tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post6164635831715784622..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: My man is rubbish at giving presents!esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-7526303093944704412012-08-08T07:17:03.850-07:002012-08-08T07:17:03.850-07:00i'm in a relationship with a similar dynamic, ...i'm in a relationship with a similar dynamic, and this was so great to read! thanks! a great thing to appreciate...megclendanielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07354899939015415017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-13413804486055055242010-09-16T01:43:50.920-07:002010-09-16T01:43:50.920-07:00Yes its great idea......Yes its great idea......sophiahttp://www.giftagift.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-65505620096434659492010-09-08T11:21:22.130-07:002010-09-08T11:21:22.130-07:00send an email to him, way before the occasion (a c...send an email to him, way before the occasion (a couple of weeks at least). "if you're looking for an idea for my __occasion here___", i love these things:<br /><br />put in some links, so he gets to choose what he gets you. i always find it a surprise what he picks. everyone's happy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-36313543029905570512010-09-03T13:11:19.029-07:002010-09-03T13:11:19.029-07:00@Anonymous who said "@Abernacky the dude'...@Anonymous who said "@Abernacky the dude's not a puppy! i think the whole 'goood booooy, you did real goooood. you made mommy so happy,' approach is pretty demeaning."<br />I'm not talking about treating him like a puppy. I'm talking about positive reinforcement. It sounded like this poor guy only gets negative feedback for his gift giving. No one responds well to only negative feedback. I was saying she should be grateful if he tries to do better and make sure that she tells him this.<br /><br />@east side bride : awww, <3 the dictionary widget. such a small little thing but its adorable.<br /><br />@She who wrote it: I'm glad you guys had a talk about all of this! <br />However, if hes gonna take a stand on not wanting to give gifts that aren't solely his idea, then he needs to step up his gift-giving! For real. Its cute and all that he feels that way, but if he won't take suggestions and hes getting things wrong, he needs to reevaluate his whole strategy here. It may be an ego blow, but if he puts his pride (of his gift-giving skills) over what actually makes you happy, thats an issue.Abernackyhttp://abernacky.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-48752741568463165962010-09-03T07:18:51.521-07:002010-09-03T07:18:51.521-07:00Sweets, just tell him/make a wishlist. Turn it int...Sweets, just tell him/make a wishlist. Turn it into a fun thing. It could even become your thing, like a lovely ritual just the two of you share where you go shopping for your gift, then go to the pub/play arcade games/catch a silly movie.Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00115449525177077466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-82934300283388916402010-09-02T06:10:50.067-07:002010-09-02T06:10:50.067-07:00I had a similar situation with my guy. A few year...I had a similar situation with my guy. A few years ago I asked him to please just get me a card for my b-day. He came through and got me a great card, and I've been cured of the longing ever since. That's all it took for me. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-32263854869785888732010-09-01T12:52:46.320-07:002010-09-01T12:52:46.320-07:00Thank you everyone for all your thoughts. many use...Thank you everyone for all your thoughts. many useful ideas.<br /><br />I thought I'd elaborate a bit so you can understand - I HAVE told him things that I want, but he gets upset if it wasn't his idea - it takes the cleverness out of it somehow. If I tell him, that thing becomes unbuyable. So lists do not work with him. However, after writing to you ESB I did have a long talk which went really well and I now feel better.<br /><br />Also - I even agree with the people saying 'I hate women who talk like this'. But I can't deny my feelings either. <br /><br />I think that heavy expectations and schedules are probably counterproductive though. Have taken everyone's ideas in - thank you!<br /><br />@wool and misc: Yes - rubbish is a good word! UK usage probs <br /><br />I like the idea of a competition... and hiding things in socks.<br /><br />And everyone is so right about the little moments. Hopefully a little moment will coincide with my birthday this year :)She who wrote itnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-16892541217926697142010-09-01T03:35:27.834-07:002010-09-01T03:35:27.834-07:00Aaah - read this book!!
http://www.amazon.com/Fiv...Aaah - read this book!!<br /><br />http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156<br /><br />Such a revelation about how we communicate with each other on that kind of level - you might pick out great presents and love finding cards because that's your love language and what you crave - but your partner may be on a different wavelength and perhaps is more touching and cuddly - because that's what makes them tick.<br /><br />Definitely worth a read!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-69093498585954478732010-08-31T21:29:19.764-07:002010-08-31T21:29:19.764-07:00Two of my fav T-shirts are shirts I bought for my ...Two of my fav T-shirts are shirts I bought for my boy, which, so it turns out, he didn't like, and they came back to me. But when I wear them, I think of him; I only think of him. <br />Also my friend Darcie had your same problem, and yes, sometimes (as unromantic as it is) you gotta tell the boy what you want and maybe also what he needs to do. Maybe he just needs that.<br />For example, every year, my boy bakes me a bday cake. I usually hate it, even though I say I love it. So every year, on his bday, I buy him the beautiful, bakery-made cake I'd love for myself.Bad Bridehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08935473174109838690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-1615789800658529692010-08-31T21:28:25.266-07:002010-08-31T21:28:25.266-07:00Suggestions:
Leave notes in his sock drawer leadi...Suggestions:<br /><br />Leave notes in his sock drawer leading up to an event TELLING him what you want as a gift.<br /><br />2. Make it a competition. Men love to compete. Whoever comes up with the BEST birthday suprise is the winner. Spell this out to him along with the rules and prizes (head jobs are very motivcating...)<br />Start small - you obviously will be a lot better at this them him, and as the years go by gradually get more and more grandiose and he will naturally get better every year.<br /><br />Goodluck!Sunny And Finehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08749172910052818049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-2094589538071252302010-08-31T17:26:28.075-07:002010-08-31T17:26:28.075-07:00yeah. and. sometimes they just get better at it as...yeah. and. sometimes they just get better at it as they get to know you and understand when a hint is a HINT.lizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00379596904318935981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-4522025765302065422010-08-31T17:12:08.808-07:002010-08-31T17:12:08.808-07:00Agree with ESB - just tell the guy!
Last Christma...Agree with ESB - just tell the guy!<br /><br />Last Christmas I was annoyed because I guessed (correctly) that hubby was going to buy me a hairdryer. Which was fine (and I did need a new one) but it was a bit boring/administrative.<br /><br />I told him I didn't want the hairdryer and that if he couldn't think of anything else, I wanted a particular bracelet. He didn't tell me he got it so I was still surprised when I opened up the gift, plus there were lots of slight variations on the bracelet so he chose a particular one that he thought I would like. I love it and when people ask where I got it I can say he bought it for me. Win win!Emilyhttp://itpleasesus.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-6146973685627916362010-08-31T15:26:21.412-07:002010-08-31T15:26:21.412-07:00you should make a list and write him a letter. the...you should make a list and write him a letter. then sit on his lap and ask very kindly. tell him why you deserve such gifts and how you've been a good girl, etc.<br /><br />kidding.Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07075148009608610305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-15459259156825219432010-08-31T14:52:28.161-07:002010-08-31T14:52:28.161-07:00This might sound weird, but have you had a convers...This might sound weird, but have you had a conversation about your gift-giving philosophies, where you talk about how you feel about gifts and what they mean to you? It sounds abstract, but it might help a lot.<br /><br />I could have written a similar letter about a slightly different issue: eating out in nice restaurants. I love going out to a fancy dinner, but whenever I'd suggest that for our anniversary, my husband would say "let's just stay home and cook something nice." Which I interpreted as "our anniversary is not important enough to merit a nice dinner out." So I'd get upset that he didn't want to do anything special, and he'd say we could go out if I really wanted to, and then I'd get even more upset and say it didn't *count* if I had to *drag* him out to celebrate our anniversary. <br /><br />What finally solved this recurring problem was having a non-anniversary-related conversation about eating out in high-end restaurants. It turns out that four-star dining is not something my husband particularly values. He finds it more enjoyable and more special to cook a gourmet meal at home together than to put on a tie, find city parking, and pay twice as much for wine. I explained to him that I really enjoy a change of scenery and the chance to try something we can't make at home, and that even a very nice meal at home is not as special to me as going out. Now that we understand each others' attitudes better, planning special occasions has gotten *much* easier, and he'll occasionally even surprise me by proposing a night out "just because," which he's never done before!<br /><br />Having a more general conversation about your attitudes towards gifts might help you to understand your guy's gift-giving habits better, and might help him understand why gifts and surprises are so important to you. And, as a person who's not so great with presents, I agree with everyone who have said some direct hints about what you want for your birthday would probably help him out. Because you're so great at giving gifts and planning surprises, he may be suffering a bit of performance anxiety and worrying that nothing he comes up with will be good enough to measure up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-90738668507529820982010-08-31T13:48:42.544-07:002010-08-31T13:48:42.544-07:00I tend to develop high expectations and then get d...I tend to develop high expectations and then get disappointed when no one reads my mind and gets it exactly right. I finally realized that if I know exactly what I want, I can get it myself, enjoy it and then other people's gifts are just icing on the cake. On my birthday, I want a massive slice of confetti cake and usually a massage or something fun. I take the day off work and celebrate by myself and it is awesome. <br /><br />Some years D buys a perfect gift or plans a nice dinner. Some years are less perfect but my expectations aren't all riding on him, which is a relief for both of us.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10211797571405802312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-76128720679445032952010-08-31T13:07:11.817-07:002010-08-31T13:07:11.817-07:00@Maddie - thank you. Kind gestures bury awesome gi...@Maddie - thank you. Kind gestures bury awesome gifts in the snow. And then pee on them a little.eRiNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16865710064975192266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-50450339540428830032010-08-31T12:30:57.904-07:002010-08-31T12:30:57.904-07:00My husband is an amazing, compassionate, thoughtfu...My husband is an amazing, compassionate, thoughtful, caring man... who gives horrible presents. Even when I tell him exactly what I want, he goes off book because he has a "better idea". <br /><br />I can live with it, and I get myself something if I really want it, knowing that I'm not ruining his big surprise. <br /><br />It's all about managing your expectations. His bad gift giving is nothing compared to his amazing everything else.The Maiden Metallurgisthttp://www.themaidenmetallurgist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-12946056619070348972010-08-31T12:08:08.912-07:002010-08-31T12:08:08.912-07:00I agree with the Amazon.com wishlist, here's a...I agree with the Amazon.com wishlist, here's another idea along those lines. <br /><br />Start a Word document on your desktop, title Wishlist, or something else obvious. Start a list of gifts you'd like. Could be actually presents or maybe an idea for a trip or a restaurant you want to go to. Include links and pictures to make it easy. Keep it a running list and update it frequently with ideas you have over the course of time. <br /><br />Let him know that this is where he can go if he needs help thinking of what you want. And this way every holiday he doesn't need you to spell it out for him. And you'll still be surprised by what he picks out. <br /><br />Make sure he knows that this is important to you because it shows to you how much thought he put into getting you something you'd love. You don't want to come off as materialistic or bratty, make sure he realizes it's not about the $$$ amount, it's about knowing he cares and wants to make you happy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-20341189038851344172010-08-31T11:14:54.939-07:002010-08-31T11:14:54.939-07:00I agree with whoever said people are letting this ...I agree with whoever said people are letting this guy off a bit too easily. Here's the thing: there's no way for any of us to know whether this guy just needs hints and is a wonderful guy who is perfect for the writer in every other way or if he's just not that into her. Sounds like to me it's not just the physical gift that she's concerned about, but the fact that there is no effort at all put into celebrating special occasions. Sure, he appreciates her gifts, but who doesn't? Even the most clueless of a guy when it comes to what to buy her would know that surprising her by taking her out to a nice dinner would be a step in the right direction. And even the most clueless of guys have seen enough commercials to know that jewelry is always a hit....whether or not it's her style is the question. But the thing that would be worrisome to me is that he isn't even trying anything.<br /><br />When my husband and I first started dating we were totally out of synch in terms of how and when to celebrate holidays and what kinds of gifts the other person enjoyed getting. But we were always trying in little and big ways. Sometimes he missed the mark, but the longer we were together the more he figured it out. And there were multiple holidays (birthdays, anniversaries etc) in a row that I didn't get any gift, but then I'd get a pair of Louboutins for Christmas that were a complete surprise. So...my point is....if he's not showing any effort or that he even is trying to surprise her with even the basics that could a red flag for me."T-Bone" Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00388295799913646592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-92193394244297646852010-08-31T11:13:02.487-07:002010-08-31T11:13:02.487-07:00@danae @Maddie yeah, I'll take the guy who put...@danae @Maddie yeah, I'll take the guy who put the New Oxford American Dictionary widget on my doc in the middle of the night because just yesterday I was ranting about the fact that <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/7970391/Oxford-English-Dictionary-will-not-be-printed-again.html" rel="nofollow">they aren't PRINTING the next edition</a>.east side bridehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06206689296805893265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-2461425304155629212010-08-31T11:04:16.821-07:002010-08-31T11:04:16.821-07:00Think* not thingThink* not thingMaddienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-44010633950228193392010-08-31T11:03:59.140-07:002010-08-31T11:03:59.140-07:00Does anyone else thing that present-buying and was...Does anyone else thing that present-buying and washing the dishes are two totally different relationship tasks? A lot of times our disappointment in gifts, birthday surprises, etc. is born of the same cultural expectations that are tied to WIC craziness. Ask yourself, do you want meaningful (read: big! and important!) gifts because you actually want these things, or because this is what we're told a good boyfriend does? Mind you, I come from a place of similar expectations and let-downs, but over time I've come to appreciate that my husband's generosity does not come in the form of surprises and thoughtful gift giving, but in kind gestures such as driving my family to the airport at 4am on Christmas morning. It's taken me a long time to suss out what I really want and what chick flicks and rom coms have told me I OUGHT TO want.Maddienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-18354123238895717942010-08-31T10:22:27.309-07:002010-08-31T10:22:27.309-07:00I love Danae's story!
Imho for a relationship...I love Danae's story!<br /><br />Imho for a relationship to work out, any sort of relationship, both parties must put *effort* in. If you're doing all the housework too, making the conversation, giving everything with little else back but an appreciative smile it's time to have a serious talk. Actually I think it's time to have a serious talk and really analyse your feelings with him anyway. It doesn't seem like he understands why you give such elaborate presents, and why it feels like a kick in the teeth or a rejection when he doesn't reciprocate. On one level it reads as petty "you didn't buy me stuff but I bought stuff for you", but on another level I can understand how you feel like you have said "I Love You" in gift form and he's just said "that's nice" and turned away. Ouch. It seems to me like you just want effort put in, to be made to feel special in the way that you're putting effort in for him rather then money spent as such. If he's not a Big Moments guy or a Little Moments guy then maybe he doesn't have the generosity of spirit you need in a partner at all.Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01357677266168771468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-14852873731686785082010-08-31T09:33:54.959-07:002010-08-31T09:33:54.959-07:00@Abernacky the dude's not a puppy! i think th...@Abernacky the dude's not a puppy! i think the whole "goood booooy, you did real goooood. you made mommy so happy," approach is pretty demeaning.<br /><br />Guys can't read our minds, but they're also not total thick headed idiots (most of the time). Just straight up tell your man how much a good gift means to you, and ask him to put more thought into your birthdays. He should be able to muster the effort, even if it's not his cup of tea, because he knows it makes you happy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-73318336622137431012010-08-31T09:20:23.363-07:002010-08-31T09:20:23.363-07:00For YEARS I refused to tell my other half what to ...For YEARS I refused to tell my other half what to buy me. I wanted him to put thought into it - to really think hard about what I would like and then, frankly, go to the ends of the earth to source it for me.<br /><br />Then I woke up and realised that if I didn't want badly fitting underwear for Christmas and birthdays for evermore, I would have to give him some help. <br /><br />Now I give a girlfriend some ideas and she makes helpful suggestions to him.<br /><br />He gets to think that he's a gift buying genius, and I get something that I like and won't have to spend the rest of the year pulling dental floss out of my .....<br /><br />You get the picture.Ellisnoreply@blogger.com