Miamify my wardrobe

Dear ESB,

I am moving to MIAMI in the fall for work. I read your fantastic guide to the city and am so so excited for the food, the beach, Wynwood, speaking Spanish, and a new place.

But. I'm nervous, too. I have moved around a ton and always found a great community and made a great life, but this is going to be worlds apart from the Midwestern and East Coast cities where I have spent my whole life. 

My fear of moving is manifesting in the particular anxiety that I don't know how to dress in Miami (I don't think I will have much use for the oversize sweater/short skirt/wool tights outfits that I have perfected). 

I get that fixing my clothes isn't going to resolve the larger problem, but humor a girl. I have a bit of a bonus coming my way soon -- if you were going to spend about $500 to update your wardrobe for such a move, what would you get?

Besos.

*****

WHO SAYS the right wardrobe won't fix everything?? I would never make that ludicrous claim.

Since I have not once set foot in Miami, I brought back the badass Caro, our resident Miami expert....

Hola!

The key to being happy while living in Miami: Live like you’re on vacation. Or at least pretend like you’re on vacation as much as you possibly can. I.E. Go to the beach, drink Miami Vices, wear shorts everywhere.

My six tips for MIAMI-fying your wardrobe:

1. Neon is a neutral. Over here it’s summer year-round, which means you can wear color all the time. Ever since neon arrived at J.Crew, I’ve been keeping these shorts + t-shirts in heavy rotation.

Editor's Note: Stock up! That shit is on sale.

2. Always bring a sweater. Miami air conditioning is not subtle. Find a goes-with-everything cardigan [also on sale] you can leave in your purse because the transition from 90F to 65F every single time you walk into a building isn’t something your body acclimates to all that quickly.

3. Always have on hand: emergency flip-flops and emergency heels. After-work thunderstorms and after-work happy hours are equally likely – you should be prepared for either. Keep a pair of flip flops in your purse to protect your work flats in case of tropical weather, and a pair of black pumps in your car to switch into once you get to the bar.

4. You need at least one dependable clubbing/bar-crawling outfit. Bar-hopping starts at 11:30 PM at the earliest and everyone outside of Wynwood will expect you to wear heels. I default to colorful stilettos and a black minidress I bought at Forever 21, but if I had money to burn I’d go with this BCBG body-con dress [sale sale sale].

5. You need two bathing suits: one to look cute in and one to tan in. And if you heed my advice about living like you’re on vacation, you’re probably going to wear them out pretty quickly.... so consider your tanning bikini an investment. I like the bandeau tops from Victoria Secret because they’re not egregiously expensive and even though they have that fun strappy back detail they don’t actually leave horrendous tan lines.

Editor's Note: PLS WEAR SUNSCREEN. BOTH OF YOU.

6. Frizz-Ease. Because the humidity is real.

*****

And a few updated Miami recommends because my lady Caro knows how to live......

Eat: Butcher Shop, Khong River House, Swine, Uvaggio.

Drink: Broken Shaker (it’s permanent now, and still awesome), The Reagent Cocktail Club, the Martini Bar at the Raleigh Hotel, Wynwood Brewing Company, AC’s Icees.

(Image via Freehand Miami, home of the Broken Shaker)

Be Merry: Spend a day at the Standard, go get cinnamon buns at Knaus Berry Farm, check out the new art museum, rent some kayaks, host a bbq at the beach.

Just because you’re living like you’re on vacation doesn’t mean you need to pay vacation prices for your booze. Find reasonably-priced craft beer without driving to BFE (“Butt-Fucking-Egypt”, aka Kendall, aka, really really far) at: this gas station, this unassuming convenience store, this other unassuming convenience store. And this gas station has a tapas restaurant and an imported wine selection with great priced.

In my original post, I told you the wonders of Publix (cookies, pastelitos, etc), but now that you’re going to be a local, you need to know about PubSubs. Publix Sub Sandwiches: you can order them online ahead of time at most locations now, and getting a chicken finger sub to pair with a cucumber-lime Gatorade and some chilled pinot grigio for a day on the beach is nirvana. Trust me. They put chicken fingers IN THE SANDWICH. You’re welcome.

Finding parking on South Beach takes the same sort of blind faith ancient cultures put into rain dances – believe there will be parking and it shall appear. Be patient. Also, be sure to download the PayByPhone parking app – you can add more time directly from your phone and if your address is local you'll save 20%.

No one is on time anywhere.

Probably because they’re looking for parking.

But don’t take public transportation, seriously. That stranger who punched my friend in the face on the train, he’s punched other people now.

Uber is still not available, but UberX and Lyft are operating illegally anyway and staying true to the city’s time-honored tradition of ignoring most vehicular-related legislature (using your turn signal is widely regarded as a sign of weakness).

Bienvenidos!

Image at top: Zara S/S 2013 via Style Pantry (Maybe more Palm Springs than Miami? Miami style scares me a little, you guys.)

Because I must.

Your outpouring of support on yesterday’s post (okay, 27 comments, 2 of them are mine, but still) has put me on Cloud Nine. I actually caught myself daydreaming, “Maybe I'll never blog about weddings again...”

But then J.Crew released this ugly-ass wedding jumpsuit, and they're all omg we're so edgy, who says you have to wear a gown on your big day? and so of course I had to post it here if only to point out that it is ugly.* 

Right?? I can't quite figure out why... I think because it's neither form-fitting nor slouchy, it's just sort of there. And also THOSE HIDEOUS BOWS GOING DOWN THE BACK. They are hideous.

And also I don't really like lace. There. I said it. I don't really like lace.

Someone should take my wedding blogger card away.

via Refinery29 and also Jezebel (with thanks to Rachel and Meghan for the heads up)

______________________________

*I would also like to point out that we've been discussing wedding jumpsuits here on ESB since May of 2011.

Seeking: A simple dress for a busty bride

Hey there,

I'm trying to find a somewhat non-traditional dress for my Sept 2013 wedding.  I'm in my mid-thirties, short, curvy and busty - size 10-14 depending on how fit I am, 5'4" and 36G. Hourglass. I have a budget of about $1000, though I could be flexible for the right dress. Mostly I'm less interested in a specific "look" than just feeling beautiful and comfortable in my own skin.

Aesthetically, I'm drawn to pieces that are simple and architectural, often with one standout feature. Though it wouldn't work on my figure, that Roksanda Ilincic is the kind of thing I really like, as is this one that one of your readers posted recently. I also LOVE the Wren Goddess for Stone Fox [pictured above], but it's out of my price range.

In general, clean lines without fuss look better on me, and I have no interest in trying to look like a 22 year old (which too many dresses I've tried on make me feel like).

I live in Portland, OR, and have so far visited The English Dept and Sarah Seven, but their floaty pieces look terrible on my body. I also ordered this Badgley Mischka, but it was a much peachier color than the photo. The one dress I've tried on so far that I'm considering is the J Crew Corrina (I know, I know, J Crew) - great price, it has SOME style, and it suits me pretty well.

But I'm not committed yet. So now my plan of attack is to order a bunch of dresses from online, and also to visit some stores in NYC this December.

I know that mostly, I need to go try more stuff on, but I'm hoping you and your readers can help direct me in that process. What I'd really like to see are 1) dress suggestions 2) suggestions of brick and mortar places in PDX in particular to try on dresses that might fit the bill, and 3) more pictures of short and curvy brides/ladies in unconventional evening/party dresses to inspire me/give me ideas (so many of the curvy brides in unconventional dresses I see are wearing 50s dresses and that's not me).

Thanks in advance for helping me through this tender process that involves far too much polyester and feeling like a sausage/muffin, 
(you can just leave off my name - I couldn't face coming up with a witty sign-off that involved the idea of "curves")

*****

Ackkkkkk. Not only are the simple, non-traditional wedding dresses (often) more expensive, THEY COME IN THE TINIEST SIZES.

What's a cool girl with boobs to do??

HALPS INTERNETS WE NEED YOUR HALPS.

Why should TALL GIRLS get their own line of dresses? (Sponsored by Dream-ers)

I am ashamed to admit I never realized how hard you tall ladies have it.

You got harassed in the high school cafeteria? You shop in the men's section? You can't buy a floor-length dress off the rack?? I mean, it makes total sense. It just never occurred to me.

Enter Yanique, of Dream-ers (formerly Trendsetter Vintage):

So why the heck should tall girls get their own line of dresses? Well....(scratching my head).....why the hell not? Us tall girls have to raid the men’s section to find clothes that are long enough, especially in the arms and legs. But men don’t wear dresses. (Okay, men don’t usually wear dresses.) There are no dresses in the big and tall store that we sneak into while pretending to shop for our other half.

I vividly remember my early years in high school, walking my 6-foot self into the cafeteria, only to hear..... “would you please pull your shoes up....or push your pants down?” followed by a hysterical outburst. Those morons were so cruel, until I discovered that my gangly teenage legs looked fierce in a mini skirt, and that’s all I wore, rain or shine. That was my reality for too long.

OK, I say “was,” because many designers are starting to pay attention to the tall minority, but only a handful of them get it right. The majority of them make you want to run screaming back to the big and tall store, their clothes are just so ugly and so grandma. Tall girls can find hope at Zara and J.Crew for separates. But darn it, what about when you need to go to a black-tie affair, or what if you want to wear a non-conventional wedding dress, where do you go, besides to a specialty seamstress? I can’t be the only tall girl who wants to wear a floor length gown, or a dress with sleeves that are actually long enough. What about a jumpsuit that doesn’t instantly give you camel toe?

By now, you may think I am nothing more than a drama-queen, and while I’ve been labeled that many times over, I promise......no drama on this one.

I love this fashion business a bit too much, so I quit my long stint as a manager at Chanel in order to focus on designing a line that tall women can wear with pride. The DREAMERS line, as clichéd as it sounds, means tall girls no longer need to dream of dresses that fit. The core pieces in the line are my vintage-inspired lace dresses. 

Many unconventional brides have already discovered these, and are ordering them for their weddings. We also make limited-edition dresses, based on fabrics we buy only in limited quantities. My intention is to keep styles exclusive (an idea gleaned from selling vintage clothing for so long).

All the Trendsetter Vintage pieces are available “off the rack,” BUT, we strongly encourage each buyer to send us her measurements. We then customize the dress using those measurements, so the dress fits perfectly when it arrives. This means (and I know I’m cheating here) even if you are not a fellow tall girl, you can still wear one of our dresses. I have some of the best seamstresses in LA working with me, and our turnaround time is exceptionally fast. They love what they do, with the only occasional complaint being, “the dresses are too long, the patterns don’t fit on my table.”

Chances are, if you are a fellow tall girl reading this, I won’t have to twist your arm. Because your reality is mine. You know why the hell we tall girls need our own line of dresses.

(All dresses pictured are from Yanique's DREAMERS line, $150-300)

you guys. i just shopped at j crew.

it was a dark moment.

i was desperate.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A GOOD 100% COTTON TANK?

anyhoo....

i just wanted to say: i get why you shop there. they do have some decent basics.

i only started hating on them in the first place because everyone fucking loved them so much. but i feel like now that the catalogue has gone off the rails (c'mon who thinks this is a good outfit? or THIS?) it's cool if i buy a tank top or two.

right??

What should a pair of Texans do in Louisville, Nashville, Gatlinburg, Asheville + Lexington??

(Hatch Show Print)

Dear ESB,

My husband and I are taking our first post-honeymoon vacation together next month. We're getting the hell out of the cold, gray, bleak Midwestern town where we currently live and heading south for a road trip through Kentucky, North Carolina, and Tennessee (specifically Louisville, Nashville, Gatlinburg, Asheville, and Lexington).

We don't exactly know what to do while we're there, we're just looking for warmer weather, good food, and southern hospitality (we're from Texas, so we miss it). I know this is a long shot, but do you (or perhaps some of your southern readers/twitter followers) have any advice on where we should go/eat/shop? 

We're hoping to find some of the gems that only the locals know about, especially if they won't cost a ton (husband's finishing his PhD, I'm a teacher, so um...not exactly rolling in it).

*****

I've corralled a couple of experts on Nashville and Asheville -- no pun intended -- and I figure I'll let our readers fill in the rest.

Here's Naurnie on Nashville:

When ESB put out the APB on Twitter last week about folks needing Nashville vacation advice, I jumped at the chance. Nashville. My city. I moved away almost two years ago and still I miss it every day. I've put together some things to do in town that are not only local friendly, but also a little touristy just for good measure. Because when you get down to brass tacks, doing some of the touristy junk in Nashville is actually pretty damn fun.

Downtown:

When most people head to Nashville on a vacation, they're normally coming to the downtown area. While, lower Broadway is teeming with rednecks in their cutoffs and Elvis tattoos, the area still offers plenty in the way of cool shit to do (and the people watching can't be beat.) If you are on lower Broadway in the broad daylight, you should hit up the legendary Hatch Show Print. They have been making screen print posters with their distinctive designs since 1879. They've done posters for everyone from the White Stripes to Patsy Cline and everyone in between. They even sell stock posters out of the store front so you can take one home to frame in your kitchen.

(Robert's Western World via Viator)

Just around the corner is the historic Ryman Auditorium, the Mother Church of Country Music and my own personal favorite venue to ever see a show EVER. It was where they broadcast the Grand Ole Opry, among other things, and they offer daily tours. You shouldn't miss it. Johnny Cash kicked the stage lights out in 1965. Those walls hold a lot of stories. Check the schedule, too. You might be able to score some tickets to a pretty bad ass show. You can also walk to the Country Music Hall of Fame. You might not be a fan of country music, but there is a lot of really interesting stuff in there including a car belonging to Elvis (it's tacky in a good way) and Gram Parsons' famous Nudie suit.

IF you are downtown and it is DARK OUTSIDE, you are in luck. You may now visit my most favorite establishment known to man, Robert's Western World. It is the only honky tonk on lower Broadway worth visiting, if you ask me. Boots for sale on the walls, chili cheese fries, and on Friday and Saturday nights they've got the western swing band, Brazil Billy. NOT TO BE MISSED.

East Nashville:

On the other side of the river from downtown is really where most of the cool folks in Nashville spend their free time. It's a neighborhood called East Nashville, and if you ask me it's where the best restaurants are. Have a nice glass of wine in the back yard of Rumour's East, a very lovely wine bar in an old bungalow with a gorgeous back patio. After you've enjoyed your wine, walk on down to Margot Cafe for a very tasty dinner. It's award winning, delicious, and I highly recommend reservations. Across the street from Margot is 3 Crow Bar, a local watering hole. Grab a bushwhacker and hang out for awhile.

Also on the East Side is Marche. It's a GREAT place for brunch and is owned by the same lady who owns Margot Cafe. Again, a reservation on a weekend is highly recommended. Both restaurants have a large focus on local foods. There is also The Pharmacy, an old-school burger parlor & beer garden where you can get specialty burgers and sit outside. Enjoy the spring weather.

(House-made wurst from The Pharmacy by Eric England via Nashville Scene)

Germantown:

Another one of my favorite Nashville haunts is City House. DO NOT MISS THIS. Just don't. It's so good.

Nights in Nashville can be quite fun. I'd say at any given night, hit up the Patterson House for some delicious cocktails. Don't be alarmed; there is no sign on the outside of this old house that serves as a speak easy. They make all of their own bitters and juices, and if you can, get a Sazerac. You will not be disappointed. The Station Inn is also a great place for a night time adventure. It's typically a bluegrass venue, but you can head in there on any given night and see any number of amazing musicians.

12 South:

Imogene + Willie is located in the 12 South area. It's a fabulous little joint that smells so good and has the best stuff. Matt + Carrie, the owners, have designed their own line of denim that they make and sell out of their renovated gas station front. They also have various vintage goods and friendly help. Down the street from Imogene + Willie is Burger Up, a fantastic restaurant with gourmet burgers in a very relaxed atmosphere. Walk another couple of blocks and grab a home made Mexican popsicle from Las Paletas. You can enjoy your tasty treat in the park across the street.

(Imogene + Willie via the K.I.D. Collective)

If you're like me and you can't get enough of digging through bins for vinyl, check out Grimey's for new and pre-loved music. Also, Nashville is home to Jack White's Third Man Records. Visit their brick and mortar location to grab some great vinyl and look at some taxidermy.

My general advice: Enjoy yourself. Ask people around you questions. Nashvillians are so very nice, and they love to talk about their city. They can give you advice about what to do if you find yourself in an unfamiliar location and are always willing to show you where to go. And? Avoid lines at the Pancake Pantry. It looks tempting, I know. But it's disgusting and you don't want to wait in line that long for disappointing pancakes.

****

And here's cevd on Asheville:

ok, so here is the list of MUSTS, followed by the list of if you have times:

1.  cúrate - if you do one thing in AVL, please, PLEASE let it be eating here.  in fact I'd go as far as to say that if you weren't planning a trip to AVL you should change your plans only so you can eat here.  seriously deeeeeeeeelish.

(Cúrate)

2. grab lunch from laurey's and head up into the blue ridge mountains. it's going to be beautiful there until november so it doesn't really matter when you go. but do it, spend some time outside, re-live the hunger games if you must, just go. my favorite spots include graveyard fields and mount mitchell, but here's a list for you, just in case.

2A. 12 bones. you guys i nearly forgot this one, and it is IMPORTANT that you go. maybe just slightly more important that laurey's? you can get 12 bones to go as well, but then you miss out on the never ending bbq sauce and very good beer selection.

3. hit up the j.crew outlet, it's just off the blue ridge parkway, it'll be easy! i know I'm going to be blasted into the ether for even saying j.crew in this post, but whatever. it's one of those honest to goodness outlets where you can buy clothes that say SAMPLE on them. also, they always have madewell denim for like $20 and last time I went I scored the cutest alexa chung for madewell dress.  totally worth it. oh and if you happen to be there on a weekend when they are doing the all out warehouse sale, go. i've found designer dresses with barneys' tags on them. seriously, this is the real deal. [Editor's Note: that's cool. you all know I left this one in because of the madewell thing. right??]

4. grab a beer and walk around downtown, maybe in the reverse order? blue spiral 1, mast general store, and others. just stroll, you'll love it.

5. tupelo honey. the S. AVL outpost is a bit less crowded than downtown, but maybe no longer open for breakfast on the weekdays? if you're downtown, they'll serve you breakfast, but you'll wait. however I will say that the ginger cornbread, warm biscuits, sweet potato pancakes, eggs betty, and grilled cheese are all worth it. also, the S. AVL one is kind of lame in that new big restaurant way. it is by no means a chain, but still, the downtown version is cute and quaint and lively, you might not want to skip it.

(The Orange Peel via Skyscraper City)

6. FRENCH BROAD CHOCOLATE LOUNGE. skip dessert at cúrate, oooh it hurts to say that, and head over to the chocolate lounge. get the highland mocha stout cake and the indian kulfi sipping chocolate. go to bed happy.

7. check the schedule at the orange peel. it's one of the best venues i've ever been to.

now if you find yourself with more time to kill :

DINNER : if you're around for another dinner here is my list in order ... the admiral, doc chey's, limones, posana, and table

SHOPPING : head to biltmore village. there is this great jewelry store there, blue, amazing, they make just about everything in house and i've scored some really wonderful pieces there. the rest of the village is pretty suburban, j.crew. williams sonoma. brooks brothers. lilly pulitzer. but it's cute and cobblestoned and the obama's had dinner at the corner kitchen, so there's that.

STUFF :  i guess you could go to the biltmore estate. people love it. it's huge, and the grounds are well kept. also, do you like to zip line? if so, i'd say go with navitat

NOW I WANNA TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP.

tell me what i need to wear.

Dear ESB,

Here's the set up:

- Rustic old church.

- Barn Reception.
- Summer.

Here's the dress (more or less, I'm using it as inspiration to make my dress):

Here's the Jewelry:

engagement ring

other ring

arrow cuff bracelet

gold wire bracelet

and some of these enamel cuffs

Now, I've hit a wall:

I need shoes, and a goddamn necklace.

Help a sister out.

Sincerely,

i might be barefoot.

*****

you do NOT need a necklace. you've got pleeeeeeeeeenty of accessories going on already.


But here are your shoes:

I nailed it, right? Feel free to tell me that I nailed it.

Wanna know how I did it? I typed "sandals" into google images. 

Boom.

Dear ESB: I want to cancel my wedding.

My fiancé and I have been engaged since last December and we are getting married next June. I can't wait to marry him. He is my best friend and just basically all around wonderful.

I have been reading various wedding blogs since before we were engaged. I love the idea of an awesome DIY wedding. So, soon after he proposed we found an awesome barn and started developing our vision for the wedding. We've also secured most of the major vendors, i.e. photographer, food, dj.

My problem is that for the past few weeks I've been re-thinking all of our plans. I love the idea of our wedding, but the cost has quickly started to add up. I know I should be better about sticking to a budget, but I'm the type of person who, once I have an idea, I want to do everything I can to execute that idea. So, I'm not the best at making cuts. Also, the planning is intense. Nothing is included with the venue or the caterers we have chosen so I have to plan for everything. Down to things like bringing salt and pepper. My fiancé and I both work crazy hours and so, even though we have a ton of time still, I'm worried about my ability to do this. Also, most of the wedding is going to be outside, including the ceremony and dance floor. And so, I'm paranoid it's going to rain. Which I know I should have thought about before I picked the venue, but again, I tend to let the vision overwhelm the practicality of things.

Finally, this brings me to my point. I'm not even sure I want to do this anymore. All that I really want is to marry my fiancé. I'm not sure if I want to spend the next year saving every penny we possibly can so that 170 people (70 of whom are the obligatory invites) can eat green salad and dance on a soggy lawn. I feel like our money would be better spent on an intimate ceremony followed by a less crazy/ involved bash (maybe something in a restaurant?) with those people we really want to celebrate with, and then going on a kick ass honeymoon.

I think if it were up to me, I'd say screw it all and cancel everything. However, my fiancé is reluctant to take such drastic measures. He doesn't disagree with my feelings that it's insane for us to spend such ridic amounts of money on one night when all we want is to be married. But, I also think he likes the idea of a giant shindig with everyone we've ever met present, because he feels like we should celebrate to the fullest extent.

So, my question: am I crazy for wanting to cancel the venue, food, etc. and try to totally scale this thing back? Am I just having a momentary freak out? (This did begin after seeing the proposal from the caterer.) 

Any advice is much appreciated!

*****

Fuck the obligatory invites. Cross them off of the list right now.

I've heard a lot of brides express regrets about not shelling out the money for a kick-ass photographer, or not splurging on the shoes, but never once have I heard anyone say, "I wish we had a BIGGER WEDDING."

Defaced image from Margaret Howell via Kylea Borges

Seeking: A Not-Too-Girly Flower Girl's Dress

Hello

I am in need of some help! My wedding is in a month and i still have not found a flower girl dress. She's not really a flower girl, she's holding a sign that says "Here comes the bride." The problem is she is more of a tomboy and doesn't really like the dress I like. I'd rather put her in something we both like.

This is what i'm thinking of but she says it's too girly. Any suggestions?

*****

I have a radical idea. Why don't you let her wear PANTS?

Caramel Baby & Child has some cute trousers (see above).

And it turns out J. Crew is not a bad place to shop for girls' pants, which are not easy to find. There's a lot of legging-type bullshit out there, and there are jeans and there's some sweat-pant-y stuff, but there are not a lot of straight-up good pants. Even an 8-year-old needs good pants.

For the uber-tomboy, J. Crew even has a "borrowed from my brother" section. Which means they're listing the boys' clothes in the girls' section so you feel okay about buying them for your daughter/niece/flower girl. Hey, whatever it takes.

HOUSTON, WE'VE HAD A PROBLEM

The Jack & Ginger, which is winning our contest with 30% of the vote, is no longer available in a medium.

Do we give it to the Wren, which is #2 with 21%?

Do we throw the Wren into a run-off with the Vero Moda (which is at #3 if we count Rob's 50 votes, which I think we should)?

Should MSUN just buy this stupid J. Crew dress, which my friend M thinks would be far more appropriate for a Country Club wedding than any of the other options?

Do you guys like this late entry better than anything else??

Is this all too boring for words and should we just GO DRINK A MARTINI ALREADY?

happy friday, ladypantses ;)

Photo: Lara Stone courtesy of POP Magazine 2007 via PAPERFASHION + Fashionising
_____________________________

FWIW, I voted for this puppy. To be rocked with kil-ler heels. Not wedges, HEELS.

My little sister is trying to upstage me

Dear ESB,

I've already tweeted at you about this, but I decided it was time for some straight up no-nonsense ESB advice.

So, my younger sister and I do not have the greatest relationship in the whole world, but we are ok most of the time. I didn't ask her to be my bridesmaid because that's not really her cup of tea and also it just didn't really occur to me. But I thought it would be nice to have her involved in the wedding so I asked her to be my witness to our marriage. It was important to me pick someone close to be my witness and I hoped she would honoured. She told me she was.

I have subsequently discovered that my sister is planning to wear a full-length, very pale grey evening gown to our daytime wedding. I am rather upset about this. I think that, at my wedding, I should be the only one wearing a full-length, pale-coloured dress. Moreover, it is a daytime wedding, and everyone else will be wearing smart daytime outfits. She will stand out, which I presume is her intention.

If I hadn't asked my sister to be my witness, I would be pissed off yes, but ultimately would decide that if she wants to make a fool of herself in front of all of our friends and family, by attempting to upstage the bride, then that's her problem. But I did ask her to be my witness, and I feel her decision to wear a pseudo-wedding dress to my wedding, shows that she is unsupportive of me and my marriage, not to mention self-absorbed and self-aggrandising, and if that is what she is going to do, I don't want her to be my witness.

I am not sure what to do. I have written to my sister, explaining that, for various reasons I feel her choice of outfit is unsuitable (I was I hope, tactful and diplomatic) but have had no response. Should I tell her that unless she wears something else I will have to ask someone else to be my witness? Should I just let it go for the sake of family unity and to reduce drama? I feel this is my usual tactic with my sister - just let it go, but this time...I dunno.

Thanks, as ever ESB, I know you will cut to the chase.

*****

I was just about to tell you to suck it up when I remembered I always get the sister ones wrong.

So I emailed my lady Celia (the big sister of all big sisters) to ask if she would offer her two cents. She sent back A WHOLE DOLLAR'S WORTH:

Hey there, Older Sister!

Me thinks the best way to approach this is to give you some no-bull shit, sisterly advice. So, let's pretend for a minute that I am also your sister; your older, wiser sister who's already married and been through all the drama of planning a wedding and dealing with her own sister brouhaha. Here's what I'd say to you...

1. You asked your sister to be your witness, in other words, NOT IN YOUR WEDDING PARTY. Totally fine. Being your sister doesn't mean that she automatically gets to be a bridesmaid, or even win the coveted MOH role. That being the case, just like you can't control all your other guests' attire, you most certainly can't tell your sister what she can or cannot wear. You do have every right to voice your opinion and suggest that she wear something else, but ultimately, it's her decision. You may think that "everyone else will be wearing smart daytime outfits," but unless your wedding will be a spread in some J. Crew catalogue, there's always going to be one jerkface who shows up in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. That's the guy that should be embarrassed.

2. I'm assuming your sister hasn't responded to your email because she thinks you're overreacting a bit, and you kind of are. BUT, in your defense, you're planning YOUR WEDDING, and what's wedding planning without a little insanity mixed in? Everyone gets wrapped up in the madness of creating the "perfect" day, and it's hard to not let something like your sister's outfit make you go batshit crazy. She also might not be responding because she's wondering why the f*ck you EMAILED her regarding this matter. She's your SISTER. If you can't grow a pair and CALL her to give her a piece of your mind, then who can you do that with? That's exactly what sisters are for. They're the only people we can unleash the fury on and know that all will be forgiven in the end. You should be taking advantage of this. Please note: voicemails and text messages also don't count.

3. I know a lot of brides are scared of someone stealing their thunder at their own wedding, but unless she shows up in your exact gown, wearing a veil with her hair all did, holding a bouquet, and walking around with that natural bridal glow, there's no way she'll upstage you. Your guests are there to see YOU, and everyone else will just fade into the background. You think this girl* stole the show? Nope, she most certainly did not.

4. I keep going back to the part where you say that your sister's decision to wear a "pseudo wedding gown" means she's "unsupportive of [you] and [your] marriage". That's kind of a weird thing to say. Umm, call me inappropriate, but I'm getting a gut feeling that this whole situation has very little to do with a dress, and a whole lot to do with some other underlying issue. Maybe *that's* what you should be talking to little sis about. But, revoking her role as your witness is childish and way uncool. It's not like she's some girl you went to junior high with who's all of a sudden gotten on your last nerve. Friends come and go, but little sisters are forever.

All the psychoanalysis aside, here's my REAL advice to you: If come wedding day, you're still so preoccupied with this pale grey dress, then you're missing the WHOLE point of your wedding and what it truly means. You're committing yourself to the person you love in front of all the other people you love most. Not to get all hokey pokey on you, but it will be the most amazing, mind-blowing experience of your life. Believe it or not, all the pinwheels, fabric photo booths, or even inappropriate formal gowns worn by clueless sisters in the world can't even come close to touching that shit.

xo- Celia

Hello Coachella Photo: Daniel Kincaid, Styling: Alexandra Sherman, Model: Chelsea (Photogenics), Makeup & Hair: Sunnie Brook Jones for fashion lane via PAPERFASHION via Jodie Askyou via because im addicted
______________________________

*I have a feeling that linking to the royal wedding is making ESB cringe, but I love her like a sister, and pushing buttons is what sisters do best. ;)

A non-froofy Disneyworld wedding

Okay, ESB! Our beyond awesometastic photographer finally blogged our DisneyWorld, non-princess-and-puffy-tulle-dress wedding.

It was thanks to you that I had a last minute, beyond awesome coverup for my dress (a brown leather jacket from Fossil). My purple dress was also last minute; I'd had a cream-colored, floorlength JCrew (ahem) dress in the closet for several months. I woke up one day and realized that I hated it. So, with the help of my fiance (who did not actually see me in the dress until the wedding day), I found a purple dress online at Nordstrom. It was totally me. And yes, I wore tights. It's my thing in real life (dress, tights, and boots), so I thought, why the hell not? And I wore my great-grandmother's pearls with a hair clip from Etsy. My glasses were on my face because I can't see without them. No contact lenses for me in real life, so again, glasses it was on the wedding day.

We went about planning our wedding as a "let's just pick individual elements that we love and hope it comes together" way. At one point I had an idea board, and then I realized that our wedding was not a photo shoot (thanks again to you), and just started to roll with single decisions. The folks at DisneyWorld made it all happen. We aren't cool, indie, hippie people who look like they walked out of a Todd Selby photo. We are just us. So we went with that.

We had a billion colorful balloons because Casey proposed to me on a trip to the International Hot Air Balloon Festival, donuts instead of a cake after we realized we don't even like cake, confetti cannons just because they are fun, and we drove away in a bicycle rickshaw that we pedaled ourselves because I hate limos and paying a thousand bucks for a vintage car that would take us around the parking lot was beyond ridiculous. Oh, and we were married on a Monday morning, which just happened to be Valentine's Day. Note the stark lack of lace and red hearts. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Our reception was outdoors, with a guitarist playing in the background, and we had a silhouette artist make silhouettes of our guests. Those were the favors. No DJ, no dancing. Just talking and beautiful weather and awesomely awkward family interaction and Jonathan Canlas, my favorite photographer in the world, capturing it all. [See more photos here.]

Our wedding day was better than I could have imagined. It was us, in every single way. It wasn't diy, or indie (does it get less indie than DisneyWorld?), but fuck that. My only advice to anyone getting married is to go with your instincts. Do what you want. Just because it's tradition doesn't mean it has to be in your wedding. And if you want to wear a colorful dress or even pants, then do that. I felt like a bride because I was *getting married* to my favorite person in the world, not because of my dress.

My husband and I both love your blog and irreverence. Keep it up, ESB.

-Jessica (one half of chesapeake and caseyfriday, aka the irritating Couple Who Comment on your blog)

I have just one thing to add: Jessica, you so ARE cool.

Messy = Perfect

I'm digging this messy side ponytail Joanna featured the other day, even if she did take the inspiration from J. Crew's lookbook. Hey, those stylists know what they're doing.

Head over to A CUP OF JO for the how-to.

(Photo by Jamie Beck)

What do I wear to get married on the roof?

Dear ESB,

You may remember me from my record-breakingly long request for advice a few months ago (Should I scrap my lovely summer wedding for the sake of my sanity?). I am sure that it will come as no surprise that in the end, after continuing with the planning of our seemingly doomed summer wedding, the shit finally hit the fan. My fiance's mother and I had a bit of a blow up at Christmas over some "wedding co-ordination issues," which then led to both his parent's expressing how they think we are royally fucking up our lives if we don't fill them in on every last detail of our life/wedding plans (okay, maybe I am over-exaggerating a bit, but some of the things they said could honestly be construed that way). It became glaringly obvious to both my fiance and myself that we didn't even want what was being planned - especially if it was going to create so much drama. No deposits had been made to vendors, no invitations had been sent out - the signs abounded that this was the time for us to seize our wedding and do things our way. Admittedly, when we expressed our desire to cancel the summer wedding it didn't go over so well. His mom was very upset and lamented that it must be all her fault for "ruining our day." I think his dad is happy we aren't going to eliminate his chances at an earlier retirement, though.

I must say that it was a hard pill to swallow, celebrating New Years under the gloom of the aforementioned fight knowing that we had originally wanted to have our wedding that day. But, onwards and upwards! We have decided to host a very intimate wedding this September at our own apartment which is on the other side of the country and on our own turf. Money (and my sanity) will be saved and, once we convince his mother that this wedding truly will be a better and happier event, I am confident that a crisis will have been averted.

All that being said - I now need to change my whole approach to my dress! The ceremony will be held on our roof-top deck and then we will move the party to a restaurant. We live in a very metropolitan city and so I would like to play off the city's hip sophistication, mixed in with my own minimalist leanings. I was thinking of something short and relatively fashion forward, but still comfortable, so that I can show off killer shoes. I would be so grateful if you could send some suggestions my way.

Many thanks for hearing me out for a second time.

All the best,
Me, Again.

*****

This belted ruched dress by Doo.Ri is hot.

But only if you have a nice ass. Be brutally honest with yourself, or get a second opinion if you need one.

Do you have a nice ass?

Via Refinery29's semi-annual alterna-wedding-gown round-up (They found some some good ones, even if they do count a J. Crew dress as "alternative." Um. As soon as you open a BRIDAL SALON, you cease to be an alternative to bridal salons. Mkay?)

First image via Anna of green gable

My sister is a WEDDING BASHER

Dear ESB,

I'm in need of a bit of help. And the people I usually turn to are, in fact, part of the current problem.

You see, I got engaged many months ago, and am now about 6 months out from the wedding. When it came time to decide if I was going to have bridesmaids, the answer was an automatic YES, and I asked my wonderful sisters, as well as a dear friend. Shortly after I got engaged, one of my sisters also became engaged, and her wedding date was a few months before mine. I was thrilled for her! I was excitedly looking forward to planning together, and bouncing ideas off of each other, as both of our weddings will have some traditional and many non-traditional aspects.

However, it has been anything but. She has been bashing all of my ideas from my shoes, to my guest list, to my choices in general! She yelled at me when I mentioned a signature drink to cut down on liquor costs, saying it was her idea and I stole it from her. She made fun of me when I mentioned that my fiance's nephew would be our ring bearer, saying ring bearer's are tacky, and in turn, make a wedding look tacky. And she's been criticizing my decision about having non-matching bridesmaids. There have been more, but we'll just stop at 3 examples.

First, I'm pretty sure she does not own the rights to having a signature drink at weddings. I'm also pretty sure she wasn't the first one to come up with the idea. Second, I'm not the biggest fans of children in weddings either. Mainly because it is sad to see a poor kid stuffed into a tiny tux carrying a satin pillow. My fiance really wanted his nephew to be apart of the wedding, as it was very important to him. It's his wedding too. But we BOTH want the nephew to be comfortable, and, basically, just run down the aisle before I go. No tuxes, no satin pillow. And finally, I wanted my bridesmaids to like what they are going to wear on the day of the wedding. I did say it should be a dress from J Crew in any shade of blue; I thought it was the best of both worlds. I get bridesmaids in great little blue dresses, and they get to pick what style and shade best suits them. But it wasn't good enough for her, and she promptly decided to tell me non-matching bridesmaids will look silly, and I should force everyone to wear the same thing.

On top of all of this, she bashes all other weddings (including mine), and says all weddings are stupid and tacky. Except hers. Because hers is the most special of special. Not only that, but she's wrangling in my other sister (who loves everything and anything about weddings), to go along with her opinions.

Now, I don't want to kick her out as a bridesmaid; I chose her for a reason. I love my sisters very much, and I value their opinions. But what I don't like is being told my wedding ideas/plans are silly and tacky, and I should do BLAH instead. I decided not to tell her anymore plans/ideas because I'm sick and tired of being made to feel my wedding sucks.

She is constantly berating me about wedding plans, even if I don't tell her anything. What should I do?
 


Many thanks,

- bummed-out bride

*****

Um, yeah. I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart coined the phrase "signature drink" in 1987.

Here's the thing. Almost every bride is seized with the bizarre conviction that the way she is doing it/did it is the right way/only way to do it. It's like there's some piece that snaps loose in their brains.

Try stroking your sister's ego. Tell her how much you loooooooooooove the stupid dress she picked out for all of you to wear. How cool you think her dumb wedding's going to be. Etc.

But don't FOR AN INSTANT feel like you have to justify any of your choices.

(Photo of Audrey Tautou via Anj Ali)

I'd rather eat toothpicks than shop at David's Bridal

My best friend's wedding is next June and she is STUCK on David's Bridal Dresses. I have had numerous, long conversions with her (pre-wedding-planning) about how I feel about David's Bridal (in a nutshell: would rather eat toothpicks than shop or ask someone else to shop there). She seems to have forgotten those conversations and just sent me this:

I was looking through an album here on facebook where my friend was in a wedding and she, and the other bridesmaids, were wearing STUNNING COBALT BLUE DRESSES! So i messaged the bride, who I didn't know personally, raving about the dresses, and if she didn't mind can I know where she got them and the swatch color. Sure enough, David's bridal, Horizon Blue.
I went and looked at them AT the store and I decided the blue is PERFECT. And all of you know me well enough, that I would NEVER make you gals wear something that LOOKED cheap, but if it IS cheap and cute, I'm ALL FOR IT!!!
The item numbers if you want to see the two I am thinking of are
Style 83690
Style: F13695 LOOK AT THEM IN HORIZON!!!!! :)
I think I want to go every other with girls wearing the every other dresses. Tell me what you think about the dresses first, and then we'll get into more details!

...could use some shopping advice from you and the rest of your fantastic readers...

*****

Yeah. No. Yuck.

Obviously.

Has anyone seen a good dress lately in a horizon-eque blue? (You know the rules: NO LINKING TO J. CREW.)

Please help me shop (part two)

Sooooo. Lauren thought she might rock this French Connection dress as a bridesmaid at her little sister's wedding... But when she went into the store and tried it on it was a little too shaboom (as she put it). And (as I pointed out) maybe a wee bit over-the-top for a ceremony on the beach.

I should have known she'd turn around and ask me to shop for her:

so my wonderful littlest sis is getting married on the beach in southern california this october. (it will not be too cold. we are badasses.) our other sister and i are bridesmaids, and littlest sis's best friend is her maid of honor. here's our dress brief from the bride-to-be:

my thoughts for you three would be to have each of you find a cocktail length dress in some shade of grey (or pattern, whatever), whatever material, whatever style. or hell, a top and a skirt. or a grey suit, if you're feeling it. maybe nothing suuuper light, and nothing TOO dark. i don't care if you already own it (that would be awesome!) or if it's from forever 21 or versace ("it's 'ver-says'." tell me you get that reference). but if you could all kinda talk to each other and just make sure that two don't have the same and the other not, or something. or all match, if that's what you like. I don't know, maybe let's all let it be a surprise that day. frankly, i'm just happy that you're all going to be up there with me.
 
completely reasonable, no? and yet i'm having a hell of a time finding something to wear. littlest sis and her fiance both have art degrees, and their wedding will be all kinds of cool (over easter she showed me bones she found on the beach in mexico and wants to use as centerpieces), and i want to do it justice. i also don't want to draw too much attention to myself or spend my way into the poorhouse. bearing all that in mind, dear ESB, what should i wear? i'd absolutely wear a grey dress again, and i'm willing to splurge a bit; i'm in the ballpark of $500 for a dress and shoes

You guys, Lauren has discriminating taste. (i.e. Don't you dare fucking suggest a bridesmaid's dress from J. Crew.) And I am BURNT OUT on shopping. Especially internet shopping. It's too damn nice out side for me to sit glued to a computer.

So, yeah. Does anyone else have any great ideas? No pressure.

Gaaaaaaaad I'm lazy. They should really dock my pay on this one.

Also, I do not get the ver-says reference, and this is not the first time it's been thrown at me. Anyone care to explicate?

(Photo by Sandi Gunnett)

Dear J. Crew: You're not edgy.

Selling booties and stealing from Vogue will not make you so.

I was planning to stop dissing J. Crew after I pissed so many people off the last time. I mean, I get it. They make simple, mid-range wedding dresses that can be accessorized very well.

But...srsly?

J. Crew Weddings, December 2009

Vogue, June 2009, photographed by Arthur Elgort and styled by the inimitable Grace Coddington

See the page-by-page comparison on Moodboard. (Thanks to my lady Kathryn for sending me the link.)

p.s. If you have not already seen The September Issue, you must do so immediately.

non-j.crew alternatives for flower girls?

Nikki emailed me to ask for help with flower girl style. Here's her dilemma:

We are not having a traditional bridal party but decided that it would be fun to have my only niece participate as our flower girl. My wedding dress is a short number from Elizabeth Dye and so I want something equally sassy, sweet and fun for the flower girl (but not clone-like or anything). David's bridal makes me want to puke and I have tried a little etsy searching which only resulted in lots of tutus. I am hoping you have a non-j.crew alternative for me as I really do not even know where to begin.

As I've said before, I'm no expert on kids, so I brought in the big guns in on this one. A guest post from Chelsea of {frolic!} is up next. Chelsea always has a super sweet, easygoing vision of clothes for little girls (maybe because her three-year-old niece is so cool?)

Photo by Chelsea Fuss. Misha Lulu dress modeled by Millie.