*****

It sounds like your friend is very unhappy. Maybe she's raving about this miracle baby because it's the only good thing going on in her life. Maybe she's trying to convince herself it's a good thing.

Either way, I bet she has no idea she's hurting your feelings.

Write her an email. Tell her everything you just told us. (Or: Send her a link to this post.) Gently request that she LEAVE THE FUCKING IPAD AT HOME.

And then, yes, hire a babysitter.


Image by Ernesto Artillo

ugh

So

My best friend of 25 years got married in June, I was her MOH, I tried so hard to please! I feel like I went above and beyond, her wedding, shower and bachelorette party were all awesome, I would even go so far as to say it was absolutely perfect.

She had a very long engagement, three years, we thought she was never going to get married! Until... I got engaged!

Back story- my FH and I have been together for 14 years, I always said I never wanted to get married and so I never thought he would ask.

Until he did!?!

So of course I said yes, I am a very offbeat girl and I am going very traditional with my wedding, crazy but it's what I'm digging! I wanted to get hitched before turning 30. I kinda felt like she should get married before me as she got engaged before me. Not wanting to wait to pick a date we kinda agreed that I would get married later in the fall as she always wanted a June wedding. I set my date in September after getting engaged in July. As of January she still had not. I had always felt overwhelmed and stressed out that she said she wanted to get married that summer and still had not gotten a dress or set a date or ANYTHING. Meanwhile I had a date a dress a caterer a photog... I digress...

I feel like she didn't even want to get married, it was like pulling teeth. I would try to be uber helpful and work on things to inspire her to no avail. When she finally set a date I was ecstatic! Ready to help all I could, I knew it was going to be an amazing wedding! She was not an easy person to please. I tried my best. I planned an awesome girls weekend and threw her a beautiful shower. I did her hair and makeup for all of her events I spent a ton of money on her gifts, I helped her with everything she would allow me to, I really would have done anything for her! I can't tell you how many nights I cried over how terrible she made me feel, she accused me of not helping her. I never let her know how bad I was hurting, I didn't want to ruin any of her experience, I would just apologize profusely  During her parties etc she would always make snide comments about how I was next, I just let it go not sure how she meant for me to take it...

I hoped that after her wedding things would improve! I had never heard of a MOHzilla...

Lets just say it hasn't, her husband is also in our bridal party, he is worse than she is! She didn't come with me to try on dresses, I was there for her. She didn't come to my bridal portraits, I did her hair and makeup, picked up her flowers, followed her around making sure she wasn't shiny and made her laugh the whole time thru hers. I ordered my bridesmaids dress the day she chose it, it almost didn't make it here because she waited so long, so of course she waited to the last second to order for mine, it's going to arrive the week before the wedding.... I am trying to remain positive but it is a losing battle. The day that my FH wanted to go look at suits (we decided to buy them they cost 80 bucks! Sweet Perry Ellis modern fit suits that they can keep for 80 bucks!) he asked that I go. My MOH's husband gave me attitude about being there, he was very short and snippy saying things like "can we get this show on the road!" I tried to ask him what was wrong and I wrapped my arm around his shoulder to hug him and he pushed me away and said "you need to talk to your friend" and stormed off... Needless to say I cried the whole way to the suit shop. Is it really too much to ask for people to be nice and positive?

So far my MOH has been bitchy and snippy about having to plan my shower and party. She has figured out a place to stay for free which is ok but she said "you know because I am still so broke from my wedding" to which I replied " honey I am still broke from your wedding!"

My FH and I have decided we should have eloped and that after we are married we don't need our friends. We four used to hang out every Thursday Friday and Sunday, now I am lucky if I get a phone call....

I am sure that this will only get worse, the good thing is I am on top of my game and until the week I get hitched I don't think I need to do anything except for buy booze and save money!

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this I would love to hear it.

Super Sad Bridey Bird

*****

Just so we're clear: You are the MOHzilla in this sitch, not your friend.

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED

SHE WAS CRYING OUT FOR HELP

And, um, I hate to break it to you… But I think perhaps they have already split up. Like the man said, you need to talk to your friend.


Carolina Thaler by Laurence Ellis for Amica, September 2013 via COUP DE FOUDRE