tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post8308853375574820521..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: Dear ESB: I want to cancel my wedding.esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-5756052643273414982011-08-21T16:50:46.891-07:002011-08-21T16:50:46.891-07:00The writer here! Just wanted to say thank you to ...The writer here! Just wanted to say thank you to ESB and all those who have commented. My fiance and I are going to have a nice long talk and make some decisions...I'll keep you posted!!Amandanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-6281429003100056362011-08-21T08:17:17.771-07:002011-08-21T08:17:17.771-07:00All of these comments are great, and I think whate...All of these comments are great, and I think whatever you end up deciding will also be great. It's just a netter of making a decision and working with the decision consistently and confidently! However, no one has mentioned it yet, but you say you have 70 obligatory invites, what are the other 100 invites?!? Does that mean that those are extra, or the opposite? Either way, the easiest way to cut the cost of a wedding dramatically is to cut the number of guests. That may be all you need to do to make you feel better. Much better, on all counts. Don't you think?allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06523194533953519070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-53986373410395805332011-08-19T09:31:57.785-07:002011-08-19T09:31:57.785-07:00@julia but she said the 70 people were obligatory ...@julia but she said the 70 people were obligatory invites. I can see people regretting if they couldn't invite some of their friends, but no one regrets not inviting distant relatives and friends of their granparents they've never met, etc. that's the point.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-74611198297808950932011-08-19T08:09:30.326-07:002011-08-19T08:09:30.326-07:00@ ESB- I didn't fill my venue and it would not...@ ESB- I didn't fill my venue and it would not have cost us any more to invite more of my friends. (we had way tons of extra food) I cut out the "high-school friends" from my guest list even though that was only 5 years ago. I'm a little sad that we didn't get that reunion and I didn't take the chance to let them know that I still value their friendship even though I haven't seen them in a while.<br />There isn't anyone that I wish hadn't come. And everyone that was there was grateful for the invite and had a blast. <br /><br />Also, maybe we would have actually danced if there were more of my friends there? I don't know. The dancing didn't work. We were tired. E's crazy fun aunts had already left. E didn't want to dance. <br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I loved my wedding, but I do sorta wish I had invited more people.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00034443854944184130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-45889267760045034412011-08-18T10:19:23.144-07:002011-08-18T10:19:23.144-07:00where are you getting married? i just got married ...where are you getting married? i just got married and had a GREAT day of coordinator (who was really willing to work with my budget). i got married outside, under a tent, brought salt and pepper so I FEEL YOU. Delegate to good friends (my maid of honor and friend that works on tv production were AMAZING, and I got them presents for how much they did). also, cut the 70 people. do it. i was anxious about not including certain people - but 100 guests is what we had, it saved us TONS of money, and in my pictures, it really does look like a small wedding - so tell people you are having a small one.pennyhttp://penny.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-12765588303033875822011-08-18T09:15:38.182-07:002011-08-18T09:15:38.182-07:00We had a very DIY wedding and had to bring our own...We had a very DIY wedding and had to bring our own salt and pepper, tablecloths, etc, and ours was also outdoor with a big tent. I organised everything myself and loved it, but that's because i'm a neurotic organiser person. I also helped to organise a friend's similar-style wedding, because she's not a neurotic organiser person. Do you have a friend like me? A friend who is possibly waiting in the wings just now, dying for you to say "oh god i need help"? <br /><br />(also, our guest list was like 70 people -- cut the obligatories!)Ghanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04610010494608749009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-9619065193184066372011-08-18T09:11:14.354-07:002011-08-18T09:11:14.354-07:00here's some insight for the writer, the majori...here's some insight for the writer, the majority of those amazing (rustic or vintage or whatever) weddings on the blogs have wedding planners or event designers! just check the vendor/supplier list, there is usually some fab event planner listed. I'm not saying you can't plan a blog-worthy wedding yourself, by any means. I'm just saying most of the ones you are swooning over had some professional help, and that's probably why the couples look so carefree and calm. <br /><br />The point is, scale it down to something you can comfortably manage OR get some help to create your vision. (I know a wedding planner is an added expense, but often they pay for themselves when negotiating deals with other vendors.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86018471648462635852011-08-18T05:32:24.153-07:002011-08-18T05:32:24.153-07:00Uh, I wish we had a bigger wedding. We couldn'...Uh, I wish we had a bigger wedding. We couldn't afford it and we didn't want to give anyone nervous breakdowns but the only invites I regret are the ones that DIDN'T go out. I don't regret anyone we DID invite. Inclusive was our mantra and we couldn't send that as wide as we would have liked, truth be told.<br /><br />Big can be awesome. Just putting that out there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-9736160670255633502011-08-17T20:17:13.465-07:002011-08-17T20:17:13.465-07:00I felt the EXACT same way as we were planning. Bef...I felt the EXACT same way as we were planning. Before invites were sent out, we quickly decided, have the intimate (awesome) ceremony and wedding weekend with delicious Mexican food for dinner, and then have an afternoon reception somewhere super minimalistic and easy. It was the best decision. If you don't want the big wedding, don't have the big wedding. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-51089704151424415192011-08-17T18:55:47.194-07:002011-08-17T18:55:47.194-07:00We are having a 30 person wedding on a sail boat w...We are having a 30 person wedding on a sail boat with dinner at a great restaurant afterward. I definitely think that restaurants are the way to go, because it all comes in one package...with one price. You don't have to worry about renting chairs, or plates and silverware, and the cost of a caterer on top of a facility fee. Also, you know the food will be good, because that's what they do, and if you already like the decor of the place, most of your work is already done.Emily Greenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12202405668501433146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-36487804156832408852011-08-17T17:46:40.287-07:002011-08-17T17:46:40.287-07:00Three words stuck out to me- Barn. Blog. Vision. Y...Three words stuck out to me- Barn. Blog. Vision. You're trying to have a blog worthy wedding. Fuck that.<br /><br />I set out to do that when I was first engaged. Checked out barns, or renting a tent to have the reception in my mom's awesome yard. I thought it would be cheap, whimsical, and beautiful. And blog worthy. Then I saw how much it cost. Barn weddings are for rich people (and farmers). It doesn't sound like you are either of those. Fuck the barn and catering and having the dance floor outside. I went with one of the cheapest all inclusive banquet places I could find, and I don't regret it one bit. They took care of everything the day of, the food was better than all of the catered-in weddings I've been to at fancy venues, and everyone got drunk and had a blast dancing on the securely dry dance floor. We took some beautiful pics outside so it didn't matter that the reception venue wasn't perfectly trendy. STOP READING BLOGS. Live within your means. Have a motherfucking awesome time. Your wedding is a party, not a photoshoot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-82365396461429343292011-08-17T17:18:40.745-07:002011-08-17T17:18:40.745-07:00after getting a list from my parents of people the...after getting a list from my parents of people they wanted at the wedding, i put my foot down and said 'if you want a family reunion, organise one, but i am not inviting second cousins I haven't seen in 10 years and wouldn't recognise if i saw them on the street to my wedding.' it's your wedding, you shouldn't feel obliged to invite a whole lot of people you don't really know or care about.<br /><br />i'm still planning my wedding and can relate to feeling completely freaked out by the numbers adding up on the wedding budge spreadsheet. i'm also having an outdoor wedding where i have to organise everything at the venue, nothing is included, and decided to hire a day of coordinator for a few hours just to make my life easier. <br />come up with a back up plan if it rains, it will be one less thing to worry about in the lead up to the day and if it does rain, the coordinator is the person to execute that plan.<br />while it adds money to the budget, i think it will be worth it in the end as you can focus on important things like having a kick ass time at your own wedding!<br /><br />i think you should commit to the decision you make (whether it's eloping or having the wedding) and then get really excited about that decision and focus only on the good bits. if you're going to spend all that money, you might as well get excited about what it's going to pay for!SJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11638931178712128465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-49654457540201110792011-08-17T17:18:16.538-07:002011-08-17T17:18:16.538-07:00I wish I could go back and cancel our wedding.
...I wish I could go back and cancel our wedding. <br /><br />I regret the money we spent most of all. Now I need a new car and we want to buy a house soon and I could just cry over how much money is gone for one party. One day that was special for 30 minutes and not very fun for myself or my groom.<br /><br />I was ridiculously stressed and cried the entire week of the event, due to DYI overload. I didn't get to have quality time with anyone who came in to town unless they came over to our house and made decorations that week. My relationship with my parents (who spent 2 weeks in our apartment, helping plan, saving our asses and making me crazy) survived but not without scars.<br /><br />If it's not too late, really consider listening to that little voice that tells you to cancel and go back to the drawing board.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-83677020905531246802011-08-17T16:43:37.770-07:002011-08-17T16:43:37.770-07:00Cross off the 70 that are obligatory. And get a da...Cross off the 70 that are obligatory. And get a day-of person if you can. I didn't realize how useful she would become until the countdown started and she's contacting all the vendors and making sure the i's are dotted and t's are crossed. They don't plan it for you, they just do the crappiest parts of planning. And I find day-of contracts to be really affordable.snarkycatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-21391948206177495562011-08-17T16:03:44.276-07:002011-08-17T16:03:44.276-07:00First, I was totally in the "Lets go to the c...First, I was totally in the "Lets go to the courthouse, this shit sucks" camp. In the end I had the best time ever on my wedding day, so if there's the tiniest part of you that wants to celebrate with everyone, do it.<br /><br />Second, I agree with ESB et al: scale your invites down to only the most important people to you. I promise you, you won't regret it. We had a rule that we didn't want to meet anyone for the first time at our wedding, and that was the perfect barometer for us.<br /><br />Third, get less fancy, better tasting, cheaper food. It can happen. Family style service will be much cheaper because there is less labor. Also, if you're of the <a href="http://www.eastsidebride.com/2011/08/fck-flowers.html" rel="nofollow">F*ck Flowers</a> persuasion, skip centerpieces and have olive oil, fresh baked bread, some cheese, and maybe tapenade as your centerpieces. It looks awesome and PEOPLE CAN EAT IT. Pair that with some rustic Italian fair and you've saved yourself a few grand. <br /><br />Fourth, you don't need salt and pepper at the table.Melissanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-84226572342104326112011-08-17T15:50:04.963-07:002011-08-17T15:50:04.963-07:00My sister had a pretty large wedding (200-ish), an...My sister had a pretty large wedding (200-ish), and barely got to see everyone, and we were all there for 8 hours. Absurd. There were perfunctory hellos to the people they didn't really know, and then they spent more time with the people they did want to be around so...why bother inviting those obligatory people in the first place?<br /><br />The best wedding I have ever attended was 40ish people--we hiked up into the redwoods, our friends got married, hiked back down to this tiny and awesome french restaurant, knocked back tons of champagne and truly delicious food, and just hung out for hours. It was great. <br /><br />And for the record--I notice the little details at the weddings/parties I go to. AND I make damn sure to let the host/bride/groom know that I loved whatever it was. And I keep my mouth shut about the shit I don't like. So if you want pretty handmade details, some people DO notice and will appreciate them. (and if you don't want to spend the time making -whatever- just don't. It's your party.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-5438978259030871362011-08-17T15:45:20.971-07:002011-08-17T15:45:20.971-07:00having had a large, outdoor DIY wedding i can tell...having had a large, outdoor DIY wedding i can tell you it was 100% worth it and the SINGLE regret that hubby and i have is inviting the obligatory folks. family can be tricky but there were other invited "friends" who we grew up with or felt that we needed to invite otherwise -- some of them didn't even show up!!! thinking back on the most glorious day ever, i remember having a blast with the people that actually wanted to be there. the rest we could have spared from sitting around politely and leaving early. we had 200 guests and i do really wish we could have cut that in half. <br /><br />also, don't be afraid to ask for help from your friends as long as the tasks are divided up really well so no one is burdened by too much to do. i asked one friend to help with coordinating the ceremony, another to do my make-up, MIL did my hair, etc -- they all did amazing jobs, we all had fun together and the "tasks" didn't last very long... it was a shared experience, our friends felt involved and it made the party that much more fun. <br /><br />take a breather and good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-60950914219039033212011-08-17T15:27:38.694-07:002011-08-17T15:27:38.694-07:00@Anon 3:08 i like you.@Anon 3:08 i like you.east side bridehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06206689296805893265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-48059198786986810372011-08-17T15:08:40.598-07:002011-08-17T15:08:40.598-07:00I'm in two minds about this one - on the one h...I'm in two minds about this one - on the one hand, I acutally wish I'd invited all my cousins to my wedding, I missed them. On the other, 170 is a *shitload* of people and there's no need for old workmates and the like in m'umble (unless you're friends now of course).<br /><br />No. Fuck it. Restaurant. Fun. Dancing. Treatiness. My other big regret about my wedding was the excess amount of fretting over the DIY. You should enjoy your day not burn yourself out for it. Done. *gavel.*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-91473518237143354212011-08-17T14:10:15.346-07:002011-08-17T14:10:15.346-07:00I see your point...you should definitely do what f...I see your point...you should definitely do what feels right to you!Melissa Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-64407821404882899882011-08-17T13:59:55.541-07:002011-08-17T13:59:55.541-07:00this is exactly why I got married at an all-inclus...this is exactly why I got married at an all-inclusive venue. one big fat check and no thinking/stress required<br /><br />(but I do second what Rachel said - if it's what you want aside from the budget issue, you'll make it work. especially if you cut out people you don't even want there that badly)nikkihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06118368189622576399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-70385423281206601732011-08-17T13:53:48.118-07:002011-08-17T13:53:48.118-07:00Amen to what ESB said! I wish I would have stomped...Amen to what ESB said! I wish I would have stomped my foot down and refused to let me MIL invite a million people myself nor my husband knew. Did his kindergarden teacher really care to come to the wedding and to be honest, did we care if she came? Nope. Dumb. Don't invite people and just tell them it's intimate. People don't really care to go to weddings, plus it will be summer, they will have another to go to. I promise.Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03036709100068435160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-60408331311325248052011-08-17T13:49:36.316-07:002011-08-17T13:49:36.316-07:00I'm pretty much in agreement with most voices ...I'm pretty much in agreement with most voices here... <br /><br />Scale that guest list waaay back (we cut our list of anyone we worked with and only invited closest family and friends for a total of 50). If your family harasses you to invite more, invite them to pay for it (my mom did and did). <br /><br />Stop nagging yourself over trying to be perfect and have a ton of little "details"- really, the only things you need are a venue, an officiant, and your guy. Everything else is gravy, so treat it as such. I suggest you make a priority list of those things that are most important to you. I guarantee hand-lettered place cards are not it.<br /><br />Call in help; either hire a wedding coordinator to help with some tasks or ask trusted family/friends to help you out with things like scheduling deliveries of food/furniture, etc. You would be surprised what people will do if they feel they are helping someone in need!<br /><br />Finally, draw up a budget and stay within it. For example, flowers should not be more than 5% of your budget. You can flex for your priorities, but don't go broke on something that really makes no difference in the long run. Really, the only person who is going to notice all of the musical instruments hanging from the ceiling/chocolate fountain/hand-crocheted favours is you. I guarantee it. <br /><br />As long as your guests are well fed, they are generally pretty happy! Most people are just honoured to be invited to something so special.<br /><br />Don't cancel...do can some of the excess.Kareninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06216956152861247290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-20541210176614935872011-08-17T13:44:44.759-07:002011-08-17T13:44:44.759-07:00When I was planning my wedding I remember coming a...When I was planning my wedding I remember coming across a post on a wedding blog about a "budget wedding" in which the message was "look at all the luxury stuff you can afford if you don't invite anyone to your wedding" and thinking that was really sad. To me, the main point of a wedding is the people there...figure out how many people you really want to have at your wedding, and then figure out what you can afford. Depending on you and your fiance, this could end up meaning that you have a 20 person wedding or a 200 person wedding.<br />Another thing about wedding costs is that they don't scale linearly with people. Things like photog., venue (unless you'd get a much smaller one with fewer people), clothes, decorations, music, etc will cost about the same. You can cut down on the added cost per person if you can supply your own booze and avoid a traditional full service caterer.Julianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-72291517276142657902011-08-17T13:24:45.369-07:002011-08-17T13:24:45.369-07:00oh lady, I am sooo in the same boat. This probably...oh lady, I am sooo in the same boat. This probably isn't very helpful, but I DO think it's possible to regret having a small wedding (I have a friend who always says she wishes she invited more friends and family to her destination-ish affair). That being said, I am planning what has turned into an expensive wedding and it is making me very panicky and feel like a complete asshole for "spending so much on one day." I guess what I'm saying is (like so many "big" decisions in wedding planning, I think it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. I say just make a decision (gut), stick to it, and then try your hardest to stop fretting... that's my plan at least... as i stare at my budget spreadsheet for the tenth time today...Stelnoreply@blogger.com