BOOB CREAM (the overdue review)

Dear Blossom Organics,

Since I never got around to reviewing your Revitalizing Breast Exam Cream on the podcast, here's a little review for you now:

As promised, the stuff smells just like yellow cake batter. It's very thick and sort of pasty-looking, so I was reluctant to "apply a generous amount" as instructed, but then it absorbed super smoothly. Felt kinda tingly, in a good way.

I felt sexy rubbing it in until I remembered I was supposed to be doing a breast exam. And then I sort of actually gave myself a breast exam. It was quick, but hey. Better than nothing.

Way to go, Blossom Organics!

This morning my boobs are extra soft. And yes, they smell like cake batter.

Photo by Katie Quinn Davies via Jen Gotch
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p.s. We've still got a little promo going on in the Blossom Organics Facebook Store. Enter "DEARESB" at checkout to get 20% off. (Expires March 30, 2012.)

yep, it's a BREAST EXAM post

My friend Johannah, who works for Blossom Organics, tweeted me yesterday to say, "don't forget @BlossomOrganics Breast Cream."

I have to admit that I have not once even OPENED the jar of breast cream she sent me with the original tube of lube that has been replaced maybe three times now.

Here's hoping this missive from J will inspire all of us to rub stuff on our boobs:

Until recently I didn't properly appreciate my boobs. In fact, I resented them. They were too big and stretchmark-y. Then I learned to bra them properly, so though I still don't love them naked, they look just fine under clothes. Soon after, I came to realize how much pleasure they could provide (NO IDEA what took so long.)

And then, a few -- yes, more than a couple -- of my friends were diagnosed with breast cancer and I stopped taking my boobs for granted once and for all.

To that end, I have been trying to do regular breast self-exams. They were uncomfortable and kind of scary until I began working for Blossom and using our Revitalizing Breast Cream. This rich, organic cream offers silky glide to make the exam easier and it smells divine (like yellow cake batter).

Now I rub it on my boobs every day so they'll be soft and creamy in case the bra ever comes off in the presence of another. And I'm more familiar with my breasts, so even if I don't do a full-on, according to Hoyle breast exam, I'll be more likely to notice any changes and get them checked out by my doctor (read: nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood.)

Did I mention my boobs smell like cake batter?
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WHATTUP: Blossom Organics has swooped in and offered to sponsor Dear ESB: The Podcast this month!

The first ten people to call (323) 905-4ESB with a question or comment get a free sample of organic lube or revitalizing breast cream. (QUESTIONS DO NOT HAVE TO BE LUBE OR BOOB RELATED)

Just tell me which product you'd prefer and be sure to leave your email address (you won't be added to any lists, I promise).

you have meddled with the primal forces of nature, mr. beale

From my inbox:

"We regret to inform you that your order for Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant 4 oz had to be cancelled.

Due to an unusual spike in demand for the item you ordered, we had unexpectedly ran out of stock. All of our efforts to try and locate the item among all of our suppliers were unsuccessful."

I think Blossom Organics owes you a holiday card.

xo
Evie

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IT'S THE ESB BUMP YOU GUYS

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY

The much-anticipated LUBE POST.

Part One:

Lube is not just for kinky people.

From age 16 to about 32 I thought I was bad at giving hand jobs. Pretty much avoided em altogether. It turns out YOU NEED LUBE FOR THAT. Guys use lube. (Or hand lotion, depending. But the sophisticates know that lube works better.) So why should you have slap around on it with your bare hand?

When he touches your clit during foreplay or inthemiddleoftheact -- or when you touch your own clit -- you know what works soooooooo much better than just licking your fingers? LUBE.

If you guys feel like having a quickie and skipping all that foreplay bullsh*t and your mind is so in it but maybe your body isn't ready yet... As in, there's not much natural lubrication happening? You know what's good for that? YEAH YOU DO.


Part Two:

Organic/Vagina-Friendly ingredients make a difference. There was a time when I thought Astroglide was, like, really super fancy amazing stuff. And the shit is slippery, there's no question about it.

But. I can't use Astroglide or any other glycerin-based lubes anymore. Even a glycerin-free lube that contained parabens sadly made me a little... itchy. And if you won't put that shit on your face, why would you put it up your twat?

Blossom Organics is the only personal lubricant I've found that is a) sufficiently slippery and b) totally gentle. You can read all about their ingredients vs. harsh ingredients + YOUR VAGINA over on the Blossom site.

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Full disclosure: This is not a paid post, but my friend J who works for Blossom Organics has been supplying me with free lube for about a year now. She even sent me an emergency supply that time my 4oz tube was confiscated at airport security. J, YOU RULE!