tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post8886596971766053834..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: It's My Wedding, Damn It!esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-47569995581694950152011-05-15T01:00:59.403-07:002011-05-15T01:00:59.403-07:00@KC - I've always thought this was a gorgeous ...@KC - I've always thought this was a gorgeous photo of you :)nikkihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06118368189622576399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-87319361132737334052011-05-15T00:59:52.937-07:002011-05-15T00:59:52.937-07:00wow. this bride should be ashamed of herself.
and...wow. this bride should be ashamed of herself.<br /><br />and aside from the unique addition of the "waiting for grams to die" spin, the advice is, of course, as always, PAY FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING. selfish brat.nikkihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06118368189622576399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-17823181106588468612011-05-12T09:59:04.722-07:002011-05-12T09:59:04.722-07:00@Emily Greene, I don't think there's anyth...@Emily Greene, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with someone's parents paying for your wedding. But I do think it's wrong twenty- or thirty-something adults act like they have a god given right to wedding paid for by their parents. There's nothing wrong with it if your parents happily agree to GIVE you a wedding, but they certainly don't OWE you one.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11198635511796593911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-11552657295451310812011-05-12T08:56:23.797-07:002011-05-12T08:56:23.797-07:00I don't think there is anything wrong with som...I don't think there is anything wrong with someone's parents paying for their wedding. My parents are paying for my our wedding in October, but I see it as a gift, and am very very thankful for that, and respectful of the fact that that is something that they are doing for us, and have included them in every part of the planning, and have taken all of their desires, and concerns into consideration. My parents are amazing, mind you, and we have very similar ideas about what the wedding should be. Also, it is true, that some people do not have close, or even positive relationships with their grandparents. I do not have much of a relationship with my one living grandmother, and she will not be attending my wedding which is across the country from where she lives. That being said, I do think that the tone of this email was crass, rude, and childish.Emily Greenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12202405668501433146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86840398991729850142011-05-12T08:55:44.467-07:002011-05-12T08:55:44.467-07:00I would not elope, they are coming from old school...I would not elope, they are coming from old school and they just do not get it. Be diplomatic and express to them that this is your day, your wedding and you should be making all the decisions with their experienced help and a large part of a wedding is sharing the experience with family and friends and explain how wonderful it will be for everyone to be in a "special" and neutral space. And you will need all their emotional (financial too) help to make the day perfect<br /><br />Good luck!!Robert Londonhttp://www.robertlondon.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-13953144860486713882011-05-12T07:53:13.185-07:002011-05-12T07:53:13.185-07:00There are two basic types of weddings. One is the ...There are two basic types of weddings. One is the old school, "parents give away daughter to man." That kind is paid for by the bride's parents, as a dowry sort of deal. It is also held in the bride's hometown and the parents get to have most of the say.<br /><br />The other kind is where the bride and groom are entering into adulthood together. In this one, the couple usually pays for a significant portion, if not all of the wedding. This enables them to get a lot more say over how things are done, because it is a team wedding with at least two main deciders and possibly up to 6 or more people with rights of input.<br /><br />Sounds like you are confused. You want the finance part of the first kind, an the choice and freedom of the second part. So it is probably necessary for you to think about what you really want here. You can have some, but not all of it. Money but not location, location but not money. And I think if you stop thinking of it as a situation where you lose or win, you might have more space to be flexible. <br /><br />Lastly, I am in love with an amazing man. When/if, we are lucky enough to marry each other, my only worry will be how we get our two fabulous grams with health issues into the same state to be there with us. If there is a total craphole halfway between them, I would be overjoyed to use it. Because they mean the world to us. If either one dies (god forbid), before then, it will of course be easier to pick a venue in a good location, at a loss to us both. Getting married to me is about saying you want your love to officially be part of the bigger communities you already belong to- your family is his family, <br />his is yours, etc. If you don't care about your family at all, in the pursuit of YOUR perfect day, why invite them at all? Just elope, and everyone will feel equally left out.Ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17541450132640171365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-24449069963262394332011-05-12T06:59:32.051-07:002011-05-12T06:59:32.051-07:00We planned our wedding around letting all of our f...We planned our wedding around letting all of our family be there, especially my Grandmother – that's a huge part of why we got married when we did. She's in the early stages of Alzheimer's, and I didn't just want her there with me, but wanted her to be able to enjoy it. Honestly, it made her so amazingly happy to be there with us. She still likes to reminisce about the wedding too, and loved every minute of it.<br /><br />For us, having our family there was huge. If you don't want your family to be there, then that's fine. Talk to your grandmother about it though, not just your parents. She might have her own thoughts on whether she feels she has to be there to see you get married.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-79906650565553708472011-05-12T06:50:39.994-07:002011-05-12T06:50:39.994-07:00I've got to be the only person who is dumbfoun...I've got to be the only person who is dumbfounded by the number of people who expect or have their parents pay for their weddings. Really? But I'm old school and actually paid my way through college, working full time and going to school full time. I think this delayed childhood thing (parents still paying for most everything even when you're in your 20s) is kinda disturbingPour Porterhttp://www.pourporter.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-20200993925087451442011-05-12T06:15:03.073-07:002011-05-12T06:15:03.073-07:00Ummmm...to those commenters who are calling her a ...Ummmm...to those commenters who are calling her a bitch, that's really mean, i'm pretty sure she just wanted to come off in the same snarky tone as all the rest of the ESB readers do, so there's no reason she's a horrible selfish person who hates her gramma. <br /><br />Anyways,from a practical standpoint...a lot of people like to have destination weddings, and a lot of resorts offer packages whereby the groom and bride can have a priest or local religious someone or other officiate a ceremony with some local flavour. <br /><br />These brides and grooms have usually already gone through the whole family expected stuff at home with their family and friends and are looking for something more personal and romantic. Most brides and grooms I know who've opted to go this way are (usually) happy with the result and the memories. Maybe something ABB should consider?Asiyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18122345875026981510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-72988381007588204642011-05-12T04:43:01.218-07:002011-05-12T04:43:01.218-07:00I agree with everything that Peonies and Polaroids...I agree with everything that Peonies and Polaroids said above. Your tone is very callous.<br /><br />But I do get why you don't want to plan your entire wedding around your grandmother. My grandma is on her third round of cancer and I honestly think she may not be at my wedding in fourteen months. A shorter engagement just isn't feasible, given the fact that I'm in grad school, am super busy, and need more than a few months to save $$. But of course, I am hoping she'll be there, and I'm certainly not going to make it more difficult for her to attend my wedding.<br /><br />Anyways, if you want a beach wedding, then have one and pay for it yourself. Stop throwing fits about how your parents won't pay for it. They do NOT owe you a wedding, whether it's on a beach in Puerto Rico or in your home town. It's their money, and they can do whatever the hell they want with it. And like someone else said, don't beg them to throw you a reception at home. Be an adult and throw your own reception.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-5566976899555095472011-05-12T00:18:21.037-07:002011-05-12T00:18:21.037-07:00"Your desire for a beach wedding is not inher..."Your desire for a beach wedding is not inherently selfish, but the tone of this letter (maybe you were trying to be funny?) shows a heartbreaking misalignment of what-is-important."<br /><br />Word. <br /><br />Wanting the wedding you want doesn't make you evil, neither does admiting that planning a wedding you don't want around someone who MIGHT not be there doesn't make an awful lot of sense. But DEAR GOD the tone of this letter is callous. Not to mention selfish, spoilt and embarassing. <br /><br />You need to decide how important to YOU it is that your Grandma is there and if it's not then accept it, grow up and pay for the wedding that YOU want. If that's what's important to you. But don't, ffs, beg for them to throw you a party. Throw your own damn party, and make it a good one because you're going to have some very raw wounds to heal (theirs, not yours.)carahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09351483253361159121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-83137425471680051332011-05-11T22:39:14.667-07:002011-05-11T22:39:14.667-07:00ABB, please come back and tell us we've all ju...ABB, please come back and tell us we've all just been punked and this is a big joke.Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04063946647677566193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-83347114894820310442011-05-11T21:31:21.836-07:002011-05-11T21:31:21.836-07:00Dude, I feel like it's the commentators that a...Dude, I feel like it's the commentators that are being bitchy. You don't know what kind of relationship this woman has with her grandmother. My grandma is a bitch that made my mothers life a living hell the entire time she was married to my dad. When my mother told her she was pregnant with me (on purpose, after two years of marriage) my (Catholic!)grandma told her she should have an abortion. So. This blind grandmother worship is bullshit. Some people could give a shit if their grandma is at their wedding.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-50681938358798071332011-05-11T20:29:28.430-07:002011-05-11T20:29:28.430-07:00Okay, okay, okay.
Here's how WE did it: We ha...Okay, okay, okay.<br /><br />Here's how WE did it: We had a mini-wedding with the grandparents FIRST.<br /><br />The time: April<br />Us: Getting maried in Canada in August<br />Grandparents: Ailing in Oregon, less-and-less mobile... my grandfather passed away in June, in fact<br /><br />So we had a ceremony at their retirement home . No lie. I wore my grandmother's wedding dress, he wore a tux, the retirement home minister provided over the "commitment ceremony"(what with it not being legal at all).<br /><br />To my great delight, the uber-conservative minister chose the Ruth and Naomi story (running off to a strange land with the person you love, where you go I go, etc.)... perenial lesbian wedding favourite.<br /><br />My grandparents invited all their friends at the retirement centre to attend... the little chapel was packed. We had a reception of tea and cookies in the cafeteria afterward.<br /><br />And let me tell you... that little wedding with just us, my parents and my grandparents there was SO. MUCH. BETTER. than our grand Canadian wedding in August.<br /><br />Also, fuck the white sand beach wedding if you can't pay for it your damned selves.Samanthahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01316179995953166132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-56996778420200700002011-05-11T20:23:10.207-07:002011-05-11T20:23:10.207-07:00Ignoring the brides attitude for the moment.
Why ...Ignoring the brides attitude for the moment.<br /><br />Why don't you just wait a year to start planning? Then you will have a better idea of whether grams will be able to attend if the wedding is in your hometown. It does not need to take a year and a half to plan a wedding. We did it in under 6 mo.<br />If you are so worried about losing your deposits etc. Don't make em'.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00034443854944184130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-92131671653780073712011-05-11T20:08:58.441-07:002011-05-11T20:08:58.441-07:00This post just makes me really, really sad. I will...This post just makes me really, really sad. I will console myself by spending the next 10 minutes looking at the framed picture of my Nana and me that sits on my desk, wishing that she hadn't all but lost the ability to speak so that I could have a phone call with her and tell her how much I love her.* <br /><br />Go spend some time with your Grams and take a deep breath. Your desire for a beach wedding is not inherently selfish, but the tone of this letter (maybe you were trying to be funny?) shows a heartbreaking misalignment of what-is-important. <br /><br /><br />*My Nana & Mother are Catholic. My ability to guilt trip is hereditary.Ms Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06990466546123333194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-43661721925300864302011-05-11T17:52:15.906-07:002011-05-11T17:52:15.906-07:00oops, and
d) you can't expect your parent to ...oops, and <br />d) you can't expect your parent to pay for it!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-37048203314886085552011-05-11T17:51:04.308-07:002011-05-11T17:51:04.308-07:001) I agree w/ ESB's advice but
2) think ever...1) I agree w/ ESB's advice but <br /><br />2) think everyone's being a little harsh. maybe she *is* just being realistic. <br /> a) I get that you wouldn't want to have a wedding somewhere you don't want in order to accommodate someone who's unlikely to be there. <br /> b) not everyone's that close to their grandparents (which doesn't mean you should ignore them, especially at your wedding) <br /> c) some towns *are* crapholes and being born there doesn't necessarily change that<br /><br />3) you should do something to celebrate with gramma before she does die.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-88545344316501701042011-05-11T17:25:34.687-07:002011-05-11T17:25:34.687-07:00Agreed... in the end it has nothing to do with WHE...Agreed... in the end it has nothing to do with WHERE... It has everything to do with the fact that you are getting married to the person you love and you can do that just the two of you... at a courthouse even.. but if you have the opportunity to exchange those vows in the presence of most of(grams included) the people who support and love you, it will be a million times better... I can't even begin to tell you how AMAZING it felt, on my wedding day, to be surrounded by and cheered by and loved by friends and family. We kept it small, we kept it inexpensive, but those things did not matter. The hugs you get and the love you receive does. Hands down.longlivelovedesignshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03786389275467849177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-38305123260690875152011-05-11T16:55:55.771-07:002011-05-11T16:55:55.771-07:00haha you're a spoiled selfish bitch.haha you're a spoiled selfish bitch.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-55372664706812145742011-05-11T16:51:57.762-07:002011-05-11T16:51:57.762-07:00Last summer, I had the strangest feeling that my g...Last summer, I had the strangest feeling that my grandma (age 94) was going to die before our wedding this summer. I was so panicked about this that we tried to plan something within 2-3 months so she could be there. My parents (and she!) nixed the idea, saying I was being crazy, and that she was health as a horse, and that it was way too short of notice and no one could afford it. So we waited.<br /><br />Turns out my "strange feeling" was misdirected but somehow eerily accurate - my best friend and maid of honor, who relapsed from a cancerous brain tumor the month after my panic attack, died three months later. I am heart broken over it.<br /> <br />Point being, when someone you love ACTUALLY dies, you will experience a grief so overwhelming that something as minor as where your wedding is held simply won't matter to you anymore. It will matter that the people you cherished won't be there to share what should be a special day.<br /><br />Oh, unless you're completely self-absorbed. In which case, if you're reading this, your cheeks might be burning with shame.Kelsinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-8289042868748082102011-05-11T16:49:38.092-07:002011-05-11T16:49:38.092-07:00what a selfish little bitch!what a selfish little bitch!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-77652017169382370592011-05-11T16:48:18.878-07:002011-05-11T16:48:18.878-07:00omg! i actually said that out loud when i read thi...omg! i actually said that out loud when i read this. i'm not really sure what sort of repsonse you were hoping to get from this email? i agree, ESB was VERY restrained with her reply. <br /><br />what you have basically said is 'my grandma is going to die soon so why should i have to plan it around her?'<br />classy!SJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11638931178712128465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-16340662339405159472011-05-11T15:57:09.761-07:002011-05-11T15:57:09.761-07:00Ps @nicole- I would totally support a t.s.f.b.i.a....Ps @nicole- I would totally support a t.s.f.b.i.a.c site. Great idea.chesapeakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09641371045919531080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-55759339627430314452011-05-11T15:55:59.227-07:002011-05-11T15:55:59.227-07:00I think ya'll are being a little too hard on A...I think ya'll are being a little too hard on ABB. Family, weddings, place and marriage mean different things to all of us. We all make selfish decisions now and again based on our values. Just because ABB's values don't line up with yours doesn't mean you get to make her feel guilty. Besides, doesn't everyone go a little crazy when their wedding doesn't go their way? Or was that just me? <br /><br />ESB's advice was spot on. Take it.Anna Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09117488112238848720noreply@blogger.com