Someone should rock this as a wedding dress.

Miamify my wardrobe

Dear ESB,

I am moving to MIAMI in the fall for work. I read your fantastic guide to the city and am so so excited for the food, the beach, Wynwood, speaking Spanish, and a new place.

But. I'm nervous, too. I have moved around a ton and always found a great community and made a great life, but this is going to be worlds apart from the Midwestern and East Coast cities where I have spent my whole life. 

My fear of moving is manifesting in the particular anxiety that I don't know how to dress in Miami (I don't think I will have much use for the oversize sweater/short skirt/wool tights outfits that I have perfected). 

I get that fixing my clothes isn't going to resolve the larger problem, but humor a girl. I have a bit of a bonus coming my way soon -- if you were going to spend about $500 to update your wardrobe for such a move, what would you get?

Besos.

*****

WHO SAYS the right wardrobe won't fix everything?? I would never make that ludicrous claim.

Since I have not once set foot in Miami, I brought back the badass Caro, our resident Miami expert....

Hola!

The key to being happy while living in Miami: Live like you’re on vacation. Or at least pretend like you’re on vacation as much as you possibly can. I.E. Go to the beach, drink Miami Vices, wear shorts everywhere.

My six tips for MIAMI-fying your wardrobe:

1. Neon is a neutral. Over here it’s summer year-round, which means you can wear color all the time. Ever since neon arrived at J.Crew, I’ve been keeping these shorts + t-shirts in heavy rotation.

Editor's Note: Stock up! That shit is on sale.

2. Always bring a sweater. Miami air conditioning is not subtle. Find a goes-with-everything cardigan [also on sale] you can leave in your purse because the transition from 90F to 65F every single time you walk into a building isn’t something your body acclimates to all that quickly.

3. Always have on hand: emergency flip-flops and emergency heels. After-work thunderstorms and after-work happy hours are equally likely – you should be prepared for either. Keep a pair of flip flops in your purse to protect your work flats in case of tropical weather, and a pair of black pumps in your car to switch into once you get to the bar.

4. You need at least one dependable clubbing/bar-crawling outfit. Bar-hopping starts at 11:30 PM at the earliest and everyone outside of Wynwood will expect you to wear heels. I default to colorful stilettos and a black minidress I bought at Forever 21, but if I had money to burn I’d go with this BCBG body-con dress [sale sale sale].

5. You need two bathing suits: one to look cute in and one to tan in. And if you heed my advice about living like you’re on vacation, you’re probably going to wear them out pretty quickly.... so consider your tanning bikini an investment. I like the bandeau tops from Victoria Secret because they’re not egregiously expensive and even though they have that fun strappy back detail they don’t actually leave horrendous tan lines.

Editor's Note: PLS WEAR SUNSCREEN. BOTH OF YOU.

6. Frizz-Ease. Because the humidity is real.

*****

And a few updated Miami recommends because my lady Caro knows how to live......

Eat: Butcher Shop, Khong River House, Swine, Uvaggio.

Drink: Broken Shaker (it’s permanent now, and still awesome), The Reagent Cocktail Club, the Martini Bar at the Raleigh Hotel, Wynwood Brewing Company, AC’s Icees.

(Image via Freehand Miami, home of the Broken Shaker)

Be Merry: Spend a day at the Standard, go get cinnamon buns at Knaus Berry Farm, check out the new art museum, rent some kayaks, host a bbq at the beach.

Just because you’re living like you’re on vacation doesn’t mean you need to pay vacation prices for your booze. Find reasonably-priced craft beer without driving to BFE (“Butt-Fucking-Egypt”, aka Kendall, aka, really really far) at: this gas station, this unassuming convenience store, this other unassuming convenience store. And this gas station has a tapas restaurant and an imported wine selection with great priced.

In my original post, I told you the wonders of Publix (cookies, pastelitos, etc), but now that you’re going to be a local, you need to know about PubSubs. Publix Sub Sandwiches: you can order them online ahead of time at most locations now, and getting a chicken finger sub to pair with a cucumber-lime Gatorade and some chilled pinot grigio for a day on the beach is nirvana. Trust me. They put chicken fingers IN THE SANDWICH. You’re welcome.

Finding parking on South Beach takes the same sort of blind faith ancient cultures put into rain dances – believe there will be parking and it shall appear. Be patient. Also, be sure to download the PayByPhone parking app – you can add more time directly from your phone and if your address is local you'll save 20%.

No one is on time anywhere.

Probably because they’re looking for parking.

But don’t take public transportation, seriously. That stranger who punched my friend in the face on the train, he’s punched other people now.

Uber is still not available, but UberX and Lyft are operating illegally anyway and staying true to the city’s time-honored tradition of ignoring most vehicular-related legislature (using your turn signal is widely regarded as a sign of weakness).

Bienvenidos!

Image at top: Zara S/S 2013 via Style Pantry (Maybe more Palm Springs than Miami? Miami style scares me a little, you guys.)

holy shit yes!

SOMEONE PLEASE WEAR THIS TO A WEDDING SOMEWHERE

Half off at Pour Porter, the original where-do-the-cool-girls-shop



(Thank you, Rachie!)

Three weddings, one dress?

Dear ESB,

I have three weddings this year, without any overlap in guests, so I'd like to find one fantastic outfit that I can wear to all of them. They are:

1. August in a rose garden in Anchorage, Alaska, no matter the weather. Reception in a restaurant.

2. August on a mountain summit in Boulder, Colorado, no matter the weather. Reception in a field with diy tables made out of wood pallets.

3. October in a low-key but classy beach club at a Ritz Carlton in Florida.

Actually, typing that out makes me think that one outfit might be a stretch for all three, so maybe one for the first two is more reasonable?

I'm a size 8, can get away with no bra with the right material, with a budget of about $400.

Thanks!

*****

How bout The Reformation's Lumen Dress?

Racy enough for Florida, romantic enough for a rose garden, way too chic for Boulder but WHATEVER you can bring along a polar fleece.

It's bridesmaid season!

[Oof yipes I can't post this photo]

Hello,

Like many before me I need help with shopping. I've been asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother's destination wedding in Hawaii. I've attached a copy of the bridesmaids dress (sorry, I have no idea how to find it or link to it). 

[It's Wtoo™]

I'm the blue color on the far left. This is the necklace my sister-to-be wants us to wear with it.

She is leaving the shoes up to us which is where you (hopefully! Please?!) come in. I have terrible taste but I seem to know when others have good taste and could really use your help or your awesome readers' help. 

The wedding will take place on grass and I plan to dance so no heels dear god please no heels. Or wedges unless they're baby ones. Other than that I'm open. Sandals? Flats? Like every other bridesmaid on the planet I'd love something I could wear and love well after the wedding.

Thank you so much for any guidance you may have!

*****

I'd go with a simple flat sandal, like these two-tone Seychelles.

Something that says "Yeah I know this dress blows, but FUCK IT WE'RE IN HAWAII!"


Bonus: They're on sale. (Shop size 6 through 8.5 here, size 9 over here)

Lanvin but cheaper ?

Hi ESB,

I am in love with this Lanvin gown but need to find something cheaper ($2,000) or less. My favorite part is the back - but I also like how the front is not-fussy.

The closest alternative that I have found is this Zien gown...but it is custom made in Poland...and I don't think I can justify hopping on a plane.

Any suggestions? Thanks!

*****

not a clue.

ladies?

(i clearly need some sort of bot that feeds your emails straight onto the blog)

(since i'm too busy doing god-knows-what)

ISO: Studio 54 style for an Indiana wedding

Hi ESB and readers,

I need help.

I'm going to a wedding this fall in my Indiana hometown. I have been living out of the country for years, and am really excited to see old friends in person. I just don't know what to wear.

You guys are so talented. Could you please help me find something? I love the Studio 54 style and am also a fan of Saint Laurent Paris. Typically I like leather and sequins, but I don't want to be too flashy.

I'm also 5'2'', blonde, thin and flat. There is no price range.

Thank you so much!!!

*****

No boobs + NO BUDGET??

You're punking me, aren't you.



Image courtesy of Matches Fashion (Saint Laurent gold lamé jobber still avail at net-a-porter)

Seeking: the perfect black maxi

Hey girl hey,

So I need your powerful army of internet diggers to find the perfect black maxi. One that you can wear to A N Y T H I N G. The sandy hot beach that you'll never get to because you live in SF and it's so expensive so how can you go on vacation, with a cardigan so you can wear it to work, to a fancy dinner, and maybe occasionally it's a nightgown. You know what I mean? I'm talking about a wardrobe workhorse, here. Preferably something that your gigantic boobs can handle. No spaghetti straps, sil vous plait.

Soooooooooooo? Am I asking too much?

Love ever,
hbomb

*****

You're making ME want this perfect black maxi, and I haven't worn a maxi since, like, 1998?

I have a couple of rules to add: Must be hand-washable and made of breathable fabric (i.e. NO FUCKING POLYESTER)



SHOP AWAY MY SHOPPING ELVES

we're counting on you.












Image: Apiece Apart FW 2013

______________________________

p.s. unrelated: this is the best thing on the internet

Seeking: "Vegan" Bridesmaids dress

Hi ESB,

I never saw myself as a person who would read a wedding blog, but I keep coming back for the snark and pretty pictures! Now I'm hoping you/your readers might be able to help me dress myself for a wedding I'm going to be in at the end of July.

The bride is my college roommate, and the wedding is going to be a super crunchy/sustainable/all-vegan-menu affair. The bridesmaids have been asked to wear knee-length green dresses (generally in this color family). I would prefer not to wear one of the lighter shades. I think we have some flexibility with the color, but that's the general idea.

I'm 5'4", small-chested, athletic build, maybe a pear shape but I've never really thought of myself relative to fruit shapes, and looking to spend less than $200 (unless something amazing that I will want to reuse comes along). I've been trying to poke around online since I am in grad school exams period, but I would love some guidance about specific dresses or stores I should check out. Any help from you or your readers would be so appreciated!

Thank you thank you!

*****

a) There is a color called "Vegan"????!?!

b) THERE IS A COLOR CALLED VEGAN

c) Did she just pick that fucking color because it's called vegan?

Let's be real, it's hard enough to find a green dress. I wouldn't sweat the shade of green.

Although.... This silk jobber from Madewell, which they call "Hemingway" and I would call "Forest" is pretty fucking close to the Sherwin-Williams "Derbyshire."

I am a shopping genius.

(Are you allowed to wear fabric that's not vegan?)

Seeking: Wedding Sundress (must be pretty but not cute)

Hey ESB,

My future SIL is planning a Guatemalan fiesta wedding for the July 4 weekend, and we're having difficulty finding the "pretty sundress" she's dreaming of. She lives in Brooklyn, and is the performance artist/dancer that wants something to be barefoot and move around (and subsequently sweat appropriately) in.

Would love your ideas - needing sundressy but NOT cute OR adorable. Under $600

*****

Mkay................. This is a leeetle over budget, but ISABEL MARANT

Put a big white flower or two in her hair and you're done.



(More sizes over here. Also available in black)

Bona Drag Does Weddings (Again!)

Bona Drag just launched the long-awaited (were you awaiting? I was awaiting) second installment of their ceremonial collection.

I smell a new it dress. I'm just not sure which one it is.

Pictured above: Mara Hoffman Coiled Snake Gown ($1400), Lindsey Thornburg Courtney Love Gown (made in NYC, $1400), With Hearts In My Eyes Lace Bias Cut Gown (handmade in Milwaukee! $450) + The Sway Byron Cropped Leather Jacket ($460)

Check out the whole collection, then shop here.

And the winners are....

Vine Dress from The Reformation (100% viscose -- sooooo much more breathable than poly -- $218)

Helmut Lang Jaquard Mini Dress from The Outnet (deemed not formal enough and also it's 44% poly but still worth an honorable mention, $210)

Saloni Ella Gown from Barneys Warehouse (Silk jersey! $179)

See all of the many evening-wear-under-$200-for-a-Mexican-wedding suggestions over here
______________________________

ps you guys RULE

URGENT SHOPPING CHALLENGE: Can formal be fun?

Dear ESB,

I will be attending a wedding in Mexico the first week of April. The invitation says something that translates to "evening attire" and this side of the family is known for going a little over the top. I do not see this side of my family very often and I do not want to look like a clueless American. While I can dress myself for any other occasion this one is giving me nightmares. 

I have a small budget due to travel expenses ($200) and I am looking for something that will pass as evening wear while having something of an edge i.e.: not a lace gown like all my aunts will be wearing. 

If you have any advice for me at all please help. 

*****

AAAAAAAAAAH SUCH A GOOD ONE

I'm beyond excited for you guys to shop this. Maybe I'll throw up some of my favorite suggestions and we can take a vote??




Photo by Zachary Gray for Pennyweight (shop the Celine dress here)

______________________________

p.s. There's a Monday morning MMOHIAC for you over here.

LOOKIE THERE

It's the lacy white Lover this reader was searching for back in October.

$1,150 at Intermix and avail for international shipping!


(thanks MA!) (Here's hoping she held out for spring....)

overkill for a courthouse wedding?

Dear ESB,

Future husband and I are getting married at the courthouse in Montreal in April and then having a big party in a mountain chalet in August. 

What do you think of these dresses for a Saturday courthouse ceremony? Too much black? Overkill in some other way? Your opinion is much appreciated!

Michael Kors Lace-top Dress

Diane von Furstenberg Crystal Scoopneck

Uber thanks,

Questioning black on white

*****

Hate the Michael Kors, love the DVF. (Not an overkill thing really, more of a taste thing.)

it's been WAY TOO LONG since we had a shopping challenge

Dear ESB,

Firstly, your blog is my favorite thing! I read it daily and seeing other people's family wedding drama makes me feel less alone. Mine is doing a real number on me since my fiance and I got engaged. 

Estranged dad trying to get an invitation? Check. Bipolar twin sister getting married spontaneously to a busker days after my engagement? Check. Bipolar alcoholic mother telling me I'll look fat (I am a size four) on my wedding day and whatever else mean and passive aggressive things she can think of? Check!! 

Anyway, I have been trying to avoid my family entirely and have been moving forward with the wedding planning with my amazing, kind, and patient fiance and his family, who are over the moon excited for us and are being so kind and generous every step of the way. 

We set the date, the place, and now I need a dress! I found one that is perfect [pictured above]! Problem is that I can't find it anywhere! Seriously, I even called Valentino and asked them to search for it too! Which they did for two weeks (did you know that you can do this? Everyone there was so nice!) and the dress doesn't exist. 

Can you/your readers help me find something like it for under $2000? I am in love with this dress, in a way that I didn't think was possible. I am usually very apathetic towards clothing but... this dress!

Help!

Thank you!

*****

SHOP AWAY, MY LADIES !

(You've got your work cut out for you. That Valentino is gorg.)

were you looking for gold sequin bridesmaids dresses?

This lil Wren kimono dress is $98 down from $493. And every size is available. WTF?

All their dresses are on so much sale I'm worried someone is playing a joke on us....

forgive me while I post a wedding dress*

COME ON, YOU GUYS

IT'S 100% COTTON


$695 at The Dreslyn (via Turn of Fraise)
_______________________________

*Here's me admitting I'm not totally done with weddings.

MOAR SACK DRESSES

This Acne is excellent. And it's 100% SILK.

I'm also digging this Wang (50% off!).




Well shopped, ladies.


just sitting here at my dad's house in the woods, wearing the same flannel shirt going on three days in a row, drinking coffee and blogging about minimalist wedding garb.

what are you up to?

Speaking of sack dresses.* (Sort of.)

Hello ESB,

I just received an email from Barney's telling me the super chic dress that I was planning to wear at my Jan 2, 2014 civil ceremony in San Francisco is sold out!

This dress [pictured above] is pretty much perfection to me.

Everything else I find that's made with quality natural fibers is either too short or a boring sheath dress that is way overpriced.  All the more interesting dresses I find are made of polyester and even more overpriced.  

Do you have any suggestions?  I work all day and have very little time to online shop, much less to actually go to brick and mortar stores.  

My sweet fiance has been looking on etsy for me, but I don't want to wear something that looks obviously bridal that I will only want to wear once. 

PLEASE HELP!!

*****

Let a little viscose into your life.

Exhibit A : Helmut Lang

Exhibit B : Alexander Wang

_____________________________

*In case you missed the SACK DRESS CONTROVERSY, check out the comments over here.