tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post8549658823962546605..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: Please help me not murder a bridesmaid!esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-85651795465698421132013-07-24T13:04:39.140-07:002013-07-24T13:04:39.140-07:00' "I do not know how to pay my bills this...' "I do not know how to pay my bills this month. You choose things to do that are too expensive for me." It's hard to admit that, which is probably why she's not being very committal. '<br /><br />100% truth. even being grown ass women, it's embarrassing to have to say out loud "I'm fucking broke." Being a bridesmaid is expensive even when you have a decent amount of cash flow. <br /><br />This reminds me of EVERY 'a practical wedding' post EVER where the editors say that weddings remind us of how weddings make us see the tension between how we want people to be (reliable! helpful!) and how they actually are (flaky!)... people's undesirable personality/character traits don't magically change on the day of your wedding. your friend loves you, and she's trying, but on top of already being a flake, she's got her own shit going on. Let's cut her some slack.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-49064047512765907792013-07-15T16:39:48.996-07:002013-07-15T16:39:48.996-07:00RIGHT?!?RIGHT?!?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-20532718182749515082013-07-15T07:20:21.266-07:002013-07-15T07:20:21.266-07:00Personally, I think mikle abrahan has hit the nail...Personally, I think mikle abrahan has hit the nail on the head. Getting a dog to accompany you on your cross-country drive is only slightly weirder than making your mum grow your wedding flowers or requiring your bridesmaid to learn to drive a manual car. I guarantee your dog will listen to your woes more sympathetically than pretty much anyone else.Kirsty | A Safe Mooringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05245573480136807303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-22705354787711424592013-07-14T12:18:30.057-07:002013-07-14T12:18:30.057-07:00This. Particularly about the driving. In the past ...This. Particularly about the driving. In the past 4 months my parents have driven from Boston to western Minnesota twice, each time in two days. Yes, there was two of them, but my mom didn't drive at all either time (because she can't drive stick). Also, I drove by myself from Virginia to western Minnesota in two days twice a year the four years I was in college, which was before every fancy phone or car came with GPS. As long as you have a fully charged cell phone (bring a charger with you so it remains that way) and a map you should be good to go. Why is this a big deal?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-61998517118492376852013-07-13T14:50:44.398-07:002013-07-13T14:50:44.398-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.erinwdesignhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18224660685274609558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-52455950200947783172013-07-13T13:00:27.565-07:002013-07-13T13:00:27.565-07:00The OP just emailed me an update:
Hi ESB,
Thanks...The OP just emailed me an update:<br /><br />Hi ESB,<br /><br />Thanks for you candor in addressing my issues. However, since I like to think of myself as a generally nice and understanding person, and because I think you give good advice, and I respect your opinions enough to ask for them, I thought I would write back to you. Given your response I feel like there was maybe a lot of context missing, or maybe you'll still think I'm a total bridezilla after this, and that's fine too. <br /><br />I also wrote to you in between the 'well, I guess I don't have to worry about her flaking out anymore stage' and the 'ohholyshitwhatamIgoingtodophase', which is probably not the best time* to ask a stranger on the internet and her army of hipsters for advice.<br /><br />*Actually the best time for this is probably never.<br /><br /><br /><br />So anyway, to clarify:<br /><br />1. I previously never thought Jane was a flaky person, I know in my email it definitely sounds like I had prior experience with this side of her--that's just bad writing on my part. Definitely if I thought she was flaky I wouldn't have relied on her for these things. We have been very close for a long time and I very much value our relationship.<br /><br />2. I only say that Jane is "concerned about money" because she is a very frugal person. She makes a comfortable living. The reason she keeps going through jobs is that she keeps applying for better jobs and she keeps getting them. <br /><br />3. Out of concern for her frugality I offered her several hundred dollars to help with travel expenses (which she accepted). Having her drive out with me was another way to help her keep her cost of attending the wedding to almost nothing. Additionally, she has never overtly told me money was a concern--only hinted.<br /><br />4. I'm really sure where you're getting the thing about her boyfriend. He's great (I was good friends with him before I was friends with her), and their relationship is lovely and quite stable. He's also offered more than once (in my presence) to teach her how to drive stick.<br /><br />5. I'm only upset about her not helping with stuff because these are all things she offered to do WITHOUT ANY PROMPTING FROM ME. She offered to help with the flowers, and she offered to help Kate with the bachelorette. I would really have been fine without a bachelorette but she and Kate insisted that they wanted me to have one. Technically, yes, I did ask her to learn to drive stick, but she said that it wouldn't be a problem, and it was in return for a free ride to the wedding and quality BFF time.<br /><br />Anyway, thank you for your input the first time around and if no one else ever sees this, that's okay, but I did want to clarify myself to you.esbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-34116950292911081522013-07-12T21:41:43.366-07:002013-07-12T21:41:43.366-07:00That was my second favorite part. That was my second favorite part. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-59376685847327308592013-07-12T21:38:22.903-07:002013-07-12T21:38:22.903-07:00When she offered to help you with flowers, she end...When she offered to help you with flowers, she ended up with the "relatively simple task" of having to figure out how to grow unusual, exotic flowers in a shady backyard in Minnesota.<br /><br />I wouldn't offer to help you with anything after that either. <br /><br />(I mean SERIOUSLY. Even if you know nothing about flowers, did you ever stop to think about why you can't just buy them at any old florist?)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-31659272308332677802013-07-12T18:49:12.629-07:002013-07-12T18:49:12.629-07:00Re: Dresses
Really, the just "pick your own ...Re: Dresses<br /><br />Really, the just "pick your own dress" is not the easy-going route, nor the kind route. It's the I-can't-make-up-my-mind, don't-want-to-"seem"-controlling, passive-aggressive route. The only way it works is if you honestly are okay with your bridesmaids showing up in <i>whatever</i> they want to wear.<br /><br />If you want a certain look, the easiest, kindest option is to offer a selection of a few dresses at a couple different price points and let your bridesmaids choose from those.<br /><br />Concerning Jane, if you really are so concerned about her dress, you can offer to buy her one. A <a href="http://us.asos.com/Women-Sale-Dresses/101xs4/?cid=5235&WT.ac=%7CHub%7CSale%7CNav%7CWW%7Calldresses#state=Rf-200%3D3%40Rf-800%3D-1%2C61&parentID=Rf-800&pge=0&pgeSize=204&sort=3" rel="nofollow">quick search on ASOS</a> shows 417 blue dresses in a variety of styles for less than $100 dollars. Pick one you like and bestow it on your friend as a gift.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06660790123660048128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-79877906095009016932013-07-12T15:55:47.678-07:002013-07-12T15:55:47.678-07:00Cus we some bad bitches.Cus we some bad bitches.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-29962153572047942492013-07-12T13:44:40.268-07:002013-07-12T13:44:40.268-07:00You think that a woman who gives zero shits about ...You think that a woman who gives zero shits about her friends wedding is actually sitting around reading wedding blogs? Brides are self-obsessed (I know, I am one) and you need to get over the fact that nobody else has their life revolving about your special day. People suck, but people have more troubles in their lives than a blue dress GET OVER IT. Carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03395469029494578901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-10598352881011700982013-07-12T13:21:48.193-07:002013-07-12T13:21:48.193-07:00lol i wonder why the OP doesn't want to respon...lol i wonder why the OP doesn't want to respond over hereserenissimahttp://sartorialme.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-71674014023169227722013-07-12T13:12:44.547-07:002013-07-12T13:12:44.547-07:00Ditto...Ditto...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-45136896201356802262013-07-12T13:11:46.671-07:002013-07-12T13:11:46.671-07:00the inane comments over there make me love you guy...the inane comments over there make me love you guys SO MUCHesbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-84704519645422740392013-07-12T13:09:20.216-07:002013-07-12T13:09:20.216-07:00Have a great day tomorrow! Congrats. Have a great day tomorrow! Congrats. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86864323673816329802013-07-12T12:44:43.786-07:002013-07-12T12:44:43.786-07:00Oddly, the more I hear, the less I care.Oddly, the more I hear, the less I care.unfounddoorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01875652207010327188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-56407272244530121722013-07-12T11:36:51.969-07:002013-07-12T11:36:51.969-07:00whoa whoa whoa OP responded on Reddit.
" Tha...whoa whoa whoa OP responded on Reddit.<br /><br />" Thank you, all of this is really, really helpful and I really appreciate your thoughtful response. And yes, that is how I tend to approach things :P<br />The part that bothers me most about the dress thing isn't that it's ugly or inappropriate, but that I feel like this is the one thing I really required of her, and I feel like it's just crazy that she would think that was a good option. I thought about mentioning to her that she's going to be underdressed and might feel uncomfortable, but then, I think she's oblivious enough that she really wouldn't feel uncomfortable, so I decided to let it go as best I could. I thought about offering to pitch in on a new dress by my FH was dead-set against it, which is understandable since we've already put forth a few hundred dollars to help her out.<br />As for the work thing, yeah, she has been changing jobs a lot, but it's only because she keeps getting better job offers from new places in her chosen field, hah. It's hard to feel too sorry for her about that, and while I don't have access to her bank statements or anything I think a lot of her money concerns are internally manufactured. She's gainfully employed, her rent is cheap and she doesn't have student loans.<br />Thanks again, and yeah, I think my goal is to just try and keep things pleasant between us (on the surface at least), since she has no idea I'm bothered. (She was actually super surprised when I mentioned that her putting off learning stick was stressing me out since we have to leave in a month).<br /><br />"I think the thing I'm most worried about is driving 24 hours in a short amount of time. I'm worried about falling asleep at the wheel or having to stop at a sketchy roadside motel.<br />Re: the dress. I thought about it really hard, I did. But I really didn't want to have to listen to her complain about then HAVING to go out and buy one because she's SO broke. I was worried if I said she needed a new one I would end up paying for it because she would make me feel guilty. But yeah, I probably should have said something.<br /><br />"I think you're misunderstand the situation. I never specifically asked her to anything. I have also fronted several hundred dollars to begin with to help her out, and had I thought she was flaky you're right, I wouldn't have asked her to do anything. I didn't think she had much interest in weddings, which was why I didn't ask her to be my MoH.<br />She also makes much more money than I do, and I know for a fact that she is not the most cash strapped of the bridal party.<br />Everything she has offered, I double checked with before relying on her. I live several hours from her, she said learning stick would be no problem, and sleeps in the same bed as someone who can teach her.<br /><br /><br />you guys.. go on Reddit. i searched 'drive stick MN' and found the post in like 2 seconds.mishcamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03988893877418120267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-10795129300708995862013-07-12T11:20:16.557-07:002013-07-12T11:20:16.557-07:00Or maybe mikle abraham is a real person trying to ...Or maybe mikle abraham is a real person trying to give OP serious advice. Travel with Charlie if Jane won't come! No? I totally didn't realize this was spam before I read your comments...<br />(Also realized while posting this: That captcha really is hard!)newkatinkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14338261202173819304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-43745966433669650152013-07-12T11:13:05.316-07:002013-07-12T11:13:05.316-07:00Add this whole ordeal to the list of why having br...Add this whole ordeal to the list of why having bridesmaids is way more trouble than its worth.Mary Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02465919515883858255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-77401679575514252772013-07-12T10:47:46.795-07:002013-07-12T10:47:46.795-07:00hahaha yall crack me up. And yes, OP is super weir...hahaha yall crack me up. And yes, OP is super weird!!Mary Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02465919515883858255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-59727457506555394232013-07-12T10:39:24.250-07:002013-07-12T10:39:24.250-07:00"I have very specifically never asked her to ..."I have very specifically never asked her to do anything, so I don't think I'm really expecting too much." <br /><br />Other than asking her to take an entire WEEK off of work to drive across the country, and also spend HOURS (and her boyfriend as well) learning to drive stick! Ha! These are totally unreasonable expectations. Mary Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02465919515883858255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-14111119612314587602013-07-12T10:28:15.565-07:002013-07-12T10:28:15.565-07:00Very brave, Sonny! No way I would have done it. I...Very brave, Sonny! No way I would have done it. I bought a car in college that was a manual, having no idea how to drive it, then ended up stalling on hills for the next month. Highway entrance and exit ramps are probably terrifying to a new manual driver. Stefhttp://www.milk-shed.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-58355017176605082672013-07-12T09:31:01.770-07:002013-07-12T09:31:01.770-07:00I learned to drive a manual car a week before driv...I learned to drive a manual car a week before driving across the country in said car (long story) and that drive was fucking scary. Not a good idea. Sonnynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-88706229707280279352013-07-12T09:23:37.146-07:002013-07-12T09:23:37.146-07:00I guess the captcha isn't quite hard enough. S...I guess the captcha isn't quite hard enough. Sage advice, mikle abraham.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241445431705366119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-5814993484465920232013-07-12T09:19:49.033-07:002013-07-12T09:19:49.033-07:00Turns out that captcha wasn't that hard...Turns out that captcha wasn't that hard...Christinanoreply@blogger.com