tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post5560401673808574749..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: Dear ESB: Since you're ASKED to be a bridesmaid, is it ever all right to say no?esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-90084239656832354652012-07-31T13:57:07.113-07:002012-07-31T13:57:07.113-07:00YES. You can and should say no if you just...can&#...YES. You can and should say no if you just...can't. End of story. It's all part of the 'My super special day is your day to worship me!' bs. Ugh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-27009768880438277342012-07-31T08:11:47.638-07:002012-07-31T08:11:47.638-07:00YES. There's a reason you ASK someone to be a ...YES. There's a reason you ASK someone to be a bridesmaid. Of course saying no may have an impact on your friendship, but it has to be allowed.Mousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12997875522614810785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-23465998501906425502012-07-31T07:11:43.279-07:002012-07-31T07:11:43.279-07:00I've grown up with the notion of bridesmaids (...I've grown up with the notion of bridesmaids (in Canada) and I have always thought it was ridiculous as well. Why would anyone make their closest female friends all come to the party of the year in the same dress? So bizarre, I'm glad someone else thinks so!Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86230953435631648212012-07-30T22:49:43.147-07:002012-07-30T22:49:43.147-07:00Perhaps it would be fair to yell hypocrite if this...Perhaps it would be fair to yell hypocrite if this lady had had bridesmaids at her own wedding. But clearly she wasn't into that idea then, any more than she is now. Sounds to me like she had a low key wedding that her friends could just show up to and have a good time. So how is she amiss for not wanting to spend 2k being a bridesmaid at someone else's wedding? I think the idea that every time someone asks you to be a bridesmaid it's some kind of huge honor that you just can't say no to is bullshit. The idea that she has her head up her ass if she doesn't just say yes- COME ON. I have no sympathy for social customs that can't evolve, or people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-39952469507716455242012-07-30T20:37:52.419-07:002012-07-30T20:37:52.419-07:00I disagree. It shouldn't be indentured servitu...I disagree. It shouldn't be indentured servitude. People should be able to say, "Thank you, I really appreciate it, but I'm just not going to be able to do a good job and enjoy it right now."LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-40173887339781124602012-07-30T19:36:56.880-07:002012-07-30T19:36:56.880-07:00$360 for hair and make up? I am paying the $60 for...$360 for hair and make up? I am paying the $60 for my girls' hair because THEY wanted to get their hair done and it seemed like a nice gift. Anyway as a onetime bridesmaid and a current bride I have approximately zero expectations for bridesmaids aside from getting a dress, showing up and putting on a happy face. Who are these people who want to burden their friends?Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-67888680572061120092012-07-30T18:07:11.114-07:002012-07-30T18:07:11.114-07:00I can't get past the bad grammar....I can't get past the bad grammar....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-77121459430257987102012-07-30T17:42:15.542-07:002012-07-30T17:42:15.542-07:00i really dont get the vibe that these girls are be...i really dont get the vibe that these girls are best mates. i dunno...i once agreed to be bridesmaid for someone who is 'sensitive' because we were best friends for a period and it felt the right thing to do. I'm not particularly into the whole bridesmaid thing, but i know she wanted me there.<br />lets just say despite doing the right thing and bending over backwards to help out, we're not friends anymore.<br />'Sensitive' can become 'bridezilla' and then you really ask yourself 'why did i bother...'<br />Id just use the baby excuse - it's more kind...(sort of)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-57006576593623537612012-07-30T16:51:42.828-07:002012-07-30T16:51:42.828-07:00I think that sounds like a totally legit reason, w...I think that sounds like a totally legit reason, while this LW seems to be searching a bit for excuses and is just 'over' weddings, even those of her very close friends.Sarah S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05767639316256201013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86709201575061355822012-07-30T16:28:01.394-07:002012-07-30T16:28:01.394-07:00I was asked to be a bridesmaid last fall, and I he...I was asked to be a bridesmaid last fall, and I hemmed and hawed for a few days before landing on a yes. I felt very similar to you - I dreaded it was expensive and intrusive, and it loomed large. However! I had a great time, and found the experience to be really mild and fun.<br /><br />Talk to the bride. Tell her some of your concerns - you're looking to start a family, the expense seems to be overwhelming, you're unsure of your role...see what she says.Kaitlyn Kochanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04786479100009809264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-49439225050310202472012-07-30T14:37:03.807-07:002012-07-30T14:37:03.807-07:00She asked you and immediately had a $989 dress and...She asked you and immediately had a $989 dress and shoes and $350 makeup/hair already figured out?? Any time I've been asked to be in a wedding we figure out what the dress will be a few months in -- also, generally that means there are other bridesmaids to talk to, with opinions about what they can spend, etc...Mackenziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15349899439775416886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-11430700903790119132012-07-30T14:06:27.611-07:002012-07-30T14:06:27.611-07:00I still can't understand why people think it&#...I still can't understand why people think it's reasonable to ask their bridesmaids to spend tons of money on stuff they will 1. likely never wear again and 2. their own hair and makeup. If you want people to look a certain way on your wedding day, brides, you should pay.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-28501446279124258142012-07-30T13:51:33.822-07:002012-07-30T13:51:33.822-07:00Yeah, I mean, this whole situation is different if...Yeah, I mean, this whole situation is different if the question is really "My best friend wants me in her wedding but it will cost me $3K that I do not have. Can I tell her I can't do it?" <br /><br />I think it's a legitimate concern if a friend wants a certain kind of wedding but a bridesmaid can't afford it.Hillary Schusterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03874750431495369292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-29746981093126042052012-07-30T13:25:07.244-07:002012-07-30T13:25:07.244-07:00You know what's more embarrassing than asking ...You know what's more embarrassing than asking a friend to help with 'your' bills? Asking a friend to spend FOURTEEN HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS on her appearance to be in your wedding. <br /><br />Here's the question: is it or is it not about the money? If it's about the money, tell her you can't swing it. If she offers to cover the clothes and make-up and shoes and WHATEVER, take her up on it.* (You're on the hook for the plane ticket either way. You're planning to go to her wedding if you can, right?)<br /><br />If it's not about the money, well. Hope you're pregnant and don't have to tell her she doesn't mean that much to you?<br /><br />*Side rant: let your friends who are getting married help you if you need it. If they offered, they effing want to.Rhubarbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-86526893182127013862012-07-30T13:15:27.899-07:002012-07-30T13:15:27.899-07:00Flat Broke, Insurance-less with a big mortgage.......Flat Broke, Insurance-less with a big mortgage.......<br /><br />It sounds like you are just frustrated and stressed with what is going on in your own life. But regardless, if money is not object for her why wouldn't you be honest about your situation? Just tell her you are worried you won't be able to afford it. *And how do you know she wouldn't be paying for things like dresses etc?<br /><br />An important side note: I'm sure you've heard that babies are expensive... but if you are saddled with a mortgage you can't afford it might be time to rent it out or get rid of it. I had a friend who was in a big mortgage, got pregnant and they ended up losing the house because they had some complications and she was on bed-rest... NO insurance. <br />No bueno.Daniellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-7361347534943032112012-07-30T12:58:33.649-07:002012-07-30T12:58:33.649-07:00seriously......what is with everyone who is SO ove...seriously......what is with everyone who is SO over being a bridesmaid. It is someone who cares about you asking you to stand up with them and support them in their incredibly personal and emotional decision! If money is the problem and she's willing to pay then what the fuuuuuuck. Clearly you're not as good of friends with her as she thinks."T-Bone" Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00388295799913646592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-12674661388244207762012-07-30T12:40:37.655-07:002012-07-30T12:40:37.655-07:00I understood your comment! I was just adding to it...I understood your comment! I was just adding to it. But it was super agro against 17Beats (who I disagree w/ on that bit).Ms Dictatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14659306448615236798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-43378854187211569022012-07-30T12:38:28.403-07:002012-07-30T12:38:28.403-07:00u mad???u mad???Ms Dictatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14659306448615236798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-47196077445312785052012-07-30T12:09:51.380-07:002012-07-30T12:09:51.380-07:00i didn't mean it as an accusation -- i just me...i didn't mean it as an accusation -- i just meant that maybe 'screwed' isn't as close to the bride as she thought, and that she was feeling roped into something she wasn't prepared to do.<br /><br />something similar happened to me (without the baby situation) several years ago -- an old friend asked me to be a bridesmaid. i felt more obligated than honored. i ended up saying 'no' and everyone was happier for it.17 beats.https://www.blogger.com/profile/13010462456433196213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-75447649591879586652012-07-30T11:54:09.531-07:002012-07-30T11:54:09.531-07:00p.s. trust me when i say i don't "chart&q...p.s. trust me when i say i don't "chart" or any of that prebaby nonsense. this is a big ole whoopsie daisy for a flat broke insurance-less couple with a big mortgage.screwed.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-1250545032092892872012-07-30T11:50:42.537-07:002012-07-30T11:50:42.537-07:00Miss Georgia, you didn't understand my comment...Miss Georgia, you didn't understand my comment. I'm only responding to the accusation that someone couldn't POSSIBLY be best friends with someone and not know their other bridesmaids; it's a ridiculous thing to infer. That's all I'm saying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-81922709756899354582012-07-30T11:49:11.579-07:002012-07-30T11:49:11.579-07:00No, sorry Miss Georigia. I've yet to comment b...No, sorry Miss Georigia. I've yet to comment before this. I'm the question-asker, wished to remain anon because my pal is a reader now & then. ESB knows this from my original email.<br /><br />I'm sitting back, a little stunned at how sensitive of a subject this really is to some. i appreciate every comment & hope for more, good or bad! I'm sure I'll follow up eventually, baby or bridesmaid or whatever happens. <br /><br />To elaborate on my "don't know the other maids" comment, we live very far apart, have for years, and most of her other maids are coworkers to fill out her half of the bridal party as her fiance has many groomsmen- her words, not mine.<br /><br />If anyone would like to contribute to the $989 dress fund (+ shoes, alterations, $350 mandatory hair & makeup artist?), $500 plane ticket fund, $750 out of work for the trip fund, and/or $600 variety of crap fund just let me know. i can't imagine anything more embarrassing then ringing up your friend to hit her with those bills. Just saying.<br /><br />just saying, its never cut & dry.screwed.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-34839549637347493712012-07-30T11:41:05.184-07:002012-07-30T11:41:05.184-07:00You're so charitable! I'm an extreme intro...You're so charitable! I'm an extreme introvert and wasn't going to give the writer-in that generous interpretation but am glad you put it out there. And, from being in this situation, you will still likely have fun at the actual event, even if it gives you chills right up until the moment you meet up with the other bridesmaids. And even if you don't have fun during the event, it will be worth it afterwards knowing you don't need to go out and make a new best friend.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-3021376080748169902012-07-30T11:40:20.911-07:002012-07-30T11:40:20.911-07:0017 beats, that's just stupid. My fiance and I ...17 beats, that's just stupid. My fiance and I have lived away from home for a few years and have made a best friend who is going to be in our party (as best man), but until recently our other best friends didn't know her. It doesn't mean my bridesmaids who live between Arizona and New Jersey aren't also my best friends. That's a horribly narrow way to look at this situation.<br /><br />In any case, it sounds to me like since the LW is over and done with her special nontraditional wedding without sucky bridesmaids, she's completely unwilling to consider doing it for someone she claims to be her "best friend". Being asked to be a bridesmaid isn't always a sentence to be involved in shitty tasks. Being 10 states away and potentially pregnant might convince the bride to ask one of her 5-6 other bridesmaids to do some of the more godawful tasks you seem to be so disdainful of.Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-53935344438277444792012-07-30T11:34:21.487-07:002012-07-30T11:34:21.487-07:00this. all of it. who wants their friend to pay for...this. all of it. who wants their friend to pay for them? thats a tad humiliating. just say noAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com