Second Wedding Etiquette?

Dear ESB,

I'm going to try and keep the background short. There aren't that many good deets anways...other than the punchline that my first marriage went straight to the shitter (we discovered we wanted different things, and he met someone else who was a better fit for him). Met at 17, married at 22...divorced at 24/25 (got messy and took a while). 

Lesson learned ladies: Just because you LOVE him, doesn't mean you should MARRY him. Do some soul searching and make sure you both know what you want, and you want the same things. Also, there's a lot of growing and learning to be done in your 20's. You both may not want the same things once you've had your fun with that decade (and you should have fun). Your love has got to last a while and you need the foundations to build a marriage on. 

So fast forward a few years to now. Met an amazing guy, marriage details are being discussed. He hasn't been married before and has a huge family. They love weddings. Not necessarily big weddings, but just weddings in general. I love weddings, too, but...I already had one. I already invited all my family, friends, and coworkers who traveled, brought gifts, took photos, hugged, kissed, and celebrated with me. I already wore the dress, got the cake, and danced. The idea of planning another makes me want to vomit. 

Don't get me wrong, I have never been more sure of our relationship and I'm excited to marry him, but the thought of doing that whole process again is dreadful. I almost feel guilty, like it isn't RIGHT to do that again. My ideal wedding would be a simple dress and a date at the court house. Small party to follow. He said he'd be on board with that, and understands, but I can tell he and his family were a little crushed. I want him to be happy, so, wedding it is. 

Now, how do I do this? Do I register for gifts again? Have another bridal shower? Bachelorette? If we register, should I only send the gift registry information to people who weren't at my first wedding? Is there such a thing as 'Second Wedding Etiquette'? 

And - how do I get more comfortable with this? 

Heart, 
Anon.

*****

1. You rule.

2. Yes, you should register. But it's bad etiquette to SEND registry info to anyone, whether it's your first wedding, fifth wedding, or fifty-seventh wedding.

Add a registry section to your wedding website with a note like: "It means so much to us that you're coming to the wedding. Please don't feel obligated to buy a gift." Or whatever. (I think everyone ought to include that note even if they've never been married before.)

You can also pass along the word via word-of-mouth that you really don't expect a gift from people who bought you one the first time around.

3. DUDE, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! I'm happy for you, and I don't even know you. Your friends + fam are UBER happy for you, I promise.

Tati Cotliar and Yuri Pleskun by Jason Kibbler for Twin #5 via Fashion Gone Rogue

Never thought I'd be posting Kim Kardashian

But.

Her photo was plastered all over the place wearing this wide-bride hat designed by my friend Gladys Tamez. And she looks pretty fabulous.

The Daily Mail compared Kim's look to Cher circa 1970, but I think we all know the hat is totally Bianca.

(Gladys does custom and she ♥'s weddings, if you are needing some net and perhaps a few silk flowers.)

Photo by PacificCoastNews.com via StyleBistro

Pls help me find a Jr. Bridesmaid's Dress!

Dear ESB,

I've asked my 13yr old cousin to be in my wedding. She's a really sweet kid who is super excited to be included, but she is in the unfortunate position of having a mom who has been wearing the same clothes since 1982, not only because she has no style, but because she's an extreme cheap-ass. I'm all for thrift but she takes it to another level. I've always tried to get my little cuz nice clothes for her birthday and Christmas and my aunt inevitably returns them. It's annoying. 

So now it's wedding time and if I want her to look decent I have to pick out the dress and probably pay for it, which is totally fine. The problem here is, I have no idea where to find something stylish for a 13yr old. When I say stylish I mean not some satin, bubble-skirt, homecoming dress nightmare. She doesn't want to look like a little kid, but I don't want her to look like some skanky suburban high school girl, either.

For the record, she's not a super skinny kid, she would be like a size 16 in girls possibly getting into junior's sizes. The wedding is in the fall, so fall-ish colors would be ideal (all the girls are picking out their own dresses, I don't have set colors, but all the dresses will be short) and I'd like to keep it around $100. 

I recognize this isn't the usual demographic that you shop for, but any help would be appreciated.

*****

First of all, YOUR AUNT SUCKS. You must immediately start SNEAKING CLOTHES to the poor kid behind her mom's back.

2. I thought I'd throw this one out to the readers and then put my faves up for a vote. I'm running around Vancouver for movie screenings + blah, and anyway what could be more perfect to celebrate All Ages than a Jr. Bridesmaid's contest??

Winner gets a postcard from CANADA. Or something.

Joana by Mafalda Silva via Girls on Film

FUNTERNETS

a few things i've neglected to post/tweet while i've had my head up my own asshole for the past week or so:

- Rad + In Love. Two rad lady photographers I happen to know personally are joining forces and giving away a free wedding package. JUMP ON THAT.

- Elizabeth Dye's new dresses for 2012

- Digby + Iona's latest collection, Me + My Arrow (also avail at Catbird)

- "Second Chance" Herve Leger (via little winter bride)

- soup club. need i say more??

- oop! and i almost forgot: Design Tonic (the design blog/online mag that H + cevd designed together) is finally up and running. it's pretty great.

Photo of Jesse Jo Stark via Soph Mueller

Rose Gold + Rubies = TACKY??

Hi ESB -- So my boyfriend (I mean, FH) and I are in the middle of our long talky engagement process; we've decided to get married and have told  family and close friends about it, but no one Popped the Question and we haven't changed our facebook statuses or set a date or made any other public announcement. 

Now he is getting a ring made for me with a ruby from a ring that belonged to his beloved late mother. I was thinking a rose gold band would be cool, sort of a whole pinkish romantic deal. But the jeweler tells me this will clash and I should do white gold. A Google image search turned up a few antique examples of the ruby/rose gold combo, so I'm not a total nutjob, but maybe I'll only like it for a while and then realize I was being really weird/tacky? 

Thought I'd see if you, your commenters, or perhaps some of your jewelry-making friends had any thoughts on the matter. I've never really worn rings, so I'll probably go for a simple setting on a plain, thin band. 

thanks!

*****

Weird/Tacky vs. Gorgeous entirely depends on the color of the ruby + the color of the gold + THE DESIGN OF THE THING.

I say go find yourself another jeweler.

In related news: Would someone pls buy this Rose Gold + Ruby Lion Ring for his/her man right fucking now?? thx.

(Image 1: Rose Gold Ruby Ring circa 1840's via BathAntiquesOnline, Image 2: Rose Gold Lion Ruby Ring circa 1880's via ad antiques)

short lil going-to-the-courthouse dress

from Steven Alan

In 100% cotton, you guys. Do you know how hard it is to find one of these 60's-inspired crochet numbers that's not made out of POLYESTER??

Seeking Sweet Shoes (a year in advance)

Hi ESB!

You are awesome at finding cool stuff, and I am clearly not, so I am hoping you can find me some sweet shoes for my October (2012) wedding (I am a plan-ahead type).

For reasons of comfort and my dress being somewhat short for a ball gown, I need a 2-2.5" heel. From my hours of research, the world puts out wicked flats, and the most gorgeous 3"+ heels, but interview-shoes in between.

I want something exciting and gold that will make my outfit a little more modern, and isn't a strappy sandal (because in October in Canada snow is an outside possibility). My dress is on the conservative side (think 50s vintage heirloom), so something with a punk/studded aesthetic might be a bit over the top, but I love all the shoes out there covered in glitter.

Oh, and I'm trying to avoid flats because my fiance and I have really tall families and I don't want to look super-short in the photos. I'd also rather spend $300 on sweet shoes I can dance all night in than on having my dress hemmed.

If you can help me, that would be amazing & thank you so much in advance!

*****

Here is my shoe advice: DO NOT BUY THEM A YEAR IN ADVANCE.

You will change your mind three times. You see ten more pairs you like. You will think to yourself, "What the eff was I thinking? These are so 2011."

Frida Gustavsson models Jil Sander for DV Mode Magazine S/S 2011 via Models Inspiration

Le Bridal Cap

Would you all give me an opinion on the new "bridal cap" trend?

(I didn't know that's what they were called, but that's what Twigs & Honey is calling them, so I'm gonna go with it.)

I mean. Myra makes the thing look as pretty as it could possibly look....... But I can't help thinking........

CANCER PATIENT?

Seeking: A "Proper" Venue in Las Vegas

Dear ESB

Since my FH and I are teachers, we decided to take this summer to road trip and explore the United States. In lieu of planning a big expensive wedding, we are opting to spend our saved money seeing the sites we've never gotten to see and visiting friends and family we've missed over the years. Approximately mid-way through the trip, we'll reach Vegas, and finally get married. A few very close friends and immediately family (10-15 people) are excited to fly out and join us for the ceremony and a few days of Vegas fun during this small event. 

Here is the issue: I am having trouble finding a proper Vegas wedding location. From all of the Internet searches I've done, I'm coming up with venues that are among many other descriptors cheesy, straight out of 1970 wall paneled, Burgundy carpeted or tacky muraled out. We do not want an Elvis wedding, we do not want any schmaltz. We just want to have a low-key, intimate ceremony.

My wedding dress is a cocktail-length white crocheted A-line I got for like $80. He is wearing a grey jcrew suit, no tie. Very simple, to the point.

We do not want to have a reception, but instead are going to find some great restaurant to meet everyone out at, and then go clubbing on the strip for the rest of the night. Most likely, my FH and I are going to stay at the Hard Rock Hotel, but because of expenses and informality of the ceremony don't want to book a wedding at one of these big-type hotel venues.

Do you, or anyone you know, have any suggestions of where we could do the damn thing at? I am open to venues not directly on the strip, but I don't want to stray too far because I know that sometimes the outskirts of Las Vegas can be kind of sketch.  

Thanks so much for your help!!!

*****

No Elvis. No schmaltz. But you're staying at the Hard Rock and going clubbing after the wedding??

The only thing to do is EMBRACE IT, LADY.

IT'S VEGAS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Me, I'd get married at The Little White Wedding Chapel. It worked for  Joanne Woodward + Paul Newman.

Photo: Michael Forester via 100 Layer Cake

What's with all the WUSSY MEN??

Hi again ESB,

So, I wanted to send a followup to my last question because it's gotten that much more interesting, sort of. So, on the advice of you and your generously helpful readers, I gave my fiance my support that if he wanted his parents at our wedding, I would be happy to have them there. He really mulled it over and basically told them that if they wanted to come, they should come. 

Since then, they've been sending endless emails about what he should be doing, got upset at my fiance because he suggested that his mom rethink wearing all black to the wedding, which culminated to a knockdown-dragout hours-long fight that ended with them threatening to tell me (at the wedding) every specific doubt he's ever had about me when he used to confide in them early in our relationship. 

They then followed that up with asking him if he really wanted them at the wedding (which is next week), because if he didn't, they wouldn't go, but if he did, they would treat it like any other invitation and let him know if they were attending. After all this, he asked me if I wanted them at the wedding.

Cue the silent screaming.

*****

This is where you tell him, "No, of course I don't want them at the wedding. But they're YOUR PARENTS, so you have to make the decision, douchebag."

The photo is of Lily Allen, yes, smoking a cigarette. Feel free to nail me.

A Crown of Flowers, A Catbird Bride

This wedding is impossible to introduce. I will let Leigh, the poet, speak for herself.

I am trying to find a way in, a way to start telling you how you plan a wedding, a rebirth, when your first love, your great love, your mother is dying. I hope this falls on deaf ears, that none of you sail on this same wild ship with me, but I think that we all sail on it together, if not now, then. I hope that my profoundly bittersweet celebration finds a home in tender hearts.

My whole life, the only things I ever knew about my wedding is that the rabbi who married me would be the rabbi I grew up with, and that I would speak the words, “I am beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (I am, and he is). I did not know, that nearly 6 months after my wedding, I would remember virtually nothing our rabbi said as he spoke to us under the chuppah that I made with my best girl. Instead, my head echoes with the unbelievably beautiful words he spoke at my unbelievably beautiful mother’s funeral, 76 days after I was married. How hard we work for one day, our wedding day. We ought only to work so hard for every day that follows.

"Death, most presences of absences, had entered the garden, and from that moment on, absences multiplied. It was dusk, and the appointed hour had arrived, the warm scents of the banquet were rising from the kitchens, and in spite of the tragedy everything was ready to go on time..." -Shalimar the Clown, Salman Rushdie

Oh, but my mother was well at my wedding. Up she went, in the chair for the hora, with glee and joy radiating more than any diamond could. She gave me away that day, but I am always hers.

I knew that I wanted our wedding to be a celebration of all my mother taught me to treasure more than the gold I love so much: family, friends, community. I wanted her to see the people who would cradle me in her most present absence. Cradle me they have, none more so than the man I am lucky enough to call my husband. 

Leigh's Photo Captions:

1. Hallway – My friend and neighbor, Amy Merrick, made my flower crown. I asked for wild, and wild I got

2. Liz – My best girl, getting me ready. She painted us a huge portrait of John and Yoko on their wedding day. It hangs over our bed, the patron saints of love.

3. Nails – Naomi at Hello Beautiful covered my nails in pearls and mirrors that spelled out Kevin on one hand and Leigh on the other.

4. Shoes – My mom bought my shoes. When I wore them to her funeral, the confetti from the wedding was still stuck to the insides.

5. Swan girls – I’m sure the Metropolitan Building has since instituted a no-confetti policy. Eleanor, Carlos, I’m sorry.

6. Swan guests – The absolutely lovely Chad Merritt of Mon Petit Fantome provided the swan artwork. Seating was open, which meant some of our friends took to the floor. Some of our parents were not pleased.

7. My mom – We walked down the aisle to Mount Wittenberg Orca by The Dirty Projectors. Maryam Keyhani made my feather bouquet. Kevin’s suit is by Mr. Ned and his tie is Acne. And me? My parents made me.

8. Balloons – In lieu of flowers, I opted for more guests and a couple hundred balloons.

9. Married! – I sewed the chuppah from old lace and tassels with one of my best girls. She's a perfectionist, I am not. She is henceforth known as the tassle-master.

10. Me and Mom – My little, beautiful mom.

 

11. Friends – The gentleman in the suit is Andrew of Grand Street Suit Company wearing his pitch-perfect wares.

12. Us hora – We danced the hora, so up on the chairs we went.

13. Mom hora – The diamonds on her neck were dun next to the light of her smile. Nothing compared.

14. He plays – Kevin and our friends played covers of Pink Floyd, Neil Young, Ray Charles, Fleetwood Mac, Dylan and The Shirelles.

15. Dress – Our friend Ryan took this photo of my Vera Wang dress with one of the antique cameras he collects.

16. And then we went to the bar. 

Leigh adds: I did mean to mention my photographer, Fede, and Nackie who owns The Parlour who did my hair and makeup. They were both such dears to work with.

What should a Scottish gal, her hipster sister and their amazing Mum do in NYC?

I realize I've leaned a little heavy on the touristy bullsh*t this week, but I'VE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF MY GIRLS.

Hi ESB,

I'm a long time reader. (I didn't have to write to you when I got married last year, but reading your blog certainly helped quell the crazy a few times).

I've just booked a last minute trip to New York for 4 days in two weeks time to celebrate my kid sister's 21st birthday. I appreciate this is a totally non-wedding related question so you may tell me to eff off, but do you or your readers have any tips on where to go/eat/avoid/whether to pack our coats? The last time I was in NYC was 9 years ago, and I'm sure plenty has changed since then. (Where did CBGB's go?)

So, do you have any advice for a 32-year old Scottish gal, her 21-year old hipster sister and their amazing Mum? Or should I just go and buy a Lonely Planet guidebook?

P.S. I've included a picture of my Mum and Sister at our wedding last year as a tenuous wedding link.

*****

Hokay. So I did move to LA six years ago...... but I get back to NYC on occasion. Here's a short list of my favorite spots:

Henry Public

The place is gorgeous and the cocktails are AMAZING.

The High Line

Hey all you New Yorkers who still haven't been to this free park with lawn chairs, crazy views + the most amazing people-watching on the planet: WHAT'S YOUR DAMAGE?

(The High Line by Iwan Baan)

The Metropolitan Museum ROOF GARDEN (open Apr 26-Oct 30, weather permitting)

Sculpture. Skyline. A birds-eye view of Central Park. I always thought this would be the perfect place to get married, actually.

Catbird (DUH). While you're in Williamsburg, I love this tiny weird museum. And Hotel Delmano is another superb place to get a cocktail. It is just fucking beautiful in there. Plus they have oysters.

There are a kajillion more W'msburg recommends here. (Kid will probably want to spend a full day in hipsterville.)

And I asked Matt to suggest a few restaurants. This list came in via iphone late last night.

I might add Smorgasburg and/or Brooklyn Flea on Saturday and Sunday respectively. They take place on the waterfront in Williamsburg, one being a food market with some of the best food in the city, and the other, well, is a flea market.

Also in Williamsburg, pies 'n' thighs for great, pretty cheap southern food. Fried chicken is awesome and the chicken biscuit sandwich is heavenly. Across the street only 20 yards down the block) is Dram. Wood, wrought iron, and a kayak as a light fixture extending the length of the bar (for the most part). Big floor to ceiling windows are left open during good weather. Drinks are great.

(Dram by Evan Sung for The New York Times)

And if anyone really likes pie, try Four & Twenty Blackbirds, which is in Gowanus...but worth the trip. 

And for a great meal in a cool setting in the east village, try Edi & The Wolf. Sunroom with eclectic flower pots, such as mason jars, hanging upside down stools, even an old workboot.

The ladies have already arrived in the city, so here's hoping they're prepared for that muggy/rainy/partly sunny/party cloudy situation, amirite?

Photobooth pic by Cameron Presentations

happy thursballz!

Don't hate me for saying so, but I could rly use an extra day this week.

I'm script-suping on a six-day shoot starting tomorrow, and next Thursday we leave for Vancouver (WOOT!) Not sure when I'll find the time to scour Wasteland for new (old) t-shirts.

Anyhoo.

There's a scandalous new Dear ESB up on 100LC for you. SCANDALOUS. I'm not exaggerating.

The lovely Kristina even used the word "wh-re" when I sent it to her. I know.

Photo: Kim Noorda by Viktor Vauthier for Tank Fall 2011 via Fashion Gone Rogue

What To Wear In Vancouver?

Let's switch the conversation over to RAINGEAR, yes? Yes.

Hi ESB, 

When I got engaged last year and became suddenly interested in the wedding industry, I found your blog and have been reading it regularly every morning since. I neeeeed my morning snark.

Anyways, no real wedding drama to report, just wanted to ask you for some wardrobe advice. I am getting married on October 1st, and guess where we are going for the honeymoon afterwards: VAN-FREAKING-COUVER! Since we will be in the area, and you happened to post about it, the hubs and I are going to come to your film screening on October 7th.

Here's the deets: we are outdoorsy people and are looking forward to exploring Vancouver. Since I planned the wedding I let (begged) my man plan the honeymoon. I think we are going to go kayaking, hiking, skydiving if the weather cooperates, and now also seeing All Ages. Other than that, I am happily oblivious to his plans.

Here's a general breakdown of where we are going:
Flying into Seattle and spending the first night there
Vancouver Island for 3 days
Vancouver city for 3 days
Drive back to Seattle and fly out after exploring the city some

So... since you're obviously going to be there at the same time, what kind of stuff are you going to be wearing? More to the point, what should I pack for the trip? I know the weather will be a bit chilly, so I'd really like to get a sweet pair of flat boots to walk around in but my large calf muscles always seem to crush my dreams of that. That's as far as I have gotten as of now. Clothing and any other Vancouver related advice would be much appreciated (restaurants to check out?)

I'll hold up a No Crying banner for you,
Vancouver Bound

*****

Here's what my friend L had to say about Vancouver fashion:

The thing with Vancouver, is that if you're outdoorsy and you like fashion you kind of have to have a split personality because it's hard to marry the two. A lot of people ride their bikes etc. and it rains all the time. Although I will say that in my neighborhood the hipsters manage to still look fashionable on their bikes (maybe not in the pouring rain though), and they couldn't just hop off their bikes and go hiking — nope that wouldn't work. My two-cents: outerwear is very important and shoes, and a collapsible umbrella (cuz even if it looks like it won't rain, it probably will).

Rubber boots are very popular here, Hunters especially are pretty ubiquitous, but I still like them. Got to get me some after those other stupid ones I bought for $100 got holes in them. Of course early October may not be rainy, but then again it might, but it won't be cold yet. Thin layers are the way to go, no need for warm coats yet. But I've lived here for like 17 years and I still have a hard time getting the temperature thing right. I'm usually overdressed and I get hot and sweaty, but I hate being cold too. You kind of have to be prepared for anything.

L never got around to sending me a list of her favorite restaurants.... She's 8 months pregnant and she's like quilting an entire nursery, so.

But Leanne sent me these restaurant recommends via Twitter:

K SRSLY IF UR IN VAN GET THE BEEF RIB OR KOBE BEEF AT KINGYO. ALSO THE TUNA/AVOCADO CARPACCIO- you will DIE. i'm so jealous. 

also the granville room. super douchey plc but their tenderloin steak is AMAZING, its $22.get it with the potato gratin. 

&the diamond in gastown amaze dumplings&cocktails, also the beef short rib sandwich is unreal. ask to go in the back, they have a secret bar

(Authentic Vancouver fashion photos by/of Leanne herself)
______________________________

p.s. Thanks for plugging my movie! I couldn't have done it better if I'd written in with a fake Dear ESB. And I can't wait to meet you!! And YIKES WHAT SHOULD I WEAR??

PUFF ON THIS

Apparently Norma Kamali invented the puffer for women:

After splitting with her husband, Mohammed (Eddie) Kamali, in the mid-1970s, she took to camping in the woods with a boyfriend. “It was cold,” she recalled, “and I was always getting up at night to go to the bathroom.” On one particularly nippy night, she threw on her sleeping bag and sprinted for the bush. “As I was running,” she said, “I was thinking, ‘I need to put sleeves in this thing.’ ”

Ruth La Ferla for The New York Times

(Photo by The Sart)

Rachel Comey FTW!

Can we talk about these for a wedding?? They're not cheap, but they look uber-comf.





Man. I'd wear the hell outta these.

Rachel Comey at Steven Alan.

where should a couple of Aussies go in NYC?

Hello ESB.

Straight to it - we're honeymooning in New York. In January. We live in Sydney, Australia, where winters barely make it below 60 (yes, I just googled the conversion). Cities with snow are practically fairy tales.

Can you help us out? What shall we do, where shall we go? We are big foodies, love big cities, and love adventuring. Both of us have been to NYC before, separately and years ago, and we want to rediscover this town in all its glory together and in style. We've done the tourist stuff - this time it's personal.

Also... what does a lady wear in a NYC winter to keep herself warm? Should I buy some sort of awesome coat? Any suggestions?

Thanks so much!

Sunny in Sydney

*****

Since I briefly put this one up by accident (you can't blame me for mixing up the Aussie honeymooners with the Aussie elopers, can you??) I figure I'll let you guys take a crack at restaurants/adventures.

COME BACK ANON! Give us those suggestions again, will you??

As for warmth/fashion, because you're not used to the cold, I recommend a classic down jacket like this one by North Face.

(Which, if you don't trust me and you arrive without one and proceed to freeze your tits off, you can always pick one up on lower Broadway.)

And I have a bit of bad news. Snow in New York is only magical for a brief moment: while it's falling. Once it hits the pavement it turns into wet slush.

This means a pair of waterproof boots is essential. I'm digging these Fryes.

I'm gonna go ahead and assume that in Sydney you wear Uggs as SLIPPERS, not as motherfucking street shoes like the ding-dong NYU girls.

Top photo: The Selby via Skittish Skies

the ELOPER'S GUIDE to nyc

Hello Lady,

So, I got engaged to my boy last year and we started the crazy wedding planning journey. Well, didn't that just turn into some kind of monster! It all got crazy, people involved got crazy and it was turning out to not be very much fun. Cut to me saying to the boy in a moment of total fed upedness 'we should just run away and get married in New York' and so WE ARE! Eeeek! Total excitement!

So, I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice from you and your lovely readers. We are Australians and neither of us have never been to New York before....I haven't been to America before. Sooo, we are planning on getting married at City Hall. We are tossing up about getting a photographer to come and photograph the ceremony and then maybe take some photos after......

Also, what to do once we're married? We don't know......we're thinking of somewhere nice to go and eat, drink and just be giddy about the fact we just got married. Suggestions?

Would totally appreciate any advice you may have.....we would love the day to just be rad!

*****

I brought in a expert for you.

Matthew Downes (who's a friend of my lady Jamie) is a Brooklyn chef inspired by the seasons, and he just put up a brand spankin gorgeous new blog over here.

Here are Matt's recommendations:

Planning on eloping in New York City? Well, if all that wedding planning (or non-wedding planning) has got you hungry, you’ve come to the right spot. There is no dearth of restaurants in this great city, but here’s a helpful guide to put the finishing touch on that magical day.

Located in an eighteenth century carriage house in the West Village, One If By Land, Two If By Sea is remarkably romantic, with fireside dining and live piano music. The food, while not the most spectacular gustatory event in the city, is modern enough to delight the senses. But, it is the old-world atmosphere, the feeling of being transported to another time, even another place, that whisks you away and may just be the topper to your wedding day.

Blue Hill is known for their simple, yet elegant, farm-focused food, and their location near Washington Square Park is fitting for a wedding day feast that will still leave you light enough for some late night frolicking. The dining room is spacious enough, by Manhattan standards, that won’t leave you competing to hear your new spouse’s voice, and the kitchen is very accommodating, which makes for the perfect spot for any vegetarians, vegans or anyone with food allergies.

(Blue Hill at Stone Barns)

For a truly spectacular dinner, head to Blue Hill at Stone Barns, about an hour north of Manhattan by train/cab. Located on a former Rockefeller estate, Stone Barns is an absolute delight if you really want to spoil yourself. I recommend making an early reservation (5:30 or 6 pm) and arriving around 3 pm. Walk around the farm, visit the greenhouse, get lost in the woods, say hello to the pigs. Once the dining room doors open, enjoy a cocktail on the terrace before the kitchen takes you on a culinary tour that is influenced by that day’s harvest. And after dinner, retire to the terrace for tea service. They’ll roll out a cart of potted herbs for you to choose, mix and match.

For the vegetarians and vegans out there looking for a meal befitting of your wedding day, the only true vegetarian restaurant I would recommend is Kajitsu, located in the East Village. Old school Shojin principles meet modern techniques to create a memorable dinner. The atmosphere, while not traditionally romantic, is quiet and Zen-like. Try heading to The Bourgeois Pig for a glass of wine before or after dinner…or both! Located only a couple blocks from Kajitsu, the dark burgundy décor and candlelight will compensate for any overly romantic atmosphere that Kajitsu may lack.

Want to kick it in Brooklyn after a trip to City Hall? Once you tie the knot, take a water taxi to Fulton Ferry landing in DUMBO and dine at The River Café. Watch the sun set over the East River and the Manhattan skyline while dining at one of New York’s storied restaurants. The food is good, the view is even better!

(Andrew Field + Rockaway Taco by The Selby)

And finally, for those of you that just want to catch your first waves as newlyweds, head to Rockaway Beach. Take in some surfing, and when you’ve worked up an appetite, hit up Rockaway Taco. Open seasonally from May to October, they serve up some of the best tacos in the city, only blocks from the beach. Be warned, with lines down the block, and limited seating, you may be parking your wedding dress curbside.

Smoking Slippers Are the New Ballet Slippers?

Hey, Refinery29 said it, not me.

I personally think they're a little... Douchebag. Thoughts?

Manney Dalmatian Print + Kosy Mustard Suede Slipper Loafers from Topshop

he doesn't want babies after all.

dearest esb,

I just wanted first of all to say thank you, and even though you are an evil club of mean, hipster brides, I have thought of you as my friends, inspiration and source of much merriment in the last three or so years of my engagement... 

and here we get to the tricky part. My FH and I are parting ways. We are still very much in love and respect each other deeply, however, FH, or maybe I should say NFH (no-longer future husband), has decided he does not want babies after all. Which is something I can not compromise on in the least... This does in a way, make the whole decision a little easier... I mean it is not as if you can strike a balance and have half a baby.... but it does not make it any less complicated having to picture a life with out the soul mate I thought I would spend the rest of my life with... 

I try super tremendously hard to maintain a positive spin on this ... I am planning like a mo-fo... trips to Paris; a change of town; lots of galleries, wine bars and society after moving to a tiny Australian town with the man. But it is hard; hard to laugh when my awesome older brother tells me he's getting engaged to his amazing girl... difficult to keep smiling when the students at my school keep asking me when the wedding is and where their invites are (super sweet really)... tremendously complicated when I think of the plans and decisions we had made... (we had named our first born son in hypothetical land and talked about all of this before anyone thinks this was rushed into or glossed over.. the decision was recent and out of the blue..) 

and I could probably list one hundred or so more instances that make me falter in my daily flight, but it is not hard to visit ESB and giggle. In fact it is a daily check for me during some down time at work. I love the outrageous responses and questions. I like the catharsis and acerbic wit, the vicarious joy of yay or naying. It is one of the few survivors of what is at best a time of vast change and growth... and it does give me pause to keep looking ahead, yeah that dress is funky and flash, and there may be a day when I'm looking again, and to be honest to myself I hope so. 

So thank you for the smiles and glimpses of new

*****

Lady, I'm so proud of you. Both of you.

There would be fewer divorces if everyone did this kind of soul-searching before they tied the knot.

xoxoxxxxx.

Tiny Vipers by David Belisle via Claire Cottrell via jen causey
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Incidentally, did you guys see the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy on Thurs? I shouted at my TV: "THANK YOU, SHONDA!" when they depicted (onscreen, on network TV!) a strong, successful, married woman choose to put her feet up in the stirrups and have an abortion rather than carry to term a child she didn't want.

Her decision was of course complicated by the fact that her husband did want kids (something they didn't discuss before they got married).

Anyhoo.